Was anyone afraid of being pregnant??? (long) [Archive] - Baby Bargains & Baby 411 Community

babystuffbuff

06-24-2006, 08:18 PM

I don't mean scared of getting pregnant because it wasn't a good time in your life to have a kid. I mean, wanting to have a baby, but scared of being pregnant.

DH and I went and visited some good friends of ours today. Their baby is three days old, and there is nothing on this earth sweeter and more beautiful than him. :)

So I was sitting there holding this gorgeous creature, who was sucking madly away on my finger while looking with these perfect, clear eyes at DH, who is whistling and talking and making silly faces at him, and doing an excellent job of distracting him from the fact that he was awake but wasn't eating. :) And our friend's mom says, "Well, I guess you two are next (to have a kid)."

Her comment didn't bother me at all (it's not like I hadn't heard it before!), but I didn't know what to say. I would looooooooooove to have a baby. I am more than ready to have one. And DH is super with infants. They are fascinated by him. I think we would be super parents, if I do say so myself. :) But I'm scared to death of being pregnant. Mostly because I think I'm going to hate it. My mom LOVED being pregnant. She has told me about the wonders of pregnancy many times. But she's a lot more "touchy-feely" - don't know how else to describe it - than I am. I really don't see what's to be enjoyed in it. Maybe it's more a combination of fear and dread. :( I'm sure I will love the end result, just not so much the process.

Did anyone else feel this way before getting pregnant? It's not a very nice feeling. :(

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins

megs4413

06-24-2006, 08:24 PM

i feel that way right now! i was terrified of being pg when I found out *surprise* I'm expecting! It WAS a difficult experience but ultimately....the end justifies the means. You don't HAVE to enjoy it....you just have to get through it! And you can!!!!

mudder17

06-24-2006, 08:59 PM

Like some of the others, it wasn't the pregnancy so much as the labor and delivery that scared me. Even the night before the induction, I had no idea how DD was going to get from inside of me to outside of me! It wasn't until I was pushing that I realized it was all happening. It was actually kind of a surreal experience but not at all what I had envisioned and not as bad either. Even during the late stages of pregnancy, I had these magical dreams of birthing the baby "magically" while on a subway or at a party, etc.

I actually have enjoyed my pregnancies for the most part. This time around, I am more exhausted because I am chasing after a 2 year old, and I just don't have the time to sleep whenever I want. I'm also having some health issues associated with it (but not m/s), but as soon as I felt this baby move for the first time (14 weeks), it was so magical. That was the biggest thing I missed about being pg with DD and it was so wonderful when I started feeling movements again. As many people said, focus on the end product and you will get through your fear. Our minds have a way of making things much more scary than reality is, especially if it's our "special" fear. But keep in mind that you're not alone and that you will get through it the way others have.

Hugs!

Eileen

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/33734.gif 28 months...
http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/catcatcvi20040222_-6_Kaya+is.png
http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev317pp___.png
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/33732.gif for Leah

american_mama

06-24-2006, 11:44 PM

I don't have any real advice for you except that you don't have to live up to your mom's expectations or share her experiences. In case this helps you, I posted a poll sometime last year asking if it wasn't a package deal, would you take just part of pregnancy/birth/raising a child. I was surprised and interested that every option listed got a chunk of supporters. Maybe it will reassure you in some way.

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=37&topic_id=214266&mesg_id=214266&listing_type=search

kijip

06-24-2006, 11:53 PM

I had a generalized fear of pregnancy before I was married and before we decided to have a child. We decided to have Toby after I become pregnant and the fears dissolved at that time. that is all I can say really.

I think that there is a lot of joy and creative energy that comes from/with pregnancy but I also think there is a primal fear of the dangers and the changes for a lot of women and that was me before we became pregnant.

mamalia

06-25-2006, 01:20 AM

Not so much the pregnancy as much as it was the delivery. I actually remember getting irritated when people would try and share their labor and delivery stories. I complained to my mom once and she said women were just proudly sharing their badges of courage, like a rite of passage type thing.

If it's any consolation I didn't find labor and delivery nearly as terrifying as I'd feared. We should all definitely get badges though. ;)

Malia

kijip

06-25-2006, 04:49 AM

> We should all definitely
>get badges though. ;)

I thought that was what my stretch marks were for. :P

pb&j

06-25-2006, 08:41 AM

Yes. Especially after my first pg ended in stillbirth at 24 weeks. The pg with DS, I didn't really enjoy. I was very tense the whole time. I didn't want to talk about it, and I hated that strangers were always asking about it. I do love that I had a special bond with my baby before he was even born. But if I thought too hard about a whole person living *inside* my body, it kind of creeped me out a little. ;)

The good thing is, pregnancy is temporary, and you get a wonderful prize at the end for putting up with it!

-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

Rachels

06-25-2006, 09:48 AM

I didn't feel that way about pregnancy, but I did about breastfeeding. I just dreaded it and was sure I would hate it. I've now been nursing one child or another for four years, though, and it turns out to be just fine. You never know how something will be until you do it.

To be sure, pregnancy has its bummer aspects. I got through them by focusing on the fact that I was actively participating in a miracle. It's amazing that a woman's body knows how to grow, deliver, and feed a baby. Amazing. Hang on to that and you'll get through it.

-Rachel
Mama to Abigail Rose
5/18/02
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_amethyst_36m.gif
Nursed for three years!

and Ethan James
10/19/05
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bf.jpg

"When you know better, you do better."
Maya

brittone2

06-25-2006, 10:21 AM

I wasn't so much scared of being pg as physically delivering the baby. I had that fear for years.

We went through IF to conceive DS, and that was emotionally difficult. It made me very very anxious in early pg'cy. After my first trimester though, it was such a wonderful and relatively easy pg'cy. I really, really enjoyed being pg, and felt wonderful. No m/s, only a little back pain around 16 weeks that went away quickly, etc.

I ended up having the labor and delivery of my dreams, which was nice after the rocky road to get pg in the first place. I never dreamed it could be like that :) This time around there are no guarantees things will go that way, but I'm not worried about L&D much at all this time.

I became somewhat unexpectedly pg with #2 not too long ago, and I'm very nervous about that to be honest :) This pgcy had some bumps early on, and I was much more sick this time (which was way harder to deal with while chasing a 2 year old). I'm much more tired. I'm enjoying it, but it is different. It is going more quickly though as I have a 2 year old that keeps me tremendously busy!

To be honest, I'm very very anxious about having 2 kids. They will be almost 3 years apart and I'm still very nervous. Life is finally getting easier with DS (he can play more independently, is doing more for himself, etc.). It is nice...and then I think, ummm....life is going to change very drastically with the addition of a newborn!! In some ways I'm very scared about adding another child to our family, although I'm extraordinarily grateful that we're having another one. I'm just not sure how I'll juggle 2. I think those feelings are pretty normal though.

Parenthood changed me in ways I never, ever imagined. You may be pleasantly surprised at your reaction to the experience of pgcy and parenthood.

Jenn98

06-25-2006, 10:31 AM

Yes, I was afraid of pregnancy. I was afraid of what it would do to my body and how much weight I would gain - that's selfish I know. And truth be told, I didn't enjoy pregnancy too much with my first. I was terribly sick for the first 4 months with DD and now I am only 13 weeks along with #2 and am already on bed rest. I'll be honest that what I hated most about being pregnant was the sudden vulnerability I felt. And I'm a very independant person, so I was sooooo irritated by people (DH & MIL) trying to keep tabs on me and telling me I couldn't do this or that. We were also a bit surprised by our first pregnancy so a lot of times I was resentful because I didn't ask to be pregnant - I didn't ask to be so miserable. I wanted the baby, but not the ickiness of pregnancy. Looking back on it now, I laugh at how my pregnant brain was working!

I, however, missed it as soon as I wasn't pregnant any more. I felt terribly guilty for not enjoying DD's pregnancy. And I couldn't wait to do it again. I missed how special I felt. And I now I can't wait to feel this little bean in my belly.

Pregnancy isn't pretty, but I, personally, felt it was worth it - so much so that I decided to do it again! I have always wanted to adopt, too. And I know people who felt no need to be pregnant and have adopted their children, so that might be an option for you, too.

I can't say you'll love it, but i don't regret a moment of it - even the throwing up in snow banks on my way to work in the mornings!!

Sarah1

06-25-2006, 04:18 PM

I was very fearful. I think I was most fearful of what my body would be like post-pregnancy, and although everything's a bit saggier, that's probably due in large part to aging as a whole and not just pregnancy. But yeah, the thought of your body changing so dramatically is definitely scary.

Sarah1

06-25-2006, 04:18 PM

KBecks

06-25-2006, 04:37 PM

I'm a person who didn't think all that much about what being pregnant would be like until I actually was pregnant -- and then it was too late!

Luckily, both my pregnancies were easy, except for a little queasiness, heartburn and ankle swelling at the end.

I actually forget I'm pregnant a lot of the time -- even now -- with my HUGE belly!

Anyway, maybe reading some pregnancy books would be helpful -- on the other hand, they can be a bit overdramatic and sometimes downright scary with all the what-ifs.

If you do get pregnant, you'll have a lot of nice moms at the board here who can help encourage you and who have been there done that experience.

I'm a true believer in the -- you're never really ready -- so at some point, you just jump in and see what happens camp. I was more worried about actually coping with life after the birth.

KBecks

06-25-2006, 04:37 PM

Lovingliv

06-25-2006, 07:58 PM

I too, have a mom that LOVED being pregnant. She had 7 kids, and I am 6 out of 7. I wasn't around to see the pregnancy side of her. That being said, I was positive that I would love every second of pregnancy. I didn't. I was very surprised to see how sick I felt, how tired I was, and how nervous I was for this unborn, vulnerable baby inside me. I worried from day one, until she arrived 8 days late.
So, I guess I was surprised that I didn't find every moment wonderful.
The turning point for me was my last trimester which I found to be miraculous. It was the height of the whole thing. I really enjoyed the wonder of growing a little person.
I was in no hurry for it to end. When it did, I said to the L and D nurse
"I will see you in a year." I found labor and delivery to be a cinch compared to pregnancy.
I know the next time around will be worlds different...I have experience and confidence that I didn't before.
HTH and isn't it amazing that so many of us feel similiar? You are not alone!

buddyleebaby

06-25-2006, 09:55 PM

I actually forget I'm pregnant a lot of the time -- even now -- with my HUGE belly!

I am so glad to hear you say that because I do that too and I really was starting to think there was something wrong with me!

Wife_and_mommy

06-25-2006, 10:35 PM

Me too! I actually told DH I wanted to go horseback riding when I was about 30 weeks with DS. His answer was "NO" and when I asked why he reminded me. :P

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

Piglet

06-25-2006, 10:37 PM

I also barely thought about being pregnant until I was actually pregnant, LOL. I had standard fears about delivery, but had this thought that ran through my head on a continuous loop - if billions of women came before me and got through delivery then what was to say I was the wimpiest/weakest of all of them. If they could all do it, then so could I! I do have a good friend that is convinced that being pregnant would feel like being invaded by aliens. She has never been pregnant, but in many ways she isn't too far off. It is a very weird disjointed feeling to have something growing inside of you, but to be honest, I never even thought about it until she made that comment. Part of it is that you don't really feel the baby until about half the pregnancy is over and by then, you have come to terms with it and are pretty darn excited about meeting this creature that has turned your world a bit upside down.

I also agree that you are never really ready to have a baby. There are better and worse times in your life, but there is no perfect time. We are working on #3 and that decision was crazy difficult (much harder than 1 and 2 were). DH finally said, that if we would one day regret not having a 3rd, then we might as well have one now and stop debating it. He is a smart guy :)

dawell0

06-26-2006, 07:59 AM

I had the opposite--a mom who HATED pregnancy and told me how terrible it was along with the labor and delivery. I was SO nervous about being pregnant and the labor and delivery that I put it off and talked my DH out of it a few times for various reasons. When I found out I was pregnant (we were even trying at that point), I thought that I would have the worst 9 months ahead. I'm about halfway through, and other than a few aches and pains, a LOT of congestion in my ears (almost daily) and a little morning sickness, I feel fine. I've been pleasantly surprised at how things are going. I thought that I would have my head stuck in the toilet every day of the first trimester, but it only turned out to be about a week or so, with a few days here and there (even still). I thought that I would gain so much weight so quickly, but I'm pretty much on target for 25-35 lbs as they suggest. I think that I have come to deal with it, even on the bad days, and I love the thought that I have my baby growing in there, although I panic about when I eat bad, smell any chemical, or do anything that could hurt the baby. Some things are not pleasant about pregnancy, truth be told, but I think of what's going to happen to me and realize that I will get through it. It's sometimes like catching a cold--it isn't a pleasant thing, but you make it through. Most of the time, I don't think too much about being pregnant, even with the larger figure I now have. You can drive yourself crazy thinking about all the risks and such, but you probably are upsetting the baby more with the stress than the things that you do, particularly as a BBB overachiever.

Overall, I think that you just will always have a fear of the unknown. Now when I feel the little one in there, I am so excited that soon my own "flesh and blood" will be there. I'm still scared about what later on brings, but no different than taking a different job or moving would be. Every change brings some stress or worry to me, so I would just think about it that way. I'm sure that you will be a great mother, beginning at the time of pregnancy. Hope that makes you feel better about it.

Jo..

06-26-2006, 08:11 AM

I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I wake up every day and my first thought is: "Oh my gosh, what have we DONE"?!!!! ;)

I worry about what this pregnancy has done to me health-wise, and I am terrified of the labor and delivery. I try block that all out and just imagine my baby boy in my arms...I imagine it will all be worth it, but I think every new mother is scared to some extent, so you are normal!

anamika

06-26-2006, 11:09 AM

Yeah, I was scared of the pregnancy itself (L and D came later).
I was afraid to have something growing in my body - it sounds so sci-fi, IYKWIM.
But really, once I was pregnant, I was fine. Then the scary thing was realizing how much I loved the little thing growing inside me. How you're willing to do *anything* to ensure the safety of someone you've never seen.
Pregnancy hormones are there for a good reason - they give you this warm fuzzy feeling all the time ;) I've never been so mellow and non-stressed before or since my pregnancy.

aliceinwonderland

06-26-2006, 11:24 AM

I am not touchy-feely *at all* and I also loved being pregnant, it was easy, I felt fine, went 10 days past due date and was walking and cooking and working the whole time; happy and round and fat and content is how I'd describe it. :)

I have no desire to do it again, but for reasons entirely unrelated tot he pregnancy itself (otherwise, i'd have unlimited numbers of babies, I loved it that much).

I am also a bit fatalistic and did read a lot about the bad things that could happen...To me, in a perverted way, that was almost empowering in that "i know things can go badly and these are the ways that they might go badly. But I have to have faith (in statistics, my genes, providence, kismet,whatever) that this will not happen to me. It is very humbling to be fully, graphically aware of the risk, and yet convince yourself to hope that this will not happen to you. because that is what bringing a child into the world is all about, isn't it, almost irrational hope.

If this makes no sense, I apologize..It sounds good inside my head :)

ribbit1019

06-26-2006, 11:33 AM

I was nervous about being pregnant. Especially since I had only been married for 2 months. I hadn't even thought it over really and boom here I was. Then I miscarried and it became a battle to even carry a pregnancy past 12 weeks. After the second time I was convinced that I was never going to carry a baby to term. So when I got pregnant with DD (after yet another miscarriage) I was terrified. Once we saw that little blip, I was said to myself "Oh crap, now what have we done?" It was like getting pregnant was the goal, not carrying the baby. If that makes any sense. Especially since I had to inject myself twice a day with heparin (and boy did that hurt!) After a while it sank in, I dealt with my fear and it was the most wonderful time of my life. But it probably took 3 or 4 months for that to happen. I researched about pregnancy and having a baby and all the baby stuff (hence finding these boards) in the mean time and that did help quite a bit. It eased my fears in a way.

My mom is constantly telling me I get all worked up over nothing. And most of the time she is right. So hopefully it is the same for you. ;) I hope you have a very easy pregnancy when you do decide to travel down that road. And remember we are here for you!!

Christy
My Waterbabies
http://b3.lilypie.com/uVw3m4/.png

http://b1.lilypie.com/tbvhm4/.png
http://www.tickercentral.com/view/172x/5.png

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v221/steitzsmith/Other/jump.gif

Moneypenny

06-26-2006, 11:48 AM

I didn't want to be pregnant. I wanted a kid, but pregnancy and delivery seemed like they would be just awful. Physically and emotionally, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it ended up being pretty cool. I would actually love to go through it again, except for the fact that we don't want any more kids. I know women who have hated being pregnant, and while it seems like it would go on forever and ever, it really is over in the blink of an eye.

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

babystuffbuff

06-26-2006, 12:56 PM

Thanks everyone! It makes me feel better to know that I am not alone. I was starting to feel like something was 'wrong' with me because I wasn't looking forward to being pregnant!

DH has other concerns, like our small apartment. But like others have said, there is no perfect time to have a baby, and the way the housing market is here, it will probably be another 5 years at least before we can afford a house!

It is nice to know that when I do have a baby, there will be lots of supportive mamas here who have been there and done that!

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins

mamalia

06-26-2006, 05:32 PM

LOL. You know I was going to add "But what about a nice purple one (a la my dad's purple hearts)?" And then I realized that hey they do change color and some start off that way! :)

Malia

elephantmeg

06-26-2006, 07:06 PM

Just wanted to say that when you feel the time is right it is :) We struggled with that too and couldn't be happier with our little munchkin (yes, that really is what we call him!) Besides the smaller the house the easier the housework!

huggs!

deenass

06-26-2006, 07:33 PM

I was so unhappy about it, that I denied it (and mine was a well planned pregnancy). I was terrified of giving birth (hysterical crying fits) refused to even THINK that I was having a baby, threw up on my way to childbirth class (and didn't go to the class where they discussed what actually happened during the birth), my birth "mantra" was "I will never do this again". I was an emotional wreck. I very much wanted a baby, but the whole pregancy euphoria was lost on me. In fact, it took me 6 months AFTER DS to admit to myself that the whole thing was really worth it!!!

Yet here I am, almost 4 years to the day I got pg with my first praying that my period doesn't show up on Sat morning!!!! So, yes, the end result is REALLY worth it and you do get over it. As my doula told me, in the end, giving birth is really just one bad day (in my case a really bad 28 hours!) and at this point, I'm willing to deal with another really bad 9 months, knowing the dread/fear/emotional wreck I will be will one day be forgotten!

Lovingliv

06-26-2006, 08:18 PM

Oh...I'll hope for you too, Deenass!!!!

trumansmom

06-26-2006, 08:26 PM

I was the exact opposite. I looked forward to being pregnant. I thought the concept of a little being growing inside my body was the coolest thing ever. Then I got pregnant. I hated being pregnant. Every single second of it until I went into labor. Delivering my children was without a doubt the coolest, most powerful thing I have ever done in my life. If I could skip the nine months and just pop 'em out, I'd have a dozen!

That being said, as much as I hated being pregnant, being a mom is wonderful. I would go through it a million times over just to get to be the mother to my amazing kids. :)

Do it. You won't regret it. Really. :)

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04