Nanny Advice Needed (Long, very long . . .)

[annasmom]

Ugh, very long story as short as possible -- we have had our current nanny for just over one year with no complaints. She is a really good nanny. She works part-time for us, and the rest of the week for another family. A few months ago, she told me she was getting married, moving away, and wouldn't be working for us after her marriage. Then, maybe 2 months ago she told me that she and her fiance have decided that they want to live somewhere else and that she could continue to work for me.

Shortly thereafter she told me the mom from the other family had lost her job (the father was already unemployed). The other family still wanted to continue to employ her however. We switched her hours around because of the other family's new situation and my nanny's desire to be home early on Fridays, and gave her a raise effective after she comes back from her wedding because she was losing money because of her new hours, and in anticipation of our new baby.

The other day she told me that the other mom got a temporary job, and asked if we could switch her hours again (pretty much back to what they are right now - no problem). Well, today she tells me that she doesn't think that she will have a job at her other employer after October because the other mom has informed her that they cannot afford her anymore and if her husband doesn't have a job by then, he will become a SAHD (although he IS already home).

So, my concern is I just *know* she is going to leave me in a few months, if not be the end of October. When she first told me that she was leaving, I was actually a little pleased because then I wouldn't have to pay for childcare when I am home with the new baby (end of September). I work per diem, mostly from home, and have no benefits. Now, I am stuck paying her for that time at a higher rate, and she will probably be leaving me anyway. I just don't know what to do, if I should do anything. I am concerned about leaving a new baby with someone I do not know. I am concerned that new baby, starting a new school in September, and a new child care provider might throw Anna into a tailspin.

FWIW, I don't think my nanny is playing games with me. I think she is confused by everything that is going on in her life, new dh, new home in a new location, etc. I think she is trying to be honest with me about a somewhat complicated situation. I also know that she wants to get pregnant asap, and has commented that she doesn't know if she will be able to work when pregnant.

So, what do you think?? I have no plans or desire to fire her right now before her wedding, but I am thinking that maybe when she gets back I might think about looking for someone new. I am also concerned that right now my pregnancy hormones are playing with me. Ever since my nanny told me she was leaving, she has been annoying me. Nothing too important, but a bunch of little things have been bothering me. So suffice it to say, I don't know if I can trust that I am thinking all too clearly on this issue.

If you have read this novel, thank you so much. I would appreciate any advice. It feels good just getting it out there!

[denna]

Not sure how much advice I will be able to offer you, or how good it will be :), but I would like to give it a try.

First things first, will she be getting married before/ after your DC will be born? I am asking because in my opinion I think you should let her go, and possibly start transitioning slowly to a new caregiver so you do not disturb Anna too much.

It sounds like it would be best to get someone new for everyone. Her life just seems too hectic now, and you and your DCs need stability. I would just try to talk to her and let her know that after her wedding you would like to get a new nanny on a regular basis, and explain to her all of the reasons you gave. Hopefully you'll be able to work something out where the new caregiver can come over while your current nanny is there and spend time w/ Anna.

I hope you find the best solution for everyone....and I hope this advice helped...good luck!

[dules]

My gut says let her go before the wedding with a hefty bonus/severance check. Then start working to find someone new. I would be too nervous with all of her "what ifs", even if she's not doing it to be manipulative (which it sounds like she's not). You don't want to get stuck with her deciding in October that morning sickness is too much for her, etc. etc. and she just walks out.

I was a per diem worker too and must admit the childcare situtation made me kind of crazed. My sitter and I negotiated an hourly rate for part time (3 days/week) work, during which she also worked for another family in the after school hours (DD would go with her to the other house and I'd pick her up there). Then we had a row when she asked me, astonished, why I had not paid her for the Thanksgiving week - well, because 1- I didn't work that week so was not paid and 2- I didn't get paid for the holiday either, as a contractor. She said all her employers always paid holidays. Made me want to consider being a nanny, lol. (I was basically working to cover COBRA healthcare costs - after nanny and travel and health care I made nuthin'.)

Good luck, I know it's a hard decision, and mine is just a gut opinion so take it FWIW. :)

Best,
Mary

[boolady]

I don't have specific BTDT experience, but my gut reaction after reading your post was also that the best way to sever the relationship was, as Mary suggests, is with a bonus/severance check before the wedding.

[Zana]

Eileen, I have no BTDT experience, but just wanted to add that I hope you find a easy solution, it sucks that you have to deal with all this just before the baby comes. In general I have to agree with the PPs. Letting her go early will probably give all of you time to adjust to a new childcare provider before the baby comes.

[loewymartin]

Wow - she has a lot going on in her life doesn't she?!

First of all, my situation is completely different, so take my information FWIW. I have a full time nanny that we have a contract with. She knows exactly what days she works and for how many hours and it's spelled out in her contract. If we needed to change that timeframe it means an amended contract that we all sign (oh, and the contract period is one year). We have had to change things, but because it means a contract change it hasn't been done very often. I think she may honestly be trying to communicate with you, but she also seems to be putting that other family ahead of you in her priorities. You have 2 children with a third on the way very soon. You do not want upheaval from her in your life right now!

I would give her a generous bonus check and thank her for your time with you. Due to your extenuating circumstances you will be looking for someone else. You don't owe her any explanations. And since you will be home with the new baby, what better time to have someone start? You can be there, guiding the new nanny and making sure things are working out.

Michelle
Mom to Alia born 5/16/02 and Kira born 7/30/05

[annasmom]

Thank you to everyone for your responses. I have to admit I was a bit surprised everyone suggested that we end the relationship, maybe this is my wake-up call.

We do have a very detailed contract with her, which has been amended each time a change in her hours has been made (we actually didn't sign off on the first change yet, and now a new contract is being drafted). I don't think she would leave us in the dust, she is very professional and our contract states that barring for-cause termination, both parties are to give 30 days notice to terminate the employment agreement.

I guess I am just really frustrated, and feeling somewhat taken advantage of. She has been really distracted this Summer (she just got engaged and is getting married Labor Day weekend, her father was very ill, her sister had a baby, etc.). But like Mary said, it is hard when you personally don't have any benefits to pay someone else benefits. I think we pay her a very nice hourly rate, we contribute towards her health insurance, we pay all taxes, she gets 2 weeks vacation, 3 personal days, 3 sick days, 3 religious holidays, and combined with the time WE take off that we still have to pay her -- she probably gets 6-8 weeks paid time off a year. That is a hell of a lot more than I got (which is nothing). Couple that with the fact that she is taking all of this paid time off NOW, as I am trying to work my butt off to store some money for when I am home with the baby (unpaid), I am a bit resentful.

Being home with a new baby would be a great time to have someone new start because I will be home and keep a close eye on how things are going. I don't think I could bring myself to end the relationship before her wedding (2 weeks from now), but perhaps I should take to my dh about finding someone new when she gets back.

Thanks again!!

[Lovingliv]

Oh Eileen,

A tough situation for you! Big hugs, as this can be such a stressful time anyways!

Hoping everything goes smoothly! Keep us updated.