Do you have a will or other estate planning / guadianship plan in place?

[KBecks]

OK -- here's a personal finance poll -- do you have a will?

This is one of those things I know I need to do yet have not gotten around to it. I'm procrastinating I think because 1) I have no plans for DH and me to die soon 2) I feel a little nervous about guardian selection, and 3) I can't decide if a software program is good enough or 4) I'll have to pay an attorney and hate to part with a good month's worth of grocery money. (ETA - and 5 - I'm not thrilled about searching for / hiring / working with an advisor and feel reluctant to search for an attorney I'll feel good about working with. I'm afraid I'll end up with someone arrogant who is disinterested in helping me on such a small project.)

I need to get this bad boy done. Perhaps you'll help motivate me.

So, how about you?

[KHF]

My DH and I did this not too long after our daughter was born. We worked with an estate attorney. It cost us about $500, but I have to tell you that it was worth it for peace of mind. Knowing what will happen to DD if her Dad and I aren't around means a lot.

The guardian selection was the most important thing to me. I knew I wanted her to go to my family because his family is kind of a trainwreck. We also had it written so it covers any future children. We won't have to pay to have it amended.

ETA: Regarding finding an attorney. I found ours through a friend who had just set up their will. His attorney wasn't licensed in our state, but he recommended someone that was.

Kirsten
DD Laurel - 8.22.2005

[newnana]

Boy, oh boy. We haven't because we can't decide who DD and any future DC should go to. At all. We desperately want to do this and really need to get on it, but can't pick someone. We aren't fighting about it and never have, but we haven't figured out who would be physically capable of handling children.
Michelle

[BillK]

Fortunately our attorney is an fantastic human being - as well as being a great attorney (normally it's one or the other with most attorneys in my experience). He handled all the will/guardianship paperwork and did a wonderful job - and shockingly enough - he did it for free.

[lilycat88]

Yes...and do a power of attorney and medical directive at the same time.

We actually got it done a few months before DD was born but it references *unborn child (lastname)* in the guardianship area. We wanted to make sure that it was known where we wanted DD to go if something happened to us. When we do our next revision, we'll put her name in. We are getting ready to do a codicil that delineates exactly where our estate would go if something happens to us and DD. We have a VERY small family and we have people in the extended family on my side we want to make sure don't get a dime and that will be stated explicitly. We would rather church, schools and charities get our money than greedy relatives. We were also motivated by my MILs death. She died of lung cancer with hospice care and that was her wish. We both have definite ideas about end of life care that we want to be respected.

It's a huge relief having it done even though it's not in it's final format. My grandmother had her will redone several times a year depending on which person had pi$$ed her off the most recently. I vow to NOT be like that but we will keep it updated.

We live in a large metropolitan area but went to my small hometown to have our wills and medical directives done. It was less expensive and we never felt like little fish in a big pond. The best thing you can do is get recommendations from others.


Jamelin
Mom to Susanna born 6/29/2004

[sidmand]

Yes, we actually finalized all of it the day I was being induced (in the a.m.). We have a medical directive, guardianship, will...I thought it was very important to do as soon as DS was in the picture just in case.

Thankfully we haven't needed any of it yet, but I'm glad we did it when we did. Guardian selection was very difficult. But you can never know when something might happen to you. I have no plans for either myself or DH to die any time soon, but my Mom died very suddenly at a fairly young age and it was a freak kind of thing. I think it's good to have all your ducks in a row. Some places specialize in that sort of thing and I don't think would mind any job, no matter how small. We did go to an estate planning firm since we were trying to encompass a lot all at once. We only met with the lawyer twice, I think. And she was fine for what we needed.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[crAbbymom]

Our daughters are 6 and 4 and we STILL haven't been able to decide on a guardian for our girls.

We live in Houston as do my in-laws. My SIL has 2 girls that are the same ages as mine and our kids are very close. Unfortunately, there is NOBODY here that could/would be able to take the girls.

My family is in PA. My parents don't have the energy to take on the kids. My brother and his wife are the ONLY ones I would be comfortable with, but SIL isn't in good health and has 2 VERY active ones of her own. Aside from that, I'm not sure it would be a good idea to have the girls taken so far away from their home and everything familiar.

We'll keep putting off the whole will/guardian situation knowing it's a bad idea...:(

[MarisaSF]

Why not just buy the $30 WillMaker Pro software?
That's what our friends and we all did.

[KBecks]

I have the software and have made drafts, but no notary and signing yet. A decision on whether to split guardian and financial control is still in the air

And i still feel i may want an attorney to help me disaster check

[luvmypeanut]

We were living overseas and I wanted to be protected in the event something happened to DH (the tax situation is different for each country, I believe). When we purchased a house in the USA we set up a will and trust for our assets. When DD was born, we amended it with guardianship papers and added a trust for her. Ditto for when DS was born. I wanted to make clear that the kids would go to whomever we chose for guardians should something happen to both of us.

I don't know if I could do it by myself. We used a lawyer who specializes in estate planning. He was recommended by our friend who is a partner in that firm. I have no idea how to go about interviewing for an advisor but I would probably start by asking friends for referrals.

[katerinasmom]

I am an estate planning attorney and I am embarassed to say how long it took us after DD was born to get our wills together. The hold up was definitely choosing a guardian. It is the absolute hardest decision to make but once it was finally made I definitely felt a sense of relief. We are a mixed race family - I am Greek, my husband is Puerto Rican and Guyanese and all sides of our family are very close and culturally rich. We don't live too far from any of our immediate relatives and are sure that they would all fight over DD. It was really important for us to make the decision now and to leave an expression of our wishes for our DD to grow up knowing and being a part of and to learn the customs and traditions of all sides of our family. All I can say is just do it. As far as using an attorney as opposed to a will program - I know I am a bit biased but I would recommend an attorney. Or if your plan is not that complicated and you decide to use a will program, have an attorney review your finished documents to make sure they actually accomplish what you intended. Get a recommendation from a friend or your local bar association. You should be able to find someone who would do it for a reasonable flat fee. But make sure they specialize in family law and estate planning. I've seen too many wills drafted by so-called "general practitioners" who unfortunately should really stick to personal injury cases or real estate transactions.

I would also suggest doing Health Care Proxies and Living Wills at the same time. It was very important for us to have a written expression of our wishes with regard to end of life decisions as my husband and I are of completely opposite opinions. It was important that we have this set out so that our family members would understand our choices and not blame our spouse for the choices we made as well as to relieve each other of any associated guilt and to make sure that we would each be willing to carry out each other's wishes.

[Moneypenny]

We just finished ours a few months ago. We did a will with testamentary trust, living wills and power of attorneys. It was about $550. I felt better going with an actual estate planning attorney because all my other attorney friends say they absolutely do NOT recommend going with the online software. It is too generic and can't cover things that would be applicable to your particular situation. Our attorney met with us once for about 90 minutes, drafted the documents, emailed them to us to check over, and then met with us again to go over everything and do the signing. He has even helped us work with some of our financial institutions to get our beneficiary designations changed to reflect our daughter's trust. It was well worth the money, in my opinion.
Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif[/img][/url]

[boogiemom]

Absolutely, yes!

In answer to your reasons for procrastinating:
1) Few people make advance reservations.
2) I know this is terribly difficult. We didn't LOVE any of our choices. No one would raise my children EXACTLY as I would. However, it scared us to think that if we hadn't done this and something happened to us, we'd have NO input at all. I didn't love any of our choices but I REALLY disliked some more than others. We wanted to give our children the gift of not being shuttled here and there and fought over during a long legal battle in addition to going thru the devastation of losing us. We decided and we let everyone know our decision.
3) Personally, this is not a time that I'd be bargain hunting. Sometimes you get what you pay for. I know that our attorney was very thorough in explaining the laws of our state and letting us know of some recent changes in local laws. A software program would not have knows about these recent changes.
4) Sucks but it's a small price to pay for peace of mind.
5) I just asked some friends and found a great local attorney. He has small kids of his own and completely understood our concerns. If you speak with someone who is arrogant or disinterested, it's time to leave and use someone else.




I hope you can get motivated to do this. It's not fun, but really...it's not supposed to be. Go to the appt. and get everything taken care of and then go out to dinner to celebrate that it's all completed and you no longer have to worry about it. :)

[DDowning]

It took us almost a year to finalize ours but I'm glad its done. We've tied in the trusts, advance directives, insurance policies, schooling, his company business, etc. We've made all the decisions as to whether me or my spouse want to be buried, cremated, etc. We have a trustee to oversee the financial aspects of our estate and another trustee to oversee the guardianship. We even have backups for these choices should something happen to them. We've gone into detail as to what needs to happen in order for our children to receive the monies, ie, conditions for anything other than basic living expenses. Basically, ages when they get "x" amount and the age with the get the balance. Conditions include things like being good citizens, not doing drugs, committing crimes, etc. We used an estate attorney and it cost a boatload to tie in everything together but I'm glad its done.

Since I stay home and rely on DH for his income, one thing I had him do is make a list of names, contacts, account numbers of all things related financially to our family. Sort of a "what to do list" in the case something were to seriously happen to him. The last thing in my grief is to try and figure out the paper chase that's necessary after an event like this. He will periodically go in and update as necessary when account numbers change etc.

[kss611]

We just got ours done and the only hard thing was guardianship. But I do feel good now that they are done. We did had neighbors who both died in their 30s leaving two young children. You try not to ever think about those types of things happening to you, but when you see something like that happen, it does motivate you to get a will done.

Karen

[thomma]

I wish I could motivate you but my kids are 3 and it hasn't been done yet. We've selected the guardians and feel very good about our choices. We even have access to a good lawyer. We just haven't done it. It's on our list of things to do but always seems to get shoved to the bottom. There is some small part of me that knows I haven't done it because the whole thing scares the crap out of me.

[KBecks]

<<I know this is terribly difficult. We didn't LOVE any of our choices. No one would raise my children EXACTLY as I would. However, it scared us to think that if we hadn't done this and something happened to us, we'd have NO input at all. I didn't love any of our choices but I REALLY disliked some more than others. We wanted to give our children the gift of not being shuttled here and there and fought over during a long legal battle in addition to going thru the devastation of losing us. We decided and we let everyone know our decision.>>

This is what I need to come to terms with -- that we need to pick the best option we can, given the options we have, none of which is totally satisfactory, but some are better than others. I think it is choosing the least worst option (of course the best option is, having your children outlive you.)

[lisams]

We had our wills, double general powers of attorney, health care powers of attorney and living wills done by an attorney for about $800. That was 2 meetings of about 45 minutes each, him sending us drafts to look over and then sending the final documents.

Probably not the cheapest way to go, but it feels good to have it done.

[saschalicks]

I chose other b/c we don't have anything in place, however, we have made it clear to every family member involved that our children and dog, should anything happen, go to my older brother. We just have to get around to getting it done. Since DH is an attorney and my dad is an estate planning attorney, I know we can do it, it's just a when question.

[spu]

get an attourney.

We thought we had everything figured out for our estate planning prior to our first meeting with the attourney - and he brought up so many things that we hadn't even thought about. Well worth the $ to make sure everything is in place and spelled out properly, esp. when there are children and $ involved.

We ended up changing so much from our original plan based on discussions we had, that we hadn't even thought of prior. and I'm sooooo glad we made the decisions we did.

I wouldn't consider it a "small project" since you'll probably want to do 2 wills (one for you, one for DH), 2 power of attourneys, a trust for your estate once the second parent passes, 2 health care proxies, 2 living wills, and whatever else comes up that you see fit.

If you've never dealt with a family member's will before, sure - it can be simple as pie, but can make things hell for those remaining, and can literally tear a family in half. Best to go with the professionals and have everything spelled out in multiple layers of depth (otherwise, the state intervenes, and everything gets held up for a long long time, there can be tax issues, house issues, etc...)

Interview a few lawyers first to make sure you like his approach and personality. Maybe get recommendations from friends whose values you share.

*** and remember --- it's always good to pull out these documents every few years or so (or if anything changes - say, someone mentioned in the will passes, or has a lifestyle change that you like/dislike, etc...) and you can always revise any time you see fit.

It took us a good 3 months from the first meeting to completing the final package. It's worth it.

susan

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nursed for 3 years!
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charlotte + else

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[spu]

...a few more things about the gaurdianship issues...

-- you can always change your mind about the gaurdian and revise any time.

-- you can spell you any of your wishes -- ie. no daycare, live in our house until the children finish school... monetary directives -ie: x$/month from the trust goes toward the children, spell out a time range (say every 3 mos) or at what age and they get a % (ie: at age 18, they get 50%, and the remaining 50% at age 30...), and how much the children receive and what the $ can be used for... otherwise the gaurdian (or the children!) can do whatever they want with whatever they want whenever they want, and then there's nothing left for YOUR children...

oh I'm getting all stressed again re-thinking everything we went through, but it's sooo worth it - peace. definitely peace. :)

I hope you find the time to track down a lawyer. They're sure to bring up all kinds of things to think about. whew.


susan

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nursed for 3 years!
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charlotte + else

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[o_mom]

Get an attorney. We did ours shortly after DS1 was born. We actually met with her before, but took awhile to decide all the stuff. Guardians, financial person, what if the whole family dies, etc, etc. We did a POA and Health Care Directive at the same time.

She was so helpful in explaining the law and what would happen if we didn't set anything up. How the kids would get the money (they can't own much real property in this state, so it all goes in trust), and so on. Different ways of dividing things and what advantages of each. I think it was around $500 for everything and that was a 'downtown' lawyer in a large city.

[jgriffin]

I voted Other, because we have started the process (with Quicken WillMaker), but haven't finished it, or found an attorney to help us. There was a good thread on this a few months ago, and I am ashamed to say that we *still* haven't finished. (But I did just mail in our taxes, so that counts for something, right? :)) Hmm...guess I should have voted No.

I haven't read all the other replies, but someone said in the previous thread that it really is worth it to have an attorney do the paperwork. Especially when you've got kids, it's not something you want to screw up (e.g. you think you're doing one thing in the will, but it's really something else).

We have no plans to die soon, either, but DH was in a car accident this summer, so it kind of struck us that even with the best of planning to be safe, the worse can happen.

[tarahsolazy]

Yep. We have wills, and a trust set up for Fory and any future kids. My sister gets them, but DH's mother is in charge of the money. Not that there is any, but we wanted two people involved. We got wills, the trust, medical powers of attorney, and living wills all at the same time.

We used a local estate attorney, and it was very affordable, $400.

[deenass]

YEs, we have a will and power of atty, living trust. Yes, it cost $ but we figured it was part of the cost of having a child.

I can also say, after dealing with the nightmare of my MIL dying without a will (and my SIL is an atty and she and DH get along GREAT so there wasn't any fighting). We lost SO much $ in taxes/fees/penalties (THOUSANDS of $) that it royally sucked. Not to mention the fact that FIL (her ex-husband of 30+ years) got sucked into the mess. I basically offered to pay for my parents to update theirs so we wouldn't have to deal with the same crap again.

[AngelaS]

We wrote our wills before we had our first because we wanted to be sure of who would raise if if something happened. This was NOT a decision we wanted left open to the state to decide!

Call around. Some lawyers consider writing wills a bit of a public service so they do it for a much lower rate. We paid about $250 for ours but knew someone else who only charged $40. Of course, we found out about the second guy AFTER we had ours done.....