*UPDATE* WOHMs - How Do You Do It All If You Work Full Time?

[randomkid]

Thank you all for your replies. I have decided to wait a while longer before trying to go back full time. Your responses pretty much confirmed what I thought it would be like. DD will only be little once and before you know it, they are growing up. I am so aware of this since my stepdaughters were only 4 and 6 when DH and I started dating. The oldest in now 15, has her first boyfriend and will soon be driving - aaackkk!

I really appreciate all of your suggestions and support. I love staying home and would quit working in a heartbeat if we could handle it financially. We are doing ok now, we just can't do some of the extra things that I would like to do (like closing in the back porch to make a playroom). I realize that I am very fortunate to work as little as I do.

The catalyst for this was a job opportunity that now I think I don't want. It seems that the position may be dissolved anyway and there is a lot of political cr@p going on right now that I would rather avoid. I also should have never calculated my full time salary - big mistake!

I'm just going to keep doing what I am doing, knowing that I can pick up extra days if I want a little extra money. I see what the full time therapists are dealing with these days and I'd rather keep my rather stress free position for now.

Thanks again!

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I am currently working part-time and usually work 18-20 hours/week. I just received my annual merit increase and then they gave us a market adjustment. They are also now offering retention bonuses again. Because I'm part time, my bonus is half what full time gets. I just figured out what I would be making with my new rate if I were full time. I was disgusted with the difference I could make in our total household income if I were to work full time.

However, I must say that I do like working part-time and love my time with DD. I know most people feel that SAHMs have the tougher job. I definitely work harder at home than I do at work, but I am much less stressed on the days that I'm home. I was off today and I can't tell you what all I have done today. I just don't know how I would get everything done if I went back full time. I do all the housework, laundry, shopping and I pay the bills. DH is helping more, but still I do the majority of it. He mows the lawn, but doesn't do any of the other yardwork (gardening). Our landscaping is looking pretty sad right now, so obviously I can't keep up even working as little as I do.

I have to pack lunch and snacks for DD as she goes to an in-home DCP who doesn't provide the food. This is actually fine with me because I get to choose what DD eats. It just creates more work though.

DD is our only and is likely to be the only (although if I work full time, we could easily afford #2). She is very active and needs a lot of attention. I don't like to put her in front of the TV, but that is often the only way I can get dinner prepared or take a shower. She is just into everything!

I'm just wondering how you cook, clean the house, run errands, do laundry, etc. and still have time to spend with your family. Thanks for your help with this as I am really struggling right now with making so little. I don't feel that I am contributing financially like I would like. My net income has always been more than DH's because a good chunk of his goes to child support each month. I just feel like I should work more, but at the same time, being home is important to me, too.

[dules]

When I was working full time we pretty much hired a SAHM in our nanny. What would you do with DD if you worked FT? That figured heavily into the equation with us when I got laid off and we started looking at me going back FT vs PT vs not at all.

Best,
Mary

[kath68]

The short answer is that I *don't* do it all. I have lowered my standards instead.

Have to say, though, that looking at your DD's age, that was a really tough stage for us -- they need so much more intensive attention before their self-preservation instinct kicks in. It does get better. I can frequently wash dishes/make dinner/tidy up/etc while Charlie plays happily by himself. I also use the t.v. in the mornings, otherwise I couldn't get out the door. Oh, and I have a cleaning service.

I think what is tough about being a SAHM (not ever having been one, just my observation) is the intensity and relentlessness of the job 24/7. What is tough about being a full time WOHM is just not having enough hours in the day to do everything and feeling like you are overrun with competing demands on your time.

[bubbaray]

I have a cleaning lady. DH and I cook on alternating nights (one night he does it, the next night I do it -- neither of us like cooking even a little bit). Errands I try to run on weekends when DD is napping and the dog is babysitting -- j/k! Errands I try to do on those days when I actually take a lunch break at work, or on the way home, or on weekends when DH is looking after DD while she's napping. I do try to "combine" errands so that its more one stop shopping.

Thankfully, I can work from home 2 days a week, so I'm able to do a fair bit of laundry then. I try not to let the laundry pile up, do a load a day or so, b/c otherwise it is overwhelming.

Groceries we generally get on Saturday mornings as a family. We also do general errands at the same time, as well as a family trip to Starbucks....

I too make DD's lunch daily for DC and I wouldn't have it any other way. Lunches (for myself and DD, DH is on his own, but generally does take his own lunch) only take me about 10 minutes in the morning.

It helps that I'm in a well-paying profession. I don't have to justify working outside the home financially, because even if I worked one day a week, it would still be viable. It would be a lot harder for me to justify the added stress if the financial incentive weren't there.

Melissa

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[shilo]

if i remember right, you are one of the other PT's on the boards - if my memory is faulty, ignore...

have you considered going per diem instead?? i know the market adjustments aren't even beginning to catch up with the per diem differential around here right now. yes you give up the bonus and sick-vacation/PTO, but you can basically run the numbers and figure out if these are even worth it. in my clinical area and region of the country, the perdiem differential can easily be $7+/hour, so that more than makes up for the 1/2 sick-vacation/PTO you'd get, and my guess is the bonus too... and going per diem you could pick up a 'few' more hours if you wanted without having to make the commitment to the full 40 hours. don't know about your area, but here PT's are so in demand right now, that i could book myself 60 hours a week if i wanted to, i get calls and head hunter emails sometimes daily.

i have done it all, FT, PT, per diem and was a DOR. feel free to ask questions or PM me if you want more info.

hth, lori

[elliput]

I don't do it all. House cleaning is the biggest thing that suffers. The only time my whole house is spotless (more or less ;-) ) at one time is if I am expecting guests, otherwise some rooms are done and some are not. Luckily, I have a DH that likes to grocery shop and cook, so he prepares dinner at least 95% of the time. DH also keeps the kitchen clean with exception of the floor, I haven't figured out that one yet. Laundry I do on weekends, so it is going while I am spending time with DD. Errands are always "catch as catch can" by either DH or I depending on what the errand is. I do all our banking and bill paying online so that takes just a few minutes each month. Gardening - it's always half done. You should see my hedges right now. Half trimmed. They look pretty hilarious. :-)

[mommy111]

Don't do it all at all, like the other WOHMs. If I had my ideal life, I would be part time till DD went to school (like you) even if it meant a pay cut.
However, if you would like to go back to work and with DC#2 a consideration, what really really saves me is that my family is willing to help A LOT with taking care of DD and also with household chores. Mom and Aunt have saved my sanity these past 2 years, I can't really say enough to thank them (esp considering MIL refuses to even watch DD even though she and FIL don't work and live with/close to us approx 6 mos of the year)
Can you have family help?

[Momof3Labs]

Can you try increasing your hours a little bit, rather than go FT cold turkey? I went from working 3 days/week to 4 days/week last year, and hated it. It really cut into my time with DS1 (while I was still pg) and I felt like I needed a full day to catch up on errands and other junk after working 4 days, whereas spreading out the errands over 4 days wasn't nearly as painful.

[Piglet]

I work full time and have 2 kids. There is no way I could "do it all" if it weren't for an amazingly involved DH, understanding employer (for both myself and DH) and lots of extra help from grandparents. I have a friend that has no family in town and a less understanding employer and 2 kids under 4 - it is HARD! She cut down to shorter hours and fortunately her DH helps out as much as mine, but she still seems so stressed all the time. We compare notes and the few things that help are a cleaning service, lawnmowing service and lowered expectations. We also try to run major errands as a family - grocery shopping on Sundays, for example. Minor errands I try to do at lunch, if possible. I also go out in the evenings while DH puts the kids to bed if I need to do a lot of little things.

I will also say that my DS2 is about the same age as your DD and it is SO hard to keep on top of him. He was standing on the dining room table last week when I went to pee! He is very active and hasn't yet figured out the meaning of no or danger. I know that it gets better as they get older and understand more. I do not like being a SAHM (throw tomatoes at me if you wish, LOL). I like working and I like coming home from work, but I agree with you that it is so much more work to be at home and it is really an endless job - you are always at work! I am really struggling with the idea of staying home if we have another child. We wouldn't be able to afford 3 kids worth of care (daycare, nanny, etc.) and I would have to stay home. I like the idea of being there for my kids full time, but I am scared to death of being there for my kids full time, LOL.

Good luck,

[randomkid]

I have done 4 days a week on occasion to pick up some extra hours and once a month I have to work a weekend day plus my regular days, so I do 4 days a week then. I also hate it. I really notice a huge difference without that extra day. I guess I just hate to leave DD with a sitter anymore than I do already (DH or my parents watch her if I work an extra day).

Thanks for the suggestion. I probably would do that if I decide to work more.

[randomkid]

She would go to daycare. I can't pay a nanny for full time, but I can pay for daycare easily. I guess this is part of the reason I am thinking about it. When DD turns two, she has to leave the in-home DCP that watches her now. She only keeps children until the age of two - just her personal preference. I have looked at other in-home daycares in our area and I have been less than confident with them. I just figure if I have to pay the full time rate even if DD is only there part-time, I may as well work more. I only pay for the days that she goes right now.

[randomkid]

Yes, you remembered correctly, I am a PT and I have looked into many options here. We also get phone calls or mailings almost daily, but really nothing can compete with what I am doing now. Believe it or not, I am working for a hospital, but I have been there so long, my pay and benefits are really competitive. I was there in the "heyday" of PT when I would get 8-10% raises. That has brought up my rate so much that when I consider per diem, it really isn't that much different when you factor in everything else (including the market adjustment we just got).

I do earn PTO at a rate of 13% per hour worked, but have to request it when I want it. I just look at this as a higher hourly rate since I really don't use it as vacation/sick time. It's like automatic savings. I have discussed per diem with my supervisor and although the hourly rate is higher, overall it is less when you factor in my bonuses, cont.ed., PTO, etc. I have also looked into home care per diem, but when I factor in drive time, paperwork, phone calls, (all the things you don't get paid to do), the hourly rate is about the same.

The biggest benefit for me right now is my seniority. I am looked at with professionalism and respect by my supervisors who are now also friends. My direct supervisor is awesome with regards to schedule changes and last minute requests for days off. She is also a Mom and puts family first. She will accommodate anything that she can. I also love that I go to work, see my patients and leave when I'm done. I never bring anything home and I forget about it once I'm out the door. They are so flexible with me because they don't want to lose me. I once had to leave when DD was sick and had a lot of paperwork to do. They let me do it at home (paid) and fax it in. I have a lot of other benefits where I am now that are outside of the financial realm.

What has me thinking about this is that a supervisory position has opened that I always wanted if it became available (CCCE among other responsibilities). I would have to be full time to take this job. Thanks for the suggestion, but I have really looked into it. I did that when I was going back to work to see if I could work less hours to be home more.

[shilo]

13% PTO _is_ great - wow, the companies around here aren't even close to that yet (more like 9 or 10%). seniority is a great thing and if you are happy with the supervisors, the caseload, the flexibility and the bennies, then sounds like it's a good thing you've got going.

i hear you on the 'heyday'. around here, all of the companies slashed salaries and benefits like crazy right after PPS and thought they could get away with abusing therapists for a long time. well, between declining enrollment/increasing level of education required for entry level, the dot com boom luring away therapists to make twice as much with half of the headaches and attrition from the normal stuff like me (SAHM) and retirement, this area is now in one heck of a shortage. i have seen more change in rates, con-ed, bennies and sign-on bonuses in the last 3 mos than i have seen in the previous 5 years. i'm still waiting for these companies to wise up and offer what really matters to most of us in geriatrics - time to provide quality over quantity - decreased 'productivity' requirements (i HATE that term - whoever came up with the system where only billable time is 'productive' time should be shot), better trained/adaquate support staff, better equipment for our patients, streamlined paperwork, etc - all those non-monetary things that make you love or hate a job. i wish someone could shake some sense into some of the recruiters and HR directors i've talked with. i was always much more interested in the things that would enable me to take better care of my patients (non-monetary) than an extra $0.25/hr more they were supposedly offering over their competitor.

anyway, sorry for the diatribe. my mom is a PT too and still works part time per diem, and the more she comes home and talks about how things are still the same, the more glad i am to be doing what i'm doing now - staying home with DS. i don't miss the politics or the mentality of our 'for-proffit' health care disaster in this country at all - treating patients and working with families, yes, dealing with insurance companies and medicare - no way...

fwiw, i have been a CCCE twice. the first time i hated it - mostly because between the ACCE's i was dealing with from the local programs, and the site i was at at the time, i was mostly just a glorified broker of 'cheap labor'. the second time, i only agreed to do it if i was allowed to build the program in to a true center for teaching excellence. we did rounds, lit reviews, mentored case work-ups with specialists, got them into observe pertinent procedures/surgeries etc, as well as the normal CI/SPT relationship. so i think it really depends on what your supervisors/hospital will let you do with the program.

thanks for letting me rant. lori
Sam 5/19/05 How lucky I am that you chose me.

[karolyp]

Hey Kim,

Scheduling is the key for me. Plus my job has flexible hours so I can come in early/leave early and vice versa. And DH takes DD to the sitters in the morning and that's nice. When I get home, I play with DD for about an hour and then get started on dinner. To give her something to do while I'm cooking, I'll open up some cabinets and the pantry and she has a hayday! Plus I make EASY meals in a large qty so we can have leftovers. After we're done eating, DH will wash the dishes while I clean up DD and then I'll take her outside for a walk or something. Then we'll come back in and I'll give her a bath and get her ready for bed. Once she's in bed I'll do a really quick pickup of the house (this helps the house stay organized). And on Saturdays, I'll *try* to get up before her so I can get started on laundry and cleaning. What also works for me is getting her involved in the things I'm doing. For example, if I'm cleaning, I'll give her the swiffer to push around while I'm dusting (it's amazing how this stuff totally interests her vs her playing with her toys). Or I'll clean the kitchen while she's eating breakfast or lunch. Or, she'll help me go through the mail: I've give her all the junk to tear up while I go through all the bills.

Anyhow, I'm sorry to ramble on, but I just wanted to give you some insight as to what works for us. Hopefully some of this has helped!

[pampamz]

I don't do it all, when I am at work (right now finishing up my mat leave with DC#2). Quite frankly, I don't do it all even when I'm home on maternity leave!

With DS when I was fulltime back at work we had a housecleaner...man that was nice. DH and I pretty much share all the household stuff but it is still chaotic. After work it felt like the evenings were a whirlwind of eating, tidying up, some playing and bed.

When I return to work after DD I have no idea how it is going to work. The crazy daycare costs mean no more housecleaner. DS is going to be in school which means dropping him off somewhere in the a.m. and then dropping DD at the babysitter. It means packing lunches & snacks the night before. It means crazy mornings and spending time after work driving around picking up kids from two different places.

I'm not looking forward to it and am in denial about the whole thing. I would love to work pt (2 days a week, maybe 3) and that would simplify our lives so much but the cut in pay will really hurt.

That is my diatribe! Sorry I didn't help!

[pb&j]

I work 80% and I still don't do it all. The house is far from spotless, and we eat a lot of takeout. I am also really fortunate to have a DH who works from home and does some of the household chores. DS is in day care, and my mom lives nearby and picks him up from day care a couple days per week.

I live with a little chaos at home, because when I'm home and DS is awake, I want to be with him - I don't want to be cleaning the toilets or whipping up a 5 course meal. On the one hand, I wish I had more time with him. On the other hand, I wish I made more money. But money can't buy time, KWIM? Most days, I'm pretty happy with the trade. I really enjoy WOTH, and I'm fortunate that I can work 80% and get full benefits.



-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

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[millerpjm]

I'm glad you posted, and by reading the other posts I can see I'm not the only WOHM who doesn't always get it all done...which makes me feel a little better! We're getting there though....

Having help from DH is the KEY! We definitely have a division of labor at our house. I have a great DH who pitches in all the time. He takes care of the laundry, the floors, tidying up the clutter and helping DS pick up toys. I do the grocery shopping and errands after work (I haul DS with me - not sure how that will work if/when #2 comes along-may have to go in the evening instead). I will go to the bank or write out bills on my lunch break. We both do dishes.

I've also lowered my standards...a bit. I still try to keep my house from becoming total chaos, but if the dusting doesn't get done, I don't worry too much about it. I will admit that I use the TV to entertain DS so I can get dinner cooked, but I also have a good bedtime routine with stories each night and plenty of cuddle time. I don't do errands every day after work, I try to plan them spaced out over the week so we can also play outside after work some days. It's a balancing act, but we all do what we think is best, and you will too.

Jen

Proud mama to Thomas 2/3/03

[aliceinwonderland]

You streamline everything, routine helps tremendously: Groceries on Saturday, laundry and deep housecleaning on Sunday, batch cooking (I also pack my son's lunch and 2 snacks) on one weekend day, I always cook one of the same 10-15 things (no time to experiment!), make up in the car, bill-writing on the train, etc. etc. It helps a lot that DH and I coordinate very well, we email task-lists, etc. If one person was not carrying their weight, chaos follows.

Also, my kid does not get a bath everyday and I never have time to blow-dry my hair. :)

[stillplayswithbarbies]

I don't do it all. DH does half of it. We both work, and we both parent and we both run the household.

[ChefGirl]

First, I have no desire to be a SAHM. It's a much tougher job! I admire all of you SAHM's. I enjoy working outside of home. My DS goes to daycare, and my DD goes to my friend's Mom's house but soon she'll be going to daycare too.

For us, routine is a key. We do eat a lot of takeouts as well. DH helps out a lot as well. We share all the chores. We definitely don't do it all. We have a lawn guys who comes once a week to maintain the yard. We used to have a cleaning lady but I fired her since she flooded our bathroom. It was a chaos. So now DH and I share the chores of cleaning. We definitely do a deep cleaning of the house when we have a party or something. Other than that, we try to keep it clutterless on most days. I do grocery either on weekends or after my youngest has gone to bed. I run errands either on weekends during their naps or during my lunch break. I try to do as much as possible during my lunch hour. I event tried to make dinner since I live close by my work.

I am thinking about working 75% once DS starts Kindengarten though. We will just have to wait and see.

[JElaineB]

I worked half-time (plus a little) until last July when I went back to work full-time. I wanted to go back full-time, but I do miss having some of the extra time I had to make dinner, run errands, etc. We do laundry on weekends (but we always have). We eat out a lot (trying to change this). I do bills one night a week. We run errands and go grocery shopping after work. We don't clean the house (though my parents are visiting in 6 weeks so we will be devoting some evenings/weekends to cleaning in the near future). I so definitely do not do it all.

It sounds like you have a good balance now, and are happy where things are at. If you are living comfortably right now on what you make then I don't think you should rush to change it just because you could make more. If you would be happier overall working full-time then it might be something to consider, but it doesn't sound like that would be the case for you.

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[hez]

I compromised and work 80%. Fridays with Payton are our errand and play days. I have someone clean our house every other week. We eat out more than we should. We rarely turn down an invitation to eat at a friend's house. We spend Saturdays doing laundry (and have bought enough essentials to last 2 weeks if laundry day needs to be put off a week) and the yard doesn't get mowed as often as it should. DH (who works 100%) pitches in on *everything*.

On chores and making food, etc., we've taken to letting Payton 'help'. Things take longer, but he's not getting into mischief, is learning a little, and we're spending good quality time together.

I've given up a lot of extracurriculars, also. I don't go to every single one of DH's softball games in the summer (I used to keep score & stats for the team), I don't work with the college alumni group anymore, and I gave up a committee at church.

It's a matter (for me) of deciding what was most important and chucking what wasn't. That changes on occasion, so then it's a matter of adapting.