jennifer_r
05-05-2006, 04:41 PM
Well, I knew it had to be done and thought I would wind her down during the summer but then last week, she broke ANOTHER glass. I calmly asked her to be more careful and she FREAKED out on me - "You've never broken anything before! I'm trying to be careful - it just slipped from my hands! You think I did this on purpose! etc." She looked scary. I started to apologize but stopped stating that I don't think I said anything inappropriate and that I wasn't snappy at all and that the only reason I asked her to be more careful is that it was the FIFTH OR SIXTH time she broke something and this time the glass was something relatively special to us and harder to replace. She apologized but not very nicely and finally as she left at the end of the day, she apologized sincerely.
In the post below, I only gave a brief summary of the stuff she's done wrong (I could really go on and on). DH and I decided to let her go and I did it just today. I don't have anyone lined up but I do have a lead. I'd rather have a hectic lifestyle than never knowing what to expect.
I told her that now that summer was coming up, I would want to do more stuff out of the house and just wouldn't need her anymore. My son could help out when needed. She took it O.K. I still feel bad considering everything she is going through. I gave her a month's notice and we will give her a little extra (maybe $1000) at the end, tho she doesn't know this yet.
I feel so much better already and thanks everyone for the support and advice.
************************************************** ******************
First, a little background - I have someone to come help me 3-4 days a week, 4-5 hours a day for a total of 15-20 hours a week. I have a 20.5 month old and a 6 month old. I use her sometimes to do errands (I'm nursing the 6 month old so I take her with me) and she watches DD1 at home. Other times, I am just hanging out at home and she's just supposed to help me in general - from watching one of the children to doing laundry, doing the dishes, etc or feeding DD1 while I nurse the baby or watching one of the children so I can spend one on one time with the other. She's 50 years old, just VERY recently divorced (as of Monday, actually) and has very few skills (doesn't know how to use the computer, let alone the internet and doesn't have a college degree nor any "vocational" skills). She's been out of the workforce for many years (she used to do telemarketing). Besides her alimony and child support, I am her only other source of income (BTW, she charges $15 an hour).
My DH and I have been talking about it since Tue. and I've felt guilty about it, thinking that maybe I shouldn't let her go because maybe, in my mind, all the things she does wrong isn't such a big deal. Last night, DH told me do we want someone who isn't that bright (I'm putting it nicely) to help raise our children. Well, today, I realized how right he is when she did stupid thing # 1 million and one.
I don't want to sound cruel but she's not that bright at all. Since she started (just before my DD2 was born), almost not a day goes by where I correct her, many times for the things that I've already corrected her several times in the past. Things like, putting the child-safety lock on the cabinet door (where all the nasty cleaning supplies are) under the sink (where she will tell me each time - "well, she doesn't know how to open cabinet doors yet, so how important is it?") or separating the breastpump stuff before washing it or snapping the kettle lid after filling up the kettle on securely as opposed to just, well, not doing that (I burned myself once because of her). And there's a lot more things that I constantly have to remind her about. Often, she'll act like it's the first time hearing this. For all the things I "correct" her for, there's just as many things that I don't because I feel bad that I'm always correcting her. For example, I've never told her that she should not fold my socks together INSIDE-OUT and she does this a few times, every load (as long as there's socks ofcourse). I just end up redoing alot of stuff she's supposed to do. Today, I corrected her on TWO new items - one thing is that she's constantly putting DD1's shoes on the nubuck suede couch or the kitchen table instead of in the closet. I apologized for correcting her (am I too picky? but in my mind I also feel that shoes are dirty and do not belong on those places). The other thing I corrected her for was regarding the bumper on DD2's crib - last time she changed the sheet, she left a 2-3 inch gap.
So, what pushed us over the edge? Whenever I ask her to do anything slightly out of our usual routine, she messes it up. Take Tuesday - the sprinkler people were going to come, 2 hours ahead of when I scheduled them for and I had to run out for a brief time so I told her to just let them in so they could turn on the water in the basement. My friend was over and heard this whole conversation, BTW. My sitter said she was going to take DD1 outside to play but now wouldn't be a good time since they were going to come any minute. I agreed and asked her to stay inside the house. I came back a half hour later with my friend and didn't see the sprinkler people. They left a message on voice mail so I called them back and they told me that noone answered the door. I asked my sitter about that and she said they were lying - she was OUTSIDE with DD1 and would have heard the doorbell. The sprinkler people came back and told me that if this happened again, they wouldn't service my house again. I was sooo angry and my friend was even amazed - she said - "I heard you ask her to stay in the house - we were only gone a short time". ARGHHHH! I didn't confront her further because I am a wimp.
But, even with that I felt guilty letting her go until, today, after she left, I went to put DD2 in the crib and saw how she put the bedding back together - the bumper was correct this time. However, the FP crib aquarium was put back on so it was facing the wall and the only thing DD2 would be able to see from the crib would be the straps (this is stupid thing # 1 million and 1).
So, tell me I am doing the right thing. It's hard to find help but she's not worth the frustration and I often have to do things over. Plus, like DH stated, don't we want someone brighter to help care for our children, both from a stimulating perspective and a safety perspective. I have a friend who has someone who is looking for this kind of work (a 20 year old college student) and she used her in the past and was very happy with her. I just don't know how to approach my sitter or if I should just slowly phase her out. I don't want to hurt her feelings and I know that she's in a bind economically (I don't know what the alimony is but he was making between 150K-200K per year - she only found out during the divorce proceeding - don't know how you wouldn't know how much your husband makes but that's my sitter for you).
I am so sorry this is so long. I guess this is part cartharsis, part making sense out of this whole thing and part looking for advice. If I am doing the right thing, how do I let her go?
Jennifer
Mom to:
Christopher 12/29/89
Adelaide 8/23/04
Bronwyn 11/9/05
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_rosequartz_3m.gif[/img][/url]
In the post below, I only gave a brief summary of the stuff she's done wrong (I could really go on and on). DH and I decided to let her go and I did it just today. I don't have anyone lined up but I do have a lead. I'd rather have a hectic lifestyle than never knowing what to expect.
I told her that now that summer was coming up, I would want to do more stuff out of the house and just wouldn't need her anymore. My son could help out when needed. She took it O.K. I still feel bad considering everything she is going through. I gave her a month's notice and we will give her a little extra (maybe $1000) at the end, tho she doesn't know this yet.
I feel so much better already and thanks everyone for the support and advice.
************************************************** ******************
First, a little background - I have someone to come help me 3-4 days a week, 4-5 hours a day for a total of 15-20 hours a week. I have a 20.5 month old and a 6 month old. I use her sometimes to do errands (I'm nursing the 6 month old so I take her with me) and she watches DD1 at home. Other times, I am just hanging out at home and she's just supposed to help me in general - from watching one of the children to doing laundry, doing the dishes, etc or feeding DD1 while I nurse the baby or watching one of the children so I can spend one on one time with the other. She's 50 years old, just VERY recently divorced (as of Monday, actually) and has very few skills (doesn't know how to use the computer, let alone the internet and doesn't have a college degree nor any "vocational" skills). She's been out of the workforce for many years (she used to do telemarketing). Besides her alimony and child support, I am her only other source of income (BTW, she charges $15 an hour).
My DH and I have been talking about it since Tue. and I've felt guilty about it, thinking that maybe I shouldn't let her go because maybe, in my mind, all the things she does wrong isn't such a big deal. Last night, DH told me do we want someone who isn't that bright (I'm putting it nicely) to help raise our children. Well, today, I realized how right he is when she did stupid thing # 1 million and one.
I don't want to sound cruel but she's not that bright at all. Since she started (just before my DD2 was born), almost not a day goes by where I correct her, many times for the things that I've already corrected her several times in the past. Things like, putting the child-safety lock on the cabinet door (where all the nasty cleaning supplies are) under the sink (where she will tell me each time - "well, she doesn't know how to open cabinet doors yet, so how important is it?") or separating the breastpump stuff before washing it or snapping the kettle lid after filling up the kettle on securely as opposed to just, well, not doing that (I burned myself once because of her). And there's a lot more things that I constantly have to remind her about. Often, she'll act like it's the first time hearing this. For all the things I "correct" her for, there's just as many things that I don't because I feel bad that I'm always correcting her. For example, I've never told her that she should not fold my socks together INSIDE-OUT and she does this a few times, every load (as long as there's socks ofcourse). I just end up redoing alot of stuff she's supposed to do. Today, I corrected her on TWO new items - one thing is that she's constantly putting DD1's shoes on the nubuck suede couch or the kitchen table instead of in the closet. I apologized for correcting her (am I too picky? but in my mind I also feel that shoes are dirty and do not belong on those places). The other thing I corrected her for was regarding the bumper on DD2's crib - last time she changed the sheet, she left a 2-3 inch gap.
So, what pushed us over the edge? Whenever I ask her to do anything slightly out of our usual routine, she messes it up. Take Tuesday - the sprinkler people were going to come, 2 hours ahead of when I scheduled them for and I had to run out for a brief time so I told her to just let them in so they could turn on the water in the basement. My friend was over and heard this whole conversation, BTW. My sitter said she was going to take DD1 outside to play but now wouldn't be a good time since they were going to come any minute. I agreed and asked her to stay inside the house. I came back a half hour later with my friend and didn't see the sprinkler people. They left a message on voice mail so I called them back and they told me that noone answered the door. I asked my sitter about that and she said they were lying - she was OUTSIDE with DD1 and would have heard the doorbell. The sprinkler people came back and told me that if this happened again, they wouldn't service my house again. I was sooo angry and my friend was even amazed - she said - "I heard you ask her to stay in the house - we were only gone a short time". ARGHHHH! I didn't confront her further because I am a wimp.
But, even with that I felt guilty letting her go until, today, after she left, I went to put DD2 in the crib and saw how she put the bedding back together - the bumper was correct this time. However, the FP crib aquarium was put back on so it was facing the wall and the only thing DD2 would be able to see from the crib would be the straps (this is stupid thing # 1 million and 1).
So, tell me I am doing the right thing. It's hard to find help but she's not worth the frustration and I often have to do things over. Plus, like DH stated, don't we want someone brighter to help care for our children, both from a stimulating perspective and a safety perspective. I have a friend who has someone who is looking for this kind of work (a 20 year old college student) and she used her in the past and was very happy with her. I just don't know how to approach my sitter or if I should just slowly phase her out. I don't want to hurt her feelings and I know that she's in a bind economically (I don't know what the alimony is but he was making between 150K-200K per year - she only found out during the divorce proceeding - don't know how you wouldn't know how much your husband makes but that's my sitter for you).
I am so sorry this is so long. I guess this is part cartharsis, part making sense out of this whole thing and part looking for advice. If I am doing the right thing, how do I let her go?
Jennifer
Mom to:
Christopher 12/29/89
Adelaide 8/23/04
Bronwyn 11/9/05
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_rosequartz_3m.gif[/img][/url]