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View Full Version : Anonymous and threatening email sent to a member



trumansmom
05-18-2006, 11:19 AM
ETC: I used misleading language. The email was from a fake email address, NOT a fake user account. It's not traceable through the BBB without the IP. We're respecting the reciever's wishes by not pursuing it further.

*********************************************

I'm so sad, and so angry! It just came to my attention that a longtime member and friend on this board received an anonymous email after a post she made. It was from a made up email account and contained a thinly veiled threat. It was unbelievably cruel. She chose to delete it instead of pursuing getting the user banned.

Please know if anyone else ever recieves an email like this and would like to pursue it further, I will be more than happy to help.

Our community is made up of good people. We may disagree sometimes, but we do NOT engage in this sort of nastiness.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

Wife_and_mommy
05-18-2006, 11:30 AM
nak

how sadly pathetic... crazy me thought we were all adults.... grow up anonymous one...


Elizabeth
mommy to DD(April '04) and DS(January '06)

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

Toba
05-18-2006, 11:33 AM
It just amazes me that people can't be respectful of someone else's views/opinions. Just simply amazes me. *sigh*


~Kimberly Anne~
Noah Nevan, March 12, 2004
*the light of my life*

elliput
05-18-2006, 11:54 AM
*shaking head* How incredibly pathetic.

As a community, it is in our best interest to respect other's opinions even if they are on the complete opposite side of an issue, as we all have something valid to bring to the table for discussion. The ability to listen to an opposing viewpoint respectfully, and respond respectfully, IMO, is an essential element of personal growth.

Thank you, Jeanne, for letting us know about this incident.

mommyoftwo
05-18-2006, 12:04 PM
This makes me very sad and angry too. While I certainly don't agree with everyone here all the time (that would be impossible), I really appreciate hearing other viewpoints and perspectives. I've learned a lot from everyone here and have really changed my own thinking on a number of things due to other people's insights. The boards should be a place where you can feel free to discuss your point of view and also a place where you can feel free to disagree without fear of repercussions. Shame on you, whoever you are.

pb&j
05-18-2006, 12:10 PM
Wow, that's awful! :(


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

Rachels
05-18-2006, 12:25 PM
That is horrible! Scary, too. I'm so sorry for whoever it happened to.

-Rachel
Mama to Abigail Rose
5/18/02
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_amethyst_36m.gif
Nursed for three years!

and Ethan James
10/19/05
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bf.jpg


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya

cmdunn1972
05-18-2006, 12:48 PM
Jeanne, sorry to hear that you and your friend are having to deal with this appalling and immature behavior.

Saartje
05-18-2006, 12:49 PM
How awful and scary. I, too, am sad and angry.

annasmom
05-18-2006, 12:56 PM
Jeanne, I wonder whether a rule could be implemented that requires members to report emails such as this. It would obviously be an honor-code type of rule, since there is no way to really enforce it.

Don't get me wrong, I think I understand why your friend deleted the email, and I probably would have done the same thing. But, objectively, this is scary. There are a lot of crazy people in this world. If something, god forbid, were to happen to anyone here and we could have done something to intervene, I would feel horribly.

Just a thought.

kijip
05-18-2006, 01:18 PM
I think that if people recieve this garbage they should be able to decide how to deal with it on their own, without being considered to be breaking a rule. Only the person who recieved it would know how it is best for them to proceed...I would hate to see a rule enforced that overruled a person's own self-judgment and decisions. That said, this should serve to remind us all that on these public boards protecting identifying, location revealing information is very important.

babymama
05-18-2006, 03:28 PM
Gosh! How scary for your friend and how pathetic of this anonymous user.

Anonymous one...you are not well. You better check yourself.

Lydia
Mama to Santiago, my 2 yr old monster
and new baby girl, Solana, born 12/26/05
I'll figure out how to update my avatar someday!

buddyleebaby
05-18-2006, 03:30 PM
Hugs to whoever had to deal with such nonsense.

jd11365
05-18-2006, 04:09 PM
A threat? Holy cow! What was the threat? That is scary!

shilo
05-18-2006, 04:34 PM
that really is so sad. i have to say that as a 'newer' mom, some of the threads i learn the most on are just lurking/reading the controversial one's. it's actually quite educational to read all of the differing opinions/stategies/parenting methods, etc. gives me more tools to choose from when i do encounter those same situations with my own DC as he's going thru each new phase. i really appreciate that people are, for the most part, so honest and respectful here. i can wish that would be true of everyone - but sigh, not everyone chooses to try and live their life by the golden rule. to the anonymous poster, i'd just offer up a reminder of the lessons we teach our children everyday by our own actions. 'do unto others as you would have done unto you.' nuff said.

lori
Sam 5/19/05 How lucky I am that you chose me.

pritchettzoo
05-18-2006, 04:55 PM
Can't you track the IP address of the account? Even if she (the attacked member) doesn't want to pursue anything, it seems like it would be in the interests of the board and all of the members to pursue THREATS.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

AddiesMom
05-18-2006, 05:17 PM
I am so sorry that happened!

BTW... what a coward. We are adults and should be able to respect one's opinion even if it is different! I get a lot of good advice from all of you and we should be able to speak freely with out getting threatned!

calebsmama03
05-18-2006, 05:24 PM
That is just pathetic. Sad and pathetic :(
Lynne
Mommy to C 3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
And Miss Purple, 5/05

papal
05-18-2006, 05:27 PM
I agree. Track the IP address, find out who the person is. This is ridiculous. Whoever got the threat, sorry mama... that is awful. :(

lisams
05-18-2006, 06:16 PM
How immature. I agree that the IP should be tracked since it involves a threat. This kind of behavior should not be tolerated. I'm sorry to whoever this happened to.

dr mom
05-18-2006, 06:50 PM
Hiding behind an anonymous account for the sole purpose of attacking another member is pretty chicken****.

For the most part, BBB members are great at discussing controversial issues in a mature, adult fashion - and it's always so interesting to me to find out how similarly/differently other families are parenting and raising their children.

I'm sorry to hear that anyone here would do something so inappropriate - but I'm also glad this thread was started, so that the person who wrote the anonymous message now knows that the BBB community will not tolerate that kind of behavior. I hope that individual has the courage to come forward and (privately) apologize to the member who was the target of their anonymous attack.

o_mom
05-18-2006, 06:54 PM
So sorry this happened to your friend, it is WAAAYYY out of line. I hope that is the last we see of that poster.

I hate that we have to worry about this kind of thing, but that is why I don't use my name, have a separate e-mail, and don't post pictures. I would love share more with everyone here, but things like this make me really uncomfortable doing that.

ShayleighCarsensMom
05-18-2006, 06:57 PM
WOW how horrible.
I am so sorry to whomever received that email.

stella
05-18-2006, 07:04 PM
Pathetic and bizarre - don't forget BIZARRE!

psophia17
05-18-2006, 07:13 PM
Any person issuing threats should be ashamed of herself - how childish.

Hugs to the BBBer who received this email, and lots of bad karma to the one who sent it.

cilantromapuche
05-18-2006, 07:51 PM
I agree with the pathetic and bizarre. Like we all aren't busy enough with our own lives. That and the fact that we should be mature enough to realize that not everyone in the world shares our exact point of view and can debate with maturity.

Christine

mama to A (7/03)and a girl (6/06)

Marisa6826
05-18-2006, 07:57 PM
We can only track them if they haven't been deleted yet. This is unless the recipient remembers the fake user name. Even then, it's not always easy to track IPs. Especially if they're not using dedicated ones. Also, the way this script is written, we can't look up corresponding IPs easily - there's nothing like a database of them. You'd have to go through each username and hunt that way. <_<

-m

marinkitty
05-18-2006, 08:31 PM
How very unfortunate that someone felt that was acceptable behavior (well, clearly they knew it was inappropriate as evidenced by their hiding behind a false username, but you know what I mean). I don't spend a whole lot of time here anymore, but I hate to think that this kind of behavior could go unanswered. I hope you are able to track the IP address and take appropriate measures.

To whomever received the threat, I am so sorry you had to be on the receiving end of such venom.

Holly
Mom to Mia (3.17.03) and baby brother Jack (3.23.05)

alexsmommy
05-18-2006, 08:49 PM
I don't even have words - pathetic, childish, pitiful, scary.
I am so sorry for the member who had to deal with this. I hope the culprit is found out and banned.
Alaina
Alex Feb '03

brittone2
05-18-2006, 09:43 PM
I've been taking a much needed break today to cool my emotions after yesterday's heated thread.

I think that what happened is very sad on many levels. I think that the speculation involved in trying to figure out "whodunnit" is also very damaging to the community. In that way, I think it is more harmful to have everyone speculating and guessing as to who it might have been, rather than just banning the person, honestly.

I still don't get how it isn't possible to track this somehow. Isn't there a list of who created new usernames yesterday or today or whenever this happened? Couldn't that be cross checked to see if any of the IP addresses are the same as current users? THe recipient doesn't remember looking at the sender's name before hitting delete?

I'm sad that I was a member of this heated thread. I'm sad that there are people probably speculating and wondering if it was me that sent it, or any number of other people that posted to a heated thread (I'm assuming it had to do with that thread). In a way, I think ending the speculation would be far healthier for the community than everyone forever wondering who was behind it.

I guess it sounds like our mods are saying that isn't possible, but I wish there were a way that it could be looked into.

I'm sorry for the person that received such a horrible and I'm sure frightening email. No one should have to experience such a thing here.

I'm sorry that a lot of people ended up with hurt feelings from what started as a civil discussion. I'm hurt and sad about how things have turned out in general, things that were said, and what has apparently happened to one of our members.

Edited to add comment

stella
05-18-2006, 10:06 PM
Beth, I don't think anyone would ever dream that it was you.
HUGS

trumansmom
05-18-2006, 10:06 PM
Beth, I can assure you it never crossed my mind that it could have been you. In fact, I would think folks would have been more likely to wonder if you were the recipient. You have strong opinions, but NO ONE could ever accuse you of being cruel.

Frankly, the recipient said herself that she was going to assume it was a lurker or infrequent poster. Randomly pointing fingers will not do our community, or any individual, any good whatsoever. Please know that was not why I posted about it. I sincerely hope that's not where this goes.

I guess I posted because I was so upset for our fellow member. And although she chose not to pursue it (and I respect her reasoning behind her decision), I wanted others to know that if they were ever in a similar circumstance we would be happy to help them in any way.

(((Hugs))) to all.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

Jeanne
05-18-2006, 10:08 PM
OMG! You have got to be kidding me??? How vile!
To the person who sent this, you are a LOSER!!!

Jeanne
05-18-2006, 10:14 PM
Ditto what Stella said. I would never think it was you!

brittone2
05-18-2006, 10:16 PM
Well thanks to both of you. I certainly hope it was an infrequent poster as I can't imagine any of our regulars doing such a thing no matter how heated a debate gets.

I certainly didn't intend for my post to detract from the focus on the fact that one of our members received such a horrible email.

Again, so sad.

stella
05-18-2006, 10:25 PM
unless you're just trying to throw us off the scent! hmmm...
(of course you know I'm kidding!)

holliam
05-18-2006, 10:41 PM
Honestly, I wasn't sure I was coming back here after yesterday's thread and then I saw this and was 2 seconds away from emailing Beth and asking her if she was the recipient. Then I saw she posted and I was so relieved.

I think that is perhaps sadder than anything, really, that I was so afraid that my dear friend (whom I met from this board) was the target. I figured if it wasn't me, it had to be her. :(

Also, I hate to say this, but I think it has to be said. It is well known that there are several off-shoot boards from here. I always find it interesting when people known to be members of some of these groups all suddenly appear in threads supporting each other. It's so obvious and somewhat embarrassing for them considering I'm not the only person who notices. I do NOT mean the infamous thread yesterday. I think those were random hits. ;)

I've tried to ignore it and brush it off. I know several mamas here in real life so I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I'm strong-minded, stubborn, and honest. I don't play games, and I am uncomfortable with them. But, I think there is a lot of passive aggressive behavior and downright strong dislike (if not hatred) towards some members, for whatever reason.

Many of us have also formed great friendships here, myself included. So, I think that's why we are still connected here. It's just a shame when people need to make other people feel bad about themselves, and I am sorry if I have ever done that. If so, it was entirely unintentional and only because I don't know when to stop talking sometimes.

I have never participated in such a heated thread as yesterday's, and I honestly do not plan on coming to the Lounge much anymore. I didn't feel respected despite my attempts at being respectful. I felt targeted, baited, and hurt.

I would like to thank all the people who sent me private emails and messages apologizing for that thread. That meant a lot to me.

Anyway, sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but I just had to get it off my chest.

Holli

ddmarsh
05-18-2006, 11:07 PM
>Anyway, sorry to be a Debbie Downer,

Hey, hey, hey - let's not throw names around here ;).

I just glanced at the thread after seeing this one and am sorry that you were hurt Holli. I have often thought that many of these discussions would wind up differently if they were taking place IRL. Itis so hard to convey everything in the right way here.

pixelprincess
05-18-2006, 11:18 PM
How awful to have something like this happen! I can imagine how upsetting this must be.

Just wondering if the email was sent to the recipient's personal email address? Cause the only other way I can think of is through the BBB PM which should be trackable as it comes from a member, right?

Marisa6826
05-18-2006, 11:42 PM
Well, since we're all putting it out on the table...(and Jeanne, I apologise in advance for hijacking your thread)

**DISCLAIMER: What I am about to say is coming from Marisa, the regular BB Member, NOT Marisa, the Mod**

There are many different types of Mamas here from all walks of life. That is definitely one of the cornerstones of this Community and makes it what it is. But if somebody is going to post a thread saying, "Hey! I'm never ever going to cut my kid's sandwich in squares - I'll only do triangles.", people ARE going to ask why - Is there a theory or reason that we've not heard about? Is it healthier? Is it an early learning tool for future geometry classes? Is it a spiritual thing? Do you only do this on the first full moon of the fiscal calendar?

The 'problem' only seems to appear if the triangle cutter then refuses to answer questions, or gets bristled when people ask. Or even worse yet, they throw a fit, delete their original thread and disappear, claiming they feel ganged up on or that they're totally misunderstood and/or disrespected. I think that if Members of this Community are going to parent outside the 'social norm' and advertise it, they need to anticipate educating the 'mainstream'. If they're not willing to do that, then perhaps advertising their practices isn't the way to go.

Concerning people 'ganging up together' and posting to support their friends - doesn't that happen in every day life? It's pretty predictable who is going to side with whom if you're here on a regular basis. It's a normal here, as it would be in any other 'society' or community; you tend to gravitate to those most like you. So obviously, you would have the same interests. A group of hardcore Vegans isn't going to be socialising over dinner with a group of steak lovers, KWIM? None of this is hidden - people are very honest here about having IRL friends as well as cyber friends. Why should it be any different in this 'cybersphere' that some people are going to not be fond of certain other people?

As far as posters intentionally making others feel bad about themselves, well, all I can say is that you only feel what you allow yourself to. What people put out doesn't necessary have to be the same thing you take in. Nobody is responsible for anybody else's feelings but their own. To put that responsiblity on others is unfair. *Especially* when not communicating face to face. There's only so much you can infer via text.

This is a great community. We all have a LOT to offer. It just kind of sucks that sometimes toes get stepped on. But, hey, isn't that why we have ten of them? ;)

Getting off my soap box...

-m

kath68
05-19-2006, 12:52 AM
Holli (I wish there were a way that I could communicate this to you without you thinking that I am bashing, attacking, or otherwise confronting you in a bad way; I am posting this knowing full well you will likely write it off as mean-spirited) --

I don't understand your post. Jeanne posted something about a very sad and concerning topic, and you posted an unrelated continuation of a thread that went bad. I believe you when you say you don't like passive aggressive behavior and making people feel bad about themselves. I just would like to point out that your very post here could be construed to have that effect.

Implied in your message is that you were attacked with more personalized ferocity than anyone else. Yet there were plenty of hurt feelings on both sides of that thread. You also presume that the nasty email *had* to be from someone on the opposite side of the debate from you. Why? No right-minded person would send such a thing, no matter what their parenting style is.

Anyway, we don't know *anything* about who received the email or why. It is counterproductive to bring up last night's nastiness in any form. Let's put it to bed, shall we?

Aunt to sweet baby boy
05-19-2006, 01:30 AM
I hope that the person who recieved the hurtful email is doing well. I hope that does not happen again. I do not know anything about the other post it was referring to.

Have a good night,

Ilana, aka Nana to my sweet nephew Avi

http://lilypie.com/pic/060403/hfNw.jpg[/img]http://b2.lilypie.com/h2bbm7/.png[/img][/url]

Melanie
05-19-2006, 01:39 AM
I hope they are doing well and taking it in stride. Realize, those who hide behind anonymity are just cowards.

holliam
05-19-2006, 07:20 AM
I don't think I was passive aggressive at all. I was very direct in my comments. Perhaps we have different definitions.

My point was that I was not surprised as some by a nasty email. I was simply explaining why.

I have received inaappropriate messages from other members in the past, and I have not reported them. I know others who have not been treated kindly before either.

So, sadly, I was not surprised and I knew if I had just said that people would have wondered why too. It's really a no win situation.

Holli

trumansmom
05-19-2006, 08:23 AM
With all due respect, there is a big difference between nasty or inappropriate email and a threat of bodily harm. If you are receiving threats, please let us know.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

holliam
05-19-2006, 08:43 AM
Oh, Jeanne, I didn't realize it was a threat of bodily harm! Yes, I agree. Different level. You had mentioned thinly veiled threat so I didn't realize at what level you were referring.

Holli

trumansmom
05-19-2006, 08:44 AM
The information is out there and there isn't anything else to add.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04