NYT Article: Husband Training

[KBecks]

Here's an article on applying principles of exotic animal training to -- husbands!! (Hey, maybe it even works for kids!)

"What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage"

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5087%0A&en=2b6044d4246baf74&ex=1151640000

Posted for fun, but who knows what will hit the hot buttons of controversey...

[essnce629]

Too funny-- I was just coming on here to post the exact same article! My boyfriend just emailed it to me. He swears I nag him all the time, but I don't think so. I'll try some of the techniques on him though.

***Latia
Birth and Postpartum Doula

Conner 8/19/03 (homebirthed water baby)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aug2003angel
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Self-weaned at 24 months!

[Lynnie]

That's great !!

I think I'll try it out, and let you all know how it works !! (but I am not telling DH or my two year old yet..., as they are the prime targets )

[aliceinwonderland]

I saw that yesterday. Pretty offensive to men, I'd say. I think my husband would agree. But if it's helpful to people, hey, no problems here. It would never work for us, way too much work and energy and manipulation going on!!

[elliput]

Hmmm, I like it! Though I need to visit the local fishmonger for some mackeral first. ;-)

[Lynnie]

I think alot of things these days can be viewed as offensive to men, the way they are portrayed on a lot of sit coms, for example. It seems men can get picked on sometimes, whereas it would be less ok to say the same thing about women. And I know there is a huge debate about why that is, and why it is ok and I'm not weighing in one way or the other.

I do think more people would have a problem with it if it was titled wife training, but, I think this was supposed to be funny, and that's how I took it.

I also think some of the ideas aren't really manipulation, but just reminders not to keep getting dragged into the same kind of behavior that doesn't work, if you know what I mean, and are universal to most beings, not just male humans. As a parent, manager, or spouse, I think people can be more successful realizing that positive reinforcement can be a good thing, and giving any kind of attention to "bad" behaviour can still reinforce that behavior.

I don't know, I related to the keys example in the article, because often my husband will be upset over something and start huffing and puffing, and if I try to help, or respond really, things get worse. But if I just ignore him, he calms down sooner and its no big deal. So really, I am the one being "trained" too... And let me tell you, as the messy one in our family, being nagged about it definitely does not help ! not one little bit.

But I am going to consciously try to ignore his next outbursts and not react to it, and we'll see how it goes. I won't throw him any mackarels, though !

[elliput]

I agree with your assessment of how men are portrayed in the media. When I watched more TV, I noticed that quite often men in commericals were often portrayed as stupid, lazy, and overweight, while the women in these same commercials were *obviously* much smarter and quite slim and fit.

[kedss]

Yeah, i saw that article, I know my Dh is untrainable. I know what fights to pick, but for the most part he's pretty much the same guy I met 4 years ago.

[kaylinsmommy2]

This isn't a new idea - there's a book called "Don't Shoot the Dog, The New Art of Teaching and Training."

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553380397/sr=8-1/qid=1151526394/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-8038493-9948045?ie=UTF8

It's a pretty funny book about behavioral training and it's application to people that was required reading for my Behavioral Psych class in college. :)

I think I lent it to my aunt and haven't gotten it back. I don't like that behavior, so I assume I should just ignore it? ;)

Caroline
mommy to Kaylin 6/5/04

http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/bunbunadb20040605_-9_Kaylin+is+now.png[/img][/url]

[maestramommy]

Ha ha ha ha ha! Very clever! And I'm sure it works in the right context. Maybe it'll work for kids! I'll have to keep it in mind for Dora. Tee hee!

[writermama]

Reminds me of an old movie I saw on TV a long time ago: It was a 50's or 60's comedy. A young Doris Day like wife is given a book about dog training (I think by her mother?) and instructed to apply the principles to her husband. It seems to work at first, and then the man finds the book and is deeply offended.

I could have some details wrong, it's probably been 15 years since I saw the movie.

Anyhow, this is not a new comic premise -- woman as manipulator : man as physically powerful but animal-like and trainable. In terms of learning theory, it's also not a new idea to apply operant conditioning (training) principles to human relationships. It's mildly amusing in the context here, but I'm not sure it works really well as humor or relationship advice. Then again, neither does nagging.

I just think that it's interesting that as much as our culture and gender roles seem to have changed, we keep coming back to the same themes.

[anamika]

I was just going to post about this movie. 'If a man answers' - it had Bobby Darrin and Sandra Dee. Same theme.
HAven't read the article yet.

[writermama]

Thanks so much. I've been searching IMDB and TCM but just couldn't come up with the right keywords to get the title. It was starting to drive me batty. Now to see if Netflix has it.

[cmdunn1972]

Too funny! I tried that today with hubby. :) He came home, saw that I was exhausted, and left with DS to pick up flowers! I rewarded him by buying him a flavored iced latte from Wegmans. :)

Isn't he the sweetest? :)