Anyone else sort of winging it on the baby/parenting thing?

[SammyeGail]

I just want to know I'm not the only one. Our twins are 11 months old and mostly I've been following my instincts, remembering things my older sisters did and reading misc. post on the internet.

I sometimes feel bad, but I try to tell myself I am doing pretty good : ). They were 6 weeks early, weighed 4.5 lbs, were up to 50th percentile by 6 months. They've never really been sick, a 24 hr virus here and there and I've always had the same one. We did go the the pedi when Noah's tummy was upset for a few days and she thought he was ok, other than that we've only gone to well-checks.

We put them in their cribs when they are sleepy and most of the time they go to sleep on their own. We started letting them 'fuss it out' when they were about 9 months old. Its gone ok, I cave in at the horrible crying but its not very often.

Ok, I am rambling but I am starting to run into some issues. Table food by 12 months? We are nowhere close. We've been trying for the last month but have had slow progress. I've been using the fact that they have no teeth yet as an excuse : ). And I honestly don't know what foods to start with. (I'm putting a post in the feeding forum, hint, hint)

I've never done the things I wanted to try, the sign language, etc.
They are very well taken care of, I play with them lots and I am very lucky I get to stay home with them.

This post is not very organized, but I guess I am just looking for reassurance that I am not the only one who's done this.

thanks,
Samantha
Noah and Jonas
11 months today

[denna]

When I first became pregnant I honestly did not know the first thing about raising a child full time. I mean I cared for my neices and nephews and other DCs but never knew the full spectrum of parenting (not that I completely do now ;) ). But when I first moved here the only job available was at the local daycare center and I learned a lot more about where children should be developmentally and what to do to help them along. When to start solids, how to see the signs they are ready and help guide them along. After that job (about 6months) I got a better job that allowed me to be on the computer ALOT, so then I did a ton of research on pregnancy and parenting online. Then MIL came in and bought me the BBB book and thats how I met all of the wonderful moms on here and have honestly learned so much.

If it werent for these girls I would have pulled back the skin on my uncirc'd DS, I would be turning DS around forward facing the moment he reached the req's. I would have started him on solids at 4months and probably would have put cereal in the bottle. My mom did all of these things w/ me and all the other kids, she also never bf and was never a big fan of it so if I wouldnt have found this community I would never have tried (and loved) bf'ing (though we were forced to wean at 7 weeks for work issues).

Well after all of this rambling I just wanted to show you that you are definitely not alone. I will look for your post in the Feeding Baby forum and see if I can offer any help.

Good luck and it sounds to me like you are doing great! You have twins and are 'winging' it that is amazing.

[trumansmom]

I tend to parent by the seat of my pants and then read a whole lot until I find someone who says I did it right. :P

Hey, as long as they're happy and healthy, who cares?

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

[kedss]

Nope, you aren't the only one. :)
I think that no matter how many books we read, or what advice we ask for and receive, we all wing it one way or another. Sounds like you are doing a great job!

big hugs

[cmdunn1972]

I would think that many parents fly by the seat of their pants at least a little bit. Many times, instinct is all you have to go by. After all, it's not as if kids come with instruction manuals. ;)

[bubbaray]

I tried to "do it by the book" initially, but couldn't find "a" book that felt right, KWIM?

So, yeah, I'm winging it. Not very well some days, but hey, I just keep trying. Part of it is laziness on my part, too. Signing is a good example of that. I did some, but was too tired at the time to do more. Sleep was more important to me (DD still d/n sleep through the night) than learning more signs.

For example, DD is 2.5 and we are still working on (not very actively, she is leading the way) on PTg. Yesterday, a doc I work with told me all three of his kids were PT'd by 11 MONTHS. Sigh.


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

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[lilycat88]

I think "winging it" is the dictionary definition of parenting. Your kids are healthy...happy most of the time...you're not in a mental institution...I'd say you're doing great. :-) I've got more things on my "didn't do but meant to" list than I'd care to admit.

[punkrockmama]

Yep. My motto is "Well, he's not dead yet so I must be doing something right." :P

Seriously though, when I was pg I read books and stuff but when he was born it all went out the window. Even now I'll stop here and there and think maybe I should be xyz...But then it passes because life sweeps us back up again.

Nobody knows how to raise "your" kid so all the advice is just that, advice. Not gospel obviously. I believe the mommy instinct is the most powerful thing around.

The biggest measurement is that our kids are happy, healthy, and loved. If you can check those off your list, then winging it is working!

Sounds like you're doing a great job there mom!

[SammyeGail]

I did want to add that their sleeping schedule is decent. They go to bed around 7:30-8:30, sleep about 10-11 hours and have 2-3 naps a day. Their naps are not on a set in stone schedule, lunch is around noon and dinner is around 6PM. They are not great at sleeping thur the night. I'd say 4 out of 7 one of them will wake up, thus waking the other, but it is at least only once a night. Their naps are not on a set in stone schedule, lunch is around noon and dinner is around 6PM.

I have done almost no planning for their first birthday :(. But its right at Thanksgiving and all my family is in Alabama. (we live in TN) We are thinking of having something on Thanksgiving at my moms, a sort of T'giving/B'day combo. I think sometimes the first birthday is more for the mother than the kids, they're not going to remember it. At least thats what I am telling myself!

Samantha

[table4three]

It sounds like you are doing great!

FWIW (and I know this isn't the feeding forum...) my DS was still solely on baby food at 12 months. He didn't start table food till closer to 14 months. Now at 18 months, he's shoveling tablefood into his mouth with a spoon like it is nothing. He also didn't get the hang of the sippy cupu till close to 15 months. As with all things, some kids just take their time.

I'll check your postin the feeding forum too.


http://b2.lilypie.com/mkn7m5.png

[elliput]

Yep, I am a very fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type of parent. If it wasn't for daycare, who knows where we'd be. :-)

[dules]

Sounds like you are doing great to me! I hope you do get a chance to try things that you *wanted* to, though (like signing).

I love your DS's names, BTW!

Mary

[pb&j]

I'm all about winging it. Parenting is tough. But it's not the kind of thing you can learn from a book. You do what works, and as long as they're happy and reasonably healthy, you know you're doing it right.

I threw away my copy of What to Expect the First Year when DS was about a month old. Best thing I ever did.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

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http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

[blueeyedb]

We're winging it over here! I am usually one to seek out way too much information and I've found that if I do that in regards to parenting, I freeze up and worry too much about making the wrong choice so we end up with no choice at all. Does that make any sense? So, we trust ourselves and people we know who've done a great job with their kids. Sometimes Google is not your friend!

[newnana]

Umm, aren't we all? Seriously, any book you read will be different than the next. With twins, I can't imagine how you'd have time to do research on every issue, weigh the pro's and con's of the bazillion different answers you'd get, then try it before they are out of that phase. Heck, most can't with just 1.

As with all things mom, if it is what your mommy radar tells you to do and it isn't harming your kids or anyone else, then it's probably the right thing to do. You know your kids better than some book does.

If there are things you still want to try, then do. It's never too late to start something with your little guys. Heck, if someone asks you what you'd like them to have for their first birthdays, tell them the signing times DVDs. Now's a great age to start.

I'm rambling a bit, too, but what I mean to say is that it sounds like you are doing a great job. Any questions you have, these boards are a great place to come. These folks are a great source of excellent information.

Michelle

[mommy111]

Hi Samantha!
Another winger-it here! Fortunately we get a lot of help from our DC who know what to do when and just do it. Your kids are happy and healthy and sleep well (wow! good for you) and when they are ready for finger foods or walking or talking, they will just do it. And when they want a birthday, they waill ask you for one. I don't know why we try to pressure kids to get these milestones 'sooner' and all this competitiveness about parenting. I come to this board because *I* have problems not because DD does (she was perfectly happy not speaking until 18 months, I was not) and every time the mommies and daddies here remind me to take it easy and just let her be. Seems like you're doing that, and playing and having fun with them to boot, and all this with twins, in my dictionary that makes you a fantastic super-mommy!

[kijip]

All honest parents are winging it. :P

[SpaceGal]

We definitely parent by the seat of our pants. DS is 20 months old and I am also lucky enough to stay at home too.

When DS was born we weren't prepared to deal with having child so to speak. DH and I wanted children of course, but I never had much exposure to babies. I am an only child and DH is a very hands off as a parent too. DS was born with 2 congential heart defects and need surgery, not that we were freaking out but it totally caught us off guard. We got through it and most importantly DS is doing great and he's totally fine.

Raising him I've read things here, research, and got advice from friends and DH's sisters and going with the flow. I've never pushed DS to do what he was not ready for. Our latest concern was the speaking thing, but I decided he'll get there when he does and I have seen improvements over the last few months.

I also never did the signing thing and I wish I did but he's fine. We're pretty strict in terms of not letting DS get out of control, but DS is a pretty good kid...he's got his wild "I'm not going to listen moments" but nothing horrible. Probably our biggest is worry is to have a child that never listens and just is horrible out in public and becomes "birth control" for others if you know what I mean.

Ultimately, I think we're doing okay. Nothing like oh we're awesome parents but we're definitely going with our gut and hoping to learn from the mistakes of our parents and figuring it out as we go.

You sound like you are doing a great job with your twins and keep up the good work.

[FiveLittleDucks]

I don't have time to read all the posts (little man is starting to fuss), but parents who say they're not winging it are lying. Plain and simple. All hopes of being a perfect parent flew out the window 5 babies ago, and I think I'm a better parent because of it. Ironic, but true.

FWIW, my littlest is still primarily bfed at 13 mos. Not a ton of interest in food yet, and that's okay. Every baby is different. As long as they're gaining well and happy...go with it.

[cmdunn1972]

You're still posting, Sheila? Shouldn't you be in labor by now? :P

[barbarhow]

>Hey, as long as they're happy and healthy, who cares?
>
>Jeanne
>Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04


Jeanne asked exactly what I was going to ask. The most important thing you can give them is yourself, your love. If they are happy, healthy and thriving don't question your methods. You sound like a wonderful Mom. The rest is so much less significant.


Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[kimbe]

Every single night DH and I ask each other when the h*ll we are going to know what we are doing!

I think we were given instincts for a reason --- they are right!

It sounds like you are doing fantastic! Your kiddos are happy and healthy and they've got a mama that loves them oodles and oodles!

I'm with ya sister!

[tiapam]

Ditto on Signing Time. DD started watching it at 15 months (she had virtually no TV before then, and I thought the program was good enough to start before age 2) and does lots of signs. We have Baby Signing Time on DVD and ST on TiVo. Both are very good, but I would start with BST.

As far as table food, bananas worked out great for us, though I know they sometimes cause problems.

-Pam

DD - Two years old!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd say I more roll with it than wing it. I haven't committed to any parenting method. We just do what works for us.

Now, I will say that I research obsessively about things and at times it bugs me that other parents don't always look into things. Not parenting but baby care- like when to start solids (sorry, but sometimes our friends and family can steer us wrong there!), when to switch our car seats RF to FF...all that good stuff. I think that moms that post on message boards about their kids are ahead of the game and probably know more than they may think about baby care/ parenting. :)

Beth

[Marcy_O]

HA! ARE YOU KIDDING!? WE'RE ALL WINGING IT! Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you're a great mommy. All kids do things at different times. The hardest thing for us mommies is to NOT compare them to other kids. There are certain milestone guidelines, sure, but unless your child isn't eating solids by say, 5 years old, or they still don't have teeth at age 7, I wouldn't worry about it. (I'm exaggerating to make a point...).

You're doing great! Especially with twins! I always thought I wanted twins, until I had one! Now I have HUGE admiration for parents of multiples. And to make you feel better about the signing, I JUST started signing more than "milk" with Brighton, and he's 16 1/2 months old. You still have time :) LOVE LOVE LOVE is what you're giving them. All the other stuff without love would be in vain.

Keep flying sister, we're all right beside you!

Marcy