S/O Balancing Beliefs and Giving To Your Child

[kayte]

The topic about the present for the 6 month old got me thinking. I often struggle with all the "things" I want to give our daughter and that we want to raise her to grow without a need for material things.

I have a friend with three sweet but overindulged children. I watch the waste she has created by the over buying of toys and I think it has had a negative effect on her children. Not to mention, It has created way to much clutter in their house--something that is constantly an issue. (ANd they have a big 5 bedroom house).

This is our first Christmas with a baby --she will be just about 1. I have already finished her shopping. (At least I hope so). Though I still think of more things to get her --but I catch myself --that they are just things and she doesn't really need any more. Then the little devil on my shoulder reminds me she will probably be our only one, why not spoil her? But I really don't want to. It's a struggle for me... ANyone else??

[oliviasmomma]

Oh yeah, this is a biggie for me! Last year I felt excatly the same way you do. We gave DD two Christmas gifts (DH and I each picked one out so it was a suprise for us too) and two birthday gifts. Now that she is older, there are so many things I want her to have. Most of the time I justify it by saying that I am trying to give her certain experiences, but really, does her doll have to be a Corolle? (but she is getting a Calin for Christmas) Does her kitchen have to be wood--heck does she need one at all? (We're waiting on this one)

When it comes right down to it, most of the time she plays with the tupperware lids and the cats! I know she'll like her gifts this year, but I also know that most of them are about me rather than her. Olivia is not spoiled in comparison to other people we know in the sense that she does not have an excess of things. Still, her room is full of toys, I just took a box full into the basement last week and when I did I realized that we could probably take away 50% of what she has and she would be fine.

[kedss]

Hi-

If you can just set a limit on yourself, and remember that later on, you will spend time putting these toys away, LOL. We have so many toys that are left over from my much younger half brother(now 22) that we don't buy that much for him, and yet we seem overflowed with stuff!

But, if I had the money, we would be overrun in Thomas and Cars(the movie) stuff, so its a good thing I don't. LOL!

Oh, and remmeber, rolls of toilet paper, empty(or not) are good fun! :D

[Jenn98]

When I look back on my childhood the things I remember the most fondly are the traditions we had. Silly things like how we all got to open one gift on Christmas Eve, and it was always a pair of new Christmas jammies - we groaned about it and poked fun at my mom for it when we were a bit older, but guess what? My DD gets new Christmas jammies every year, and so will this next baby. We didn't have a ton of money growing up, and in fact Chritsmas and birthdays were generally the only times we got toys/gifts, but that wasn't as important to me as it was that I had special things we did as a family.

So, maybe instead of focussing on all the things you want to give her you can focus on all the time you want to give her. Do you bake holiday cookies every year together? Do you get a name of a child off the wishing tree and buy him/her a gift together? Do you watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special? I'd focus on stuff like that if you felt like you wanted to spoil her more - spoil her with love not a lot of random toys she will out grow and you will trip over! HTH!

[kimbe]

ITA!!! I could write the same post.

DD gets a lot of stuff from grandparents and family and I am not going to lie, we certainly buy her too much stuff and enjoy doing it! We do try to get her things that she will be able to use later. We've bought a few nice pieces of jewelry and a few other collectables that we feel will be an investment for her. And that we can tell her the story about them. ie -- we got you this for this holiday. We figure that we are still getting her something, but it isn't a big, loud plastic thing in our way.

We also try to buy more books than toys --- the books will last a long time and who wouldn't be thrilled to get a box of used childern's books when the time comes to pass them on.

There are also great charity things that you can do. Wishing trees are our favorites and so is http://www.heifer.org/ (What kid wouldn't like his or her own cow or flock of chicks!) DH's work also had an adopt a family program that was wonderful -- you'd go out to buy all the fixins for a holiday dinner and gifts for the family. I can't wait until DD is old enough to help us do that and understand what we are doing.

[MeAndMyStar]

I enjoy getting DD a few nice gifts that I know she will enjoy, and not necessarily expensive. Although there are many (many, many!) things I would like to get her I don't want to overwhelm her with stuff and that's good cause we aren't rich anyway. :)

I also know that DHs and my family will be getting her gifts too so we just buy a few things and its nice to not have our house overrun with toys. As she gets older and starts asking for specific things she will get more but for now I think she gets enough (she's 16 months).

-Sarah

[shilo]

i hear you on this one too. even tho we did/do make out main gift a deposit into his college fund, i do find myself with that gut reaction to 'get' him anything he shows a real interest in. it takes a huge amount of willpower, but for the most part, we've managed to contain it. i didn't/don't get everything i want and neither does he. most of the actual 'toys' DS has are things we've received as gifts from friends and family. i have a 'desegnated toy area' (a big basket and the strip of tile in front of the fireplace) down stairs and (a big basket) upstairs. if something new comes in and won't fit in my designated areas, something else has to go out to make room for it. i make an exception for books, although eventually, we'll have to start donating some of those too. most of what i actually 'buy' for him has been books or things like a kinderzeat from the local resale shop.

as a side note, i'll just second what pp's have said about traditions. without a doubt, my favorite memories from growing up revolve around the things we 'did' (and still do) as a family (hiking up into the santa cruz mountains to pick and cut a tree, singing carols badly, meals with everyone i cared about, 3 oranges and a handful of in-the-shell nuts from my dad - weird i know, but so endearing). when i met my husband, one of his traditions was to go on a toys for tots spending spree every year with a chunk of his bonus. so every year, we go to toys r us and run around the store like little kids and have a blast. he does 'boy' things and i do 'girl'/gender neutral. and you know, as fun as it was to each fill up a shopping cart and drop it off to the marines in years past, it was _so_ much more fun with sam along last year. he wasn't really old enough to help us pick things out, but somehow it just made me enjoy the day even more.

hth, lori
Sam 5/19/05 How lucky I am that you chose me.

[kozachka]

We did not give DS anything for his first Christmas/New Year. He was born on Thanksgiving and the only thing he needed was mommy. I was suprised to read here that people buy Christmas gifts for their newborns. Certainly, I get the urge to buy stuff for DS, and I have to work really hard to keep things under control. So far I think we are doing pretty well, not counting the Mega Blocks castle all his toys can fit into two pop-up hampers. Of course, he has more toys at MIL's place but there is nothing I can do about this. Not living anywhere close to a Toys R Us helps tremendously.

[stefani]

It is a struggle for me, too, not necessarily for Christmas, but in general. DS is our only one (at least that is what we plan currently), and the only grandchild from both sides. My parents live far away, and shipping is outrageous, so I don't worry too much about that. My ILs are fairly reasonable, so that is good.

One thing that my Mom taught me was that "On your birthdays, you get presents, Christmas is Jesus's birthday, so Jesus get presents". I did not grow up in the US, so it is not the tradition to get presents for Christmas, but my Mom was emphasizing the need for charity for Christmas. I think I want to pass that on to DS, although he probably still gets presents, but hopefully not too many / much.

Opening up a college savings account is probably a good 1st Christmas present (it will have 18 years to grow!).