UPDATE - WWYD: New job, possible new baby?

[CharmedOne]

So we're not pregnant after all. :(

My period came late yesterday. DH was so sure too. I'm so sad and relieved at the same time. Now we definitely have to wait a few months before TTC. I'm jealous of all you pregnant mamas!


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If you saw my post earlier this week, I will be starting a new career in two weeks.

DH and I have talked about having our DCs relatively close in age (2 to 3 years apart). When DS turned one, we talked about TTC. We got pregnant with DS on one try. We don't think it will happen as quickly this time around. At the time I had no intention of looking for a new job. Then this job opportunity came along and just feels right. I'm having horrible PMS and cramping in my back right now. I'm a day late, and I'm hungry all the time. I never felt this out of sync with my previous cycles. I'm wondering...could I be pregnant? DH thinks I am. We're going to wait another day to see if my period arrives before I take a pregnancy test.

I know all this stress isn't helping. We do want to have another DC, but I don't know if I can wait until I complete a full year at my job. If we are PG, then how do I handle the work situation? It's not like we planned on me getting a new job and getting pregnant at the same time. Any BTDT advice?

Caroline

http://b2.lilypie.com/3k5Am7/.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif 16 months

[lilycat88]

I had a funky new job/baby situation as well. I'm trying to remember the timing. I had been interviewing for my current position since May or so and it was taking so darn long that DH and I just decided we would move ahead with our plans for an IUI. This was in late August. Of course, I started the meds and THEN was offered the job. We decided to go ahead and do the IUI and figure it out from there. We would put trying to get pregnant on hold for a while if it didn't work. My leaving the position I was in turned out to be a big hairy mess and the day of the IUI was a day or so AFTER I gave my notice and my former employer escorted me out of the building and sent their lawyers after any information I had. It was unexpectendly stressful. So, I was still working through that mess. The IUI didn't work BUT we got pregnant on our own the next cycle. SURPRISE! So, I had to tell my new boss I was pregnant with a high risk pregnancy after being on the job for only about 6 weeks. In my case, it went extremely well and he was happy for me. Because I knew I would have a lot of appointments and stuff, I told him very quickly after we found out. He knew a good month before any family knew.

For me, the biggest thing I needed to make sure of was that my short term disability wasn't impacted and that all benefits were in place. Something about it not actually being in effect until the 1st of the month after I started and if I had *known* I was pregnant and had been to the doctor before it took effect, the pregnancy would have been a pre-existing condition and I couldn't have used my STD for maternity leave. This was HUGE for us since my company didn't have any true maternity leave and I wasn't going to have been there long enough to build up a huge stockpile of paid time off. My first blood test was the day AFTER my STD coverage was in effect and my first OB appt. was a day after that.

I don't think I read your earlier post so I don't know whether you were working before but my advice is purely on the practical side. Make sure your benefit ducks are in a row before you make any physician visits related to this pregnancy---if you are pregnant.

Good Luck!

Jamelin
DD Susanna 6/29/04

[C99]

Well, if you want the job, I wouldn't tell them that I were pregnant until it became obvious - like 5 or 6 months. I also wouldn't let the fact that I am pregnant stop me from getting a job, as long as I were prepared for childcare eventualities, etc., and/or wanted to work after baby #2 arrived.

In a way, I've been in your situation already. I was 3 months pregnant with Nathaniel and was all set up to work at an alternate location when I got laid off from my job at the time - no one knew I was pregnant. Then I had the fun task of trying to find a job while I was pregnant. I interviewed with one company for 2-3 months before they finally offered me a job. They wanted a 6-month contract and it was only then that I told them that I was pregnant. So the contract was shortened to 3 months, with an option to renew. I ended up giving birth to Nathaniel about 7 weeks into the contract. We renewed the contract for a couple of months, but then I terminated it when Nate was about 6 months old.

I ended up getting another job soon after, with terms that were much more amenable to me as a SAHM. It's also a contract gig and offsite, and although I had been with them for 2 years by then, none of the usual FMLA/maternity leave guidelines apply. So when I was pregnant with Rose 2 years later, I didn't tell them until I was 9 months pregnant and declining a project. I'll probably tell them earlier this time, but not for awhile yet.

[Piglet]

Hugs! I am in a similar, but not as stressful place right now. I applied for an awesome internal posting and got the job right around the time we hit the "bullseye". Here I am 11 weeks PG, with a new job that I love, a new boss that thinks I am awesome and I have to tell him next week that the good news is that I love the job, but the bad news is that I will have to leave in less than 6 months. The issue for me is not that I don't feel blessed, but mat leave here in Canada is 1 year. My fear is that my boss will be miffed that they are putting all this energy into training me only to have me leave for a year... let's just say this was not my plan, but we succeeded a LOT faster this time than we did last time!?

Good luck!

[daniele_ut]

I started my current job when I was pregnant with DS. I was 12 weeks pregnant during the interview process, but because I knew I wasn't legally obligated to tell my future employer, I did not. I know they were surprised and worried when I did tell them about a month after I started because most women who work for my company do not return to work after starting their families. I knew I would be returning, but the catch was that they were under no legal obligation to me as far as FMLA because I was employed for 5 months when my son was born. They were gracious enough to hold my job for me and everything worked out in the end. I'm still here 2 years later.

Honestly, if you aren't pregnant now, I would wait 3 more months before you start trying again if you are planning to keep this job once you have your second dc. FMLA requires that you have worked 1250 hours in the previous 12 months. Waiting just a few more months to get pregnant would guarantee that you were employed long enough by the time you deliver to take advantage of FMLA.

If you are pregnant now, I would wait several months before you share the news, but when you do negotiate your leave right away so that you are prepared if they decline to hold your job for you while you are on maternity leave.

[Lovingliv]

Funny, this post is perfect timing for my situation. Just last week I started to tell people at my work i was expecting. Actually, they started asking! I wasn't showing till last week, and now I look 8 months preggo!
I am a consultant so that is my motiviation....

[saschalicks]

Caroline,
I have a very similar story. I got my job in Feb '05, then 6 weeks later my DH got laid off. We were so glad I had my job. 3 weeks later we realize I'm pregnant with DS#2. We were NOT trying. Anyway, I had been at my job 2 months and 1 week when I realized I was pregnant. I was scared out of my mind. Finally 2 weeks later I told my boss. I was starting to show and I didn't want him to think I was hiding something from him. He was very shocked, but didn't say anything negative. I went on leave in Dec. '05 and came back March '06.

I know it can be scary but the truth is they cannot discriminate against you if you are pregnant. It is against the law. If they did the math they'd know you didn't know before you started the job. Now you need to decide what you are going to do job wise. Will you come back after maternity leave? Those kinds of things. I knew for sure that I was coming back b/c DH & I couldn't afford to have 2 children on 1 income even with the cost of daycare.

My co-workers joked when I came back that I'd be pregnant in 3 months, but other then that everything is fine now. Take care of yourself. Remember in life, everything happens for a reason. :)

[saschalicks]

Jamelin GOOD point. I didn't do any blood tests, urine tests anything b/c I was afraid the new healthcare, which would start 6 weeks after I realized I was pregnant, would think it was a pre-existing condition and not cover any of the medical costs. I was super cautious and went for all of the testing 2 days after my insurance kicked in.

****If you live in CA (like me), you cannot take more then the allowed 12 weeks (c-section) by disability. FMLA which allows for an additional six weeks is not applicable. So the added 6 week option is not there. I know this b/c I worked less then a year. I had to go back at exactly 13 weeks. Disability only paid 8 of those weeks and the PFL paid the other 4.

[CharmedOne]

IF I am pregnant, my situation is still complicated. I won't be eligible to take FMLA leave if I remember the rules correctly. My new employer has less than 30 employees, and I would have only been working for about 8 months by the time I would go on maternity leave. Plus there is a 60 day waiting period before benefits kick in, which means I would have to wait until January 1st. I shouldn't wait that long to get tested. Whatever happens, I do plan on returning to work.

On the positive side, at least I'm covered medically through DH. It could be worse. We can't afford me to be a SAHM financially. I could be pregnant and not working.

Caroline

http://b2.lilypie.com/3k5Am7/.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif 16 months

[daniele_ut]

In most states, pregnancy can not be considered a preexisting condition for insurance purposes. My insurance kicked in on day 1 at my current employer at 16 weeks pregnant and they paid everything from that day forward.

As for FMLA, your new employer does not have to follow the FMLA guidelines because they have fewer than 50 employees. If you are pregnant now, the risk is that they don't have to keep your job open for you while you are on maternity leave. Some employers voluntarily follow FMLA, though, even if not required.

I hope things work out for the best!

[CharmedOne]

Thanks for the great advice. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I'll take a pregnancy test this weekend and go from there...

Caroline

http://b2.lilypie.com/3k5Am7/.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif 16 months