Baptism for believing but non church-going family?

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

This has been weighing on my mind since I found out I was pg the first time. Neither of my children has been baptised and I really would like them to be. (In a Lutheran church) However, I know myself well enough to know that I won't start attending church every week in order to do this. I am a believer and pray but have not attnded more than Easter and Christmas services since I was in high school, and in recent years not even that. I am feeling like the ultimate hypocrite, I don't want to join a church that I know I will not regularly attend. Has anyone been in a similar situation and what did you do?

Susan
#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[cbm]

Yes, I joined a church because it was the only way to have my DS baptized. I don't attend except on particular occasions. I "shopped" around for a church before DS was born to find one that wouldn't have too many strict requirements.
If you have other questions, Susan, please email me.

Claudia
DS 12/18/04

[newmomto3kids]

Although I haven't been in the same situation, I just wanted to say that I don't think you are a hypocrite at all. Church attendance, beliefs, personal relationships with your God are such a private, personal thing. If it is important to you to baptise your children then I would not feel bad at all about joining a church to do that.
Who knows, as time goes on you may feel a calling to go more often. Or you may never feel that way. Either way, you have every right to baptise your children free from guilt.
Honestly, no one besides you and those you tell will probably ever even know that you are not attending regularly.
The only other thing that comes to mind is to figure out *why* you want to baptise them. Again, a very personal decision. I know in the Catholic faith, you can baptise children yourself if need be, maybe it is the same in your faith.
Good luck to you !!

[KBecks]

I *think* that you can have a baptism without being members of a church. I think that's how it works in ours (Catholic).

If you have a particular church in mind, call and ask about baptism and see what the process is. Some churches may be stricter than others, and some flavors of Lutheranism (synods?) may also require more than others.

Parents at our church need to take classes, I think like 3-4 in total, to understand the sacrament and what they're doing spiritually for their child. At our class, we did do a worksheet in terms of how we were going to teach our child about faith, but it wasn't like, scored, or turned in, or anything. I think everyone "passes" Baptism class. :)

You will probably want to think about what kind of role religion and spirituality will play in your child's life, and what you want to pass on to them, and what signs/practices of faith (if any) you want to make part of your home and family life. Attending at Christmas and Easter is a good start. Will there be other milestones that you want your kids to participate in (like first communion and confirmation, etc?) Of course you don't have to have this all figured out right away.

I can't imagine a church turning down someone who's interested. You may be asked to come in and talk about where you are on your spiritual path, and be honest about what you're willing and able to do at this point, and what you feel your boundaries are.

Good luck!!

[icunurse]

I think it's like the others have said - it's up to each church. I know some churches will actually charge a fee if you haven't contributed enough in the past year (I'm Catholic), while others are just happy that you are interested in having your child baptized into the faith. We joined our church about 7 years ago (I needed a form signed to be a Godparent :) ) and I think I have attended mass once. DH goes maybe once a month if he's lucky. Our church makes you take a one-hour class, where they basically review what Baptism is and how the ceremony will happen. No fee is charged, but I think they do check to make sure that you are members of the church. I can understand how you feel, though...I don't attend, but something made me want my children baptized (not sure about the rest).
Traci
~Connor's Mom 02/2004~
Agency paperwork completed - waiting (and waiting) for another baby!

[buddyleebaby]

My friend never ever goes to mass and has had all her children baptised. She thinks that trying to lead a good life is what makes you a good Christian, whether you attend mass or not.
If you want to have your children baptized, go ahead. You certainly don't have to defend your decision to anyone. In my experience most Protestant churches (Lutheran included) are not as strict as Catholic churches. If one says no, shop around.

[dr mom]

We were not regular chuch-goers at the time DS was born; I was usually on call on the weekend, and DH wasn't interested in attending alone. However, it was important to me that DS be baptised. We arranged to have him baptised in my Grandmother's church - SHE was a regular attendee so the minister was very accomodating, and it was understood that because we were from out of town (like, 1,000 miles out of town!) we wouldn't be able to attend weeks of classes. It was a Presbyterian church, and we met with the minister for an hour the week before to go over the ceremony and what it meant to bring DS up in the Christian Church. The ceremony was very sweet, the congregation was mostly elderly so they were charmed by six-month-old DS, who ignored the solemnity of the proceedings, wadded up a program, and dropped it into the baptismal font. :)

[trumansmom]

We're Lutheran as well, and although we go more frequently than you do, it's not by a lot. :P

When we had DD baptised, we did it on vacation since all of my family would be there and we wanted my brother and SIL to be her sponsors. It wasn't a church we've ever been to or will likely ever go to again. The pastor just came in and did a beautiful, brief ceremony for my family. I think we sang a hymn and he even did a brief sermon type thing, and it was lovely and perfect and a memory I will always cherish.

I would talk to the pastor of the church you occasionally attend. If you're uncomfortable with "presenting" your kids to the church you know you will not attend, perhaps s/he would be open to a private baptism. (And if you happen to vacation in the Black Hills of South Dakota, I know a great place!!)

Good luck.


Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

[katerinasmom]

I have been and am in a similar situation. I am a very strong believer in God, Jesus, God's love, mercy, protection and forgiveness and in the power of faith. However I do not feel the need to attend church on a regular basis or follow the various practices of my fairly strict Greek Orthodox religion. When my husband and I got married it was however very important to me that we share the same religion and therefore asked him to convert from Catholicism to Greek Orthodoxy for one reason only - our children. And it was important when my daughter was born that she be baptised. When I was growing up my mother always dragged us to church weekly and my father rarely ever joined us. I remember constantly asking my mother why we have to go if Daddy doesn't go. I realize now that I am older that all of those years of Sunday school and church gave me a foundation for what I believe is a good life. I learned about my faith, its practices and its history. And when I became an adult, I made my own choice as to how I was going to practice the religion. Now that we have a daughter, I do plan to attend church on a more regular basis and enroll her in Sunday School when she is old enough. I want to give her the same foundation that my mother gave me so that she will be able to make her own choice when she is older. And since my husband and I are now of the same faith, we plan to do this together. I am not a big fan of church - to me it is just a very long repetitive play most of which I can't understand (although we are actively seeking out a church which conducts more English services than Greek because it is absolutely unfair to my non-Greek speaking husband to force him to sit through a 2 1/2 hour service none of which he can understand). Maybe as we take our daughter to church I will become more traditionally "religious" (if we find the right church) and maybe I won't and as soon as my daughter is older I will stop attending on a regular basis. But whatever I do, I hope that I give my daughter enough to keep an open mind and make her own well-informed decision.

[ribbit1019]

I only go on holidays, but DH goes nearly every week. He is a eucharistic minister at our church now, but when we had DD baptized we were hardly going at that point. We even did our parent class at another church. He did the shopping around town to find one he liked and the asked to become a parishoner at that church. I don't think that you are a hypocrite for wanting this for your children.


Christy
My Waterbabies
Maddy 6/9/04
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png
& Jarred 3/8/06, 11 lb 14.5 oz 24" @ 6 wks, a happily breastfed babe.
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[bunnisa]

Just curious -- is it a Lutheran belief that infant baptism confers salvation? Or is it more of a baby dedication thing, i.e. "We dedicate our child to God"?

I've never actually thought about it until now. I haven't read all of Luther's Theses so I don't know if he even mentions it.

Bethany
blessed wife and mama to two!

"And children are always a good thing, devoutly to be wished for and fiercely to be fought for."
-Justin Torres

[pampamz]

I have a similar dilemna -- DS was baptized and we were pretty faithful about attending (pardon the pun!). Anyways, as he entered toddlerhood it became impossible to make it to mass as our church doesn't have a toddler/infant room (I TOTALLY do not understand this, as I'm sure there are enough families out there with moms who would volunteer to man it occassionally in order to be able to go to mass without a fidgety toddler in tow, but whatever..). We have found a parish that does offer it but it is out of the way and we would *probably* only attend in order to get DD baptised and then....
It's a tough dilemna for young families...

[o_mom]

Lutherans believe that baptism (infant or otherwise) makes you a member of the church and marks you as a child of God. It is not a dedication - "one baptism for the forgiveness of sins" is how it is stated in the creed. Salvation follows because as a child of God we are saved by God's grace, through faith.

Here is some more info: http://www.elca.org/questions/Results.asp?recid=29

For the OP: I think you will find that it will vary by pastor. I know that our pastor is more than willing to baptize a child as long as there is a reasonable belief that the parents do believe and understand the rite. I would call some local churches and ask to speak to the pastor - they should be more than willing to talk with you about it.

[bunnisa]

Interesting, thanks for posting!

Bethany
blessed wife and mama to two!

"And children are always a good thing, devoutly to be wished for and fiercely to be fought for."
-Justin Torres

[bostonsmama]

There are actually a lot of baptisms like you mentioned at our church, which is Presbyterian. Sometimes we'll look at the announcement in the program (our infant baptisms are performed just prior to the sermon and are pretty short...like 7 minutes) and we'll ask, "Who is THAT?" And the parents usually turn out to be the adult children of well-known members of our congregation who are either from out of town or just aren't regular church-goers, but who want their child baptized into the faith. I don't know what kind of requirements there are of these families (we're not there yet ;) ), but I know there aren't any "classes."

FWIW, our church has the most precious way of baptizing infants. A white rose is dipped by the minister into the blessed (holy) water and then dabbed onto the baby's forehead (who is in mom's arms). Then the minister picks up the baby and anoints his/her head with oil in the sign of a cross. Then we the congregation prays and we "receive" the baby into our church, promising to "train the child" in the way of the Lord. It's really quite nice. The parents always get to keep the rose. Anyways, it's a lot nicer than dumping cold water on a poor child's head!

good luck!

Larissa

My-oh-my, we're doing it in July!

Proud Aunt to Jack Dorian, born to my brother and SIL on 3/06
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[jhaud]

i ended up attending a church regularly with the original motivation being having dd baptized. i joined the church at the same time. i am now a regular attendee - because i really love my church and pastor and was moeved to attend regularly (you never know what might happen) with that said, i wouldn't feel too bad not attending regularly if it wasn't for me. but, another thing to think about... biblically baptism was an act of salvation, with the person being baptized choosing faith - scripture references to baptism are adults. so, don't feel like it is something you have to do for your children, some believe that the child should be able to ask forgiveness of sin and choose faith to be baptized. your children can choose to do this in their own time.

i as i mentioned had dd baptized at about 9 mo... and plan to have future children baptized as babies, but wanted to share what i have recently learned.

[ykc]

Tried to post yesterday, but the server must have been down. Repeating some of what PPs said....

We don't go to church at all these days, and I'm not even Christian, but my kids were baptized because it was a little important to my husband and quite important to my in-laws (FIL is a Lutheran minister). Keeping in mind that I am not Christian (though I have attended a LOT of Protestant/Lutheran services), I don't think joining a church implies that you have to go to church there regularly, though of course the church would prefer it! It just means that that is the church where you are comfortable and would attend if you were going.

We obviously have a slightly unique situation, since my FIL baptized the kids, but we weren't members of any church when they were baptized, and we still aren't. My daughter was baptized in one of her grandfather's churches (in a different state than where we lived), during a regular Sunday service. My son was baptized in a relative's house during their yearly holiday get-together. Our nephews were baptized in one of the chapels at the Lutheran seminary, with just family in attendance. So, I think you just need to find a pastor who is willing to do the deed, and church membership is not an actual requirement. No classes that I know of either.

Do what is comfortable to you. I'm sure if you ask around, you'll find a pastor who can help you out.

[cmdunn1972]

We had a similar issue when we had DS baptised (Catholic). Our parish required that godparents submit a letter from their parish priests affirming that they were practicing Catholics. I was offended by the requirement because I am very private about my own faith and didn't want to put that strain on the godparents. Luckily, we have a family friend who is a priest, and he was willing to baptise our son no questions asked.

Perhaps you know a friend or acquaintence who is a priest or minister who would baptise your children? In our church paperwork is up to the individual priests' discretion.

(IMHO, I sometimes think that our faith is moving backwards. The founder of our faith was one who went against pretense and legalities before accepting a person as a person of faith. Do you really think Peter and Paul went around asking for paperwork before calling people Christians?)