At what age do they...the preschool edition

[tny915]

DD started preschool last month and we just had our first teacher conference. The teachers asked us if we help DD a lot with things at home and asked that we encourage DD be more independent.

DD is an only child and my parents take care of her while DH and I are at work. She has been the center of the universe for the 4 main people in her life. Without thinking, we, and in particular my parents, do a lot of things for her and have not encouraged her to do things herself. She is just now reaching a bit of the "let me do it myself" phase, but in general, she's happy to be taken care of. All this led me to wonder when your children started doing things independently, things like:

-Choosing clothes. DD's not always interested. And it's just so much quicker if I choose for her.

-Getting dressed and undressed. DD doesn't put any clothes on, but she is able to take off all clothing but her shirt. She doesn't do buttons, but she can handle jacket zippers.

-Shoes on and off. The only way DD can do this herself is if she's wearing Crocs.

-Doing the whole potty routine from start to finish. DD sets up her stool and potty seat, can pull her pants down and do her business. We get wipes and paper for her and she goes through the motions for wiping but isn't very productive. We turn on water, and help with soap. She tries to dry her hands.

-Cleaning up. DD is meticulous about putting things away when we're out and about, but she's not doing any cleaning at home.

I'm also looking for more ideas of things that I can encourage DD to do, to get her to be more independent and build her self-confidence. What is it that your preschooler is able to do themselves, and what do they still need help with?

[JBaxter]

I think your DD is almost the exact same age as Nathan!

He has recently started to ask for specific shirts mainly his spiderman, elmo and bob the builder shirts. He also prefers his elmo and spiderman pj's

He can completely undress himself ( he does this when going to the potty)
He can put on socks and undies but sometimes gets both legs in one hole He cant do his shoes on yet but gets them off really quickly.
Potties 100% by himself ...I WISH he would ask for help wiping but he usually doesnt. He washes his hands but sometimes forgets to turn off the water and usually brushes his teeth while he is there.

Cleaning up... He loves to help so he has his own vaccum (dirt devil stick vac the real one) washes the window /patio door (club soda is wonderful for that and non toxic) scrubs the toilet ( again not my favorite thing for him to do but he does it anyway) has a little mop and hands me the dishes out of the dishwasher. Nathan also loves to help cook. He stirs his eggs in the mornings and has taken to trying to use a plastic knife to cut things at meals ( that cracks me up LOL)

All that being said I can give you a HUGE list of things he has done or does that totally DRIVES ME UP THE WALL. He is into everything. His latest is adding things to the wash and opening the dryer to check if its dry. He was filling up my french press coffee maker yesterday after he ground the beans. I caught him grinning saying mommy coffee ummmm good.

[bcky2]

>-Choosing clothes. DD's not always interested. And it's just
>so much quicker if I choose for her.

my ds started to do this around the age of 4, or right befor he turned 4.

>-Getting dressed and undressed. DD doesn't put any clothes
>on, but she is able to take off all clothing but her shirt.
>She doesn't do buttons, but she can handle jacket zippers.

my ds started around the age of three but we had to really coax him to do it. alot of cheering and such. there are still days where he wants us to do it for him.

>-Shoes on and off. The only way DD can do this herself is if
>she's wearing Crocs.

right around the time he turned 4, maybe a bit befor he started to do it himself. he knows his right and left foot and we are trying to teach him to tie his own shoes, not that we are getting anywhere with it.

>-Doing the whole potty routine from start to finish. DD sets
>up her stool and potty seat, can pull her pants down and do
>her business. We get wipes and paper for her and she goes
>through the motions for wiping but isn't very productive. We
>turn on water, and help with soap. She tries to dry her
>hands.

it may be a bit easier with the boy thing because he can do the whole pee thing on his own and wash and dry his hands. as for the other he gets himself set up and goes but i wipe as he makes a mess if he does it. he then pulls his own pants up and washes his own hands. it has been this way from the time he potty trained as we just threw all the other stuff in with training. so from around the age of 3.

>-Cleaning up. DD is meticulous about putting things away when
>we're out and about, but she's not doing any cleaning at
>home.

we have had the boys help pick up toys and such from an early age. my 4yo now helps pick up a little bit more then just toys and is my little helper. younger ds is still mainly on toys and one or two other small things.

>I'm also looking for more ideas of things that I can encourage
>DD to do, to get her to be more independent and build her
>self-confidence. What is it that your preschooler is able to
>do themselves, and what do they still need help with?

we did alot of confidence builders like "your such a big boy now, how cool would it be to be able to do this yourself" and then tons of clapping and hugs and such when he did do it himself. my ds still needs help getting dressed sometimes and sometimes with his dress shoes. he cant tie them yet so we still help with that. he wants alot of help with writing right now, that is his big thing. that and recognizing all his letters and numbers himself, he only knows a few numbers but is getting pretty good with his letters. every child does things at their own pace and have their own strengths and areas that need more work. i really had to let myself let go and just let him try and not be worried about if he doesnt do it the way i would or that he makes a big mess trying. even when he asks for help we tell him to try it himself first and then we can help after he has tried. i hope i answered what you were asking and didnt just ramble on a bunch of garbage you didnt want to know ;)

[emilyf]

DS is a full year older, and is still not doing a lot of those things. He will choose his own clothes if I ask him to, but he usually doesn't really care, and will sometimes want inappropriate things (shorts when it's cold) so I generally still pick them out for him. He mostly undresses himself, but still has trouble with shirts. He doesn't really dress himself-he can get his underpants and pants on, but not without a lot of coaxing. Forget about shirts. He goes to the potty by himself, and has for some time but still needs help wiping. So, I think you're on track to work on those things but by no means behind.
Emily mom of Charlie born 11/02 and Zoe born 9/05

[kboyle]

yeah, we pretty much do stuff for charlie too, just for ease and MY sanity ;)

he CAN dress himself & take his clothes off, but in the morning for school i already have his stuff set out and he's too out of it to dress himself...plus i don't want him to go to school with stuff inside out/backwards.

he can put shoes on, but *hides in shame* his socks are pretty small and i have to squeeze them on his foot.

he does go potty 100% by himself, which i wish he would call me to wipe after he poos, but he doesn't and so far, no itchy butt on his part, so i guess he's doing a decent job.

i cut his food, and he drinks with a straw, and i wash him in the tub. he really doesn't have to "clean" anything in the house since we don't have a dishwasher and our kitchen sink area is tiny, so there really isn't room for him to help. he helps clean the toys in the living room sometimes, but i clean when everyone, including dh are in bed so that really doens't work out either.

now that he's in preschool he does get the concept of "cleaning up" toys and such better but i really tackle most stuff after 8-9p.

really, i wouldnt worry about it

[lizajane]

>-Choosing clothes. DD's not always interested. And it's just
>so much quicker if I choose for her.

schuyler is just over 3.5 and he has done this for a few month, i guess. i think it is FREAKY that he can pick out things that match and not at all normal. (very exciting to me, but not normal! lol!)
>
>-Getting dressed and undressed. DD doesn't put any clothes
>on, but she is able to take off all clothing but her shirt.
>She doesn't do buttons, but she can handle jacket zippers.

schuyler can get dressed and undressed by himself, including zippers and buttons. this also started just before 3.5
>
>-Shoes on and off. The only way DD can do this herself is if
>she's wearing Crocs.
>
schuyler can take shoes off, and has been doing that for about a year. he can put on lace up shoes, but not always on the right foot and he is no where near tying them. he tries... but he can't come close.

>-Doing the whole potty routine from start to finish. DD sets
>up her stool and potty seat, can pull her pants down and do
>her business. We get wipes and paper for her and she goes
>through the motions for wiping but isn't very productive. We
>turn on water, and help with soap. She tries to dry her
>hands.
>
schuyler can use the potty and wash hands 100% by himself, with one exception- jeans with "industrial strength" snaps. he needs me to snap it.

>-Cleaning up. DD is meticulous about putting things away when
>we're out and about, but she's not doing any cleaning at
>home.
>

bwaaaaaahahahaha!!!!! i can't WAIT until he can clean up. he has the ability... if you stand over him with a horrifying glare and a threat to take away diego computer time.

>I'm also looking for more ideas of things that I can encourage
>DD to do, to get her to be more independent and build her
>self-confidence. What is it that your preschooler is able to
>do themselves, and what do they still need help with?

dylan is not quite 2. he can get undressed, but not really on purpose. he can rub his hands together under the running water, but never does it consistantly. he can put toys back where they go if you ask him to and show him what you want done by doing it yourself first. but he is no where near ready to do the things you mentioned alone.

[dules]

My DD is the same age and my preschool read me some of the same list, lol.

Last night I tried to get her to choose her pajamas. She then rejected all seven pairs in the drawer - that's all we have, lol!

She can take clothes off and makes an effort once in a while at putting on pants, socks, etc. I once found her with both legs through the same leg hole in her pullup and the pullup all the way up - so crotch hanging off to the side. She was so proud of herself. :P

She will do shoes with velcro but gets frustrated easily. It's just easier to have me do it and we both know it (bad habit I know).

We are barely starting potty training. She's not all that ready, but she will sit once in a while and I encourage it when she does.

She likes to swiffer, dust, and "wash dishes" (clean dishes in water in the sink). Picking up toys is fine at other people's houses but not here.

I'll be interested to see what others respond.


Mary

[buddyleebaby]

As far as wiping after using the bathroom, I would suggest letting her use baby wipes or the like for awhile- the new kandoo line is pretty good. It will help her clean a bit more effectively. ; )

For dressing/undressing buy clothes that she can handle on her own, at least while at school- snaps rather than buttons, no belts or buckles, no hard to do zippers, no tights, velcro rather than shoe laces, etc.

For choosing clothes- you choose two appropriate outfits and give her the choice between the toy. if she doesn't care either way, no big deal.

For cleaning up- implement a clean up time at home. she is capable of cleaning up on her own, but she won't bother if someone is doing it for her. (and who would, really? ; ) )


ETA: I'm a former pre-k teacher. Your list sounds like 75% of the class until about February,lol.

[squimp]

These things will come with time. DD just started preschool this fall, and she has been learning to do these things for herself. Some of those things she learned to do before because they were encouraged at her previous school, but her new school really encourages independence. She can generally do all those things, but I also bought clothes for her so she can learn to do it herself. Knit pants with elastic, shoes that velcro, no tights (hard to get back on), no buttons on her pants or shirts that she wears to school. She CAN choose her own clothes, but I prefer to pick them out. :) She generally likes to do things for herself, but sometimes choices can be overwhelming, so I might set out her clothes, then she puts them on.

I'd help your DD and encourage her when she does something for herself. In a month or two, I bet she'll insist she can do it herself!

[holliam]

Mari has always been an independent thinker. Not in a combative way, just that she makes her mind up about something and does it. She's not 100% at all on any of these things, but we're progressing!

- She likes to choose her clothes occasionally. It works best for us all if we give her about 3 choices of outfits. She's not at the point of picking out a shirt, then pants, etc. But, she will choose an outfit and she gets socks and panties out of her drawer herself.

- She can take her shirt, jacket, pants, panties off. But, she is much better with shirts and jacket. She can almost get a shirt on by herself. She has gotten panties and pants on by herself a couple of times. I don't consider her to have mastered these skills yet.

- Shoes on/off she can do for sure. She needs us to tie or buckle, and she can't do shoe/boots..like Ecco style. She can do maryjanes and rainboots.

- Potty is just in beginning stages still. She does better nakey.

- She is pretty anal about cleaning up. If she spills something, she runs and gets a towel, broom, whatever. She helps pick up her toys, but not always. She is a bit of a perfectionist by nature who likes things in their place.

All we do is encourage her to try. If she asks for help, I just say something like "you try it first and then if you really get stuck, let me know." I can sense when she is about to get really frustrated and try to jump in before that. When she succeeds I try to say something like "You worked really hard to figure that out and you did it!" She just beams!

ETA: She is 26 months.
Holli

[JulieL]

>
>-Choosing clothes. DD's not always interested. And it's just
>so much quicker if I choose for her.
>

- I do if I care what he looks like or guide him by letting him pick the shirt and telling him which pants to get with it, if I don't care he wears whatever


>-Getting dressed and undressed. DD doesn't put any clothes
>on, but she is able to take off all clothing but her shirt.
>She doesn't do buttons, but she can handle jacket zippers.
>
The only thing I help with getting dressed is zippers on pants and the buttons/snaps on them. If he throws a fit on something he can do all buy himself I make him work through it, I have another kid to attend to!

>-Shoes on and off. The only way DD can do this herself is if
>she's wearing Crocs.
>
His boots he does alone, and slippers, but ties are with help

>-Doing the whole potty routine from start to finish. DD sets
>up her stool and potty seat, can pull her pants down and do
>her business. We get wipes and paper for her and she goes
>through the motions for wiping but isn't very productive. We
>turn on water, and help with soap. She tries to dry her
>hands.

I only help with wiping after #2, if I don't it's a HORRIBLE disgusting mess.
>
>-Cleaning up. DD is meticulous about putting things away when
>we're out and about, but she's not doing any cleaning at
>home.

We're pretty good about making DS clean up after himself during the day and before bed time, sometimes we forget to inforce it but it's TOTALLY doable, and he has been since 2 1/2
>
>I'm also looking for more ideas of things that I can encourage
>DD to do, to get her to be more independent and build her
>self-confidence. What is it that your preschooler is able to
>do themselves, and what do they still need help with?

He recently started buckling himself in his booster alone, I don't drive till I see it's in place. He brushes his own teeth as well.

I guess the hard thing about letting them do it themselves it they are clumsy, messy, slow, not thorough when then do it, but if we don't let them develope the skills they never will.


Don't beat yourself about it, but definately start making her do things herself, children get satisfaction about being self sufficient.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My ds was 4 in June and this is his 2nd year of preschool. He is an only and home with me. Lots of family involved in his life.

-Choosing clothes. DD's not always interested. And it's just so much quicker if I choose for her.

Most days I pick for him (I lay out clothes the night before). Only every so often does he want something dif't. This to me doesn't sound like an independence issue...some kids just don't care what they wear. :)

-Getting dressed and undressed. DD doesn't put any clothes on, but she is able to take off all clothing but her shirt. She doesn't do buttons, but she can handle jacket zippers.

He *can* do it but he usually doesn't if we are around. Given enough time he would get himself dressed/ undressed but we usually don;t have a ton of extra time in the AM to go on his time table.

-Shoes on and off. The only way DD can do this herself is if she's wearing Crocs.

Yes, np if velcro. Found these great Tsukihoshis...they open really, really wide so the shoe comes on very easily.

-Doing the whole potty routine from start to finish. DD sets up her stool and potty seat, can pull her pants down and do her business. We get wipes and paper for her and she goes through the motions for wiping but isn't very productive. We turn on water, and help with soap. She tries to dry her hands.

He does everything but wipe. Still waiting on that. He only pt'ed a month before he turned 4 though so it's not like it has been all that long.

-Cleaning up. DD is meticulous about putting things away when we're out and about, but she's not doing any cleaning at home.

he's great at school with clean up time and he will help at home. He doesn't initiate it though. :)

My SIl disagreed with the velcro shoes until I said that it helped with indepence b/c he could do them all on his own. They aren't expected to be able to tie their shoes yet so I think I buy him the right shoes to help him be able to do it on his own.

Basically I like to help him be successful. I dress him in clothes that he can do, things are accessible, and I teach him to do new tings when he shows interest or I know he could do them. Lots of encouragement.

Things will come. And if they have good, supportive teachers that will help them along too.
Beth

[bisous]

My DS is just a few months older than your DD. He doesn't do many of the things on your list. He is also the center of our universe--he's my only and the only grandchild on my side.

FWIW, many of the children we know that are my DS age do not do the things on your list. I seriously don't know any boys that were potty trained before age 3.5 so to all the previous posters I am way impressed!

Good post. The question and subsequent responses are really helpful. :)

[hez]

Payton's about 2 months older, it looks like.

Choosing clothes: last winter he started to get very particular about which shirt he wore. Now he cares which underwear, which pants and which shoes, as well. It has its pros & cons.

Getting dressed and undressed: He can remove most clothing, and really got good at it this spring/summer. There are a few shirts (very tight sleeves) he has trouble with. He can put shirts on (first thing he learned this summer), underwear on (late summer) and pants on (last couple months), and gets the idea of right-side-out and tag-in-the-back. He's trying to put socks on, but isn't real good at it yet. He gets the idea of zipping up zippers & doing buttons, but isn't real good at either.

Shoes on & off: Off, not on. He'll try to help get them on, but that's going to take a bit longer to learn, especially 'cause all his shoes tie.

Potty routine: He can handle it, but doesn't always get the soap rinsed off well, & I have to wipe & zip/button. I'm supervising in general right now 'cause he doesn't want to be alone (a whole 'nother post).

Cleaning up: He rocks at this at the sitter's house, picks and chooses when he wants to do this at our home (without direction). Typical kid.

I let him do a lot of things for himself if I can, which can come back to bite me if I'm in a hurry. He's getting better at brushing his teeth for instance, but I have to finish that job when he's 'done'. I pretty much try to let him do everything he can reach and that is safe for him to do. It was a conscious choice because I had this realization hit me over the head that I needed to let go and let him try. I kid you not, it's darn hard to let go, and I struggle with it daily.

ETA a couple details.

[lisams]

>schuyler is just over 3.5 and he has done this for a few
>month, i guess. i think it is FREAKY that he can pick out
>things that match and not at all normal. (very exciting to me,
>but not normal! lol!)

I'm impressed! Maybe he could have a chat with DD!! She thinks that a pink floral print top and multicolored striped leggings are a perfect match, because they both have pink somewhere in there! I'll point out that they don't match and she'll "prove me wrong" by pointing out the pink stripe and the pink flower. On days we are staying at home I let it go, but boy do I miss the days when I could pick out what she wears!

[lisams]

DD is also a full year ahead, and is just now in the past 3-4 months started getting clothes on herself. She is super sensitive to things being just right - twisted wastebands or socks on crooked drive her crazy, so I think that's part of the reason why she is now just doing these things herself. She goes to the potty herself, but if it's poop I usually follow up to make sure she's really clean.

Some things that she enjoys doing herself:
clearing her place after a meal and taking her plate to the kitchen
helping prepare meals
serving herself at meals
getting a snack out of the fridge
washing her fruit
brushing her teeth (with me watching over)
washing herself during bathtime with a washcloth

I think to an extent it just depends on the child. DD gets so excited when she dresses herself but a year ago it would have brought her to tears because she couldn't get everything just right! When they're ready, you'll know it!

[crl]

DS is actually a bit delayed so take that into account. At nearly 3 1/2, DS can:

--Choose one of two pants and one of two shirts. He also usually picks his shoes.

--Can undress except for tight shirts, he needs some help with that. He can't do buttons and can unzip and zip, but not start the zipper.

--Can get his slip-on shoes on and off. Usually asks for help getting his velcro shoes on

--Still working on potty training for poop. He can do the whole routine for pee on his own.

--Can clean up his stuff, but requires a lot of supervision and I do help.

--He clears his own plate after meals and snacks.

--He sprays club soda and wipes to clean windows and mirrors. I have to follow and finishing wiping.

--He carries the compost pail to the garage for me. (I carry the trash and recyling down.)

--He takes off and puts his own shoes away when we get home.

--He helps with cooking at times--helps cut soft things like tofu with a table knife, stirs, pours, etc.

HTH,

[laurel]

Definitely an interesting subject, especially on the heels of the morning I had. My DD had about a 30 minute tantrum this morning about "do it myself" with the whole getting dressed thing. It's a mixed blessing, that's for sure. She's just over 2 1/2 and for a few months now has been wanting to choose her own clothes, get herself dress, and undress herself. It's at the point now where it would be SOOOO much faster if I could just pick, dress, or undress for her, but then I incur the wrath of an independent toddler! She has a funny sense of matching. Shirts and pants don't always match, but if I tell her they don't match she's concerned about that and will take an alternate suggestion (usually). Her forte is matching socks and she actually does it pretty well. Hence the tantrum this morning, couldn't find the red striped socks she wanted to wear with her ladybug costume, but I digress....
She can dress herself for underwear, pants and shirt, needs help with snaps or buttons and reminders about what 'tag in the back' means.
She gets her shoes on if they're boots or slip ons, nothing with ties. She can get most shoes off by pulling at the heels.
Potty time she will get herself started, pull down everything and sit down, but waits for me to wipe her (thank goodness for small mercies).
Like someone else said, she'll clean up if the mood strikes her at home, or if we're out somewhere else like Kindermusik or Nursery School, then she's a clean up champ.

I definitely think there's a lot to the idea that it's largely about your child's personality, how driven they are at what age to do something for themselves. We certainly haven't been coaching her to be more independent, she's decided on this path on her own. It's amazing to watch it happen, because they do grow up before your eyes, but everything takes that much longer when they insist on doing it themselves. Initially I found it super frustrating to watch her struggle, but now it's just the way things are around here I guess.

For us a big help in the independence department has been the Learning Tower. We got it for her last year for Christmas based on recommendations on this board. It really helps to get her up to counter height and she enjoys 'helping' with everything from measuring and mixing to doing dishes.

HTH!

[Raidra]

We're pretty much the same as everyone who's posted, so I won't repeat what's been said. But here are a few other things:

Montessori is big into teaching kids independence. If you want ideas, you might want to look into that. We're homeschooling, so the sites I look at have to do with Montessori homeschooling.. which, obviously, have suggestions for around the house.

We put a pitcher of water (only filled up about 2-3 inches) in the fridge that Colwyn can get himself. We have a drawer within reach that has his sippy cups, plastic bowls, and little baggies of snacks (a cupful Teddy Grahams in each bag, for example). He can get himself a drink and a snack if he wants. The problem with this is when Lachlann gets into the kitchen (it's normally gated) he makes a huge mess pulling everything out of the drawer.

Colwyn loves helping take the clean sippy cups and bowls out of the dishwasher (with my supervision) and puts them in the drawer. He also helps me sort laundry and tries to put his shirts on hangers. I'm very proud of myself for letting Colwyn help with chores around the house, because I tend to be very picky about how things are done. But I know it's important for him to be able to participate.

I also let him climb up into his carseat by himself and he buckles the chest clip, but can't quite get the other part.

Things do take a lot longer when he's helping, but he's got to learn somehow. And it's so fun to watch him.