how would u deal with a nosey neighbor who just stops by and u live in apartment

[kayleesmom]

Hi, after seeing the thing about neighbors. i have a ? how would you deal with the following situation. My husband works full time and i am going to working soon.so here is the situation. we have this friend who is 2 faced talks trash about everyone. and she just moved into the next building over(we are in a apartment.) and she drops by unannounced quite often with her 2 kids(that is a whole nother story). when we first moved in she just shows up and of course she gets in our building by buzzing her brother in law and then coming up to our apartment. and the house was a tiny bit of mess dishes piled in sink a few things on floor. i felt embarrased. then another time she comes over and her son just opens the door to our apartment and walks in. and this time the house was a big mess. i dont know what to do. the few times the house was a mess and we knew she was on her way my hubby told her kaylee was sick. so she didnt come up to apartment. but the thing is she is a neat freak and is home all the time so her house is always spotless. and i feel like she drops by just to see if our house is a mess. What would you do. and she knows when we are home becuase she sees the car in parking lot.

What would you do. I hate her kids coming over cuase they are destructive ie break things. and pick on the dogs. and my daughter.

Melanie

[megs4413]

i would be honest....and say please don't drop by unannounced. or just stop dropping by. i guess i'm a little less patient then you!

[saschalicks]

My brother once told my mom that he doesn't like unananounced visits. Period. She has never done it again. I think you need to just tell her you need a heads up.

[kakohler]

I agre with the others - tell her to please call next time she wants to "drop by." As far as the kid walking in - keep your door locked!

[bostonsmama]

I wouldn't personally ascribe ill intetions to her desire to visit you (i.e. just to see if your house is clean). But she sounds like she's a bit insecure and needy (she probably is since she's apparently two faced and mean) and likes to be in control. My favorite trick for unwanted neighbors is to wrap my hair in a towel and tell them I'm about to pop into the shower....but I think she needs a bit more direction (as PPs have noted). Praise her when she calls in advance about stopping by, and if she offends again, let her know by stepping outside the door that you're not prepared for company today but if she'd like to call about a time she can stop by next week you'll be happy to meet up w/ her and her kiddos.

Larissa
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us--they help us learn to endure." Rom 5:3

Praying for my little bean to keep growing, edd may 2nd
Thank GOD! Our #s are doubling! Keep it up, baby!

[overcome]

Well said Larissa!

[MommyAllison]

I just don't answer the door. Frequently, I am nursing DD, so don't want to answer the door. Often, I don't hear her knocking and don't know she tried to stop by til she tells me another time. However, I get along well with my neighbor, and I know that sometimes she doesn't answer her door when she is home, so we're all good. :)

Allison
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[MommyAllison]

I just don't answer the door. Frequently, I am nursing DD, so don't want to answer the door. Often, I don't hear her knocking and don't know she tried to stop by til she tells me another time. However, I get along well with my neighbor, and I know that sometimes she doesn't answer her door when she is home, so we're all good. :)

Allison
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[Wife_and_mommy]

My neighbors occasionally drop by unannounced but it's nothing like what you've described. I'd definitely tell her to call first.



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[Wife_and_mommy]

My neighbors occasionally drop by unannounced but it's nothing like what you've described. I'd definitely tell her to call first.




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[Judegirl]

I grew up in NYC, where this kind of thing is unheard of. I don't even understand the other thread, in which a messy house is a dilemma.

If she can't hear you from outside the door, I just wouldn't answer. I never answer my door when I don't want to, even if the car's there and the lights and music are all on. Or I would open the door and stand in it, and ask how I can help her.

And if that didn't work, I would keep the door locked and not answer it. If they kept ringing (upon hearing us un there, for example) I would call out "Not taking visitors now, sorry!"

May seem rude to people who live in the land of "just stop by" but IMO, unnannounced visiting is one of the rudest things in the universe, and I am under absolutely no obligation to be gracious in such situations. For me, in terms of invasion of my privacy, it's akin to someone on the bus reaching toward my bag for a stick of gum.

Jude

[lisams]

I have to agree. My first thought was "lock the door and don't answer it." I think that's how I would handle it.

I rarely answer the door when home alone, but luckily none of my friends or family stop by unannounced.

[tarabenet]

I completely agree with the advice you've gotten here. Tell her you don't like drop-ins and she must call first. If she drops by anyway, don't answer the door, or if you cave and answer the door, do not let her in. If you aren't firm enough on your own about it, tell her you are getting a migraine and need quiet or something. And where do you live that you have a front door buzzer but you don't use your own apartment door lock? Use that lock, baby! (The quesiton was rhetorical, of course.)

And if you just cannot face making this basic request of her (this is not a "confrontation", it is just you pointing out some basic manners in a friendly but no-nonsense way), then make a door hanger or sign that says flat out that you don't answer the door without a previous call letting you know someone is coming, just like those "baby sleeping" kind of notices. Leave it on your door at all times (exept maybe Halloween, if you do the trick-or-treat thing). If someone, anyone, violates it by knocking on your door, remind yourself that just because they knock doesn't mean you are required to answer. I feel the same way about phone calls, too: someoe else's attempt to contact me doesn't mean I have to jump to talk to them at that moment.