WDYD in the following situations? [Archive] - Baby Bargains & Baby 411 Community

newmomto3kids

05-17-2006, 03:50 PM

Interesting idea...For simplicity's sake, I am going to use my DS(almost 4) as the DC in the scenarios.

1. If he is close enough to getting hurt, grab his arm and very firmly say " Hey (No, Johnny!,Watch it! etc...)That is very hot, you will get hurt if you touch that. " I wouldn't grab his arm if he was not in danger of getting hurt.

2. If I can't leave right then, which is my preferred response, I turn purple, avoid all eye contact with others, get down to his level and tell him "This is NOT OK, not acceptable. You need to stop yelling right now and use your words." I try very, very hard not to give in to tantrums. I am prone to laughing and carrying him out of places kicking and screaming to be honest.

3.I give one quick chance for him to give it back after I ask him to, but if he doesn't, I will take the toy from him and give it back to the other kid. Especially if I know that kid is a hitter, biter or major tantrum thrower, I like to avoid conflict.

4.Give up! Seriously, I resort to distraction usually. I might try time out in his room, but I will usually try to turn a new video on, put a craft out, let him help with dinner etc. And wait til daddy gets home...

5. Yell. If he doesn't stop, run after him like a crazed mommy and pull him back.

I am so not perfect. My goal is to have kids who listen most of the time and do not inflict harm on themselves or others.

holliam

05-17-2006, 03:59 PM

Petra, in my case, it's hard to answer these questions because Mari is a very cautious child. So, I have a hard time even imagining these scenarios! Perhaps that is why our style of parenting works best for her.

1. We've taught her "hot" and she has not tried this yet. This would be an appropriate "no" instance.

2. Mari is kind of funny in that she really likes to keep this side of herself private. ;) So far she has only done this once I think, but she was over-tired (she only has them when she is hungry or tired). DH was out alone with her, and he scooped her up, talked to her, paid, and left. I wouldn't use "no" here.

3. We talk about taking "turns". So far Mari actually likes to share and it hasn't been a problem. She is usually getting toys grabbed from her and she goes and tells the other child's parent, which kind of cracks me up. :) I wouldn't use "no" here.

4. She is so cautious that it would not occur to her. Honestly, if she does anything remotely dangerous, we say "Be careful. That is dangerous." She usually says "ca-ful", smiles this weird smile she has when we talk about being hurt (hard to explain lol), nods, and stops. If it happens, I'd use a "no" for immediate danger. If it were happening umpteen times, I'd change the situation and remove the danger.

5. Liam has worked SO hard with her on holding our hands. He stopped using the stroller completely around 16 or 17 months (not my choice), and he spent so much time at the mall. So far she knows that holding our hands is non-optional in the parking lot, way to car, etc. One time she did take off in our cul de sac, and I'll be honest, I made DH deal with it. I was too upset and worried. No traffic though. But, we talk about cars, being safe, etc. a lot. This too would be an appropriate "no" instance here in immediate danger.

psophia17

05-17-2006, 04:11 PM

>1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the
>kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?
Say "Nathan, no. Do you remember the rule about the counter?" then I remind him the rule is only Mummy and Daddy take things from the counter.

>2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public.
>WDYD?
Pick him up, tell him to take a deep breath (or lots of them), and to use his words to tell me what is wrong. Usually once he's calmed down a bit, this does the trick, but sometimes it doesn't and then I do whatever I have to do to get out of there ASAP.

>3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child
>wants it back ASAP. WDYD?
Tell DS to use his good manners and give the toy back. When this doesn't work, I ask him to remind me what good manners mean. Then, if he doesn't give it back right away, we give the toy back together and thank the kid he took it from for sharing. Or, if DS runs away with the toy, I run after him, haul him back to the now-crying child he took it from, and tell him to say he's sorry, followed by a reminder to always use good manners.

>4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to
>something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR
>window). WDYD?
This is an ideal 1, 2, 3 situation for us. The first few times during the day, I say "no" and then explain that the window is for looking out of, not for climbing out of, but DS needs constant reminders. By the umpteenth time, I go with "Remind Mummy the rule about the windows?" followed by "Are you breaking the rule?" gets DS thinking, and then, if he still is hanging out by the window, I say "Does Mummy need to remind you how to follow the rules" and I start counting. When I get to 3 (which is rare, so far) I go get DS, and we go sit on the floor in his room (a nice, boring spot), to calm down and talk about listening.

>5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading
>straight for traffic. WDYD?
Yell "Nathan, Stop!" and then run after him. When I catch him, we start with me saying a lot of stuff about danger and how it's not save to run towards the street, and then we have a one-sided discussion about listening and rules for the front yard. We are working on the rule to go put his hand on the car as soon as he steps out the door, it's been slow going so far.

Overall, we do a lot of focusing on rules and manners. It simplifies things for DS, and when DS shows off his good manners and good listening, it's easy for us to show we're happy, in the same way it's easy for us to show we're unhappy when he doesn't follow rules or use good manners.

psophia17

05-17-2006, 04:16 PM

These are probably situations that will happen more once Mari turns 2 - DS was incredibly mellow before then, and all of a sudden whammo - everything changed.

What would you do in the future, then, if the scenarios did happen?

holliam

05-17-2006, 04:22 PM

I think I covered the what would I do mostly. But, honestly, she is very cautious by nature, compared to same-aged peers. I'd say she was a "sensitive child" in that respect. Yea, been reading up on that now too. :-P

It's not that she is mellow. She gets excited, frustrated, flustered, etc. But, she is just really cautious and empathetic. I really think that is part of why she does well with redirection and explanations.

Holli

kijip

05-17-2006, 04:26 PM

>1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the
>kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

Snatch him up and redirect him out of the kitchen. If he was about to grab the handle I say "NO , that is hot".

>2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public.
>WDYD?

Carry him outside, to the car or walk home (depending on location). If we just outside I say something like "It sure would be fun to go back inside and finish our pizza with Samantha" .

>3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child
>wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

"No Toby. That is Samantha's toy. Give it back to her NOW. How would you feel if Samantha took your toy? "

>4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to
>something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR
>window). WDYD?

Time-out. And something like "Toby, I told you no. You need to take a time out now" And pour a drink (not really LOL). But by that time my voice is likely louder and more weary...

>5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading
>straight for traffic. WDYD?

Would not happen. Toby is terrified of parking lots or stepping off the sidewalk. He runs across the street like he is dodging landmines. My fault, I think I scared him when i said "Cars can kill you". He does not know what kill means (except that it means cutting up a pumpkin) but was apparently scared of it enough to run. He holds my hand for dear life in the street or parking lot or asks to be "up". If did happen I, like about 4 Billion parents worldwide, would dive to get him out of harms way.

Vajrastorm

05-17-2006, 04:37 PM

1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the
kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

Say something like "Oh! The stove is hot! Careful." while reaching out to make sure her hands don't come near the burner. I would make my voice suprised, not angry, and convey the belief that she forgot about the stove, rather than the idea that she was being bad.

2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public.
WDYD?

My first step is to get down at her level and see if she will talk to me, and use words to explain why she's upset. If she can calm down enough to talk, we will try and figure out a mutual solution. If she can't, and we're in a safe place that doesn't require quiet, I sit near her until she calms down. Then we talk about her feelings. If we're in a place where her tantrum could be dangerous or disruptive, I carry her elsewhere. Rinse, repeat.

3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child
wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

I ask her to give it back. If she is unwilling, I pry it from her hands and give it to the other child. I don't like prying it from her hands, but I feel like its my duty to protect the other kid's rights as well my dd's. As I do this, I remind her that we shouldn't grab things from other people. I try and see this as "helping" her rather than being hypocritical. (You know - don't grab! as I grab from her. LOL. I do give her the chance to do the right thing first)

4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to
something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR
window). WDYD?

Hmmm. Bad day? Snap at her. Oh, you mean what would I *want* to do? Usually I muster my patience and calmly remove her as many times as possible, while doing my darndest to redirect. Sometimes redirection means changing the scene - going to another room, leaving the house, whatever. Sometimes redirection involves finding another outlet for the behavior she's into. "Oh, you want to climb? Let's go climb on our play structure outside! That's a good place to climb!" Or - you want to squeeze your orange on the floor? Let's do it on the patio outside.

Sometimes redirection involves making a game out of the naughty behavior. I.e., every time she tried to climb the window I'd pull her back and exclaim comically "Oh no! That's not safe!!" then smile and let go. Usually that increases the behavior in the immediate term, but I'd be stopping it before it got dangerous and the focus would shift from being danger-baby to clowning with mama and exploring the idea of boundaries in connected way. Making a game also tends to help get the behavior out of her system. When she was a little past one, I spent an entire week spotting her while she flung herself backwards off the sofa arm again and again and again. Then she was over it. (Whew! That was a boring week. For me.)

5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading
straight for traffic. WDYD?

We've always talked about traffic, and safety, so dd is not very likely to run into the street unless she's doing it to get my goat. Thankfully, she's only done THAT a few times when there was no traffic.

She knows at this point that her freedom to walk/run depends on respecting the boundaries of roads and parking lots. If she runs into the street, she's either carried (if we're out) or we go back home (if we're in the neighborhood). I'm practical and straightforward about street safety. If she can't handle it, I handle it for her. She values her freedom more than she values running into the street. She also has a growing awareness that cars could hurt you.

When she was younger, and not as aware, we simply pulled her back from the sidewalk edge a million times saying "Oops! We stay on the sidewalk." She hated her stroller and we did a lot of walking, so she had a ton of practice.

I'd say street safety is the number one thing I'm uptight about, and she knows I consider it a bigger deal than almost anything else.

psophia17

05-17-2006, 04:47 PM

I *think* when DS heads for the street, it's because we have a dying hedge out front, and the rocks, sticks, and dirt are a siren's call for him. He's never actually headed for the road, but what's next to the road...scares the crap out of me every time.

californiagirl

05-17-2006, 04:49 PM

DD is two and two months.

>1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the
>kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

The first time she either got near the stove or grabbed something off the kitchen counter, I'd remind her of where she was allowed to be and what she was allowed to do in the kitchen. The second time, I would tell her she had to leave the kitchen and remove her bodily if necessary. (She would then lie on the carpet next to the kitchen and howl "Try again! Try again!")

>2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public.
>WDYD?

Check to see if she had a fever. Seriously. She doesn't tantrum often, and it's never happened unless she was sick or over-tired, since she was about 11 months. Aside from that, I'd get her out of people's way and help her calm down.

>3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child
>wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

Say "You may not grab toys. Give the toy back." and intervene physically if she didn't move to do so. Then explain "If you want the toy, you may ask politely. Offering to trade always helps. Here are the things you may play with."

>4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to
>something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR
>window). WDYD?

She doesn't get umpteen chances. She might get two, and about the second I'd provide another activity that seemed to meet the same need. (Like climbing the stepladder in the middle of the living room.) After that, I would stop letting her go near whatever it was. (More howling "Try again". Oh well.)

>5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading
>straight for traffic. WDYD?

Depends. In a parking lot, grab her the millisecond she stops holding my hand (you must hold a hand or touch our car in a parking lot). On a sidewalk, it depends on the traffic, and her mood -- a lot of the time, the most effective thing is to say calmly "That's a street. Remember to stop and wait." and when she gets near, she stops and holds up a hand for somebody to take. Sometimes I would say and sign "STOP" and also immediately leap to intercept her. If she didn't stop, when I got to her I would pick her up, reinforce the rules, reinforce the reasons for the rules, and insist that she couldn't walk by herself for a while because she broke the rules.

Vajrastorm

05-17-2006, 05:00 PM

Its one of those personal comfort things, but once I was reasonably sure dd wasn't going into the road, I let approach the edge without being right next to her. My sense of a safe distance depends on many factors, including traffic and how impish she is that day.

Maybe if you see him running towards the bush/street, you could yell "Look at that bush! I see a stick." and hustle up to him to keep him contained while acknowledging his interest in the bush. Im NOT saying there is anything wrong with what you're doing now. Just throwing out extra ideas.

lizajane

05-17-2006, 05:53 PM

ok, not denying that i raise my voice sometimes or that i grab him by the arm... but here is what i intend to do and usually do...
>
>1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the
>kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

schuyler (3yrs) "get down please. you are not being safe. the stove is hot."
dylan (15+months) "no, dylan, hot. DANGER." and put him back on the floor (yes, he can climb into the kitchen counter.)
but mostly, i don't cook around the kids because they both climb too much and i can't get a thing done and they are not safe.
>
>2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public.
>WDYD?

schuyer (3yrs) doesn't throw tantrums unless he is over tired or hungry. but what i would do... "schuyler, i understand that you feel XXX right now. i need you to get back into control. please do not yell in the XXX. do we need to go straight home?"
dylan (15+months) pick him up and walk out. holding him close and speaking to him calmly.

>3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child
>wants it back ASAP. WDYD?
>
schuyler (3yrs) "schuyler, we do not grab. (or snatch.) please give the toy back." he usually does. if he doesn't, i take it and return it.
dylan (15+months) same thing, really. important to show schuyler that dylan can't get away with stuff just because he is little.

>4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to
>something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR
>window). WDYD?

call dh and say i can't take it anymore and he needs to come home immediately. ok, but really. (well, kinda but really...) change scenes. schuyler acts like this when he is really tired. i call it flailing. he cannot gain control of himself or his actions. usually, i try to get him into my lap and either we watch a video together or read a book or we just sit and talk about stuff going on around us. "do you see that firetruck? who rides in a firetruck? do they help people?" same thing for dylan. if i can't do this right because of the brother, i do a gentle time out, meaning i remind him to get in control and i ask him to sit for a minute to remember the rules.
>
>5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading
>straight for traffic. WDYD?

schuyler (3yrs) i say, "schuyler, turn around and come back NOW." dh yells stop, which is TOTALLY ineffective. schuyler needs VERY specific instructions- not just "stop" but "stop running away and come back to the car." but really, he doesn't run into traffic. i let him out of the car first and say, "sidewalk!" and he walks to it and stands there and waits for me.
dylan (15+ months) i usually carry him when they is traffic anywhere near. or i hold his hand, or ask his brother to hold his hand. but i verbalize what needs to happen and i snatch him up, too.

wagner36

05-17-2006, 06:01 PM

Charlie is still pretty cautious at 3 - he stands patiently and waits at intersections to hold hands, and will repeat "must be holding hands or touching our car" everytime we're in a parking lot. He definitely runs towards intersections, but stops everytime at the limits - that doesn't usually keep me from yelling "STOP" as he's approaching it, but DH never freaks out because he's more familiar with Charlie in this respect (he's a SAHD).

So, I agree with Holli that some of these things are hard to put into context for certain children. So much of the way we parent is based upon OUR individual children and their personalities, that it is really difficult to compare, IMO

squimp

05-17-2006, 06:07 PM

>1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the
>kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

I would probably say something like "hot stove", said in a strong voice, then "can you go to the table?" I don't like DD hanging out in the inner sanctum of the kitchen when I'm cooking. Then I'd strap her in the KZ and give her something to do, playdough, fingerpaints. Or put her on the KZ on the other side of the counter, so she can "help" me cook.

>2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public.
>WDYD?

She's only 2.5, and hasn't had many tantrums. The main reason she ever gets really upset is if I take her away from other kids - she is really social. I usually talk to her and ask her what's wrong. I get down on her level, and have her look me in the eye. If she's whining I say "I can't understand you when you are whining". If she's crying for no clear reason, I ask her if she is cranky and tired, so she must need to go home and take a nap. That usually cheers her up in a flash. ;)

>3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child
>wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

I tell her that X had was playing with that toy and you can have a turn next. We take turns with our friends.

>4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to
>something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR
>window). WDYD?

I'd close that window. And find something else to do. If DD is driving me crazy, I'd get out of the house.

>5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading
>straight for traffic. WDYD?

I would scream "Stop". (I have had to do this a few times on our street). We have a rule "we always hold hands in the parking lot or the street". No exceptions.

kijip

05-17-2006, 06:50 PM

Toby was amazingly laid back and cautious until about 10 months ago. In some ways it was harder for me to deal with the 2s because I was coming from an alternate universe where kids napped, did not fuss all that much and stayed calm 99% of the time ;). From a physical development standpoint he can just plain do more that needs attention now than he could before.

aa2mama

05-17-2006, 07:08 PM

>1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the
>kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

Say, "No, burners are hot" while taking his hands in mine. Then ask if he needs help (usually he's hungry and trying to sweep the counter for food). Then relocate him to the kitchen table & have him "help" make food.

>2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public.
>WDYD?

If I can, I will make a bee-line for the exit, take him outside, and hold him until he stops tantruming then re-enter and try again. If that's not practical, then I will pick him up, pay no attention to his tantrum, and go about my business as fast as I can. Asking him to use his words does not work for this child whatsoever.

>3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child
>wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

Say, "We don't grab toys from our friends. See, (friend) is sad. Please give it back." On the occasion that he doesn't immediately hand it over, I will physically assist the transaction.

>4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to
>something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR
>window). WDYD?

He goes to his room for a few minutes with the door shut. Oftentimes, when his time is up and I come to check on him he wants to remain playing in his room and will wave me away and shut the door behind me. If he's ready to come out, I will take him out in the backyard to play, pop in a video, any distracting new activity.
>
>5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading
>straight for traffic. WDYD?

I will clap my hands together and yell stop while taking off after him. This stops him dead in his tracks.

jenjenfirenjen

05-17-2006, 07:15 PM

Great thread. I'm going to go ahead and reply before reading the responses so I don't get influenced.

>1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the
>kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

Yell "No!" while pulling his hand away. Then, get down on his level and tell him that we can't touch the stove. It's hot and he could get hurt. Then a hug.

>2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public.
>WDYD?

I honestly don't know as this hasn't happened yet. We've only had one REAL tantrum and I had no idea what to do. I'm working on it. I'm guessing I would grab DS and hightail it out of the store.

>3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child
>wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

This happens all the time. I tell DS to give it back, that the other child was playing with it and he must share. Luckily, he always complies.

>4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to
>something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR
>window). WDYD?

Well, for the last two days, DS has been incessantly climing up into his Kinderzeat and then onto the dining room table to crawl around or stand. I just keep taking him down, telling him we don't get on the table, that he can sit in his seat, otherwise, I'm taking it away...which is what I had to do most of the time. I put the Kinderzeat on top of the table so he couldn't get it. That made him mad but oh well. This afternoon he climbed into his seat and before he could get into trouble, I asked if he wanted to color. He said yes so I strapped him in and gave him some paper and colors and then he was happy for a while. Hopefully, if I give him something to do when he gets in his seat, he'll stop trying to climb on the table (yeah, right!)

>5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading
>straight for traffic. WDYD?

This happened today. We are having a real problem with him running away from us and thinking it is funny. At this point I'm yelling "Stop!" and "No!" and it's not working. If he does it in our front yard, once I stop him, I get down on his level and tell him that we can't go in the street, that he could get hurt. If he does it again, we have to go inside. Honestly, I'm sick at my stomach about it and so afraid he's going to get hurt. I was actually going to post later asking for advice on this issue.

I'm one of the moms who tries to reserve the use of "no" for really dangerous or important situations. I still end up using it several times a day but I make an effort to let that not be the only thing DS hears and to explain to him why we can't do something or try to state things in the positive. I'm not sure if this is paying off or not though as obviously he does not listen when I use it in the case of running into the street. So who knows.

dules

05-17-2006, 07:18 PM

As the mom of the most laid back child I've ever met until the age of two, I agree with this! We didn't even need a gate at the stairs (top or bottom) until Sophie turned two because she was so cautious and seemed to have so much "sense" and listening power.

I still think I'm getting off easy compared to many, but things definitely changed and a lot of caution went to the wind around the age of two!

Best,
Mary

KBecks

05-17-2006, 09:01 PM

These are good ones.... I'm not into the big time toddler years yet, but here's my best guesses.

1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

Turn off the burners, turn on the TV and park DS in front of it so I can clean up and finish cooking.

2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public. WDYD?

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Leave as soon as possible, but finish any outstanding business.

3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

Tell DC to give the toy back, tell DC to play with another toy, take first toy away from DC if he has not given it back within 10 seconds or so.

4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR window). WDYD?

Remove DC from window. Get to his level and say something like "You don't climb out the window, you will fall and get hurt." Then take DC to another room and do an activity together.

5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading straight for traffic. WDYD?

RUN.. catch DC and pick hiim up, say "no going in the street" carry DC to car and buckle him in the carseat.

Ack! Did I pass?? Do I get to keep my baby?

stillplayswithbarbies

05-17-2006, 09:02 PM

Holli, Mari sounds just like Logan, and Logan is in her threes now and shows no sign of changing. She is cautious and careful and very into sharing and taking turns.

None of the scenarios mentioned in the original post would come up here. It's not because of anything we have done so much as it is just her personality.

Now, my teenage son is a different story. When he was a baby, he was totally different from Logan. And they are being raised pretty much the same way, except I was 28 when he was born and 40 when Logan was born, so I have maybe a smidge more patience now.

stillplayswithbarbies

05-17-2006, 09:13 PM

I am going to answer about my son, when he was little, because Logan would never do any of these things. She's just a calm careful cautious child and yes I do realize how lucky I am.

1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

would not have happened because I learned early on that Jake could move faster than me and I did not allow him in the kitchen when I was cooking.

2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public. WDYD?

Tell him that it was time to go now, and I was leaving and start to walk away. Yeah, now I know that can cause abandonment issues, but I didn't know any better when I was younger. It seemed to work, he usually stopped and came with me. I'm not proud of that one.

3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

Get another toy to give to him and take the other toy back to the other child. I would be saying that we share and it's not nice to grab, but it never really sunk in for him. Fortunately, kids with ADHD are easily distracted and redirected. :)

4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR window). WDYD?

Wouldn't have happened because our house was childproofed to the nth degree. He could move faster than me, I wasn't taking any chances.

5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading straight for traffic. WDYD?

I drilled into him that the rule is "we hold hands in a parking lot". It's one of the few lessons that actually sunk in, maybe because I said it about 2 million times, every time we got out of the car and repeated until we were across the parking lot. In fact, he used to reach for my hand in a parking lot up until he was about 12 years old. I would grab his hand as I took him out of the car seat and not let go until we were inside. And I am talking about holding his hand tightly, where my fingers encircle his wrist so he can't pull away and run, not just asking him to hold my hand.

brittone2

05-17-2006, 09:25 PM

We have another cautious one here. I didn't make him that way, I swear he was born that way.

If I open the oven door, he knows to stand back and will literally run to our walk in pantry (well out of the way of the oven) while saying "Yogan stand back! Yogan stand back!!"

A lot of safety issues (parking lots, hot stoves, repeatedly trying to climb out a window) can be prevented IMO. DS stays in his KZ when he's at the counter and it is always away from the stove. In parking lots he is usually carried (he is scared of cars only when in a parking lot...we again didn't make him that way). I've actually had to encourage him to walk and hold my hand. If a car approaches he'll usually stop and ask me "holdie" for me to pick him up.

lisams

05-17-2006, 11:57 PM

1. I would say "NO, HOT!" and then after explain that the burners are on and very hot. She's really good about this, we started young talking about how the over is "Hot, owie" ever since she was mobile.

2. We don't usually have tantrums in public these days (those horrible ones were always at home for some reason) but if she were having one I would remove her and take her to the car. If she calmed down we might return to whatever it was, if not we'd go home.

3. Tell her "Give the toy back to Tommy and ask him if you can play with it when he's done."

4. DD really doesn't get into dangerous things. She does get into water and messy things when she's playing while I'm doing stuff around the house and don't have an eye on her. She gets a warning and then it's time in her room if she repeats.

5. We have a rule that in parking lots she always holds my hand. She automatically reaches for my hand before out feet hit the asphalt. If she ever darted out in traffic I would first yell for her to STOP and get her quickly. I would firmly tell her how dangerous it is to run into traffic. Later when DH is home we would have a family meeting. Emma is old enough now to be able to have family meetings and understand that it is something serious.

Vajrastorm

05-18-2006, 12:39 AM

Heh. Prevented? I read the list and thought "That's all? Those are easy situations!" As in, dd is err, feisty? I swear, I don't know where she gets it from. *whistles innocently*

When dd was 9 months old, she'd crawl up play structures at the park and go down the slides head first. Fear is not in her vocabulary. Neither is holding still. She wants to be in the thick of it all, all the time, and she isn't easily intimidated.

She helps me cook, she runs around the cul-de-sac leaving me in the dust, and she defends her territory with force when it comes down to it. (Aka, its not a good idea for strange kids to grab a toy she has. Ouchies follow)

I know the mellow kids exist, but they seem mythical to me. Dd was born with an opinion, and hasn't faltered since.

m448

05-18-2006, 07:47 AM

NAKing but a hearty ditto to what Andrie said would be her responses as what I've read indicates Aine is just as spirited as my Ian. Yes, it only gets harder to "make things happen" when they get older and you throw another child in the mix but it becomes even more necessary then.

I'm also a big fan of the "try again" concept. If he's getting frustrated with something and having a meltdown after he's calm I ask him if he wants to try it again (going back, getting the same toy, etc.) and we do. Then if the scenario repeats I calmly let him know that the situation/toy/person is just too frustrating today and that we'll try again tomorrow (or whenever the next opportunity presents itself). I then make sure to follow through on my promise.

Marielle

Ian - born 10/03
&
Ryan - born 01/06

lizamann

05-18-2006, 08:09 AM

I'm another one with a cautious girl. I see those head-down sliders at the park and just think I would have to do things really differently if I had a child like that. So this is not that relevant to those with physically active kids, but it's what we do.

1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

This has never happened because I tell her it's dangerous to be by the stove before I even turn it on. She stays on the other side of the island. Sometimes she creeps up on it and says, "Is this dangerous?" I say no, and she takes a step closer and asks again, until she gets too close. It's cute. Before she was this old, she was strapped in the high chair eating something.

2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public. WDYD?

Doesn't happen too much, but she did throw a doozy at Sarah1's house. There's always a reason and I usually know what it is. At Sarah's house, dd didn't want to take off the dress she was modeling, and didn't want to stop playing with the other kids. Well, the dress had to come off, and we had to leave, so it was definitely a case of me using my might to make those things happen and run out of the house with screaming child. But I don't punish her for the behavior. We just move on and forget it, or we might briefly talk about it later, like "You were so angry when we had to leave!" She says, "I was crying crying!" I say, "I know it's hard to leave when you don't want to, but sometimes we just have to." "Yeah." She has public tantrums very infrequently. If it were more often I would probably need a new strategy.

3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

I say, "Oh, Johnny was playing with that! He gets to play with it until he's done, then you can have a turn." Then I take it from her and try to distract with something else.

4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR window). WDYD?

Usually I call my husband and say, "I have to change the dynamic!" Our goofy little joke phrase for "GET ME OUT OF HERE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" And then we go outside to the park, or go get a latte or something completely different so we all preserve our sanity. If there was one particularly dangerous situation that she was always trying, then I would childproof the heck out of it to make it no longer an issue. Who wants to work that hard? Not me!

5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading straight for traffic. WDYD?

Again, doesn't happen with cautious little dd. She stops at corners and alleys and holds up her hand to cross streets. But when she was less predictable, I never let her down without having contact with her. Even now with a cautious 3 year old, I hold her tight on train platforms and at intersections because the cost of that one-time run is way too high. But thankfully she is of the personality that will allow me to hold her or her hand in these situations. If she didn't, I would need an new strategy.

Saartje

05-18-2006, 10:01 AM

>1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the
>kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

"Isaac, no!" (Said firmly while picking him up and moving him away.) "That's hot. It will hurt you." (Depending on his mood, my mood, and what I'm doing, I might hold him up to see the food cooking and tell him more about it being hot and not to touch, as well as about the food itself and how soon it will be ready to eat. Otherwise, I might distract him — "Where's your ball? Can you find it?")

>2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public.
>WDYD?

If he's not over-tired and is throwing a tantrum, he's probably over-hungry. I remove him from the situation, try to get him calmed down, and offer him something to eat ASAP.

>3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child
>wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

"Isaac, you need to share." This usually results in him offering the toy back. If it doesn't, I'll physically remove the toy from his hands, and carry him away to have his tantrum elsewhere. (See above — this almost never happens unless he's either tired or hungry. Or both. Otherwise, he's very good at sharing.)

>4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to
>something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR
>window). WDYD?

Change the situation. In your example, close the window so there's just a crack to let fresh air through, and if that wasn't enough (if he figured out how to open the window further), get him involved in some other game or go for a walk.

>5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading
>straight for traffic. WDYD?

"Issac, stop!" This usually causes him to stop dead in his tracks and look back at me with his eyes huge. Assuming he stops and comes back to me, I calmly tell him what a good job he did, and that running into the road is dangerous. If he doesn't stop immediately, he usually changes directions (running around the car rather than away from it, for instance) and I snatch him up and tell him firmly that he cannot run away from me when we're in a parking lot/going for a walk/getting in the car.

If he neither stops nor changes to a safer direction, I grab him up as soon as my adrenaline-filled body can reach him, and firmly tell him, "No. You do NOT run away from Mama. That is bad. That is dangerous. You need to stay right with me. Cars can hurt you."

Tracey

05-18-2006, 10:11 AM

1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

say "No! Hot!" ---plus she wouldn't have been playing unsupervised near burners while they are on.

2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public. WDYD?

This depends on the situation...where we are, what we're doing, what has set her off, etc. DD has outgrown this phase, but there was a time when we had some public tantrums. A couple of common spots were restaurants and grocery stores. At restaurants, I would remove her and take her to the restroom to calm her down. I'd say something like " I know you don't want to sit in your seat, but we are here to eat and our food hasn't gotten here yet. I'm hungry, are you hungry? Hear Mommy's tummy growling?...can you growl like a bear....." I learned to head all this off at the pass by telling her before hand how I expected her to act in a restaurant and by bringing small toys and snacks for her to have before the meal got there. Ultimately, the grocery store was handled the same way....telling her before hand what I expected of her (sit in the basket, help Mommy pick out something for snacks, etc.), binging small toys with us, and letting her help me but produce in bags, going to see the lobsters in the tank, etc.

3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

Say "It's not okay to take Sarah's toy. She was playing with it. You can play with it when she is finished. Give her the toy and we will pick out another one." DD does not get the toy and I do not harangue the other child or my child into sharing. I don't think you should have to give something up you are interested in just because somebody else wants it. They can learn some self control and wait or move on. I don't make my child give up toys she is already playing with to other children unless she chooses to. By the same token, I don't expect other children to give up their toys they are currently playing with to placate my DD.

This is actually a pretty big issue right now because other children take her toys and their parents say an ineffectual "share" and their kid keeps the toy. Major frustration for DD since that's not the way I handle these situations. I've gotten to where when I know certain children are coming over, I let DD pick a few toys that "Sarah" can't play with and we hide those. One child is so bad, we are starting to avoid her because the Mom ticks me off not handling it.

4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR window). WDYD?

DD is pretty cautious, so this isn't something I have much experience with. I'd say "NO, that's dangerous for you to do blank, you could get hurt." Then I'd redirect or remove the threat. In the case of the LR window, I'd lock it or put a heavy chair in front of it.

5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading straight for traffic. WDYD?

Tackle her like a linebacker and explain later.

Just as an aside on the saying "no" thing. I'm all about whatever works for you and your child. While I don't think unqualified nos should be given, I think it is a powerful word to know and kids should learn how to use it. I want my teenager to say no to drugs, peer pressure and be able to stand up for herself in general. I think that starts with her being able to say no to adults and children now. It's not always my way or the highway. I do let her say "no not right now, I'm still playing dollhouse." And I'll say "okay, I'll go check the mail and when I come back, then we'll put your shoes on." I don't want her to be powerless, but by the same token, she knows who is ultimately the boss.

trumansmom

05-18-2006, 10:28 AM

LOL!!

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

Zana

05-18-2006, 10:38 AM

Very interesting thread Petra! DS is 2yr 2mths and definitely on the rambunctious side. The frustrating thing for me is that at this age he doesnt do this stuff solely for exploring etc, but mostly to test boundaries (how do I know this? he'll wait for me to see him, then do something deliberately with a big smile on his face and wait for my reaction before running away laughing maniacally!). But on the plus side he is very easily distracted and that works really well in general.

1. Your DC is grabbing anything within reach from off of the kitchen counter, while the burners are on. WDYD?

This is something that I dont negotiate on. All cooking is done on the back burners and DS is usually not allowed in (our tiny apt kitchen) when I'm cooking. If he is near something hot/boiling I will pull him away firmly with a "NO touching, its hot".

2. Your DC (who is not over-tired) throws a tantrum in public. WDYD?

First distraction (offer food, toy, "let me show you something" etc). Then theres "do you want to go home?". If it continues and I have to stay, I usually just pick him up and ignore him.

3. Your DC grabs another child's toy, and the other child wants it back ASAP. WDYD?

Tell him he has to share, be nice, wait his turn etc and make him give it back. If he doesnt, I give it back and then follow pt#2 for tantrum that follows :)

4. Your DC, for the umpteenth time that day, is up to something dangerous (in our case, trying to climb out the LR window). WDYD?

This kind of stuff happens so often at our place. Most of the time I redirect etc but when I'm tired and cranky there are a lot of "No's" not said very calmly!

5. On the way out to the car, your DC takes off, heading straight for traffic. WDYD?

Before we leave the house/car, DS has to hold mama's hand. If he refuses, he gets carried, which he usually doesnt like.