Do you let your child go out in public in weird clothing?

[elliput]

DD isn't really old enough to choose her own clothes, but I would have no problem letting her walk around in the outfit you described above. Heck, I go out in public wearing full Elizabethen costume with hoops and a lace ruff. :P No one is going to make fun of a 3 year old for playing dress up, it is totally age appropriate behavior. Sorry, but your DH needs to lighten up a bit.

[ribbit1019]

Yeah, I think he is overreacting. DD wore her princess dress over her full outfit to the grocery store the other day. At least four people stopped and admired the "princess".

Christy
My Waterbabies
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[mudder17]

Honestly, unless it's to something like church (although she has a lot of leeway there, like wearing her dresses backwards so she can button them herself), she can dress however she wants, as long as it's weather appropriate. She's worn a santa dress (in May) to TJ's, a pair of striped pants with a dress over it plus another shirt, she's worn things that are similar to what Megan wore, and all sorts of other combos. I feel if she wants to express herself, as long as she won't be too cold, I'll go with it. It's her way of figuring out a sense of style. And geez, she's only a toddler, not much younger than Megan! I think when people outside see a toddler dressed "strangely" they tend to think it's wonderful the kid has such a sense of style rather than making fun of it. I think your DH needs to get over this one.

eta: this morning she was running round in her Gerber white undies and a pair of long thermal underwear (with pink cats on them) on her head like a stylish hat. She was having loads of fun and if she decided she wanted to go out that way (with a nice warm coat and pants of course), that would have been fine with me. :P

Eileen

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/33734.gif 31 months...

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[SnuggleBuggles]

Yep. Ds has gone to school in his favorite PJs. He has worn a Buzz Lightyear costume to run errands with me.

I read some where that if you let your child experiment with clothes- including putting together horrible, clashing ensembles- they will grow up with a good sense of fashion.

I'd rather teach my child how to handle criticisms (and how to let non constructive types) roll off my back. I don't want him to always be worried what other people are thinking about him, He is who he is and it is my job to keep him safe and healthy. So long as it isn't hurting him or someone else to engage in a behavior then it's ok for me.

Beth

[pittsburghgirl]

My DS isn't into clothes or dress up, but he does like to wear his caterpillar rain boots (rain or shine). I could care less. Your DH does need to get over it, she's only 3 and I would expect that anyone who saw her would just think she looked really cute.

It's a little early to be worrying about appropriate dress in terms of being a "laughing stock". As long as she's dressed and not running around without any bottoms :)

Marilee
mommy to James
http://b3.lilypie.com/CSwdm4.png

[JASC]

As long as she's dressed appropriately for the event/elements, I say let her wear it. They have so little control over their own lives that, to me, clothing choices are such a big deal. Now, when my DH put striped pants and a plaid shirt on my DS THAT was a whole different story!!!!

[newmomto3kids]

I think DH would argue that my regular choices for the kids clothing is "weird". I pretty much let them wear what they want. I like funky clothes and I love seeing them express their own style.
At 3, she would probably have no idea if someone was making fun of her outfit, unless they marched right up to her. If the kids are happy, I am happy. They will realize what they are comfortable with "standing out" wise, and I will accept their choices...mostly!

[starrynight]

I think he overreacted. Either that or I'm too laid back ;).

I do let them, I wouldn't to school or somewhere very fancy but around the house, the playground or to the grocery store/target YES I do. Weather appropriate and it's fine with me. My youngest comes out with the craziest outfits and I love it. She has her own sense of style and I like that she doesn't care what everyone else thinks. My other 2 aren't like that, they are too "have to match, have to look just so" and I like that she is a free spirit. My dd is 3 also. At this age I think it's perfectly fine, why squash their imagination or their pride in dressing themself? My dd often is so proud of her dressing herself and the outfit she picked, I can't imagine telling her to take it off.

Many times it's striped tights and rain boots or striped shirt with flowered shorts.

[JulieL]

All the time, DS's cowboy boots go everywhere w/everything. But hey he can put them on hiself soooo what's the big whoop? My rule though is the pants HAVE to go over the boots!

[Zana]

My DH gets annoyed too..not really angry but mildly annoyed everytime he sees DS in odd outfits. Recently he's totally into picking his own clothes and decides what he wants to wear..so usually he's pretty oddly dressed and I dont care...I do tell him some stuff cant be worn if we are going somewhere particularly nice but otherwise I let him wear whatever combo he likes and DH just mumbles to himself once in while :P With a 2.5 yr old I definitely believe in picking my battles!

Now if only I could get DS back into his pajamas..the latest is going to bed fully dressed because every bottom he wears must have pockets (filled with matchbox cars) and a belt..sigh!

[californiagirl]

Anybody who makes fun of a 3-year old's clothing choices has a problem. The 3-year old does not. DD's more cutting edge outfits (sandals and mittens; purple shorts, orange T-shirt; purple outfit, ladybug rain boots, fisherman-style hat) have never evoked anything but admiration.

If it's decent, relatively clean, and appropriate to the weather and her activities, she can wear what she wants. When she cares what her peers think, and her peers think about clothes (other than "Whoa! Ladybug rain boots! Cool!!") then I'll help her figure out what's appropriate. Right now, an audience of her peers would think a princess dress and ladybug rain boots was pretty much the best outfit ever, only possible to improve by adding something involving Thomas.

[Jenn98]

Ask your DH if he would laugh at a 3 year old if he saw one who was all dressed up in the grocery store like your DD was on the walk. I bet not.

IMHO, your DH is off his rocker on this one. People, even people without kids, understand that you probably didn't insist she wear that outfit. Most people will find it amusing and assume correctly that she dressed herself.

Now, if she were 34 and wearing a princess costume over jeans and a shirt at the grocery store I could see her getting some odd glances. But she's THREE! How else is she supposed to figure out what she likes and doesn't? And if he was so mad, why didn't he say something before you all left? Did he not see her until you were too far from home to go back? If it bothered him that much, he should have said something way before you all stepped out the front door. He is just as responsible for how she looks as you are when all three of you leave the house together.

Okay, enough out of me. Sorry if this seems harsh. I'm annoyed at my sick (and super wimpy when he's sick) DH right now, so I'm super grumpy. :)

[oliviasmomma]

I have a bigger problem with DH and the weird clothes he wears in public. I'm sorry, but I just can't imagine getting furious over what a 3 year old chooses to wear. It's great that she is choosing to express herself in this way! Do you live in a fashion district? Is DH afraid there are paparazzi lurking in the shrubs? I'm impressed that you held back a retort because I've got a million of 'em right now! :)

(Maybe your DH was made fun of as a kid for his clothes or something? Sometimes I am amazed at how my own insecurities are manefested in the expectations I have for DD. )

[lizajane]

ohmigosh, seriously? a 3 year old? on a walk? did he think you were headed to her senior prom???

schuyler dresses himself. he actually tends to match. but he often wears rain boots in the middle of the summer. he wore cowboy boots constantly until he outgrew them. and it took a LOT of convincing to get him to stop wearing them when they were a size too small. he regularly goes out with a dog harness around his waist because it is his "rescue belt" (think diego and dora).

and to be honest, i am totally stuck up and very preppy.

[MartiesMom2B]

My daughter has been known to go to many a place with her pink tutu (that looks very scraggaly from constant use).

-Sonia
Mommy to Martie
& Li'l Girl Bunny to come Feb. 2007
http://bd.lilypie.com/Kchhm4/.png (http://lilypie.com)

[maestramommy]

At one time I would've raised my eyebrows at the sight of your dd. BUT, I remember years ago there was a little girl at my church who every Sunday would show up in a princess dress of some kind. I used to wonder why her mother let her wear something like that to church where it might get torn. Then the other day I saw a 2 year old show up to a parenting in a Snow White outfit. I think it's just one of those phases kids go through, and as long as she's warm enough, who cares? It should be obvious to any onlooker that isn't wearing a clashing combo, it's her dress up. And if your Dh thinks this was embarassing now, wait til she's a teenager.

[dules]

I would absolutely let DD go out dressed like that. It's their age, they love to dress up and pretend. Who cares what other people think? So boo to your DH. :)

This AM DD had on her pajamas and then added a blue sparkly gymnastics costume with a tulle skirt attached. On top of the wintery PJs, with red socks. All I could think was, where's the camera? ;)



Mary

[Fairy]

DH must to getting over it.

I very much want DS to be "stylin' baby" (or "stylin' toddler," now), but if he wanted to wear his Blues Clues ears that are actually a glorified headband out, that would be just fine with me. Weather and destination-appropriate clothing is a must, but errands, walks around the block, playdates, maybe even daycare, if it's a bit funky, and DS wanted it, heck, it's fine by both me and my DH.

[tarabenet]

Childhood happens once! Let her enjoy it, and you should too. Pooh on him for apparently forgetting what it was all about! I think it is great to see kids out in whatever pleases them, as long as they are suited for the weather.

I have a friend whose son was painfully shy. If they went out to dinner, he'd hide under the table most of the meal, even. Then they started letting him wear his favorite superhero costumes whenever he wanted. Presto! Whole new kid, full of confidence, ready to make new friends. And of course he outgrew the need for the cosumes before he started first grade. Imagine the poor child's trauma if they'd told him he was an idiot for finding strength where he did? they were strong enough to let him grow up his own way.

Your husband needs to rethink his fear-based reaction and live in his love for his daughter. That is where "real" is.

[lizajane]

LOL! martie wore her new pink tutu (that i made for her) when we went out to dinner the night you and DH were at the football game. i thought she was FABulous.

[ged]

My DH is the same as yours (if not worse). One day DD was wearing lighter colored clothes (pinkish, I think) and DH was upset when I let her wear the black shoes she wanted to wear (as opposed to pink or white that would match better). I could not understand what the big deal was. So what if she doesn't match? However, DD was fine when we changed her shoes to a matching color so I figured I didn't need to make a big deal out of it.

If she pitched a fit, however, and would not let us change her, I would just hand her over to DH and let him decide if it's worth the battle. I suspect he'll just let her wear whatver she wants :)

[MarisaSF]

I'm sorry to hear your DH had such a reaction. Was he more scared of kids laughing at your DD or other adults laughing at "him*? I bet if he were being really honest with himself, he'd say the latter.

My DD just got into a thing (she's 2) where there are things she will wear and things she refuses to wear. Several times recently, we've shown up at events and my friends and I will have a good giggle about her outfit with the oft-muttered phrase, "Looks like she's been dressing herself again, huh?"

When my DH was a tot, his mom was trying to get him NOT to wear the same t-shirt every day, mostly because she was tired of washing it. She said, " Don't you want a nice new t-shirt just like your friends? They will think you are pretty cool if you have an airplane or a dinosaur or a robot t-shirt." To this, DH the boy replied, "But Mom, don't you want me to pick clothes that I like and not ones to make my friends like me?" She was floored. Children are wiser than we sometimes give them credit for.

IMO, dressing your child to fit what you perceive as others' expectations is short-changing your child's autonomy.

As another PP said, kids have so little control over their world. Allowing them to choose their clothes is a pretty small compromise.

[Marisa6826]

I have no problem with them doing it as long as we're not going someplace where being presentable is important (family functions, etc.).

Would your DH have freaked as much if your DD was a boy and he had on a Superman cape, a fireman hat and a Spiderman suit? Anybody that's ever had kids totally understands the toddler fashion statement battle.
I think your husband just needs to suck it up. It's not like she is 10 years old and is trying to make some sort of a personal statement against authority. She's 3!! More power to her ;)

One of my favourite memories is going with Jonathan to the Central Park Zoo and seeing a little girl in a fairy skirt with a matching crown and wand. She looked fabulous and she knew it. :)

-m

[jenjenfirenjen]

I agree your DH is way off base here. I for one would be much more concerned about raising a child that can think for themsleves, make their own choices, and feel confident regardless of what others think.

[JBaxter]

Nathan is just starting to pick out his clothes. Right now if it has Bob the builder on it he wants to wear it The other day it was 83 here and he was wearing a bob sweat suite.

My oldest son wore a batman cape for an entire year. Really Im not kidding. We took it off and put it in his pre school tote and donned it when preschool was over. I paid $20 for that costume and was worth EVERY penny. Polyester does eventually disolve.

[JulieL]

only possible to improve by adding something involving Thomas
************************************************** ***************

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH - SO TRUE!!!

[trumansmom]

Eleanor is big into her tiara and cowboy boots right now. I think it's hysterical, but it drives DH nuts. I think I posted asking about this a year or so ago. I've decided to let her make her statement when it's appropriate, because I was NEVER allowed out of the house without every hair in place and knee socks pulled up with rubber bands. (YOUCH!)

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

[janeybwild]

Thank you to all those who responded with your thoughtful comments and great stories. I chuckled out loud at several of the outfit descriptions. It is nice to know we are not alone. More importantly, you helped me with a perspective reality check. DH and I talked about it after the kids went to bed. I was able to talk about it calmly and rationally, and I raised several of the points that some of you raised. Unfortunately, this may be one of those things we have to agree to disagree on. I do believe that this is an issue about how DH feels, and not about what Megan is wearing. He admits that he is probably more concerned than some with looking foolish himself. In his own strange way he thinks that he is protecting her from looking foolish and therefore being made to feel foolish. That’s not at all how I see it, and I am doubly glad that I had your responses in my head so that I didn’t doubt myself and how strongly I feel about it. Thanks again to you all. Long live princess ladybug boots!

[punkrockmama]

Well Janey, I'm glad that you got a chance to talk to your Dh and even if he can't totally lighten up that you atleast are able to agree to disagree. :)


>Do you let your child go out in public in weird clothing

In a word. Yes. :D I pretty much echo what everyone else has already said. It's normal, it's fun, and it's completely appropriate. We don't have many years that we can get away with stuff like this so I say let them do it for as long as they can! :)

[american_mama]

Well, am I the only one who sometimes can't deal with the outfits DD puts together? In your case, for a walk around the neighborhood, I'd be fine with it. But I do have problems with DD's clothing choices sometimes.

She's 4.5 years old. I don't like it when she wants the clothes that are just a tiny bit too small or too worn or too clashing. I don't like it when she steadfastly refuses to wear a particular outfit and it becomes a waste of money or I just never get to enjoy her in it. I'm not talking about the obvious cute, like a costume worn to the grocery store, but the downright doesn't look good, doesn't fit right, doesn't go together.

I also struggle all the time about whether to stop my super curly-haired girls from going out before their hair is brushed. THEY don't care. DH cares. Sometimes I care. And on this issue, I believe some other people in the world care. My girls attract a ton of unsolicited attention and advice on their hair, more if it's unbrushed, and I know from experience that it's not always positive or welcome. So the carefree approach to grooming has actually had resulted in some point-and-look type comments for my girls.

I let DD wearing clashing stuff to preschool today. I did not like it. I thought children might like her less because she looked weird. I thought adults might like her less, or me, because she clashed. I wanted my DD's beauty to be seen by all. I let DD wear crappy clothes last preschool day even though they were doing photos. Heck, we're not buying any and we probably won't see these people again after this year. But it bothered me. The major reason I let it go was lack of time to fight, not a true decision to let her express herself.

Am I truly alone in this?

[lmintzer]

Karen,
I understand where you are coming from. Although, it sounds like you are talking about different issues than those stories of toddlers going out in "costume." Personally, I would have less issues with the "costume" (superman cape, pirate hat, etc.). than them going out looking unclean or uncombed. I like to comb my boys' hair before we go out. I almost always do. I never am critical of others whose toddlers are a bit messy or uncombed. I know how it is sometimes. Just getting out can be a big accomplishment! But I always feel funny if I don't make sure mine have clean faces and hands and reasonably combed hair.

Jack is sensitive to HOW clothing fits. That's our big deal. He's always fiddling with his underwear and his jeans--has to pull the underwear way up high and the jeans down low. He's short, so then the pants are too long. I feel bad that he's not comfortable. I've tried a million different brands of underwear, and the elastic always seems to bother him (even with the Hannas). I'm wondering if he's going to start agitating for "all sweat pants all the time." I don't think I'll love that one, but what can I say if that's how he's comfortable?

I don't think the other kids will judge your daughter for how she dresses. Certainly not at the preschool age. The schools where we are are working on teaching acceptance of originality. It's a really good message, and I'm thrilled about it. Jack's brand new elementary school had a school-wide book project. All of the kids were read a book called "Gooney Bird Green," about a 2nd grade girl who dresses a little whacky, acts a little differently, etc. By the end of the book, the kids were trying to emulate her originality. The students at Jack's school then had "Gooney Bird Greene dress up day" where they were to wear their own "Gooney-inspired outfits." It was really neat. We saw tutus over leggings, pajama bottoms with funny shirts. I thought it was so fantastic.

Anyway, just a long way of saying that the original dress thing is being addressed at least at our one little school.

[kboyle]

oh yeah, charlie wears whatever he chooses when we go out. he especially loves his too small superman pjs that are long sleeves. he wore them to a memorial day party that we went to ALL DAY!! it was almost 80 out!

he especially loves to wear this spiderman mask that he got from a bday party, luckily i found a pack at target for 10/$1 so we have xtras just in case ;)
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/35837.jpg
he wore this in the summer to a festival, everyone was coming up to him and asking him to shoot them with his web, it was a blast!

[redhookmom]

Since I picked out everything my daughter has a little mixing and matching of her regular clothes and dress up clothes is fun!

But, this thread got me thinking...

What if our children picked out their own clothing at the store! Would we all be as willing to let them express their tastes? I don't want to point any particular kind or brand of clothing for obvious reasons but certain looks would make me cringe. I know from reading the layette board that many people find certain brands more tasteful then others. What if my dd just LOVED the look of a certain type of clothing/brand and felt beutiful in it and I did not find it appealing. I guess we will all be there in a few years!

[dr mom]

"What if my dd just LOVED the look of a certain type of clothing/brand and felt beutiful in it and I did not find it appealing."

Hm, that's a good point.

Things I don't buy for DS: camoflage. Sports themes. Anything with a licensed, copyrighted cartoon character on it. T-shirts whose message I deem inappropriate because they have too much "attitude" for a toddler, i.e. "chick magnet" "this (cartoon pointing to diaper) ain't gonna change itself pal" etc. Just totally not my style.

However, if DS fell in love with something in the store and just HAD to have it, as long as it wasn't unbelievably expensive or outright offensive, I suppose I'd give in and let him have it. Those days are coming for us all...these cute toddlers whose clothes we're obsessing over are eventually going to grow into teenagers with opinions of their own!

Where I absolutely would draw the line: clothing designed to make a child appear sexually mature beyond their age (more commonly seen on girls not boys) or blatently offensive graphics or messages. I can't necessarily define what's inappropriate - but I know it when I see it.

[hobokenmom]

I think this has been a really interesting thread to read, and I must say that your DH is probably a lot like mine. I think that there is no way my DH would let his daughter (or son) out of the house like that. Thankfully we've never had any issues like that because generally my kids have never even asked to go out of the house like that.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't really care that much, depending on where we were going. I do believe parenting is all about picking your issues though.

I think in our family, my kids have never asked to wear anything in particular, and I've always picked out all their clothes. I think my kids look clean and nice in their clothes. My sister's kids are a whole 'nuther story. I know it's probably my own issue, but it drives me crazy that they always pick out their clothes and they never match, and my sister doesn't care.

My DH would probably say, "Who's the parent here?" if he saw a kid wearing some outlandish outfit, and say the parents are being too permissive and letting their 3-year-old call the shots.

What's weird about my sister is that she IS a strict parent, certainly not overly permissive, but I guess it's just not the issue she's picked to fight about.

Now if you can follow anything that I even wrote, kudos to you.

[writermama]

First off, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your daughter's ensemble -- sounds cutting edge for 3. I see princesses walking around the neighborhood, in the grocery store, and even the mall all the time. I can't imagine anyone making fun of her outfit. And I absolutely agree with your perspective about teaching her to handle criticism.

What strikes me about this is that your DH was so angry about it. Aside from the annoyance of him criticizing your parenting choice (I know that always drives me crazy), you might consider the discussion about his feelings an opportunity to find out something he may never have told you. Why is it so important to him that she not be made fun of? Why does that fear trigger a disproportionate response? Does he have memories of being bullied or made fun of because of his clothes? How do you want to deal together with that possibility in the future?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can sidestep the temptation to see this issues as something that divides you as parents (afterall, you're right and we all know it), and flip it into an opportunity to come together as parents and in your relationship.

(Sorry if this sounds too "Dr Phil" I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv, but I struggle with this kind of backseat driving with my DH and I've learned to ask why when he has out of proportion responses like this. Now if I could only apply the lesson to my own trigger points ...)

[janeybwild]

Last night after dinner, we went for a family walk. Megan already had on a princess dress over her shirt and tights. She wanted to wear it on the walk, so I said ok if we put a coat over it. She then chooses to add a poncho, ladybug rain boots, and an odd looking hat. But, she was thrilled with herself, and off we went. DH was unusually silent during the walk, and when we got home, I realized he was furious. “I can’t believe you let her go out like that to make her a laughing stock�. That just never occurred to me. I bit back a retort and I plan on talking about it tonight. My perspective is she was happy and not inappropriately dressed for the elements. She is 3, and this was age appropriate. It was DH who felt shamed, not her or I. His perspective: it’s our job to teach her/enforce what’s appropriate and to help her not be made fun of.

Your thoughts on this scenario and in general about how you handle weird toddler choices would be appreciated. TIA!