Developmental Delays?

[lmariana]

I'm probably being a worry wart, but I have a few minor concerns about my nephew's development.

He recently turned 1 yr old, and here are my physical concerns:
- he recently began crawling at 11 mo
- he began sitting unassisted at 8-9 mo
- he's not pulling up on anything and not cruising at all
- he won't stand up with support
- obviously, he's not walking at all
- when you hold him up, he won't put any weight on his legs
- his motions aren't very smooth (my 6 month old seems more dexterous in comparison)
- won't hold bottle or sippy cup

verbally, he says dada and an occasional mama, and that's about it for now. I'm not too worried about this, because I know that's pretty normal.

So, any thoughts? I don't dare mention anything to his mom, because she would seriously go ballistic. I just have my radar up for now. :)

[trumansmom]

Sounds like DD at that age. :) Although DS walked at 9 1/2 months, DD didn't until 13 1/2 months. I was very concerned about hip issues and low muscle tone, as she didn't put much weight on her legs at all, while DS was practically born trying to stand. She's now 2 and very, very coordinated. She climbs cargo nets and tries deperately to ride a tricycle. (Her legs are too short to reach the pedals.)

I would worry about him. I'm guessing his mom is on top of it. If nothing has changes in the next few months, I might mention it then.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

[MamaKath]

Sounds like it still very much falls into the realm of "normal" (hate that word!!). I think it is hard to watch especially if you have kids that are on the fast track.

For my family, dd was the fast track- crawling well at 6 months, walking well at 8.5, etc. DS was like your nephew. Both are turning out ok. :-)

ETA- Was thinking more about it, and how concerned I would be as an auntie. I looked up some links to information that might be helpful. I was also thinking about how you stated that your pointing any of this out would be taken in the wrong way. I have dealt with this with a sil. I think that is something that doesn't change, especially if the mother feels threatened by you. I know with my sil I have found that I can arm myself with information so that when she is ready to ask, I am prepared to answer. Hopefully the pediatrician will be on top of it also taking the needed time to observe. And if the mom has noticed anything "odd" hopefully she will be her child's best advocate in that office, even if she doesn't seem to be aware. Can you take the share with her something you were looking at and found interesting approach? I know I can't take that with my sil, but I could with my mil who would then pass said info on. My prayers will be with your little nephew in the meantime.

Here is a good article that gives general milestones- http://www.allaboutbaby.com/infants/preschool_dev.htm

Here are some basic development milestones, if you look for Development and then Developmetal Milestones they have really good info- http://www.zerotothree.org/ztt_parentAZ.html

The following is a Conneticut program with some information, but their links page has tons of great info!
http://www.birth23.org/
http://www.birth23.org/Hotlinks/default.asp

[brittone2]

From what you describe...IMO it sounds kind of borderline, but there's no way to know for sure since I can't see him, kwim?

The crawling, sitting, and not yet walking/holding a bottle and speech IMO aren't anything alarming.

The lack of smoothness of motion *could* be something, but it could also be somewhat normal for that particular child. That does raise a bit of a red flag for me though. Ditto to not putting weight on his legs. It may be nothing but it can also be a red flag...just something worth looking into.

It is hard because there isn't much you can say IMO until the mom is ready to hear it, kwim?

Do you know if he's had a recent well baby visit or one coming up soon? Perhaps her pediatrician will talk with her?

If not, I'd give it some time and if she voices concerns (if there is something going on sometimes it takes parents a while to come to terms w/ that) you could tell her you've heard early intervention can do evals for free/very low cost in the home and that it might "put her mind at ease." That way if he's just a bit slow on milestones, they'll be able to reassure her, and if he is truly delayed, they can give her some tips and start appropriate therapy if needed. But...it is hard if she isn't ready to hear it...I'd probably wait it out a bit longer and see if she says anything to you or if her pediatrician expresses any concerns.

Those situatations are VERY hard. You are a good aunt for being concerned.

[lmariana]

Thanks for everything, ladies.

A couple more things I forgot to mention initially...
- he's very skittish around noises, even the automatic garage door opener sends him into fits
- he does a lot of "rocking" back and forth while sitting or on all fours
- he won't hold eye contact with you for more than a second
- it's impossible to make him laugh (every now and then he'll giggle at something random, but mostly he's vacant or fussy)

Normally, I'd just trust the ped to suggest an evaluation if she/he feels it's necessary, BUT...my sil is lying to the doctor. She told me that when the dr. asks if the baby is walking/cruising/etc, she just lies and she's he is because she doesn't "want the doctor to think anything is "wrong" with her son.

So yeah, I'm probably just going to inform myself and bite my tongue until the opportunity presents itself. I'll be out this weekend with my mil, so maybe the topic will come up. :)

[JulieL]

Here's a link with Autism Speaks - a foundation for informing and helping those with autism and their families:

I linked straight to the Developmental Milestones, and you can also click around for "red flags"


http://www.autismspeaks.org/whatisit/milestones.php

The lack of contact in communication I would think is more alarming than the gross motor skills. Tread lightly with your family, as it is VERY common for parents to be defensive and in denial about a child who may exibit delays. Look and see if your state has any program for early childhood development for children with delays. Missouri has one called First Steps. It is a great starting point to see if you can get help for your child. I don't know if your family is open to government programs or not ( my stepmom doesn't - I don't get it but that's another conversation!). Also you could suggest her to get an appointment with Parents As Teachers (if it's in your state, I *think* it's available in every state), and leave the recommendation for further help with a government program with them, leaving you out as the *bad guy*. I think it's great you care so much.

Here's a link to the First Steps program, might help give you some extra info, or links:

http://dese.mo.gov/divspeced/FirstSteps/


eta: in case you didn't see the link on autism speaks here's another link for more info on the spectrum of austim. I think what Beth wrote was great info.

http://www.firstsigns.org/

[trumansmom]

That's a whole new ball of wax. (What does that stupid expression mean, anyway?)

I would very gently explain to your SIL, or MIL if you think that would be more effective, about your concerns. Make sure you know that you think he is perfect in every way, but you are concerned not only that he is not hitting his milestones, but that he's exhibiting some behaviors that may be warning signs.

This is so hard. I hope you find a way to be there for her as she seeks out the help her son very possibly needs.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

[brittone2]

Hmmm...I agree. Those things are more concerning to me than the gross motor issues. Again, it could be nothing, it could be something like SID (sensory integration dysfunction) without actually being Autism, it could be something on the spectrum, it could be something else entirely.

But...all of those things together are at the very least worth a look IMO. However, if she's not ready to hear it, it is unlikely IMO that you are going to change her mind which is unfortunate.

Sometimes it takes seeing a child falling increasingly far behind with more obvious delays before a parent will believe anything is wrong. I guess it is just human nature...but of course, the earlier a child gets help, the more progress he/she can make.

If you choose to bring it up, I don't really know how to do it delicately without offending her. Maybe talking w/ her about some kids you know from here (or elsewhere) who have really benefitted from early intervention, or bringing up that she could *just* get an eval and if it is "nothing" than it is nothing to worry about for now, kwim? It is concerning that she's lying to her doctor, as that means it is going to be unlikely that any third party is going to suggest it to her.

Unfortunately, you may just have to wait it out. Perhaps eventually she'll confide in you that she's worried about her son and you could gently bring up getting an eval, if for no other reason than to just put her mind at ease, kwim? (at least phrasing it that way seems more gentle IMO).

Good luck...what a difficult and sticky situation it is with family and friends.

[maestramommy]

Weeeellll, it sounds like he's delayed, but things are still happening. They're just happening later than average. I assume your nephew went for his one year well check? Would a ped have noticed these things or asked about them?

ETA: okay after reading your second post, I'd be a little more concerned, esp. since the mother is lying to the ped. Maybe you can bring up that angle, explaining it's really not a good idea to do that, peds have your kid's interests at heart, maybe the ped can give her tips on improving the communication as a way of opening the coversation.

I just heard a radio discussion on autism yesterday (L.A) and the specialist said it is so hard to diagnose early partly because of the range of normal and sometimes because the parent may know what's normal for their baby but not for babies in general. And it's devastating to think your child may be autistic, so it's easier (for a while) to think he/she is just a little slow.