wow! How do they do it?

[maestramommy]

TaChapm's post just reminded me of something I saw at the Target yesterday. So there I am with Dora on my back and I'm pushing a cart. Suddenly up ahead I see a mom with 4 girls. The oldest looked about 7-8, and there seemed to be a pair 2.5yo twins. I'm guessing dd2 was about 5? ALL the girls were walking and generally following their mom, who was pushing the cart. When one little twin wandered into an aisle to look at something, the oldest scolded her and told her to come on. The mom looked calm as anything and I think even spoke to the oldest to get her to chill.

How does parenting EVER get to this level? I, for one, was totally amazed that these girls were not only following along on foot, but no one was making a fuss, or doing anything off. Are some kids just born that way?

[candybomiller]

First of all, she didn't have any boys.

[newmomto3kids]

I love that, thank you!! I almost peed.

[maestramommy]

Bwa ha ha ha ha! Okay, I shouldn't laugh. But I hear stuff like this all the time from moms of boys!

[CharmedOne]

LOL!

Not all boys are like that though! I have three younger brothers and two sisters. I'm the oldest, and there's only a eight year different between me and my youngest sibling. I don't know how my parents did it, but we all were well behaved whenever we went shopping. We always held hands and generally stayed together. Saturdays were our grocery shopping days. They always took us with them until I think I was in high school.

Either my parents were rock stars or they lucked out! ;)

Caroline

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[niccig]

I asked my mother this, she had 3 girls under 4 years and no twins! She would have to drive 90mins and do a big grocery shop to last a month. Her answer was very straight forward - Bribery. Apparently if we were good, we got an icecream on the way home. Makes me feel a little better when I bribe DS with snap pea crisps to get into his carseat. At least, they're healthy snacks!

Nicci

[Smiles81]

LOL!
Reena
Mom to Dovi 3/16/04 and Ahuva 6/19/06

[lmintzer]

LOL, Candy! I thought the same thing before reading your post!!

[g-mama]

LOVE IT!! 'Nuff said. :)


~Kristen

Paolo 11-00
Benjamin 8-03
Marco 12-05

[Wife_and_mommy]

I totally get Candy's comment but I think it's a matter of expectations. I have a friend with three under 6, the older two boys. They are very well-behaved when out in public and they do not get bribed.

I started having DD hold the stroller when she walks from about 20M. She did great until I started to slack off so I've recently started that rule again. I think it'll be a natural continuation of that for her to stay near me when she's older.




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[cmdunn1972]

Candy, you crack me up! :)

As a Mom of an active (and redheaded, no less) boy, I understand where that comes from! He's also a flirt when we're out in public.

I wouldn't trade him for the world, though. Boys are fun!

[LD92599]

Well said!

Laura
Will is three...and doesn't sleep :-(

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[AngelaS]

Yes, they eventually get to this point, with a lot of training and patience on your part. But for every good shopping day you have, you also have a really dreadful embarassing one where you swear you are never taking your hoodlums out into public again!

[daisymommy]

Doesn't it drive you nuts to see things like this? I have a good friend at church who has 4 little girls who are all angels like this. They are all 2 years apart. But I have really come to realize after being around them that it is their parent's and their children's personality that causes this calm behavior, not perfect parenting. My family is just a bit more "outgoing" ;), so how can I expect quiet docile children?

Especially if one of them is a boy!!!

[maestramommy]

He he, yeah I guess there must be some evening of the score!

[Saartje]

I think it's partly personality of the child and partly parenting. And partly that you saw them on a good day when none of the children were in need of a meal or a nap. ;)

[KBecks]

LOL!!!

[KBecks]

I seriously think it's practice, practice, practice, and a willingness to keep on trying even when you're intimidated by going out in public.

[lizajane]

THANK YOU for saying that part of it is the personality of the child.

(AND thank you for saying she had no boys, too!)

if i have only one child with me, he follows pretty well. but when i have both... LOOK OUT. random strangers have to point them out to me after the dart away and hide under clothing racks.

i truly don't think i am a bad parent, but when i see my friends' kids marching along like little angels, i want to scream!! that is just NOT my kid. both of mine are wired to run, search, investigate, climb... i didn't make them active kids. they are just wired that way. and i do my best to teach them how to maintain control of themselves. (note that i didn't say i try to control them. that's immpossible! i teach THEM to control themselves.)

[jamsmu]

OMG Candy! Thank you!!!

[jamsmu]

Yes, but... you can have the highest of expectations, which I do (I get comments often that my expectations are really strict and uptight). But each child has a different personality. And you have to keep that in mind. If you have a high-spirited child, no matter your expectations and/or bribes, you're going to have moments.

[linsei]

Candy that is so, so true!

I always see little girls sitting in the cart, looking around, bow perched perfectly in her hair - that is the reason why boys don't wear bows - whoever invented them couldn't get the little boy to stop messing with it and leave it alone! ;)

Then there's ds, scavenging for food in the back of the cart and opening it - I can't tell you how many times the cashier says "did you know this box/package/bag is open?" He likes to sing loud and off-key, leaps down the isles like a frog and tries to swing on the displays like a monkey. Good times.

Linda

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[mamicka]

Ditto, Liza.

I am a really good mother, IMO. My kids are really well-behaved kids, IMO. But following me on foot as I push a shopping cart without fussing or crying, not going to happen anytime soon. So yes, Melinda, I think that it is in *large* part the personality of the child. My kids a free-spirits who are still not able to control their impulses to wander off & explore & climb... & I expect them to be that way for a while. I actually wouldn't have it any other way - I love the spirited personalities that God gave them (only 1 personality each :) ) - even though it makes public outings more difficult.

Allison

[nathansmom]

I fully agree with Liza here. My kids are wired to be active kids who run around, climb and investigate when out and about, heck they do this at HOME. However most people do not understand and have/will call you out as a bad mom when this happens. I try to go out only with one kid but sometimes I need to take all 3 with me. The only suggestion to me on how to prevent this is to get help because you show you can't handle 3 kids. Most people who make these comments either have only girls or young boys who haven't started to show their independence and have yet to experience this.

[american_mama]

ETA: Oh, just read Saartje's comment below. I like what she said better than what I wrote.

Disclaimer: I do not have boys. But I hope this thread doesn't become about boys vs. girls or good parents vs. bad parents.

The value I get from the original poster is that she saw a mom doing a good job with her kids with good results, which uplifts me. It gives me a role model for myself, a goal for my children, and hope that families in our society are doing better than I sometimes fear.

I don't know how that mom does it. But if she can, and her children can, maybe I can figure out my own way to do it too.

[Saartje]

>THANK YOU for saying that part of it is the personality of
>the child.

There are six kids in my family, with wildly different personalities. My eldest brother and I were both naturally calm, obedient little kids. My second brother could have been the ADHD poster child. (He's the reason I look so favorably on toddler harnesses: trying to keep track of him otherwise would have been impossible, and trying to keep him strapped in a stroller or grocery cart would have been detrimental, because he needed to exercise and he needed to explore.) The other three kids were somewhere in between.

So, while I do think parenting is a part of it, yes, I think personality is a huge thing. And knowing that, I tend to give parents I see in public the benefit of the doubt, because I know I'm only seeing them for a few minutes, not following the course of their parenting over a period of time.

Sorry to veer off the topic a bit — this is a soapbox issue for me. I don't like seeing parents judged (well, not negatively; a positive impression like the original post here is Ok with me ;) ) based on a small part of the picture. And I don't like to see parents judging themselves by comparing their child to just a moment's glimpse of another family's behavior, either. :)

[TaChapm]

Norah!!! I was wondering about you the other day. How are things going? It is so good to see you around!

Tara
Mommy to Jackson 11-10-02
Tyler 6-9-05
& Baby Jaci 8-10-06


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[nathansmom]

I love what you said. Thanks for writing it.

[nathansmom]

Thanks Tara! I'll send you a pm later in the day. I'm not up to posting personal stuff anymore on the web. I meant to send my congrats on your new baby but I kept putting it off.

[lizajane]

i hope it didn't sound like we were upset by what OP said! i was just thinking about kids and being out, etc. and was chatting about it. didn't mean to hyjack or anything!

[Tondi G]

I wish she could give me some pointers cause I have a hard enough time getting around stores with my 2 boys... and one is in the cart at all times mostly! When it's more than a quick trip I usually get my mom or my DH to come along! :) There is nothing like having 2 active boys in Target or the grocery store!

~Tondi
Mommy to Mason 7/8/01 and Aidan 5/4/05

[saschalicks]

AMEN! I have two wonderful little boys who for the most part are well behaved, but their personalities are so different. I know that DS#1 is always going to need a little more "parenting" then DS#2. He's just spirited and that's all there is to it.

[Wife_and_mommy]

You'll get no arguments from me. You're going to have moments, spirited child or no.


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[boys2enough]

>THANK YOU for saying that part of it is the personality of
>the child.
>
>(AND thank you for saying she had no boys, too!)
>
>if i have only one child with me, he follows pretty well. but
>when i have both... LOOK OUT. random strangers have to point
>them out to me after the dart away and hide under clothing
>racks.
>
>i truly don't think i am a bad parent, but when i see my
>friends' kids marching along like little angels, i want to
>scream!! that is just NOT my kid. both of mine are wired to
>run, search, investigate, climb... i didn't make them active
>kids. they are just wired that way. and i do my best to teach
>them how to maintain control of themselves. (note that i
>didn't say i try to control them. that's immpossible! i teach
>THEM to control themselves.)

Liza, you took the words from my mouth!

And LOL to Candy's comment. I hope I don't sound bitter. LOL.


Cheers, Lin


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