kozachka
07-16-2006, 06:32 PM
DH complains about lack of personal time both for himself and for us as a couple and is pushing for DS to spend more time with sitters. I feel like we, and especially DH, are already spending very little time with DS. We both work, DS is in daycare 9 AM-7 PM. DH wants somebody else to pick DS up from daycare, feed him and than "we'll be able to enjoy DS and our life more". DH says he can't eat with DS so since I've started working just over a month ago and ask DH to help with DS both in the morning and in the evening, DH all but quit eating breakfast and dinner. It does not help that lately DS gets asleep much later, 10-10:30 instead of 9-9:15. By the time we are done putting him to sleep, DH can't be bothered eating and will most of the time get asleep at the same time as DS.
We do hire sitters. At least every other week-end we have this one older lady, who treats DS as if he were her own grandson, and who DS loves, come over for a few hours (4-6) so that we can go out but she is only available during the day (no earlier than 11AM, can't stay past 9PM) so we can't go out at night and lives an hour away so won't come for just an hour. We've also used a student who is our neighbour but she is travelling and dating so often not available.
On a deeper level, I think kids should be parented by their parents. Not nannies. Not even grandparents. Even if we could find somebody that we like who'd be available for short periods of time (which is a big if), I don't think we should rely upon other people to care for our child on a regular basis. This is not a matter of money, nannies cost $1-$2/hr where we are, but a matter of principle. DH says he was raised by a live-in nanny and grandma (which his mom disagrees with but is at least partially true) and everybody we know has/had a live-in help. I feel like I have to choose between DS and DH and it's not fair. And while DH does not have tons of personal time as he used to pre-DS he did go to an office party last Saturday and to a shmoozing cruise this Saturday. He does have a stressful job but so do I and I am tired of picking up slack after him.
For now as a compromise I offered that I pick DS up from daycare 3 nights a week (M, W, Fr) and DH can have till 8PM to write his short stories in the office and whatnot. We'll see if this works.
We do hire sitters. At least every other week-end we have this one older lady, who treats DS as if he were her own grandson, and who DS loves, come over for a few hours (4-6) so that we can go out but she is only available during the day (no earlier than 11AM, can't stay past 9PM) so we can't go out at night and lives an hour away so won't come for just an hour. We've also used a student who is our neighbour but she is travelling and dating so often not available.
On a deeper level, I think kids should be parented by their parents. Not nannies. Not even grandparents. Even if we could find somebody that we like who'd be available for short periods of time (which is a big if), I don't think we should rely upon other people to care for our child on a regular basis. This is not a matter of money, nannies cost $1-$2/hr where we are, but a matter of principle. DH says he was raised by a live-in nanny and grandma (which his mom disagrees with but is at least partially true) and everybody we know has/had a live-in help. I feel like I have to choose between DS and DH and it's not fair. And while DH does not have tons of personal time as he used to pre-DS he did go to an office party last Saturday and to a shmoozing cruise this Saturday. He does have a stressful job but so do I and I am tired of picking up slack after him.
For now as a compromise I offered that I pick DS up from daycare 3 nights a week (M, W, Fr) and DH can have till 8PM to write his short stories in the office and whatnot. We'll see if this works.