Does no response to your post(s) discourage you?!?

[denna]

***********
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So I was reading through the older posts and I noticed a few that have never been responded too. Now I admit I have a had a few that have not been responded to. But hey Im still here and I keep on truckin :)! So I guess my question is does it discourage you to not post your questions in the future?

Just my musings on a Monday morning..... :D

Denna

[oliviasmomma]

If I'm in a crummy, pity party mood it does!

[cmdunn1972]

Well, we certainly don't want this topic to be one of those, so I'll respond. :)

First off, most of my posts get at least a handful of replies, so I'm not in that situation often. However, I have replied many times to other's posts only to have no response from the OP or anyone else. I find it frustrating sometimes, but I try not to take it personally.

Everyone likes attention, so when I post an original topic, I try to respond individually to every reply even if it's just a line or two. (That I try doesn't mean that I'm always able to.)

If I don't get any replies to my original topic, I figure that not enough people relate to the topic or the subject line is too vague. It's a lesson for next time to be certain that I included enough pertinent information and have a topic that others can relate to.

Also, the Lounge gets a lot more traffic than everywhere else (at least in the BBB section of the forum), so you'll find many people cross-post specific questions in the lounge. (Perhaps someone in the mod team can let us know if that's a practice they're happy with.)

So, for me I find it frustrating, but I figure there's a reason and fix that the best I can.

HTH!

[set81616]

Somewhat. When I first started I was getting ready to pop and I had several questions that didn't get responded to or only a few. I wondered why other people could get tons of responses and I couldn't. Wondered if there was something I was missing. Now I'm more dissapointed because it can be a lot harder to find answers elsewhere plus I trust what I'm told here.
Shannon

[elliput]

My first post didn't get any responses. I was majorly bummed...

[DebbieJ]

I think at this point I've been around long enough that someone will respond to my posts. I tend to post more replies than original posts, though.

It probably would bother me if I were brand new here. It's probably equivalent of being the new girl at school and feeling that no one likes you because they're not responding.

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
2 year check up: 25 lbs with clothes on and 35 inches!
BFARed for 20 months and 6 days
(Breastfeeding After Reduction is possible! www.bfar.org)

http://www.bfar.org/members/fora/style_avatars/Ribbons/18months-bfar.jpg

[Pennylane]

I have only had a few posts that were not responded to but they were very specefic questions and I just assumed no one had experience with what I was asking.

Ann

[jeniferrlynne]

So I went back and looked at some of my old posts I had one that had no response - a random question about how long WM carried a certain diaper - I remember thinking no one must genuinely know. Then I had like 3 that had only 1 response and 2 of those were by Eileen Mudder17 in 2 different forums. I never realized that-so I guess she is like the Senior at the highschool who tries to include the new freshman to help them feel comfortable. Thanks Eileen :)

[KBecks]

It is a bummer.... however some posts are difficult to answer, particularly product questions for a product that not many people would have. The Lounge gets tons of traffic, IMO, but the product boards get a lot less action and so sometimes replies don't happen as much, or it takes a lot longer.

[bcky2]

i also notice that Eileen is very sweet about things like that. i have thought often how wonderful she is :)

[psophia17]

I'm bothered by a lack of responses only if it's something totally unrelated to babies or parenting.

Sometimes newbies ask questions that have been asked a million times before (it's about a 6 month cycle for repeat Qs), and I think those tend to get less answers for that reason. Also, there are often questions that are just hard to answer - musings from Tuesday mornings, I guess, and questions posted on weekends tend to get not much traffic because the boards are slow on weekends, and on Monday morning they get pushed way back while everyone who was offline on the weekend quickly asks the questions that came up on Friday evening, KWIM?

There are several BBBers who always try to answer questions (Eileen -you're one of them), which is great...

...and then there are the specific questions that answers are hard to come by - those get a lot of traffic, but usually not much in the way of responses.

[buddyleebaby]

Awwwww. ; (

To the OP, not really. I understand that sometimes people don't know or don't have time to respond, and sometimes I am asking a question that has been asked (and answered) many times before.
My feeling were hurt when some started a "congrats" thread on my current pregnancy, and certain posters chose not to respond, although I was so, so grateful to those who did. I sort of stayed away from the boards for a few days to cool off, and I got over it. There are a lot of threads/posters here, and I try not to take any lack of response personally.
Still, I try to respond to every congrats on a new pregnancy/new baby/baby's birthday thread I come across, since everyone's child is so special to them, I think those responses mean the most. ; )

[sidmand]

Yes and no. I get a little discouraged, depending on the post, but I know that sometimes there isn't a lot of traffic or someone may not know the answer, etc.

I try to always post if I can contribute something or if there aren't any responses and I *know* something.

I do tend not to respond though if there are already a lot of responses. Even if it's a congrats, I figure mine'll get lost and isn't such a big deal, but maybe that's not the right way to go...

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[buddyleebaby]

Debbie,
When I was stalking you for BF info I remember reading through all your old posts and thinking that it would be much easier if you were not so helpful and posted more often on things like your favorite ice cream topping. ; )

[janeybwild]

>I have replied many times to other's posts only to have no response
>from the OP or anyone else. I find it frustrating sometimes, but I
>try not to take it personally.

I would say that I have sometimes been guilty of this. I sometimes struggle as to when to reply and when to let a post that has been asked and answered fade away.

As to no replies to a new post, you definitely get what you give here IMO. The more of an effort you make to help others, the more they will make to help you. The few times when I have received minimal responses are usually when I have asked a difficult question, been away from the boards for a while, or have been a bit too wrapped up to reach out to others. Rather than take offense, I try to correct my ways :)

[crl]

Not so much. I think I tend to ask obscure questions, sometimes rather off-topic, and those are the ones that don't get many replies. I figure that's the price for asking those kinds of questions. :-)

(Also, I admit that I don't usually post in the long congratulations, etc threads unless I really think I have something unique to say. I don't always have a lot of time online so I try to post where I think I might have something useful to say--you know, where my experience or knowledge might be different than most posters.)

[mimieliza]

Not really. The threads I've started that end up with few replies tend to be very product-specific. The product boards (like Nursery Necessities, for instance) tend to get less traffic, and it seems that the traffic they do get is other expectant parents who are just as bewildered as I am. So when I ask a question about a very specific brand of crib or pack-n-play, I just figure that no one who has this item saw the post.

I've gotten good responses in Car Seats and Baby Butts and most posts in Strollers. I did ask about a stroller it seemed no one had any experience with, and I got one response. My search hadn't turned anything up, so I figured that very few people must have this particular stroller.

[niccig]

Only if I've posted about something I'm upset about. Even if the response is a "sorry, I don't have any advice, but hugs" is better than nothing. So, now I try to do that if I notice there's no responses and I've got nothing useful to say. If it's a post that isn't too crucial, eg. my recent post about rice cookers, then I figure people don't have anything to add or don't have the time to post a reply. I don't worry about lack of response, as there are other places to get that information.

Nicci

[sidmand]

Hmmm. Cool Whip! But that would be hard to send through the mail, wouldn't it? Chocolate sprinkles? Although we call them "jimmies" around here.

:)

I found the same thing when I was trying to find out info on my brownie. 'Course mine was Eileen, who had a million and one helpful posts, but hard to find good info on her! Although on the other hand, it's kind of scary sometimes how much is really out there that you don't even think about. For instance, my mint Lindt fetish!

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[JacksMommy]

I'd say it does a little if my post is something that other similar posts get lots of responses to (like checking out birthday invitations, etc) but mostly I'm cool with it.

Although I do feel as though I "know" some of the regular posters, I don't feel well-known here myself so I generally don't post announcements (like about my pregnancy with DD) since it would probably bother me if not a lot of people responded. On the other hand, I don't tend to respond to those posts myself so I guess I should think about that!

I tend to respond when I feel I can add something that hasn't already been said by PP. And I do love having my response posts responded to, so I should think about that as well.

I don't tend to respond if it's a post that has been answered many times before, although sometimes if no one answers, I will hop on and encourage the PP to do a search. I've written numerous long detailed answers to (for example) the When-should-I-start-potty-training question and just can't do it any more :)

Thanks for posting this and for the responses, it's given me food for thought of trying to give more if I want to get more, although where I'll find the time, who knows!

Laurel
WOHM to Jack, 6/4/02
Baby Madeline 12/14/04

[hez]

Nah. I figure my post must've been boring ;)

Seriously, though, I'm not a high volume initiator of posts, and I can't expect people to respond to everything I post with all the interesting stuff out there. When I needed specific help, it was there-- and that's why I'm still here.

ETA, To the OP: I know my initial post sounds kinda flippant. But I was taking a 5 minute break at work (to keep myself from strangling someone!) and didn't spend the extra time to let you know I've been there. Keep truckin' and asking questions and replying to others and before you know it, 2 1/2 years and 3000 posts will fly by :)

[lmintzer]

Oh no, Alicia. I hope I didn't miss responding to you about your important announcement. I try to congratulate the moms-to-be, but sometimes, the posts go off the page too quickly (I'm not always able to post every day!).

[lmintzer]

In answer to the question, I have been known to "bump" my post up for another chance. I just figure people are busy/there are a ton of posts, and some will just get missed.

[turtledove]

Laurel - this is exactly what I do/was going to say, but you said it so much better! It does bother me sometimes, but I try not to take it personally.

[cmdunn1972]

As far as your initial question, it's a tough thing to figure out because it's so subtle. Replies to other's responses could theoretically go on forever and old threads would never die if people always responded to replies directed at them. :)

I absolutely agree with your second point. Rather than take it personally, it's better to try to figure out the **logical** reasons why some new posts get fewer or no responses. Either the subject didn't grab people's attention, the subject was vague, a needed link didn't work properly, not enough people relate to the question, or people were unsure (fairly or unfairly) whether the OP would follow through. Whatever the reason, I take it as a learning experience and move on. :)

[Judegirl]

Wow - I very rarely reply to replies when I was the OP, nor do I often go back to look for them once I've replied to someone else's thread. I never thought this would bother people...

It takes a good deal of time to read threads and post to them, and to post your own issues and questions as well. I try to thank everyone in advance for their replies; I don't usually post again unless I have a follow-up question, because that would take the time I would otherwise have to post to another thread or start a new one.

So I offer my apologies to anyone who has ever been - and ever will be - offended by this! It's not personal, it's just a time tradeoff. And it works both ways - I often don't even check for replies to my replies, so I can't be bothered if they're not there! (I do check if it's a "conversation" or I think there might be a follow-up question, though.)

Jude

[brittone2]

Alicia-I honestly can't remember if I responded to your congrats thread (pg'cy brain is kicking in LOL), but in case I didn't, let me send out a heartfelt congratulations to you and your family :) I try to respond to almost all of the pg'cy announcements but sometimes I can't remember what ones I responded to...I hope I didn't miss you!!
================================================== ===================
I've had posts that didn't get responded to in the past, and yeah, on a crummy day it can make me a little sad, but most of the time people are so very helpful and I know they try to help when they can. I don't tend to start that many new threads though.

In my case, I often read/post from my laptop while DS is sleeping and nursing next to me. So, sometimes it isn't easy to type out a response, so I may read and not respond. Sometimes I lose track of what I've responded to during the day. Sometimes I only have 5 mins before DS is finished playing in the office and I may only get to respond to a post or two, even if I would like to post more replies. Sometimes I don't respond to a topic even if I want to because I'm afraid my opinion isn't what the OP wants/needs to hear, or that the thread will take a bad turn in some way. Of course, I still tend to jump into some of the more heated topics, but I can only handle that so often (and I'm sure the board itself can only handle that so often LOL). Sometimes I don't answer if it is a question that has been repeated a million times with detailed answers given in the past. I don't do it "on purpose," I just assume the person will eventually do a search I guess?

I can't think of a time I ever thought to myself, "wow, I don't like that person so I'm not going to respond" or "what a stupid question, I'm not going to bother." Although, when I'm on the other end of things, I'll admit to wondering if that's why no one answered me (on a moody day ;) )

[cmdunn1972]

Jude, most of your original topics get so much traffic, so I totally understand! ;)

I don't think people actually get offended by that. However much everybody loves attention, we (hopefully) try to keep our egos in check and see things from another's POV. :) Replying is time-consuming!

[saschalicks]

I have thought about this a lot. It kinda' feels like the popular crowd doesn't let you in. Hey, like you though I keep trying.

ETA: I never really take it personally too often b/c the advice I read and get outweighs what little hurt feelings I have over my own post. The ladies here are too wonderful to feel bad for too long.

[mariza]

It doesn't really bother me, though I do admit I often wonder why this happens. Like PP said, if it's something i really need info on, I'll shamelessly *bump* myself.
On the other hand, I often read at work where I can't respond as much, so there are times I'll read a post and think that I'll answer when I get home, but then a million things happen and I forget :(

[cmdunn1972]

Beth,

1) Congrats (if I haven't said so already) on your pregnancy. :)

2) You are the sort who puts a LOT of research and thought into the posts you do make. You may not respond to every thread, but I can tell that you put time and attention. Speaking for myself (and others probably agree with me even if it's not vocalized), I really appreciate your quality posts! :)

[SquamLake]

Being a lurker (for over a year now) who just started posting, I can say yes, it bothers me. Especially when I have researched a topic enough to know that my question has not be answered. For instance, I posted in the stroller forum a few weeks ago asking for opinions on an upcoming trip to Germany. I figured, there is so much talk about strollers, especially European ones, someone would at least have something to add. Nope, no answer. Not even the "can't help you, but your trip sounds exciting" type responses I've seen pop up here and there. I hope I don't sound biter, I'm not, just a bit bummed because I'm trying to contribute and I do feel like the new kid at school.

[cmdunn1972]

Sorry you feel that way.

You're going to Germany too? I've been trying to figure out an answer to the same question. It's an obscure question that not everyone would know the answer to, and perhaps is also one that has been asked often, because I'm sure I've also asked the same question!

Btw, the best answer that I can figure to the stroller question is to either get a Kelty converter (because you may find that if it's hilly you'd prefer a backpack) or buy a European stroller froma Canadian dealer. (I've heard that European strollers are often sold in Canada.) You might be able to find some answers on the Lonely Planet Thorn Tree forums as well. (They have a special section on travelling with kids.) :)

HTH!

[Corie]

Totally agree with you about Beth's posts! I know that Beth
is going to give me a fabulous answer to my question or
have an awesome idea or something.
When I see "brittone2" under one of my posts, I immediately
click on it to see what she said. :)

[mamato1]

YEP! I posted once about something really serious that was going on in my life and got no responses. At the point I threw a cyberfit (uncool I know)and deleted the post explaining I was hurt by the lack of response. Several people responded at that point nicely telling me to chill out and that it was a holiday weekend and there was not much traffic. I was touched by those responses, but didn't totally buy the explanation as there had been lots of views to the post, just no responses.

I guess I keep reminding myself that like any friendship, you have to put in a lot of effort to make it work. I try so hard to reply to every post for which I have anything useful to add. But even those responses sometimes seem to get overlooked. I'll go back to a post and see lots of offshoot "conversations," but my little reply sits all by itself.

It is hard not to feel a part of things here sometimes, but I keep on trying I figure that the people here who are so well known are the ones who work hard at this and if I want to run with the big dogs, I better start running faster!

Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[ribbit1019]

No discouragement here! But I am a glutton for punishment.

I am usually more apt to open a post that has no responses to see if there is any helpful I can add. And most times there isn't, but I do try. For the threads I do respond to, I don't even know what I say makes any sense at all. I feel so brain dead these days.

I know that I have lots of typos all over these boards and that drives me nuttier than having no responses to a few threads I've attempted to start.

I was very surprised that my nail polish post from Saturday got any responses at all. And Jeana and Lisa both took the time to help me out. :) Thanks again Ladies!

So to all those discouraged woudl be posters out there....do a search and if you can't find the answer that way then ask away you never know when someone will respond!

Christy
My Waterbabies
Maddy 6/9/04
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png
& Jarred 3/8/06, 14 lb 24 1/2" @ 10 wks, a happily breastfed babe.
http://b1.lilypie.com/KH1pm5/.png
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v221/steitzsmith/Other/jump.gif

[cmdunn1972]

Chris, I feel so awful for you! It's easy to not take it personally when your topic isn't of a personal nature, but when it is personal it's nearly impossible to not take it that way.

I've never been exactly in your shoes, but I do wonder that since this is a public board that some of the views that you saw were from non-members or members who haven't introduced themselves yet. At least, I hope so...

[mudder17]

Jen, you and Becky are so sweet! You're welcome. :) I think it was something that MarisaSF posted on her 1000th or 500th post that really had me thinking. She said one of her "rules" was trying to reply to a thread that didn't have too many responses and I thought that was very nice. Even though I've been around for a long time, from time to time some of my posts don't get answered, but like some other posters, I figure it is probably too obscure a question or observation, it was a slow day/weekend and/or it just got away from the first page. There are definitely times when I'm multi-tasking and reading the boards and sometimes don't really have the hands to answer something that I try to answer later. And if the topic goes to another page, I don't always remember to answer it. I figure the same thing happens to other people, especially if it's something people don't know that much about. I guess it would bother me more if I was a newbie, although I try not to let those type of things bother me anyway, since I was never the "in-crowd" in school. :) I was more the "nerd-type" (but not geek) who tried to be friendly to anyone and had some closer friends of every type (athletic, musical, etc.). Interesting thing is that DH was that way too. :)


Eileen

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/33732.gif for Leah
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/33734.gif 27 months...
http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/catcatcvi20040222_-6_Kaya+is.png
Kaya will be a sister, ~11/14/06!

[jerseygirl07067]

Usually not. I find that there's so much traffic it gets pushed down quickly. Also there are so many that I want to respond to, but just don't have the time to spend on the computer, and I assume others are in the same boat! :)

Even with that said though, once in a while I get bummed if no one responds, or if I get very few responses.



Marcy

[CharmedOne]

I get bummed occassionally. I try not to take it personally. To echo PPs, there is a ton of traffic here. I barely have enough time to read through all the topics, much less respond to them. I don't think I've even had time to re-read my previous posts unless it has been bumped to the first page.

The mamas here are great. Though I may not be able to post or contribute a lot, I feel as though they are my friends (even though I've never met any of them in real life). I come here first for advice and guidance if I can't find my answers through my family.


Caroline

http://b2.lilypie.com/3k5Am7/.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif

[Jen841]

I get over it quickly. I am so guilty of not responding to all of the good news all the time. As a working Mom I confess to lurking in short bits of time, and am really trying to cut down at work. The connection to the boards can be slow. At home, the boys are my life and email is less and less especially due to some work travel.

I greatly appreciate what all you provide for feedback, but don't get hurt b/c I know we all have to pick and choose what we can put time and effort into........... the life of a Mother!

[sidmand]

Hi Chris,

I know exactly what you mean because I feel the same way sometimes--I like the description of "my little reply sits all by itself."

It is hard not to take it personally, but I'm also not sure the "views" accurately reflects how many people really looked at the post. It may, but it's true there are many times and many people (I know I've done it and many people have mentioned it before) that just have a second to read while at work or before the baby wakes up and intend to come back and respond later.

Some topics, particularly when they really need a good response, take more time to write out and think about--IYKWIM--so you don't want to give it short shrift.

I know I definitely felt funny congratulating people early on because I figured they didn't know who the heck I was! Little by little names become more familiar and then you become more comfortable and have good knowledge to add. I find this is the only online community I've ever stuck around with. Most others have ended up being just not my cup of tea.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[mamato1]

Thanks, I really appreciate that.

Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[mamato1]

Well at least this reply is not sitting all by it's little self! Thanks for the kind words.

PS I LOVE the name Sawyer!
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[maestramommy]

When I'm the OPer, I sometimes wonder what happened when nobody responds. I can only conclude that no one had anything to say. I also notice that it happens when very few people actually read the post, so maybe the situation isn't a BTDT for them. When people do respond to my post, I don't usually respond to every post. Rather I might have one response that includes a few replies. Hope no one gets offended by this!

Oh, once I went to check on a thread that wasn't getting any traffic and found it moved by the mod to the proper forum, where it did get many replies. Thanks!

[buddyleebaby]

Lisa and Beth,
You are both so sweet and I feel like a jerk for making you paranoid.
At this point, I don't even remember who did not respond. I just remember being hurt, and from that experience I try to make sure to respond to all those types of threads because everyone's pregnancy/child's birth/child's birthday is momentous is their life, regardless of how often they post.
Of course, I miss them too- there are (thankfully) so many happy announcements and sometimes you don't see them, and that's perfectly understandable as we all have actual non-internet lives going on. I was just saying that my experience made me more aware of how not responding may hurt someone else, and so I make more of an effort than I did before, and I think I am a better "BBBer" for it. ; )

And Beth, we're still waiting for you over at preggo pals. I'll start a petition, I swear!

[brittone2]

Colleen and Corie...that was really nice of both of you to say. I always look forward to posts from both of you as well :)

[brittone2]

Oh, you didn't make me paranoid, but I'd be genuinely sad if I somehow missed congratulating you :)

I would love to get over to the preggo pals thread. We have friends visiting from out of town right now so I haven't had much computer time.

I have to dig up the web address again...I'd love to join :)

[JacksMommy]

Thanks, Kristen! That's sweet of you to say. :)

Laurel
WOHM to Jack, 6/4/02
Baby Madeline 12/14/04

[missym]

You're going to LOVE Germany! I'm so jealous. We travelled there pre-kids (so I can't help with the stroller dilemma), but we were struck by how child-friendly the German culture is. Everyone loves kids, and they're really indulgent of them and obviously happy to see them at restaurants, etc.

Keep posting! :)

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03 and Rebecca 09/05

** Want a penpal for your BBB kiddo? Send an email to:
[email protected] **

[SquamLake]

Thank you. As with everything in life, sometimes it takes a different perspective to make everything clearer. I'm actually the product of a military man and German national - which means I was born and raised in Germany. I try to go back at least once a year, but haven't been back in almost 3. Now people may be wondering why I was looking for stroller advice here, instead of picking up the phone and asking my family. Basically, they wouldn't have an idea, and I bet I'd get the "all German strollers are great" response, then add to that that I want something lightweight, etc...you see where this is going. I am excited to be back in Germany with a child though. We are actually doing a three day layover in Iceland, which could get interesting. Our DD is 10.5 months (she'll be 13 at the time of the trip), and this will be the first big trip we will have taken with her.

[Jo..]

Alicia,

I'm pretty sure I posted in your congrats thread because I "knew you" from preggo pals...However sometimes if I don't know a poster I have felt funny about posting support or congrats in one of their threads. I always thought the OP would be like "Who the heck is THAT NUT posting in my thread, I don't know her"!

But you make a good point...If it were me, I'd want EVERYONE AND THEIR UNCLE to come and offer support or congrats, look at my new baby, etc. (whether I "knew" them or not)!

I'm going to try to keep that in mind and take a second to read and post in all those types of threads, if I can :).

[denna]

So sorry I didnt respond sooner. Work has been crazy, crazy and our sitter just flaked on us today and decided (when we picked up our son) that due to the fact that she has a 15 month old child she will not be able to watch our son any more...but that is a COMPLETELY different post :D!

Well I want to thank everyone for responding....you all made so many great points and thats why I love posting questions here, your views are always so intriguing.

Also just to address a few posts. I ALWAYS check back on questions that I post as soon as I can. And I either respond to individual questions or do a blanket response to all (like this one). :D

Now, Im not sure if some of these responses were directed at me or just 'generally' speaking. But Im pretty confident that I give my fair share of responses, and I always try to help when I can. Although as most of you know I am a first time mom, so most of the time all I can offer are hugs and 'you are not alone'.


Thanks for the emails that were sent also, and just so you know I'll admit I have been disappointed when a few of my posts havent been responded too and I have thought like others at times 'why do others get so many responses' but by no means am i angry or discouraged...just curious :).

And if any of you feel that I have not participated enough please let me know....

id be more than glad to try and step it up although i dont know if dh would be :D


thanks again

denna