Mamas That Work Part-Time

[Raidra]

Do your kids act differently after you work?

I'm just starting a part time job working evenings/nights/weekends per diem. I've only trained 4 evening shifts so far, but each time, the kids were totally grumpy for me the next day. I leave right after my husband gets home, before we have dinner. Last night my husband said that Colwyn stayed awake for a really long time after he went to bed.

I'm just wondering if this is an adjustment thing or if they'll be like this for a really long time. I don't want to work in the first place, but we really need the extra money.. but if it's going to be detrimental to the kids, we'll have to reconsider. I was assuming they wouldn't mind me being gone at all.. I do a MNO with our playgroup moms once a month, and they're never unusually grumpy the next day after one of those.

[tny915]

This sounds normal to me, and there will probably be an adjustment period for them to get used to your work schedule. It's different than a MNO since that's only once a month, and now they're seeing you leave more consistently. I wouldn't consider it detrimental to your children, they will get used to it and the grumpiness will go away.

My DD is at random times grumpy with DH for working. She has always known him to work, but his schedule is very erratic, so DD never really knows how long DH would be around. On DH's days off, there were times DD would not be very affectionate with him. I considered it partly resentment and punishing DH (like "How dare you leave me!) and partly a defense mechanism --- it was hard on her never knowing when she'd have to say goodbye, so if she acted like she didn't enjoy his company when he was around, the transition to saying goodbye wouldn't be so hard.

Just a suggestion, but what really helped us was getting DD her own calendar. We write down the days that DH will be around so she knows what days are Daddy days. If DH's hours get changed and he isn't around for the morning but will be home for bathtime, we write, "Daddy night" and DD gets very excited. I think it really helps her prepare emotionally.

I'm sure they will adjust, but I do know it's hard seeing them upset.

[tarynsmum]

I also work ona per diem basis, and yes, DD is impossible to get to sleep that night, and never sleeps well. Here's the weird thing: every Tuesday night I have a knitting group that I go to. I leave at 6:00, and get back at 8:00 (DD goes to bed at 7:00). One those nights, she goes right to sleep for DH usually, no problems. If I have to work one night, I'll usually leave about the same time, except that I don't get home until 10:30 or 11:00. Then, she's difficult to go to sleep, and sleeps horribly the whole night. How can she know?!?

Since your DC are older, they'll probably just adjust and be fine, I would think (since they can better understand what's going on)

[C99]

My situation is a bit different, because while I work in the evenings or on weekends, I don't start work until after the kids are in bed. Even on weekend days where I work a chunk of time while Daddy does something fun with them, they are OK with it. I do go out in the evening on a semi-regular basis and leave before they go to bed, but I have not noticed that they are different with me the next day. I went out last night, for example, and Nate was crying at the door when I left, but he was totally fine with me this morning.

[StantonHyde]

My husband works nights so not only does he leave in the evenings, he is sleeping the next day. My kids have never known it to be any different. Now if I go out and leave them with Dad, they do fine, BUT I can tell the routine has been different. I think it is good that they get different things with Mom and Dad--the different styles are a good thing. But if this is a new arrangement for you, then I would talk with DH to make sure you make as much the same as possible. I think that helps.

As far as spending time with you--they have their mommy all day. And then nights are for daddy. My kids love it when their dad wakes up in the evening and they can play with him for a few hours before he goes to work again. I might as well not exist :-)