Update: Need prayers for a friend please...

[tylersmama]

I just got off the phone with DH. A friend of ours just found out that she has stage 3 breast cancer. She has an 8 week old baby. Apparently, they found the lump while she was pregnant, but either blew it off or just couldn't do anything about it at the time (not sure which, I'm getting the news through the grapevine). The cancer has spread to the lymph nodes and they are starting chemo immediately and doing a mastectomy. Her parents are going to rent a house nearby (they're from out of state), which will help, but it's a very difficult time for her and her family.

Any good thoughts and prayers you can send her way would be greatly appreciated.

Update:
Unfortunately the news is not good. Her cancer has spread to her liver and is now stage 4. As you can imagine, she and her family are just devastated. I'm torn between really wanting to help and not wanting to be intrusive at such a difficult time. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers, they really need them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Updated (again) 2/8
Well, the news is a little better this time! She just finished her last chemo treatment (at least for now) and the tumor has shrunk substantially (from 13 cm at the beginning to about 3 cm now). She is now debating on her next step. The original plan was to do the chemo, followed by the mastectomy and then radiation, but she is considering doing a stem cell treatment first. She is trying to balance the idea that if she does the stem cell treatment that she will be pretty much completely dependent on a caregiver for over a month, followed by another two months of very limited activity. She would be able to hold her DD, but not change her diaper, feed her, or take care of her in any way. Her biggest concern right now is that they can't tell her definitively that the stem cell treatment will help her/prolong her life, but her oncologist feels that she's an excellent candidate for it.

She is such an incredibly strong, optimistic person that I'm constantly amazed by her. She even returned to work part-time in January so that she could have a sense of normalcy to her life. She told me a couple of weeks ago that one of her friends is getting married in October and wants her to be in the wedding, so that's her goal right now.

Please continue to keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers. So far, they seem to be working!

[jayali]

I am so sorry your friend has to go through this. I had a friend in a similar situation and a year later she is cancer free - so here are some positive thoughts coming her way!

[elizabethkott]

****good thoughts*****

[Lovingliv]

How tough! Please pass on good wishes and prayers to her!

[pb&j]

Sending good thoughts and healing vibes...


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

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[COElizabeth]

I'm really sorry. I'll be thinking of and praying for your friend and her family.

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02
and Charlotte, 11-04-04

[vwh99]

I definitely can imagine how scary this must be for her. I just went through something very similar myself. Found a lump in my last trimester which was then biopsied when I saw the breast surgeon since I was due a week later. Thankfully, my biopsies turned out negative (had to go through a whole ordeal of infected biopsy site afterwards...another story) but I definitely spent many nights worried about not living to see my children grow up! I hope she beats this!

Val

[maestramommy]

Oh how awful. I will keep your friend and her family in prayers.

[buddyleebaby]

Praying for her tonight.

[yhtking]

Oh my goodness! Good thoughts and prayers going to your friend and her family.

[stefani]

Healing thoughts and prayers for your friend and her family.

[denna]

How awful! My thoughts and prayers are w/ you, your friend and her family.

[jennifer_r]

So sorry that your friend and her family has to go through this. Sending my thoughts and hoping that she gets through this o.k.

Jennifer

Mom to:
Christopher 12/29/89
Adelaide 8/23/04
Bronwyn 11/9/05

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[newnana]

Sending good thoughts and healthy vibes to your friend and her family.
Michelle

[kozachka]

So scary. Thinking of your friend and her family.

[tylersmama]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. This has really hit me hard. You hear about this happening, but until it happens to someone you know, you can kind of sit around in denial that it could ever happen to you. I guess the good side is that I've never been very good about doing self-exams, but it was the first thing I did when I got in the shower this morning. I don't think I'll ever blow off doing a self-exam again.

For those of you who have been through this or know someone who has, do you have any advice for how we can help out? I was thinking about getting together with another friend and maybe putting some meals together for them. She will be starting chemo on Thursday, so I'm sure she won't be feeling up to cooking anytime soon. Any ideas for good meals to make for this situation? I don't know if she will feel like eating much, but I'm thinking the meals I typically would make (enchiladas, chili, etc) might not be the best idea.

Thanks again, and don't forget to do your self-exam!

[jennabear]

My prayers go out to your friend and her family.

[Expecting-girl]

Sending prayers to your friend. I'm so sorry to hear she is going thru this. My MIL had a mastectomy this summer and is currently undergoing treatments. I'll be praying that her treatments go well.

[jayali]

Gaye,

I think meals are a great idea. Even if she is not hungry her family will still need to eat.

When my friend was going through this some of our friends that lived in her area arranged babysitting in the afternoon so she could nap. She will become very tired very quickly so anything that will enable her to rest will be important.

You are a good friend.

[betsydenny]

My suggestion would be to DO anything you can think of to help-
Set up a driving schedule of friends to take her to treatments
A schedule of meals
A schedule of times to take the baby for a few hours

Schedules are great bc they know what to expect when. Also, I really recommend doing these things instead of asking your friend what she needs- she probably is overwhelmed and not sure of what she needs and doesnt want to feel like she is putting you out- so therefore DO all of these things and know she and her family will tell you if they don't need it. (several months into my mom's cancer treatments- my dad actually got up in church one week and asked folks not to bring any more food as our freezers were overflowing- but up to that point- it really was great to know there was food and not have to prepare it)

Suggestions on food are comfort food- spicy stuff may not react well. Also, chemo and radiation can make foods taste weird. But as you mentioned, her DH and family will still need to eat.

Maybe set up a diaper delivery thing from 1800diapers or the like. Everyone hates running out of diapers.

Wow, my prayers are with your friend and her family!
Betsy

[mom to little e]

My most sincere thoughts and prayers are with your friend and her family.

Maryann
Mommy to Ean & Mia!

[gatorsmom]

This is EXCELLENT advice. I've had 7 family members with cancer in the last 4 years (maybe I should try the playing the lottery) and I can tell you that chemo could be the greatest challenge of her life, although different people react differently. She probably will want to spend most of her time sleeping or laying around. She will probably be nauseaus (sp) and very weak. The driving schedule, the babysitting schedule and ESPECIALLY the meals are such wonderful idea. It will help her so much to take some of the stress off her.

Meals like chicken noodle soups or clear brothy soups are good (very hydrating, easy to digest), potato-type casseroles, shephard's pie, chicken pot pie, non-spicy italian etc., might actually be comforting for her.

I'll say prayers for her tonight.

[american_mama]

I'm glad she has parents who can help, but still, what a very tough time for your friend.

[megs4413]

Dh did chemo while i was pregnant with DD. it was easily the most difficult experience of his life. i really could have used some meals but the truth is....he couldn't stand the smells always, so better than meals would be giftcards to some area restaurants so the food is prepared outside the house (so it doesn't smell the whole house up) and so that it can be consumed quickly and out of her way. if you are going to bring meals, keep in mind that she may be feeling sick. so even though the rest of her family needs to eat, make sure what you send isn't a "no no" food for her. Check with her husband on what would be good.

housework is also a great way to help....offer to take laundry over to your house to wash. it's less intrusive than having you there using their machines, but so so so helpful.

see if she needs someone to be with her during chemo or be with the baby....i dont know what DH would have done if i would have been working at the time. he was in chemo for 8 hours a day (i don't know what her schedule will be) and he just needed the support. there were many people there alone and I always felt so bad for them....i made it a point to talk to everyone while i was there and get blankets, tissues, ask the nurse to change bags for them, etc...for every person there...she may not want anyone to go with her, but if you can offer (don't take your kids) it might be very precious to her.

a blockbuster membership would be good...you know the one where you can rent in store or online without a limit for a month? you can have like 3 out at a time. we had this while DH was on chemo and it really helped. they had a DVD player at chemo that we used sometimes (though chemo was so tough on him physically that he didn't usually get to watch there) but we mostly just had them at home as an "escape" during his "down time"....a membership for a month is probably like $30, but it's a good investment and a really thoughtful gift.

even if she doesn't want someone to sit with her during chemo, chances are they will require her to have someone drive her to/from. I don't know what her DH's schedule is, but you may be able to volunteer for "chauffeur" duties. Generally, people are not allowed to drive themselves because of the medications they are given....

BOY i've given you a lot to think about....there are plenty of other ways to help, but let me know if you have any questions/concerns.....

Overall...the best thing you can do is be a support and make sure she knows you care. It's hard when you feel like people have just "forgotten" you're going through chemo....sometimes people think "ignoring it" is more comfortable for everyone....but it can make you feel alone in your struggle....i hope things go well for her in chemo....you're a great friend to want to be there for her!

[tylersmama]

Thank you so much for the advice! It's so nice to have people who have gone through it tell you what was helpful and what was not. I think another friend and I are going to try to do some stuff next week (they have a ton of family in town this week and are probably a little overwhelmed right now).

I heard a little more of the story today...apparently when they found the lump, they were not concerned and told her it was probably just due to the hormonal changes of pregnancy. Unbelievable. Who knows if her situation would be any better now, but they at least could have thought about inducing her early so they could start treatment earlier had they known.

Thank you again to everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and advice. I really appreciate it!

[punkrockmama]

I am so very sorry that your friend is going through this. I'd be sorry at anytime of course, but it's just terrible now with her little baby. :(. I'll be praying and keeping good thoughts for her and her family. Let us know how she's doing.

[starrynight]

Sending prayers. How awful for her :(.

[tylersmama]

I got an email from my friend this morning, responding to the email I sent her a couple of days ago to let her know we were thinking of her and offering any help she needs. She sounds incredibly upbeat and positive, but that's just the kind of person she is. She has family in town at least through Thanksgiving. She starts chemo today and is hopeful that she'll be one of the lucky ones that doesn't really feel that sick from it.
Keep those prayers coming!

[jennifer_r]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. I have no words of advice. I'll be thinking of your friend and her family.

Jennifer

Mom to:
Christopher 12/29/89
Adelaide 8/23/04
Bronwyn 11/9/05

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url] Woohoo! 1 year and counting . . .

[Wife_and_mommy]

How heartbreaking! I'm so so sorry.



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[MarisaSF]

I'm so sorry. I was hoping for a good update. :( Sounds like she's got a great attitude.
Best wishes for her.

[megs4413]

Gaye...I'm so sorry! her family is in my prayers. a non-intrusive way to help would be to pick up laundry and take it to your house to do. another good thing would be giftcards to the grocery store...I hope they beat it anyway...

[jayali]

Gaye,

I am so sorry to hear this news. I will keep your friend and her family in my prayers.

[TraciG]

I am so sorry , I hope she will be ok .

[tylersmama]

Thanks everyone. We are leaving town for a week in the morning, but I think I will just drop (and then run) a care basket by next week when we get back. I've got a ton of formula samples that I don't need/want, and I'm sure they can use them. Maybe I'll pick up a variety of giftcards, too (like previously suggested, local restaurants, blockbuster, etc.).

The (very small) silver lining to the (very big, black) cloud is that her family is very well off and has the resources to do whatever it takes to get her the best care. I'm hearing that they're looking into taking her to a specialist in Houston.

I'm thinking that it's just not possible that she can't beat this. She is just too nice, too young, and has too much life ahead of her not to. Life is just not fair sometimes (not that I would wish cancer on anyone, but why her, why not a really mean person???).

[hez]

Many, many prayers for your friend, her family and yours.

I'm so sorry.

[COElizabeth]

Gaye, your friend sounds like an amazing and inspirational woman. I hope and pray for her and her family.

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9/02
and Charlotte, 11/04

[COElizabeth]

Gaye, your friend sounds like an amazing and inspirational woman. I hope and pray for her and her family.

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9/02
and Charlotte, 11/04

[lmintzer]

How absolutely heartbreaking! I am glad that your friend is keeping a positive attitude. I can't imagine going through this, especially not with a tiny baby. I hope that she finds peace and comfort in her family and in whatever treatment she chooses. Many positive thoughts coming her way! Please continue to keep us posted.

[lmintzer]

How absolutely heartbreaking! I am glad that your friend is keeping a positive attitude. I can't imagine going through this, especially not with a tiny baby. I hope that she finds peace and comfort in her family and in whatever treatment she chooses. Many positive thoughts coming her way! Please continue to keep us posted.

[maestramommy]

Wow, I must've missed seeing all the other posts. It's so great to hear better news at the end. But we will keep her in our prayers.

[maestramommy]

Wow, I must've missed seeing all the other posts. It's so great to hear better news at the end. But we will keep her in our prayers.

[robinsonbn]

Everyone is making me cry tonight. My prayers go out to your freind. I couldn't imagine. It is good to see there are such strong people in the world. Best Wishes to the family.

[robinsonbn]

Everyone is making me cry tonight. My prayers go out to your freind. I couldn't imagine. It is good to see there are such strong people in the world. Best Wishes to the family.

[mommyoftwo]

I'm so sorry your friend is going through such a difficult time. I'll be praying for her and her family.

[mommyoftwo]

I'm so sorry your friend is going through such a difficult time. I'll be praying for her and her family.