Anxiety about starting pre-school. Help prepare ME!

[swampnurse]

My son just turned two and will be starting pre-school next week. It is just for four hours, two mornings/week. I know he is young, but i think this will be good for ALL of us. i just had a new baby and need to spend a little time with her. My son is rarely away from me or his dad unless he is with the grandparents, and he could also use some group play experiences since he usually only plays with one other child at a time when we are with friends.

The problem is...lately his separation anxiety seems to have flared up. Could be the new baby, but my husband has been off for a month so he is still getting PLENTY of individual attention. Anyway, I am so stressed about leaving him there on the first day. I am almost certain that he will cry when i leave and i don't know that he is old enough to understand that i will be back for him soon and fear that he won't calm down and they'll have to call me to come get him. Of course i'll be outside crying myself, so i won't have far to go to pick him up. :) I have been taking him to the school once a week to play for about an hour each time so he can get used to it. The school actually suggested it, so i am very happy about that.

Please give me any suggestions for preparing us both for this. My postpartum hormonal state is surely making this much worse!

[DebbieJ]

When ds started Mother's Day Out last year, I was the same way. He did cry, but the teachers were quick to swoop him up and shoo me out the door. I loved that!

Once we got into a groove, I found that I didn't feel guilty leaving him, he felt better about staying there, and I enjoyed our time apart! It took about 3-4 weeks, maybe?

I'll never forget the day when I dropped him off, he started playing, looked up at me and waved and said "bye bye mommy!"

I can't WAIT til MDO starts in two weeks!

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
2 year check up: 25 lbs with clothes on and 35 inches!
BFARed for 20 months and 6 days
(Breastfeeding After Reduction is possible! www.bfar.org)

http://www.bfar.org/members/fora/style_avatars/Ribbons/18months-bfar.jpg

[jesseandgrace]

My dd did 2 mornings a week when she turned 2 also. She really carried on at first, but then she LOVED it. I agree with you that it can be good for everyone. She is now happily moving to the three year old room, and we got a little book of photos from the 2 year old room, and I can't tell you how cute it was. There were all these pictures of her playing dress up, playing with friends, and with dolls, a huge smile on her face, for me it really hit home how much she loves this social interaction. Transitions are hard, but pretty soon it will just be part of your routine.

[CiderLogan]

DD went through this about a year and a half ago. I took her for a few hours once a week, and EVERY WEEK she'd say she wouldn't cry but EVERY WEEK she did. It was hard, but I promise you - by a few weeks (or at most a couple of months) into it, he will be happy for you to leave. My DD cried more than any of the other kids in her first MMO, and now she goes to preschool every day and absolutely loves it - she has no problems leaving me now at all. Just tell yourself that he IS going to cry and that's ok - and then leave. They will call you if they need you to come pick him up, but chances are they won't need to. Now DD talks about her first MMO fondly and does not remember the crying at all!

Jenny
Julia, 8/03
Clara, 5/06

[Aunt to sweet baby boy]

After working as a teacher i can tell you something that really helps, when you take him, do one activity with him, such as reading 1 book or making a block tower. Give him a kiss and a hug, or your usual goodbye routine and then leave. After you say goodbye it will be alot harder on him if you show him how upset you are and that you do not want to leave, he will play off of those emotions and make the seperation harder.

Good luck,

Ilana, aka Nana to my sweet nephew Avi

http://lilypie.com/pic/060403/hfNw.jpg[/img]http://b2.lilypie.com/h2bbm7/.png[/img][/url]

[niccig]

This post is timely. I've just enrolled DS and I'm anxious, but he won't be going for 12 more months! I know he'll love it there and enjoy all the activities, but I feel bad about planning to not have him at home with me and yet wanting him to be at school at the same time. It's hard to explain. It doesn't help that DH told me that if he was staying at home DS wouldn't go to preschool until 3 or 4 as he wouldn't want DS away from him ever. Thanks DH for nothing!

The only thing that reassures me is hearing about all the other kiddos that LOVE going to school. Like the other PPs have said, their children love it, it's just a transition time for everyone. In a couple of weeks I'm sure the two of you will be enjoying every minute of his time at preschool, him playing with all his new friends, and you spending precious one-on-one time with your new baby.

Nicci

[crl]

My DS started preschool last February at about 2 1/2 years. He went every day (special education preschool). He cried for the first week and a half at the bus stop, but only cried for about 20 minutes at school on the first day (teacher's note told me). It wasn't easy, but he did end up loving it and now that we have moved he has been asking when he's going back to school.

It really helped me on the first day that I had a mindless task that HAD to get done. (We had just sold our house, the final walk through was the next day so I HAD to clean the place.) If you can schedule something for yourself for that first day, it might help you not worry the whole time he's gone.

(For the poster who mentioned this is a ways down the road for her, one thing that seemed to really help DS was reading books about school for a while before school started. DS loves Franklin Goes to School. The Kissing Hand is also really sweet.)

Good luck!

[lisams]

This is what our preschool encourages parents to do - get the child settled in (backpack and jacket put away, nametag on, etc) and do one activity with them, and then when it's time to go give your goodbyes and leave without looking like you're hesitating. They told us that sometimes the kids feed on the parent's anxiety - "Mom looks worried so that means I should be worried!" I know it's hard to hide those feelings, but I think it helps if mom sounds confident that school is a fun and wonderful place to be.

[geochick]

My 2.5 year old son just started last week. I have a 10 week old baby and my son has had some difficulty adjusting to her too. Before school started I started incorporating school stories into his bedtime stories. I would make up the stories to include his favorite characters from books or movies. The characters would go to preschool and have a blast. I told him all about the fun things the kids do at school and then I always end by saying how the character's mommy was right there at the end of school to pick up the character. I went in with my ds on the first day expecting clingy behavior, but he didn't get clingy. I think all the stories helped him anticipate what was going on there. He didn't cry. I noticed some of the moms start to cry. This got their kids crying. Make sure you don't cry in front of your son. Save it for the car. If he does cry and cling to you, just sit with him and play until his attention is taken by something else...then slip out. I was amazed at how many kids cry that first day, and how few cry on the second day. The teachers know to anticipate this and make that first day extra special, so the kids look forward to it. Make sure they have your cell number before you leave, and stay in the parking lot the first day if it makes you feel better. Today was my son's 4th day of preschool and he was begging me to get ready faster so he could go to school. He had his cute little backpack on and was eager to go. I have been paying close attention to the other kids this week and have noticed far fewer crying episodes this week than last. So, even if the first day is tough, it will get better. One last thing, last year when I was observing preschools, I noticed a little girl in one class wearing her family picture (a photo that had been laminated) around her neck. I asked the teacher why she had that photo. The teacher said she had a hard time leaving her mommy each morning, so her mommy made that picture to hang around her neck to remind her about her loving family, and so she could see her mommy who would be there to pick her up in less than 2 hours. She said it made the little girl miss the family less while at school.

Believe it or not, I have started looking forward to sending my 2yo ds off to preschool every Tues and Thurs because he gets so excited about it. He makes so many fun projects and learns so many things. He loves showing off his work when he gets home. Today they made binoculars and went bird watching (letter B today). He, too, doesn't have much of a social group, so I think he craves the interaction with the kids. I have been enjoying the one-on-one time with the new baby too.

Good luck. It will be so much fun...eventually. :)

[C99]

>I'll never forget the day when I dropped him off, he started
>playing, looked up at me and waved and said "bye bye mommy!"

Nate did that the *first* day of MDO. I cried all the way home in the car.

[nfowife]

My DD just had her first day of MDO today. I was really dreading it all summer, and even thought I might not send her at all. But, with a new baby coming in January, and knowing I would like to have that time with the new baby, I decided to give it a try (if I waited to January to start, chances are slim to none I'd be able to get her in anywhere, much less a wonderful program like we are in now! I signed her up for this about 5 months ago). Anyhow, we had an open house meet the teacher thing on Tuesday evening and it went really well. DD spent the whole time playing with the other kids, we could have left and I doubt she would have noticed. So I get her all ready to go, get her there today, and figured I'd stay 10-15 minutes (at least!) to help get her settled in. Well they wouldn't even let parents in the room today!! There is a split door on the room (top/bottom) and the bottom was shut. You just handed your kids to the teacher who put them down and they were off to play. DD did fine! I on the other hand, cried the whole way home and then some. But we had stuff to do today, so we were busy, and when I picked her up the teacher said she did pretty well (but, she wouldn't nap, oh well!). I know it will be harder next week since I don't have planned stuff to do with myself but I think this will be great for DD's social development so I am going to give it a good chance! Give it a try, I think you will really like it and your DS will really benefit too (as will your new little one).