Testosterone levels in toddlers or just agressive behavior

[BaileyBea]

My neighbor is one where a little information in her hands is dangerous. Her son is 21 months old and she read somewhere that boys have increased testosterone levels between 2-3 years of age and tend to be very agressive. So she's been telling everyone about this study and how she can't do anything about her DS behavior because "it's normal testosterone.'

Her son as been very agressive w/not just my son but all other kids recently. He's pushing and hitting. He pushed my DS to the floor, hit his face and started pulling his hair during the last playdate. He also isn't talking much at 21 months but communicates by screaming.

But she says it's testosterone.

Now... Have ya'll heard of such a thing? Is this true? I found a couple of articles online about it, but I can't decide. My gut instinct tells me that this is just a lame excuse. My othee neighbor told me that a lot of day-care kids are like this because they have to have a survival instinct in Day Care. He's in day care. I dunno what to think!

Opinions?

[Wife_and_mommy]

I think it may very well be testosterone and "survival instinct" for day care but that doesn't mean she doesn't teach him to be civilized as the oppty presents itself!

I hope your ds isn't hurt anymore in his little rages.



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[ellies mom]

I think she is taking this little fact and using it as an excuse to wash her hands of a difficult situation. Kind of like saying "well, there is no point trying because it is the testosterone speaking". When really her kid needs to be taught how to interact with others appropriately. It's almost like me allowing my 2 year old to stick a bobby pin in an outlet because 2 year olds are curious so what can I do? So yeah, I agree that it is kind of a lame excuse. We simply have to parent through their biological imperatives as difficult as they may be.

[Lovingliv]

Hi Nancy,

I would agree with the other posts...lame excuse. She needs to take accountability for her own child's actions instead of making excuses.
My DD goes to daycare two days a week. I spend one hour (at least) observing each time I pick up. I have never seen a child act like you described. "Survival" in daycare? This behaviour would not be allowed at DD daycare. Sorry your son is being treated so poorly!

[Momof3Labs]

I recently took a lifespan psychology class and the instructor made a big deal about how this was NOT true - boys don't have testosterone in their system until around age 7. Though she acknowledged that there was a lot of speculation that this was the reason for different boy behaviors, but said that it is all incorrect as there is no testosterone there.

I could probably copy a page out of my text for you; not sure where else to find a reference on this.

But regardless, IMO is a non-issue. Kids need to be taught not to hurt other kids or adults (or pets) no matter what the reason for the aggression!! (And I know that just teaching it won't always stop it right away, but ya gotta try!!)

[o_mom]

Oh, man... I , know just where this came from. The book "Raising Boys". My SIL sent it to us raving about how great it was and how it really helped her understand her boys. I thought it was total crap. :-)

[elliput]

Survival instinct in daycare? HAHAHAHAH!!!! That has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. My DD has been in daycare for 16 months, 6 of those in a toddler room. There is no running amok which would necessitate having a survival instinct, unless the daycare facility is just horrible to begin with.

Sounds to me like your neighbor is talking out her @ss, as a lame excuse to not parent.

[JBaxter]

Ok after having 3 boys one of which to put it mildly is a handfull I respectfully disagree. Mean and/or agressive behaviors are not tollerated in our home/preschool or playgroup. Just because your child gives you more work than the average does not mean he has free reign to be a bully/terror.
Nathan has spent MANY minutes in time out during playgroup for pushing or taking a toy away. I should send her a video of a day in MY life lol

[octmom]

ITA!

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[icunurse]

I think it is just a bad excuse. Being the Mom of a boy around that age and seeing a lot of other little boys that ge, I don't see all of the rage that you describe with your neighbor's son. Yes, DS is a bundle of energy and he can throw a great tantrum some days, but he doesn't walk around hitting and pushing. Sure, daycare might mean having to try to compete a little more for attention or having to share toys, but I just don't think his behavior is typical of a boy in daycare at all.

Not trying to make another excuse for the kid, but maybe it isn't helping the little boy to not be able to communicate well either. DS was slow to start talking and now that he's getting some speech therapy, his frustration levels and tantrums have decreased a lot.

Traci
~Connor's Mom 02/2004~
Agency paperwork completed - waiting (and waiting) for another baby!

[kijip]

As I understand it, testosterone does not show up in the body until pre puberty which hits around age 7 or 8. Testosterone is a sex hormone that brings in a host of secondary sex characteristics. Characteristics that I frankly have never seen in 2 year olds. Besides, blaming bad behavior on hormones is just plain silly IMO (and that goes for both sexes, LOL!)

[holliam]

Does her son go to "Lord of the Flies Montessori"? ;)

Holli

[BaileyBea]

A Ha Ha!!!!!

Okay I am glad I am not the onlly one who thought this was a C-R-A-Z-Y excuse and oh-so lame excuse for not parenting..

IMHO she was trying to find any excuse not to parent. She's suppose to be parenting w/Love and Logic but somehow her kiddo never goes into time out. She talks to him in baby talk, so I think he has no idea what's going on.

My DS is okay but he cried for a good hour after they left and he had a few red marks on his face and the back of his head. I told her while I don't mind getting together w/her every once in a while I can't get together w/her and her DS for a while. I am too far along pregnant wise to be constantly picking up my crying son because her son's being agressive. It's just extra work and worry for me.

One thing I noticed is that her son doesn't communicate at all for being 21 months. So I think he acts out because this is the only time he gets attention or is noticed by his parents. Apparently he does know a few words now.. they are all cuss words learned by being around his Dad. NICE!!!! We are staying away.

[lisams]

Can I blame my daughter's extreme mood swings on estrogen then?!!!!!

I'm not buying it!

[MonicaH]

LOL, very funny!

Monica

[JacksMommy]

Well, if that's normal bx due to testosterone, then wouldn't most little boys be doing the same? I will say I think it's normal bx for a 21 month old who isn't yet talking, but it still needs to be disciplined so that he learns that's not the way to get what you want. My DD is going through a pushing/hitting/yelling stage and I think it is largely related to frustration over not being able to communicate well yet, this is quite common.

I know this is my WOHMama Bear getting all bristly, but that comment about daycare is just misinformed. If anything, I'd say kids at (good) daycares are better behaved because that sort of bx is not tolerated at daycare and they are influenced by the other children doing the right thing. Many people I know are shocked at how well their kids act at daycare, or that they do things like putting away their lunch box by themselves without any prompting.

Anyhoo, they sound like a family with some probs and not very comfortable for you to be around. Hopefully someone will help that mom to learn a discipline method (aside from "boys will be boys") that works for her and her DS.

:)

Laurel
Mama to Jack 6/02 and Maddy 12/04

Babywearing education in Napa and the North Bay

[DrSally]

LOL!!! Yes, if daycare is that emotionally stressful, it's prob not a good one.

[DrSally]

Very good point, and good comeback to the testosterone "excuse". There is something different/more extreme about this child's behavior, possibly related to his inability to communicate (among other things) as the pp's have suggested.