How did you decide you were done?

[Piglet]

There have been a few threads on 2 vs. 3 kids of late and I have been stuck with that decision for way too long (DS2 is 14.5 months old and I have been thinking about this since he was 6 months old!). DH is fine with 2 or 3 and has never shown any preference. I sort of wish he had an opinion this time around since this is all I think about. I even made a list of pros and cons - I am such a nerd, LOL -

We had trouble TTC#2, so I am obviously nervous that #3 might not even be a possibilty, but I think my cycle is back on track and things are working as they should, hopefully. DH has a good job. We have a house (with hefty mortgage payments). We have family support. I like working and probably would have to stay home if we had 3. We need a bigger car. We are sleep deprived. We will alienate ourselves from our childless friends even more... the list can go on and on.

What was your criteria? Did you always think you would have X number of kids and that is the number you have? Was the decision purely emotional or financial/practical? At what point did you say, "I'm out"? Please BBB moms help me out here!

[mmaimp]

I knew if we had one then I would want two. Now that we have two I'm feeling that another could be a possibility. I don't want to go through another labor and I don't want to be pregnant over 35 so adoption may be the way we expand our family in a few years.

I understand wanting more because I love to watch my two interact with each other and have a great time. It would be great to add to this wild and crazy household but it's just not right for us. The reasons I just mentioned plus our house is too small for 2+ children and we are on one income.

This is such a personal decision. You just have to go with your gut feeling. Is your family complete? Everything else will work itself out.

[mom to little e]

Ah, what a great question! I myself am thinking this very same thing and DD (child #2) is just now only four months old! I honestly think I was thinking/worrying about this when she was first born and we were still in the hospital!

Just like you, I feel like there are so many pros and cons and it is pretty much impossible (for me) to decide which of those reasons are more important or not. I am trying to be patient right now and not worry about it right now since DD is still very young, and then re-address in about a year -- right about the time where you are right now!

For me, the big issue will be my age. I am 40 (ugh) now and child #3 would be coming about age 41. That is probably my biggest concern since I am dealing with an older parent (87) and there are some difficult issues there. If I were younger, say anything 30-ish, I would go for it and probably let my emotions win on the decision. I think the financial/practical can be tossed around all day, but as the PP said, it comes down to a gut-feeling, is your family complete.

I pray hard on this one almost everyday and ask either that we get number three - or a sense of completeness to know were good.

Best of luck thinking this throug - this is a hard one!

Maryann
Mommy to Ean & Mia!

[buddyleebaby]

I told my dh that my the time I am 30 I want to be done with child-bearing. So while I haven't decided how many more we will have, i have set a timetable in which I must be done.

[pampamz]

When DD arrived and we had one of each, it sorted of sealed the deal for me. I always hoped for one of each -- though I don't know if we would have carried on procreating hoping for a DD?

Anyways, DH is happy, I'm happy and financially having 2 in daycare is crazy enough. I think another would just add strain to our budget, lifestyle and house size.

Plus, I sold all my maternity clothes and am slowly getting rid of the infant stuff we've collected so can't have another now!

Pam
DS 3.5yo
DD 10mo

[alleyoop]

I could list all the logical reasons that I want to stop at two, but really it just comes down to me being "DONE". (BTW, My husband would have more and I always thought I would have 3) However, my age, energy level, patience level, wanting my body back, wanting to get on with the next stage of life, and above all being perfectly content/complete with just 2... all those things add up to me being completely sure that this shop is closed. I was sure when I was PG with #2, sure when I gave birth that it would be the last time, I have never doubted for a second that I am done.
My 2cents is that if you are on the fence, then go for it. Big families are a blessing and all will work out.

[justlearning]

Yesterday my husband made an appointment to get "snipped" after we've decided that we are definitely content with having two kids, at least for now. I say "for now" because we feel like if we decide in the future that we want to have more kids, then we would like to adopt a child or children who really need a home. I have a few other friends right now who have made a similar decision after having a second child--that they're done having their own biological children but that they would be open to adopting more children in the future.

For us, we feel like it's enough work to parent two kids well, give them quality time, get them ready to go somewhere, manage them when we're out and about, etc. that we feel we'd become much more stressed out (and thus, not as good of parents) if we had three. We love seeing the interaction between our two kids and receive plenty of fulfillment from the two of them.

I know some moms who have three children and wouldn't have it any other way, and sometimes I've considered it because I love the baby stage right now with my youngest, but I just feel much more at peace with the decision to have two than three--again, at least for now.

ETA: To answer your questions, we had always said that they were going to have two kids so the fact that we're even considering the possibility of adopting in the future is a reflection of how much we enjoy our kids now! For us, the decision is both emotional and practical.

[lmintzer]

Honestly? It's dh who's decided. He really wants to be done. He's feeling the weight of the past 5 years--it's been a wild, exhausing ride, and frankly, we're still not really back on our feet. Our kiddos are hard in a lot of ways--they are fun, spirited, spunky, opinionated--certainly, we're never bored. I keep thinking, "If we had #3, maybe it would be our mellow baby," but there's certainly no guarantee. For me, there's a lot of feelings of loss about being done--it's complicated, but some thoughts/feelings are--I'm too young (at 33) to say "never" on being pregnant, cuddling and nursing another newborn. I have to deal with my feelings about never having a daughter. This makes me really really sad. I also start thinking about my own mortality (getting kind of philisophical here, but I am "done" in a way--I have given back to the world). Of course, that's not literally true--there's nothing "done" about a 5 and a 2 1/2 year-old. But the thoughts are there.

I guess I'd probably have some of these feelings no matter how many children we had, but there's still this niggling doubt that stopping here is the right thing to do. Of course, most of me feels so full--I can barely handle my 2 a lot of days. And I am not a low-stress, go-with-the-flow kind of person, so maybe more would just push me over the edge. Also, I have a career on hold--I put a lot of time/energy into my education, and some days I miss it (though some I don't at all).

It's such a mixed bag for me. I guess my answer is I didn't decide -- and I like to be the one to make such big decisions -- then I can feel more settled about them.

[ykc]

For some completely inexplicable reason, I've always wanted 4 kids (I only have one sib myself). My husband is one of three, so he thinks 3 kids is a good number to have. So, deciding to go for #3 wasn't hard (though we do wonder at our sanity upon occasion--and the baby isn't even here yet!). Mostly, we had the desire for at least 3 kids and we have the financial means to support 3, more or less how we'd like to, so we went ahead and tried for another baby.

My husband is drawing the line at 3, for reasons of sleep, money, time, etc. While my brain/heart would sort of like to fulfill my desire for 4 kids, my body is in total agreement with my husband. I really loathe being pregnant, and this pregnancy has been the most uncomfortable. As my OB and various other people have pointed out, I am 3 years older than the last time. By the time we got around to trying for #4, I'd be really close to 40, which seems a little excessive to me. My husband is threatening to record me complaining about all my aches and discomforts to play for me when I start talking about wanting another baby. So we'll probably stop after this one, even though there will probably always be a tiny part of me that wishes I had one more.

I don't know that this is at all helpful to you. I guess I'm really saying that the emotional, financial, practical, etc. all factor in and you have to decide what makes the most sense for your family--but without overthinking it too much. If thinking about a #3 is all you thin about (and your husband doesn't care), then maybe there's your decision right there....

Good luck!

[Twins2000]

I thought for sure we were done even before our twin daughters were born (it was a little difficult getting pregnant, difficult pregnancy that required weeks of hospitalized bedrest, difficult delivery, etc.). Plus, as would be expected with twins, everything was crazy, often difficult and expensive. I told everybody that we were done with having babies, "shop closed for good." But, once my DDs turned 4 and were no longer babies, I began to think about how they would soon be going to Kindergarten, and how it was "now or never" since I was 34 and didn't want to be older than 35 when the baby was born. The more I thought about it the more I wanted another baby. My DH and I thought about the pros and cons too, with most of the cons having to do with money (big mortgage, smaller home, etc.) and practicality (what if I ended up in the hospital again on bedrest - who would watch our DDs?). In the end, we went for it (no fertility drugs this time - we love our twins, but we didn't want to risk having another set) and had our lovely 3rd DD the following year! DD #3 is now 11 months old and I'm sooo glad that I changed my mind and had her!

I can now definitely say that were are absolutely done! Shop is permanently closed (thanks to my tubal)!

[MamaKath]

Rough question. Unfortunately we am done. I would love more kids, my heart aches and yearns for more. It feels very emotional for me, even though it would cause us to struggle greatly when it comes to finances. Dh decided he did not want more (for a variety of reasons, but mainly financial and having to do with my last miscarriage). He chose to have a vasectomy and did it. Pretty recently (like 6 weeks ago). I guess there are small failure rates but I doubt I'll be that lucky. ;-) So I guess I/we are done. :-(

[jadamom]

We are done...for the moment. I had terrible nausea and vomiting requiring medication during my last pregnancy and I even lost weight in the first few months. It wasn't fun, and I swore I was done after that. However, memory fades and things do happen, so we'll see...:) Never say never!