Who have you named as your child(ren)'s guardian?

[hellokitty1]

Okay, so not trying to to be morbid but DH and I need to make some formal plans in the event something happens to us. This includes finances, guardianship for DD, etc. Just wondering who you all have chosen (or intend to, if you've procrastinted like us) and why, if it's an interesting reason.

[bubbaray]

We chose our closest friends (after discussing it with them, of course). They have the means to support a child ($$ won't be an issue should anything happen to us, but I wouldn't want someone to just look after DD to get her money, even if it is in trust, KWIM?), and share our values.

We most definitely did NOT want anyone in DH's family to raise DD, which is why we dealt with this issue shortly after her birth. I don't have any family, so that made the decision even easier.

Good luck!

Melissa

Maya Papaya!
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[elliput]

My sister. She already has kids so it seemed like a logical choice.

[JBaxter]

We havent named anyone yet. I need to choose the lesser of all evils.

[thomma]

We chose my closest friend and her dh and they agreed. We chose them because they parent the way we do more so than anyone in our families. We've procrastinated doing anything formal but it's on our list of things to do this summer.

Kim
t&e 5/03

[pb&j]

We chose my sister, and my parents are our contingent guardians. We also have set up a trust for DS in the event of our deaths, with a trustee that is not the guardian. We've discussed it with both of them. We have not discussed it with DH's parents, or at least I haven't. My parents live just a few miles away from us, and see DS almost daily. My sister lives a couple hours away, but loves DS like her own. We totally trust them to raise DS according to our wishes and values.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

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[laurena]

We chose a cousin of mine and her husband. I don't feel comfortable with any of DH's siblings and mine is single and in the military. My cousin and her husband have raised 3 wonderful girls and they are located in between my family and his. Granted, they are nearly 20 years older than us, but they are willing. It can be a hard decision.

[jhrabosk]

We made these decisions, but have put off doing anything official...just out of procrastination, I guess.

It took us a long time to decide. DD's godparents would be our first choice, but they've decided not to have kids and I want to respect that choice. I didn't want to put them in the position of having to tell us no, so we didn't even ask. Then it came to our siblings...my brother and his wife are a very stable choice, but they're closer with her family than mine and my mother is very attached to my DD. My stepsister and her husband are really good people, but live a different kind of life than I'd want my DD to have. Left us with DH's brother...he's single and an artist and lives in Kansas (we're in NJ), but I know he would do anything for DD and (knowing what kind of $$ my ILs have) feel he'll be the most financially able to care for her.

Like the PP, we've asked someone else to be the trustee even though we haven't actually done anything about it.

[megs4413]

we haven't chosen anyone yet. It's a really scary thought. My mom would be my obvious choice, but my parents split several years ago and she is not financially stable enough and I just don't think she's capable of doing it alone (haven't told her this, she ASSUMES DD would go to her). Then there's my bro who is single and lives a typical 20 something lifestyle (not a good choice either). DH has an older sister who is DEFINITELY not the kind of person I want even babysitting DD, and then all his other siblings are younger (teenagers). MIL and FIL, are world class jerks and I wouldn't want DD to grow up in the pit they call a house. Basically we'll have to find friends to do it, but that is really hard too. Our closest friends (their DD's closest buddies too) would be a good choice, but they plan to move across the country in just a couple years and I know it would be hard on my family to be so far away from DD especially if something happened to me and DH. I really don't know what to do about this one. I'm kind of hoping my bro will get married in the next couple years and I'll like her enough to put them down....

[kijip]

My best friend. He is Toby's Godfather. He is married and I like his wife as well. J is very close to him as well. Alternate is another friend.

I appointed a seperate trustee for the $$ to care for Toby (mostly, term life insurance for now). While I trust my friend, I thought it best to spread out the responsibility and also wanted to appoint someone that was very savvy with money matters. My best friend will be a great guardian but is a little money clueless.

The back-up gaurdian is a female friend. Not Toby's godmother. I love Toby's Godmother but she is totally out-of-whack with how I would want Toby raised.

J's family was out, for obvious reasons. I am not in the habit of handing my child over to people that I fundamentally disagree with religiously, politically and culturally and that are abusive, heavy drinkers to boot. Js brother is not exactly mentally well and he lives in rural Norway, further away from my parents and community than I would want Toby to be taken.

My family was out because my parents are older and ailing already and my sibblings are unsuitable. Also, while I know my parents have changed and they are good people in general, I was not so pleased with how I was brought up. Basically it would be too much of a burden on my parents and a risk that Toby would lose them quickly too. As for siblings, my older brother is already 1st in line for the worst parent award and my younger brother is basically too immature, selfish and plain freaky to trust with such a big job.

Getting that decision made was a HUGE deal for us and I think we have made the right choice.

[nfowife]

Right now we have chosen DH's parents. We plan to have BIL (DH's brother) and his future wife (he's not engaged or married right now), assuming we will like her, when he gets married and is more settled. In our wills a trust will be set up for DD and there are 3 trustees, for major $$ decisions and to keep everything in the best interest of DD. I have a trust from when my father died when I was 10 and this setup has worked quite well.

[overcome]

We just took care off all this (including wills, power of attorney,etc) and the lawyer gave us (what I thought) was very good advice.

He said we should revisit our wills etc every 5 years. Simple, but I never thought of it. So, even though my parents are older, we named them as legal guardian if something should happen to us. In five years from now (or really anytime), if they don't seem that they would be able to handle a six year old for whatever reason, we could change our legal documents. This gave me piece of mind if something should happen to both me and DH in the near future.

Now to meet with a financial planner....yikes!

Ashley

[lizajane]

as soon as we felt they were ready, we switched from my parents to my sister and brother in law. they agree with us on just about everything "big." it was very easy. we have TONS of family as back up. we are so blessed. frankly, we have a great deal of friends we would trust, as well. and our family isn't nuts, so there wouldn't be a struggle. my married, employed, home-owning, 33 year old sister is the rather obvious choice and no one would contest it. (my brother is 21 and my DH's brother is single and in graduate school. he, DH's brother, is the trustee because he is in graduate business school and is a money WIZARD. and my sister, an attorney, thinks it is a FABULOUS idea to have him as trustee.)

[Toba]

We haven't told anyone in our family yet (except the guardians, of course), but my husband's aunt and uncle are the guardians named in our will. We are VERY close with them, and his aunt (his mom's sister) is sort of like my surrogate mother. They are also my son's godparents. He will not go to my parents (I was physically/emotionally abused as a child and they are alcoholics, enough said) and my in-laws live in the boondocks of Maine. His mother will be absolutely, positively furious (to the point that we expect litigation over it), but my two BILs (my husband's two brothers) are both alcoholics (as well as my FIL) ... I just don't want him in that environment. Plus, he would have no opportunities up there, and I don't really agree with their way of living. My husband's aunt and uncle on the other hand belong to the same church we do, hold the same basic values as we do, and would love our son as their own, but still make sure he remembers his mommy and daddy loved him more than anything (now I'm sitting here crying :( ). They also would strongly encourage sports, doing well in school, college, and just generally being a responsible, good person (which my ILs I wouldn't expect to). The only thing that I'm worried about is that they (*especially* my aunt) is very religious, and she is very unwaivering about certain sins (or what she views as sins).

Even though we are entrusting our son to them, we named another of my husband's aunts (his father's youngest sister, who is three years older than us) as the executor of our will and our son's trust. She is a CPA and we just feel she would definitely make sure monies left for our son would be used responsibly.

Does anybody else expect a fight over a will? It worries me a great deal and I often wonder if we should just tell my ILs our plans to get it over with, or if we should just just go with the odds that both of us wouldn't die. If, God forbid, it does happen, I just pray that our wishes are respected and my son isn't dragged into a court battle. :(


~Kimberly Anne~
Noah Nevan, March 12, 2004
*the light of my life*

[bcky2]

we have not done this yet! i really need to get on the ball here. i have no idea who we will pick. sigh, i hate to think of even needing someone :(

[trumansmom]

For us it was a no brainer. We chose my brother and SIL. They are close to our ages, their kids are close in age to our kids, and we are very similar in all the areas that matter to us - politics, religion, educational priorities, etc.

They named us for the same reasons. Also, we took into consideration that even if they did some things differently than we do, or made different choices, we firmly believe they are good people and our children would be raised loved. And we feel as long as they are loved ferociously, the rest of it will sort itself out.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

[jk3]

We're in the same boat. It is too upsetting to even begin to think about guardianship and we have yet to arrive at a suitable choice.

Jenn
DS 6/03

[jennabear]

We've appointed my parents.