Am I depressed?

[Pennylane]

A little background first...I am a SAHM to 3 DC all under the age of 5. They are all very active and keep me busy all day. My husband works crazy hours, so 99% of the househould duties fall on my shoulders. I will also say that I am somewhat of a perfectionist and probably demand too much of myself.Lately I have been so stressed out, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe.

I'm starting to wonder if I should see someone about this, a counselor or a DR. I have never been one to take prescription medicine but am wondering if that might help. I would not want to start taking something that would be hard to wean off of.

I think part of me feels like I am failing as a mother and a wife if I admit I am overwhelmed and need some help. I have tried to talk to my DH but he just does not get it.

Any help, advice is appreciated.

Thanks, Ann

[Lovingliv]

Hi Ann,

sorry you are having a tough time. Life can be crazy and you certainly seem to have your hands full with three little ones. It is a wonderful job, but one that has no downtime...and everyone needs some downtime. It sounds like you are suffering from anxiety...with can't breathe analogy. I would call your md,,,,it can't hurt. what is that saying 'better living through meds?"
Catching this early can only help things,,,good for you for realizing that you need some assistance. You are certainly a strong mama for that! You are not failing....you are surviving! please keeep us informed...lots of mamas can help i am sure!

Big hugs! (((())))

[kayte]

Ann-

Hi.

I would start with your gyno and tell her/him how you are feeling. She can judge clinically if she should refer you to someone (they know great counselors for women) or she can try you on some medication herself and see if it helps.

The biggest thing is don't be afraid to admit any of your feelings to her.

My sister is in a similar situation as you -- 3 kids 6 and under and a husband who travels Monday through Thursday. She went to see her doctor over the summer who gave her some mild anti-depressants and prompted her to start writing in a journal. It has made a world of difference for her as a whole, her patience with the kids, the way her and her husband get along when he comes home. I think even the dog is happier!

I am not necessarily saying drugs are the answer for you but please just talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. It is so easy for moms to take greatcare of their family and forget to take care of themselves.

You know the old saying, If mom ain't happy, nobody is happy!!

Good Luck!

[Fairy]

Hi Ann --

I have ONE, and I'm not quite sure how I'm keeping it together. If there's one thing I can promise you, it's that feeling overwhelmed and stressed out and like you're gonna fall over is not failing as a parent. Especially when you have three under the age of five. In fact, I think you are probably entitled to be just a tad bit exhausted physically and emotionally. I do think you should seek a therapist. You'd be surprised how many people have one, so I'll bet if you asked people you know, you could get a good referral. Or, call your PCP or your OB and they'll refer you. There is nothing wrong with taking meds if that's what's called for for you. If you're not feeling good about taking them, then go with therapy alone first; you can always add them later if you still aren't feeling right. Good luck, Ann. Hang in there!

[Tondi G]

HUGS... you may be, you may not be. Either way you are not a failure, in fact taking care of yourself is the most important thing. A happy mommy makes for a happy family. If going for some therapy or taking medication for a little while helps you feel less stressed then so be it! Don't feel bad about it. I was not a medication kind of person either and I am on antidepressants now (after the birth of my 2nd child). I am so thankful that I realized what was going on and got some help. I take Lexapro by the way and it has been GREAT! Call your regualr doctor or OB and see if they can help you or refer you to a psychiatrist!

Good luck

~Tondi
Mommy to Mason 7/8/01 and Aidan 5/4/05

[DebbieJ]

Here is a link to some online screening tools.
http://www.chicagochristiancounseling.org/selfhelp/index.htm

Take one and decide from there which kind of action you need to take.

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
Breastfeeding After Reduction is possible! www.bfar.org

http://www.bfar.org/members/fora/style_avatars/Ribbons/18months-bfar.jpg

[geochick]

My dh is a psychiatrist, and the things you describe sound like so many of the symptoms many of his patients describe. I'd talk to your OB/GYN, you family physician, or a good psychiatrist. Who knows, you may benefit from some meds, or even just a good counselor who is a good listener. It sounds as if you are afraid of the side effects of psych meds. I hear my dh tell patients on the phone all the time about how some meds are better than others. There are supposed to be some great meds out there with few side effects...especially when weaning off them. An experienced doc should be able to listen to your fears and steer you away from the trouble meds.

Trust me, your story will not surprise your doctor! Seriously, I hear your story all the time thru dh. Call someone today. I think it usually takes about 2 weeks for meds to get in your system, so if your think you might go that route, you might want to call asap.

[jhrabosk]

Hi Ann --

So sorry life is overwhelming you right now...I only have one DC, but I still hear myself in your description.

I agree with the others that you should speak to your doc or get a referral to talk to someone. A mental health professional will be able to diagnose best whether or not you're suffering from depression.

As a veteran of various antidepressants, they can work wonders. However, if you're not sure that you want to go that route, you don't HAVE to. There are many other options that you can try first...while I've had success with medication, I'm not a huge fan and think too many doctors rush to it as a cure-all.

I've been feeling the same way you do and I know that I'm not actually depressed right now and don't need medication. I'm just overwhelmed and stressed and really need some time for myself...I find that if I can go to yoga once a week that goes a long way.

You are not failing! We all, as moms, feel far too much pressure to be superheroes. You don't have to do it alone and you are VERY entitled to some time off for yourself. Is there anyone (parents, relatives, friends, sitters) you can call on for support?

But definitely talk to someone...I'm sorry your DH doesn't get it. Your feelings are very valid.

Take care!

[Pennylane]

Thanks so much for all the kind responses. I think part of me just needs to admit to someone that I'm not perfect and I can't always do it all by myself.

I sat my DH down last night and we had a really good talk. I think he is finally getting that I'm overwhelmed right now and agrees that I should speak with a Dr. I think maybe just talking with someone who will just listen might help me. He also said he will try to help more when he is home.

It is also nice to hear I am not the only one who feels this way!

Thanks again,
Ann

[Piglet]

First - (((HUGS))). It sounds like you need them.

Second - talking to you doctor does sound like a wise choice if for no other reason than to have a screening and determine the next steps.

Third - I think what you are describing might not necessarily be depression per se. To me it sounds like you are overwhelmed and stressed, but I can totally see how you would get to that point with 3 under 5 and a lot of the housework on your shoulders. My suggestion is to try to work on the causes of the stress (possibly in conjunction with talking to your doctor to look into your reaction to the stress). Can you get a mother's helper one day a week? What about a cleaning service once in a while? Can your husband commit to watching the kids on the weekend? Any or all of these things would lessen your burden and allow you to focus on yourself once in a while. Your husband gets a weekend - you don't. You need to recharge in order to be the best mom and wife you can be. It is a job that never ends, but you need to make time for yourself.

Fourth - more (((HUGS)))!