Any tips to encourage hand holding w/16 month old?

[BillK]

Our son absolutely will not hold our hands when walking. He's never been a "warm fuzzy" kind of kid but the reluctance to hold our hand when walking somewhere is becoming troublesome.

Does anyone have any tips for getting him to be more receptive to hand holding - or - are we expecting too much from a 16 month old?

Thanks.

[crl]

Well, I enforced (and still do) that DS has to hold a hand if he wants to walk. If he refuses, he gets put in the stroller or picked up. He mostly cooperates now, although I wouldn't exactly call him receptive to it. DH makes some exceptions to this rule and has a much harder time getting DS to hold his hand when he requires it, so I suggest making it a bright line rule if you want to go this way.

[cmo]

It was a gradual build-up for our son, too, in the hand-holding department. We insisted in cases where safety was involved: parking lots, crossing streets, busy stores, etc. It was around 18-20 months before he would ask us to hold his hand. And DD (not as touchy-feely) never really warmed up to it much, though she will do it if asked.

So, I guess it depends on the individual, but you are certainly within reason to do it at crucial times!

[cmdunn1972]

Bill, DS (at 14 months) is a great walker, but not so good of a hand-holder. I am OS glad you asked this question! (I hope you don't mind if I lurk in here to read some of the tips.)

[mamato1]

Bill-
I agree with the pp's. You just have to make them do it. My DS, who is also not very touchy feely, fought me tooth and nail on this one, but I absolutely refused to budge. No hand holding=no walking where there could be cars. Now he just knows that it is non-negotiable and usually sticks his little hand in the air as soon as we exit the car or a store. Occasionally he will be difficult about it and I just pick up all 32 lbs of him and huff and puff to wherever we are headed!

Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[Wife_and_mommy]

Same as PP's: its' non-negotiable. There were a few scream fests about it in the beginning but now it's automatic.

I did notice today that DD was a little less cooperative at the mall. When we're with DH, he lets her roam and can chase her if need be so I think she's gotten accustomed to that when Daddy's around.




http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

[kijip]

We started requiring it at about 18 months (give or take 3 months, heck who can remember this stuff after 6 months goes by, LOL). It took a few months but now he instinctively reaches for a hand in the situations that he knows it is required. We had to pick up a screaming kid a couple of times and carry him away but the message got through pretty quickly. I don't think your son is too young at all. Good luck!

[kijip]

We started requiring it at about 18 months (give or take 3 months, heck who can remember this stuff after 6 months goes by, LOL). It took a few months but now he instinctively reaches for a hand in the situations that he knows it is required. We had to pick up a screaming kid a couple of times and carry him away but the message got through pretty quickly. I don't think your son is too young at all. Good luck!

[AngelaS]

I very rarely make my kids hold my hand--only if we're walking across a parking lot. Set the timef for 5 minuties and then sit on the floor and have another adult stand and hold your hand above your head until the timer goes off. You'll soon see why toddlers don't want to hold your hand! We did this excercise in my parenting class in college and realized why you see all those cranky screaming kids in the mall who are forced to hold a grown ups hand the whole time.:)

I teach my kids to stop when I say stop. That way when we're walking down the sidewalk and they start to get too far ahead or step off the sidewalk, I can say stop and they know what to do. If they don't obey, then I hold their hand for a few minutes to help them remember. :)

[ethansmom]

Same as PPs. However, we also found peer pressure works great! When we started "school" and DS saw all the other kids holding their mom's hands in the parking lot, he began asking to! He was 2, though.

[nd93]

I do want to warn you about "making" them hold your hand - if they are trying to get away from you and you pull on their arm they could get nursemaids elbow (dislocated elbow). It's easily popped back in, but at this age their joints are very flexible and easy to pop. So if you do decide to make him hold your hand just be careful about not tugging on his arm. (so how do I know to warn you about this? Just guess)

All of my kids have gone through the stage at around age 24 months where they refuse to hold my hand. I tell them either hold my hand or I pick you up. So yes, some of you have probably seen me carrying a squirmy toddler through a parking lot! I try to let him walk on his own when it is safe, since he hates the stroller too, and only enforce the "must hold" rule when it is necessary (like parking lots and crowds). I can definitely see why people get harnesses for their kids, and have been tempted to myself.

[Wife_and_mommy]

nak

wow. thanks for sharing that! never thought about it that way.




http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

[Wife_and_mommy]

nak

wow. thanks for sharing that! never thought about it that way.

another thing i did in prep for ds when dd was 19-20M was teach her to hold the stroller while we walk. it's very handy and doesn't involve her arm falling off. :P





http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

[lisams]

For crossing the street or walking in the parking lot it was required. If she chose not to hold my hand, I would carry her (or if we had the stroller she'd go in there.) While I was getting her out of the carseat I would start prepping her. Something like "Mommy needs to keep you safe in the parking lot. You can hold my hand or I can carry you. Which do you choose?"

If we were at the mall or someplace else where hand holding wasn't required, she had to stay with us while we were walking. If she started getting ahead or going off in another direction she had to hold a hand for a little as a reminder that if she wants to walk without hand holding she must stay with me.

DD never liked hand holding until recently. Now (at 3.5) I think she's beginning to realize that the world is this big place and that there are some dangers and it comforts her to have my hand to hold. Interesting how things have changed in the last year or so!

[lisams]

For crossing the street or walking in the parking lot it was required. If she chose not to hold my hand, I would carry her (or if we had the stroller she'd go in there.) While I was getting her out of the carseat I would start prepping her. Something like "Mommy needs to keep you safe in the parking lot. You can hold my hand or I can carry you. Which do you choose?"

If we were at the mall or someplace else where hand holding wasn't required, she had to stay with us while we were walking. If she started getting ahead or going off in another direction she had to hold a hand for a little as a reminder that if she wants to walk without hand holding she must stay with me.

DD never liked hand holding until recently. Now (at 3.5) I think she's beginning to realize that the world is this big place and that there are some dangers and it comforts her to have my hand to hold. Interesting how things have changed in the last year or so!