What can I do about extreme separation anxiety?

[luvmypeanut]

DS is a very happy boy, but even if I just leave him to get a diaper or use the bathroom he screams bloody murder and comes after me. He's been like this for a really long time and I thought he'd be over it by now. He's not really like this with my husband and my dad says when he babysits Jack never cries. Is there something I can do? I would like to get him into a school/day care type of program a few mornings a week so he can socialize but I don't want to traumatize him. I know if I leave him at school he'll cry and cry and cry. Is there something that he needs emotionally that I need to meet? I am a SAHM and do spend a lot of time with my kids.

[tiapam]

For small stuff like going to the bathroom or getting a diaper, I would just let him come with you. Around that age, DD started wanting to "help" with stuff, so you might try letting him "get" the diaper for you. She also likes throwing her diaper away. This is just a small suggestion, I don't think it will work miracles, but it might help.

-Pam

DD - One year old!

[pinkmomagain]

My daughter was very clingy at that stage too. I remember I couldn't wait to start a separation program!

I've always heard the advice that you shouldn't try to push them away, that'll make them more clingy...don't know if that helps any. I think it's good that Jack will stay with other people (DH and Dad)....that's a good sign. I don't think that you are doing anything wrong. But I would give him opportunities to be without you (with others he is comfortable with). I would also check in with your ped the next time you are due to see him/her just to make sure that it sounds OK.

In my case, my daughter ended up having an anxiety problem (she's almost 7 yo now). But I think this is a rarity, not the norm. I've heard so many times people talk about how their kids started out clingy and are perfectly well-adjusted,developementally on-target kids....and I'm sure that's the case for you guys.

Good luck....

Gina

[lizamann]

My dd was like that almost from birth, until quite old. Not-so-nice people called her "clingy." Now at almost 3, she cheerfully waves bye-bye to me when I drop her off at dance class and art class and has no anxiety issues at all. But I never pushed her away and I held her a LOT those first couple years. I don't think I ever went to the bathroom alone.

So yes, I think he just needs to be close to you, and this is completely normal, and he will eventually grow out of it if you leave it to him.

I also personally don't believe in the necessity of "socialization" especially at such an early age (full disclosure - I think homeschooling is a great thing, FWIW.) And personally, I certainly wouldn't choose socialization if it were traumatic. You'll know when he's ready to go out on his own. DD was ready for drop-off classes WAY earlier than I ever expected - she was ready before I was! And she really had separation anxiety BADLY when she was younger.

[marinkitty]

My Jack, just a little younger than your guy, is the same way. Totally normal, IMO, and I think the best thing to do is just keep him with you as much as you can - take him to the bathroom, pick him up and take him with you to get the dipe. The more you do that, the more secure he'll get, the more independent later. Or at least that is how it played out with my daughter who was much the same at this age. I wouldn't force the early socialization - I don't think they get much from that this young - what they need is time with mama and other loved ones. All that said, I totally think it is healthy to get a break for you too - not trying to say you shouldn't get some "me" time - just that when you are with him keep him close.

I know it can be draining, hang in there! It passes so fast.

Holly
Mom to Mia (3.17.03) and baby brother Jack (3.23.05)