Playgroup problem WWYD?

[oliviasmomma]

DD and I just started going to a playgroup. It is a formal group, we pay and it is run by an early childhood person. It is open to kids from 0-4 which is a big range, but we really like it. The teacher/leader brings her son who is about 4 or 5. He has down's syndrome, but seems to be pretty high-functioning. He is quite a bit bigger than DD who has taken a liking to him. All of this would be fine, except that he is a hitter and a shover--he did both to DD yesterday. The teacher is busy with the group and doesn't always notice, she didn't notice either time yesterday. One of the hits was across the face--more of a slap--another mama saw it too, and helped redirect him. The thing is, I have no idea what it would be like to have a child with down's. I don't want to steer DD away from him every time because I know isolating him isn't going to make it better. He is quite a bit bigger then Olivia, though, and like any mom, I don't want to see her hit--esp. not by a boy almost twice her size.

I'd like to say something, but it is such a sensitive issue. I'm sure part of the problem is that Olivia does like him, so she is around him more than the other kids and more likely to bear the brunt of his frustration/energy. I also know that sometimes personal space can be an issue for anyone, but esp. kids with down's, so I want to make sure DD's affections don't make things worse. How would you handle this?

[hobokenmom]

In my opinion, you just need to be very honest with the teacher, and ask her how she thinks you should handle situations like the ones that occurred with Olivia.

I'd say all the things that you posted here -- how it's really awkward for you, that you don't have any experience with a child with Down's, that you know it may be a sensitive issue.

I'm sure she'll appreciate your candidness.

[dules]

I would ask the teacher the same way you'd ask her about the situation with any other kid in the class. Just tell her that Olivia has taken a liking to "Kevin" but that you've noticed that sometimes Kevin doesn't want the attention (or whatever) and hits or pushes - how to deal with that within the boundaries/expectations of the class?

I hope this makes sense. I'm just assuming that since she brings him, she's aware that he could have conflicts in class (like any kid his age might, Down's or not).

Good luck!

Mary

[newnana]

I agree with the PPs. Also wanted to add that that is a really big age range, Down's not withstanding. Size difference would be a big issue with any group of the age ranges you mention. I know that is not helpful since you are already in the group, but I would definitely talk to the leader about this just as I would any parent of any kid that was doing this to mine.

There might be some way to phrase it that since she's the leader and trying to coordinate everyone she might not have the opportunity to see all that is going on, but I don't know how to phrase that in a less offensive way.
Good luck
Michelle

[oliviasmomma]

I like the suggestion of mentioning to her that Olivia likes her son, but I'm not sure how to handle these situations. That sounds less attacking and more mom-to-mom to me. I was trying to come up with a way to bring this up without sounding like I don't want her son to be included and that is perfect!

Oh, and there is a lot of talk about dividing the group for the next session. It is a new program, and they are still working the kinks out. I think the teacher still plans to bring her son, even if it is divided up. I think the reason for a blended group is because there are a lot of SAHM with more than one at home and no one to watch the other one, KWIM? Other than the hitting, I like that Olivia interacts with kids of different ages, though I see your point.