Has anyone had to explain Bambi's mom yet?

[luvmypeanut]

I chickened out and told her Bambi's mom got lost. Now I feel terrible. What should I have said?

[Fairy]

Not Bambi, but we had to put one of our cats to sleep two weeks ago. Shortly thereafter, I won a similar looking stuffed animal cat at an amusement park, so I gave it to him and said, "who is this? Is this Fluffy? He giggled and nodded, and Fluffy is now one of DS's favorite bedtime toys. So that's how I dealt with that one. Not proud. But he's two. How do you explain "the cat died" to a two-year-old that doesn't really talk so much yet?

Good luck on the Bambi thing. I, for one, will never have to specifically explain Bambi, cuz I refuse to ever watch that movie again. Mufasa on the other hand . . .

[kozachka]

Not Bambi but many others. DS wanted to know where mom of 3 pigs is and so on and so forth. The worst part so far has been explaining why homeless dogs don't have homes.

[elliput]

It is not my intention to start a debate over hunting vs animal rights etc, but I would think you would want to consider your views on those subjects when discussing the fate of Bambi's mom. And then word the explanation in such a way that it seems logical to your DC without causing fear.

[crAbbymom]

I have gone beyond chicken...I haven't let my girls watch the movie at ALL because I don't want to explain about Bambi's mom. Mine are old enough to get it, but they tend to obsess a bit...

[Lovingliv]

Sounds like you did just fine!

When the time comes, I invision myself saying Bambi's mom went to heaven. When my neighbor died, when I was 4 my mom told me he went to heaven. I always invision heaven as a wonderful place, based on what she told me. So it didn't seem so bad.

[holliam]

Add all the other Disney movies that have no mother in them.

As an adoptive mama who already will be helping her daughter through understanding the loss of a birth mother and a foster mother, I plan on tackling these issues face on and not with Disney's "help".

Yea, it's my #1 dislike about Disney films.

Holli

[aliceinwonderland]

There's no love lost here for Disney either--But it's not the movies that worry me, it's the books. **At this point** I do not wish to censure what DS "reads", my parents never did this for us (I am still considering whether this was a good idea, I mean is One Thousand and One nights, the unabridged version, when the new bride gets beheaded the next morning okay for a pre-teen to read? Dunno, at this point.

I do think, kids approach these stories in very different ways that we as adults do. This is purely intuitive, and based on my own experience only. Certainly I was a bit shocked with what happened to the little mermaid, or the harasment the ugly duskling underwent, or about Babar witnesing him mom killed, but....Maybe a fairy tale is a safe way for kids to experience loss? Maybe I am just fatalistic, and think it may be okay for kids to know that sometimes, but not often, mommy dies, but the elephant in question will be okay and taken care of in the end? Maybe it sounds good in theory, but I will chicken out and skip the stories too?
Just ban me now :)

Censorship in this context is something I am very interested in and clearly need to read up upon...

[lilycat88]

DD hasn't seen anything Disney'ish yet on TV so I've not had to go there. But, the book thing is just starting to be an issue. I AM finding myself sensoring a few lines in a couple of her books. She's on a kick with a book where there is a line "something..something...something...is that why I get scared when I'm in bed alone. We often skip that line. My DD is extremely cautious and inclined toward latching onto things and not letting go for a long time. For instance, about 6 weeks ago, a small chicken (dunno what kind...think large bird) landed on a kids head when she was in a group of kids learning about chickens. There was no trauma to the child and she was only an observer but we've heard about her being scared of this chicken nearly every day since. So, the last thing I need right now is her latching onto being scared when she is in bed alone. So, we skip that. I'm not sure how she'd handle a death or beheading.

That being said, in real life, we talk openly about her Grandma who passed away before she was born. She identifies her in pictures and, appropriately for *our* house, we talk about Grandma being in heaven because she got very very sick. She is also not a stranger to doctors/sickness/suffering for herself and for others. She's been to see her other Grandma many many times in a hospital and knows that sometimes Grandma is very very sick. She's seen my father tended to more than once by big burly EMT guys after they arrive with sirens blazing so we've had to explain "sickness" and "being made better" and "hurting" for a long time. I'm not sure how we'll handle it when she makes the connection between her grandmas both being very very sick but only one being in heaven. Good Times ahead, I'm afraid.




Jamelin
Mom to Susanna born 6/29/2004

[lmintzer]

I don't see it as censorship--when you are dealing with your own child, you make decisions about what you think s/he can handle. Different kids are ready to deal with these stories at different times. The same with films/books with violence. I know a funny story of a preschooler who was watching a somewhat scary film with a much older sib and their mom. The mom and big sis started to look scared, and the little one said, "Don't worry, Mom. It's just a story." There's a kid who clearly can distinguish between fantasy and reality and isn't one who the story really bothers. There are some kids who just stew in a story's content and for them, you need to pick and choose what they are exposed to.

We all "censor" or titrate for kids in some ways. How many of you out there are letting your kids watch Fox news, for example?

I'm not a big fan of Disney films and small kids, either. Most of those stories are too sad or are too scary for most preschoolers.

I HAVE heard that Madagascar is pretty tame, so I'm going to check that one out. Jack (at 5 1/2) has seen a total of 3 real movies. We are pretty careful with what we show him.

[aliceinwonderland]

ITA--and was not using "censorship" in an entirely derogatory way, just also wondering what I'll do with my own kid...

But I absolutely do think as a kid I KNEW it is "just a story", so it made it okay. I also had no context for death, so it was in very abstract terms that I thought about it at the time. And, abstract does not hurt as much, IYKWIM. I am very interested in yours and other professionals thoughs on this,though. As I said, I am responding on a strictly intuitive basis :)

[holliam]

The thing I'm not sure about is how a child who has experienced the loss of a mother, consciously or unconsciously, would react to these films. I thought it was just a story, but I had a mother at home so who knows how I would have reacted otherwise.

I am absolutely addressing these issues already as we talk about her birth mother and foster mother. I guess my point was that I wasn't going to let Disney do it for me.

Holli

[aliceinwonderland]

"The thing I'm not sure about is how a child who has experienced the loss of a mother, consciously or unconsciously, would react to these films. I thought it was just a story, but I had a mother at home so who knows how I would have reacted otherwise."

No, that makes perfect sense to me...

[michellep]

With my older kids I've found that they just want to know the facts--as in what happened, how it happened, will it happen to you that sort of thing. Part just wanting to know how the world works, part getting reassurance that everything's ok in their own life. Often I worried about addressing larger metaphysical questions, but they really weren't thinking about that yet. They want to know what happened and what it means for them, and I really found it easier to just explain Bambi but also point out that what happens in Bambi is not what will happen to them. Dancing around it is tempting but it will come up somewhere else soon enough--you might want to check on the health of those preschool animals just in case!

And I think this all has less to do with Disney and more to do with the material he was working with (although I have no idea where the Bambi story came from). Those fairytales were pretty gruesome! Anyone read the original Pinnochio? He smashes Jiminy Cricket in the first chapter!!! yipes.

-M

[emmiem]

I tell my kids that hunters shoot animals for sport and/or food and that Bambi's mother got killed.

The truth is always easier.
Michele

[Mommy_Again]

DS got his hands on a hand-me-down Lion King book that he was obsessed with. At the photo of Mufasa laying dead on the ground he would always, every time, ask "what's he doing?"

I would tell him he was taking a nap and then I finally put the book up on a high shelf when he wasn't looking.

[AngelaS]

Bambi's mothers got shot by hunters. We go the truth route. We don't watch that movie or many other Disney movies until the girls are older--like 6 or so.