Any advice to stop hitting???

[annasmom]

So, I gave Kieran his first time-out yesterday, which is borderline ridiculous because he is only 19 months old, but I just do not know what else to do.

After months of redirection, and "no-no's," he still just squeals and laughs when I scold him or try to stop him from hitting. He just does not get it at all -- in fact, it sort of fuels him to do it more. He obviously just thinks it is fun, there is no ill-will, but unfortunately the other dc who are the target of his fun & games don't really see it the same way!!

Any one have any suggestions???

[megs4413]

I dont' think the time outs are ridiculous, maybe that will help him to understand that the behavior is unacceptable. I hope someone else has a great tip for you!

[JTsMom]

It definitely depends on the child, but with Jason, I have found the #1 most effective technique to be positive reinforcement. If I tell him no, it just fuels him to do whatever it is, more. It's like a challenge for him.

We've been having 2 discipline challenges for several weeks now: biting and screaming. Since the biting started, I have been using the same phrase every time, "No biting. Biting hurts." in a calm voice, and trying to re-direct. It didn't do a thing!

I was emailing a friend about this, and it finally clicked- it wasn't ever going to work because of the "no". I finally figured out how to use positive reinforcement for this issue. When I see him about to bite, I say, "Gentle touches Jason!" and I kid you not, IN ONE DAY he stopped biting! The 2 reasons he would bite were frustration, and when trying to get my attention. Now he substitutes a hug, and I make sure that I'm addressing the reason for it, and I make sure to praise him for using a gentle touch.

I can't guarantee it will work for everyone, but it sure worked for us! The screaming is still a challenge...

[annasmom]

It is definitely worth a shot. Maybe I should lay off the "no's" and try telling him to be gentle. I definitely tell him to be gentle, but only after about 20 "no's." Unfortunately when I see him attacking someone, it is kind of hard to control myself.

Also, he is definitely doing it when he is playing. For example, he and dd will be running around the house chasing eachother, and then he will catch her and just start whacking her. He is laughing and smiling the whole time - great fun, huh??? There is no frustration, sleep, attention-getting or hunger issue associated with his conduct.

[hudsonam]

We have this problem too. He especially enjoys hitting the dog. My mom, who watches him twice a week, tried a "naughty chair," but once he started to happily bring her over to his naughty chair when she'd tell him that's where he was going, she decided that wasn't working. Oh, and my DS is 20 months FWIW. So she started to put him on her lap and hold his hands, which he doesn't like at all. After doing that a couple times, it seems to help a little, but it's definitely not a perfect solution. I too try to encourage "gentle," which does help. I would definitley give that a try, and when that doesn't work, try the time outs. I think (I hope) they'll grow out of it. Good luck!

[s_gosney]

I think I'd try to look for an alternative to his favorite activity of hitting, especially since you say he's doing it in play. If it's the hitting he likes, maybe teach him to "give a five" and teach other dc to offer their hands for a five when he comes to hit. Or, if it's the chasing and catching he likes (who wouldn't like that? Imagine the thrill of catching the big kids!), maybe engage him in games of tag, all the while showing him how to touch with one finger or some other soft touch. Of course, young children don't have the motor control that older children and adults do, so their "soft touches" may not be completely gentle for quite awhile, but hopefully it can become more tolerable for the other dc's sake. Good luck!

[jmtccw]

My son went through a hitting phase at that same age. What worked for us was saying the phrase "Hands are not for hitting" every time he would hit me or my DH. We would then ask my son to show us what hands are for (waving, high fives, praying, playing, eating). After a few weeks he gave up the hitting. I got the idea from a children's picture book from the library titled, "Hands are Not for Hitting". Unfortunately after the hitting phase was over we had to go back to the library to check out the book "Feet are Not for Kicking"!!!

Julie

[californiagirl]

We've gone through a few hitting stages. What works for us is to figure out what she's trying to do and give her a way that we all accept to do that thing. Saying "No" didn't ever work for us (or at least, it didn't work the umpteen times we tried it before we gave up).
But each time, when we figured out what her point was and gave her a satisfying way to do that, she switched fast -- like you'd show her ONCE and she'd stop hitting for 2 DAYS and it would be all over with after 3-4 reminders. Not all of the times were that good, but every time when we figured it out it was a big relief for everybody.

One time she was working on interaction, and showing her how to do gentle touches worked. Once she was working on active play, and teaching her to say and sign "Play" really enthusiastically worked (she was neither in a gentle mood nor in a mad mood). Once she was working on expressing being MAD and stomping her feet or hitting non-animate objects worked.

It sounds like your son is using it as part of play with other kids (DD pretty much only hit us). I would shadow him and head him off when he goes to hit, offering him another, acceptable thing to do instead. Otherwise, he probably does see your coming in to intervene as a good thing -- now you're playing too, cool. So intervene first, before he hits, when you can be rewarding the good stuff.

Also, you can teach the other kids to say "That's not OK. I don't like that. I don't play with people who hit me" and move away. (Daycare does this -- the youngest toddlers learn to just sign "Stop" but even semi-verbal ones usually learn "No' K!" or "top!" which of course they then use whenever you do something they object to, like diaper changing, sigh.)

[Aunt to sweet baby boy]

I went to a school on an interview and the teacher told me that they tell the children to stop their body or not to hit your friend/sibling rather than always saying no to the children.

Avi loves attention and if he does something that he should not be it works very well for him to go into timeout because he does not get the attention that he craves. He used to throw alot which has been reduced dramatically since he has started to sit in time out. We also work on "making nice" rather than hurting or hitting, such as make nice to the kitty, make nice to your friend, etc.

I also agree with the pp to tell your children to be verbal about what others can and can not do to their bodies. If they do not like something to say stop and that i dont like that. Avi does it with my dog if he is bothering him and the other day he told a fly "no! avi's food" because it was bothering him.

Ilana, aka Nana to my sweet nephew Avi

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