Need help, please!! Moms of kids in daycare.

[lmwbasye]

Hi There,

Long story short, Liam has been in a daycare since he was 2 months old. Always been VERY happy. Well, Army just moved us, so we had to switch daycares.

We looked at a ton and decided on a certain one. He did a short trial day on Friday and again today, but full day. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but here's the story:

We dropped him off Friday and he was crying, but teacher took him and he seemed to do well. Came back after about an hour and a half and principal said he was doing well and come back after lunch, so we did. He was napping when we returned, but breathing like he'd been crying a lot (that involuntary catching of breath type thing). No problems yet. New school and of course he's gonna cry. We liked the teacher and she talked to us a bit. Let her know about his dairy allergy and whatnot. She said she comes in at 8:30, so we decided we'd drop him off after that time.

Today, we dropped him off at 8:50. It is a new teacher, but we left him (don't know where the other one was). He went crying, but not screaming. Today, we picked him up and he was wandering the room aimlessly (he did this Friday, too) and breathing again like he'd been crying a lot. He didn't have his paci or pillow, which we sent with him. Paci was in his cubby, pillow on his cot. They handed us the sheet that says what he ate, when he slept, etc. The entire menu for the day was written down, which I knew was wrong since he ate breakfast at home. We had to ask and found out that he actually only ate some graham crackers at snack. It seems like they just wrote down the daily menu, which is in the lobby, anyway. There were two other women there (still no the one from Friday and not the one from early in the morning). No one ever introduced themselves, so still don't know their names. They did let me know that he pretty much cried all day.

I don't know if I'm overreacting, but I don't feel great about this. I feel like they are not really giving him much personal care, especially it being his first day or two. He has a dairy allergy, and they even wrote down that he had an oatmeal cookie and milk (which he didn't, thank goodness). He seems to be crying a lot, and if he is, why not give him his pillow and/or pacifier.

I'm not sure what to do about all this. All I know is, I don't feel thrilled, but maybe it's just going to take some getting used to. I know he's going to cry, but that much? Also, I'm nervous about what they will feed him. I cannot tell if I'm just upset about leaving him or if it's specifically leaving him there.

Can anyone help who's gone through this? The last time I did this, he was two months old, and I had zero qualms about leaving him where I did. But, he also was so young, I didn't need to worry about all these things and he was as aware and attached as he is as a toddler.

Thank you in advance if you'd read this far. I soooooo appreciate it.

[sdbc]

Just to validate your concerns: I would be upset about there being new people who didn't introduce themselves, and about the "milk" being on his list of food he ate. The crying wouldn't concern me in and of itself, but combined with the other things, I'd try to talk to the director about what's been going on, and maybe even look up some backups.

DD has been in home daycare, so I haven't encountered the multiple teacher thing yet...

Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[kaylinsmommy2]

We havne't gone through this in particular. I agree that crying a lot doesn't worry me too much. But I would have liked to have more information from the teachers. Writing the whole menu down is really strange, right? I understand that teachers get sick or whatever it might be, and it's normal to have new teachers different days or at different times of the day. But it's important to have things written down about the kids (especially allergies) so that everyone knows every time they come into the classroom. It'd be nice if all the teachers also knew about pacis and pillows, etc. I agree with talking to the director and asking about who the teachers were and who the normal teachers are in his class.

It does happen at my daycare (which isn't necessarily the best in town), I'll walk into a classroom in the morning to drop DD off and the teacher is not one of her 2 normal teachers. I do not know the names of most of the other teachers at school (other than her old teachers, and a few names I've picked up from evesdropping!). They normally don't introduce themselves to me, and I wonder if they introduce themselves to DD. DD doesn't know most other teacher's names either, but she's just 2. :)

Caroline
mommy to Kaylin 6/5/04

http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/bunbunadb20040605_-9_Kaylin+is+now.png[/img][/url]

and one on the way, due 2/26/07

[saschalicks]

I'm so sorry b/c our DS's are about the same age and I so know that I'd never want to move him from his day care that he's been at since 2 months (same as you), as well. I think you have EVERY reason to be worried. I don't like the menu thing they did. I don't like that it's obvious he's been crying and I don't like that he didn't get his paci. DS#2 has a paci and our day care has their own for him that never leaves her house. What about the fact that you are a new mommy and no one took the time to introduce themselves to you? How about some reassurance to the new mommy? I think you need to speak to the director of the school, or look elsewhere.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you mommy. OK my heart hurts for you b/c I just imagine what I would be like.

[Ceepa]

I think you'd feel better if you sat down and talked to the teachers assigned to that particular room. Find a time that they can dedicate to your concerns. Go in with a list and keep asking questions until you're satisfied that you and the staff are on the same page and then follow up, follow up, follow up.

DS had a teacher who was so great that when it was time for him to "graduate" from that room *I* cried! His next room was so different. Everything seemed so frenetic/disorganized. The teachers didn't seem very engaged and my mommy sense went into overdrive that my DS would not thrive there. I gave it time, talked to the teachers, voiced my concerns. Well, things didn't change and DS was crying everytime I dropped him off even weeks later (something he never did before). So I started the wheels in motion and got him transferred to another room. DS is happy again, I feel a wave of relief and I trust these teachers to really hear me, you know what I mean?

Would moving rooms be an option in your case??

-Ceepa

[Lovingliv]

Hey Laura, Big hugs to you, this is hard. DD is in daycare two days a week and I have had recent issues during transition to the toddler room. Everything is disorganized, nothing is written down correctly on the daily sheet, she has a rash from not being changed enough. Still being changed once every two hours,,,but apparently she needs more than that.
She is adapting fine, so I know these issues are my own. It does not make it any easier.

I would totally be upset for the same reasons you are. Especially regarding the food issues! Can you talk with the director and voice your concerns? If that does not work can you look at a different daycare? good luck and keep us posted.

[Fairy]

I was a basket case when we had to find daycare for DS, and honestly, we learned the hard way. Biggest piece of advice I can give you --> If you don't feel right about it deep down in your gut, GET OUT. If that means you take PTO until you find a good place, then that's what you do. Might you be over-reacting? Sure. But if after multiple signs that something may be amiss, I think it's better to overreact and look more than give the benefit of the doubt when you shouldn't.

My first place was in-home at 4 months when Ih ad to go back to work. It wasn't terrible care, but it wasn't great, first time, thought it was good until I saw for myself when he was there, and I got out. She didn't keep his bottles separate from other kids, she let him sit in the community bouncy seat when I sent one I'd bought just for daycare, and there were other offenses, minor notwithstanding, that I said, forgtet it. Next daycare I thought was perfect. But they were unreasonable people, wanting him to feed himself with a fork when he was 10 months old, letting him walk around the backyard eating woodchips (I saw that one on my own), and not watching another child who fell thru a glider swing and konked his noggin. Bye bye to that one. Checked Children's World and Kindercare against my better judgment, and re-decided no to that. Finally found the JCYS in the Chicago suburbs and had to wait 3 months before he was old enough, but I LOVED IT, and I made do with alot of difficulty in the interim. He loved the place almost immediately, and we've never looked back.

I am so sorry you're going thru this. I know how hard it must be. Best thing you can do is get a list of all daycare providers in X-radius from your home and call every single solitary one. Visit, visit again, and visit a third time. Your list should be extensive, not six places. If you don't have a resource to get that list, send me a PM, and I'll help you.

-- Fairy

[kransden]

Your child is not even 2. I understand that he needs to adjust to a new setting, but it doesn't sound like they are interested in providing him some security or attention. I would go with your gut.

In their defense, my dd went to a smallish center with 70 or so kids. You could always tell the new kids (under 4) because of how sad they were. When the other kids started to be picked up often the new ones would start crying or keening for their moms, and there was nothing the care giver could do or say to make them feel better. So this may be the case??

We just finally moved and dd started her new daycare this week. She has a huge fit in the morning "just for me"! Talk about drama, then she settles down within 5 minutes of me leaving. So no matter what age it is never easy.

All I can tell you is to do what you think is right for you and your son.


Karin and Katie 10/24/02

[kransden]

Your child is not even 2. I understand that he needs to adjust to a new setting, but it doesn't sound like they are interested in providing him some security or attention. I would go with your gut.

In their defense, my dd went to a smallish center with 70 or so kids. You could always tell the new kids (under 4) because of how sad they were. When the other kids started to be picked up often the new ones would start crying or keening for their moms, and there was nothing the care giver could do or say to make them feel better. So this may be the case??

We just finally moved and dd started her new daycare this week. She has a huge fit in the morning "just for me"! Talk about drama, then she settles down within 5 minutes of me leaving. So no matter what age it is never easy.

All I can tell you is to do what you think is right for you and your son.


Karin and Katie 10/24/02

[aguinn]

That doesn't sound right to me at all. If I were you, I'd listen to my momma bear instincts and keep looking for a place that is more of what you'd expect: people make you feel like you're part of their family and not just another kid to oversee. It sounds like they're not even caring for him compassionatly or trying to get to know him and his personal needs. Not introducing themselves is a big no-no in my book - I would never leave my child with someone who's name I don't know. I always ask a new person their name and then intoduce my child to them, using their name so that he feels a little more personal with them.

Good luck in your search - I know it's not easy to leave your child in someone else's care.

;)amy
momma to DS#1 "Big Brother" (BB) and, finally, DS#2 "Little Brother" (LB)

http://b4.lilypie.com/3dP3m4/.png[/img][/url]
http://b1.lilypie.com/ur0Am4/.png[/img][/url]

"Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see." ~ Neil Postman

[lmwbasye]

Well, we have kept Liam at this daycare now for a few weeks. We spoke to the director and some things have gotten better. Basically, I don't want to keep him there long term, but they've mostly calmed my immediate concerns for now while I look around. Here's my problem.

There is a Goddard school opening at the end of September. We are waiting on a call to go look at the school (they are still building it). I don't know much about Goddard, other than it has a great reputation. I'm trying to wait until this opens or we can look at it before deciding where to move Liam.

Our other option is a kindercare near us that we really like. Liam started out in kindercare where we were in TX and we loved it there, but as he is turning two soon, I'm a bit concerned about some things there, like not sure how many books they read and do colors, shapes, etc. which they do at Liam's current school and he has already picked up a lot. But I'm having a hard time being happy with the academic side when I just have a sinking feeling in my stomach everytime I leave Liam there or pick him up. They just aren't very loving at all.

So my question is, do I just switch him to kindercare now or wait up to a whole month to look at Goddard? I feel like if I move Liam to kindercare now, I need to just let Goddard go so I'm not moving him twice. I'm so at a loss of what to do and sick to my stomach over it.

Can anyone give me any insight, please! You all have always been so great and I trust your advice immensely.

Thanks again,

[ShanaMama]

Hi. I was following your question the first time around, but never posted b/c it seemed everyone else was saying what I would've said: Go with your gut.
Only you can decide what's right for your child, but here's my feeling. We all give a lot of credence to how 'academic' or advanced a daycare / kindergarden is, but I really think that's only an issue for the parents. What I mean to say is, what's more important in the long run: That DC learns colors & numbers at a faster pace, or that he's secure, loved, and well-cared for? I am not suggesting that they are mutually exclusive, but if you get a pit in your stomach every time you drop him off- that is not the place for him! You are his parent, and no one has his interests at heart more than you.
I am working on this myself, and I know how easy it is to second-guess yourself & try to allow yourself to be reassured. But if you compare how you feel when following your gut instinct to how you feel when you're constantly reassuring yourself that he'll be ok, I think you have your answer right there.
It's an agonizing decision, I wish you strength in making it.