Thanksgiving Dilemma

[jenjenfirenjen]

So, we live far, far away from any family and ever since we moved here we've been alone for Thanksgiving. I have made a big meal every year except for last year when we went out. I find the whole thing to be very depressing and a lot of work for little return (just another meal that DH eats in near silence and then leaves me to clean up.)

So, I was thrilled when our new neighbors invited us over. They have four grown children (two in college, two out but living at home.) Some will be there but it's not a big extended family thing. The wife is very friendly and really just likes entertaining.

I really want to go. I think it would be a nice way to get to know our neighbors better and enjoy the day and the bonus is I don't have to cook a big meal. But DH thinks it's "weird" and doesn't want to go. I need to give her an answer asap. Would you push the issue with DH to go or just drop it. I think if he won't go then I'm not making the big meal and it will be just another day.

[Tondi G]

If it were me I would try one last time to talk to your DH about it.... is there a "reason" besides just feeling wierd for him to not want to go? I think it's great. Our family always has invited any people who we know don't have family close by and it is always fun to make it a big Thanksgiving dinner (can't imagine it any other way!). If your DH is really opposed to going there then I say plan to go out.... DH can pay for a nice meal out then!

Good luck... I hope your DH comes around!

~Tondi

[jenjenfirenjen]

he's just anti-social. and he thinks we're intruding on a family event even though clearly they wouldn't invite us if they didn't want us to come.

[oliviasmomma]

I'd push it and even go with the kids and without DH if he totally refused. I wouldn't want to spend Thanksgiving with a grump either, and if you don't go because of DH but want to go, you won't have fun anyway.

[hillview]

GO! For years my family has asked non family over and we LOVE it! Way more fun and everyone loves to not have it be just family. This year my family is away so we are going to friend's where it will be their family plus us. Tell DH it isn't odd it is FUN! No mess, no strange family dynamics just good fun, good food and NO clean up (unless you want to help)!
/hillary

[Jenn98]

I agree with PPs that said GOOOOOOOOOO! It'll be tons of fun. I'd try DH one more time and then just tell him that you and the boys will miss him that day when you're at the neighbor's house but that you'll take plenty of pics to show him ;)

[kristenk]

I totally agree! You should go! See if there's anything that you can bring so maybe it will feel more like participating in the meal than simply attending (for your DH's sake). Or, just bring a hostess present if she says they have everything all set.

I think it would be great! The more the merrier on Thanksgiving. :)

[californiagirl]

Never in my life have I celebrated Thanksgiving with just family. That would be weird in my book. I'd go!

[elliput]

DH and I have lived far away from family for 11 years, and have either hosted or been guests at Thanksgiving dinner for about half of those years. Everytime we have had a fantastic time. Thanksgiving isn't just about family, it is about our heritage and our community. And what better way to spend it than with your neighbors?

[buddyleebaby]

nak

it sounds like he will be a grouch either way. do what you want and don't let him ruin your thanksgiving.

[tiapam]

Well, as long as you like these people, I would go. What will you tell them if you decline? If they are near neighbors, they might notice that you are home and feel badly that you declined but had nothing else to do.

-Pam

DD - Two years old!

[jgriffin]

I would definitely go! We've had non-family at Thanksgiving before (sometimes a family we're friends with, other times a grad student) and it's a lot of fun. IMHO, the more the merrier for a grand meal like Thanksgiving! Offer to bring something, maybe a dessert, since it's always fun to have several different ones to choose from.

Jen

[jenjenfirenjen]

i'll just have to tell her that dh is a jackass and apologize that we can't go.

[caheinz]

Definitely GO! Leave DH at home with something to heat up if you need to.

At least you and the kids can get out and enjoy the company of other people for the afternoon and/or evening. It's not right to sit around like any other day unless you BOTH want it that way.

[tarabenet]

GO! If he wants to have a crappy day instead of a holiday, that is his problem. You deserve a good time! And what is it that you want your children to believe and remember about Thanksgiving and other celebrations? Build those memories, teach those lessons. Maybe DH will come around, but whether he does or not is up to him. what you make of your day is up to you!

Go have a nice time. Make some friends. Collect a great new recipe. Whatever it is, just go enjoy!

[vwh99]

Go...we love having others over for Thanksgiving, related or not.

Val
dd 10/03
ds 8/06

[s7714]

Go! If your DH doesn't want to, tell him you'll try and bring him some leftovers! :P

Jennifer
Mommy to
Miss Pure Energy 3/03
Miss Antsy-Pants 6/05

Calling fellow BBB SoCal moms...we'd love to meet you!
(100 posts & BBB member for 3 months req'd)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/babybargainssocal/

[shilo]

this was my parents 30 years ago. both are transplants from other parts of the country, so they made their own 'family' out here for the holidays. it gave us kids a wonderful sense of tradition and 30 years later, we still all get together on the holidays - but now with grandchildren and spouses joining in. i say go, offer to bring a dish or two, and even if she refuses that help, bring a bottle of wine and an apron to help with the dishes. DH can keep himself busy watching the boys while you pitch in :P.

lori
Sam 5/19/05 How lucky I am that you chose me.

[alexsmommy]

I know some people think of it as a "family" holiday - but I see it as a time to give thanks - thanks for neighbors who want to reach out to friends who don't have family nearby counts! I have a lot of clients (I'm a psychologist) who don't have family nearby and for various reasons can't/won't go back home. They would love to be invited to a meal. One of them was crying in gratitude last week b/c she just moved a few blocks over from her old house and just met a new neighbor. The neighbor offered to keep an eye on their house if they were going to be out of town for Thanksgiving and my client told her that they weren't able to go home and it would just be the four of them. The new neighbor immediately invited them, told her they believe the more the merrier and all they ask is all who come bring a side dish - any side dish, repeats are welcome. She said "we love strays! After one or two holidays they aren't stays but more family!" I say all this to say, go. It's not weird - it's neighborly and social.
Alaina
Alex Feb '03

[Roleysmom]

I agree, go, go, go! I did something similar a couple of years ago at Passover. I mentioned to DD's preschool director that we didn't have anywhere to go for Passover and she invited us. I really wanted to go but was hesitant because I thought it would be weird and that it was a pity invite. I'm so glad we went. They were so welcoming to us, it was so much fun and once we were there it didn't feel weird at all. It felt warm and friendly and nice. Last Passover we were strays again at a different house where we really didn't know anyone and it was still great. Go! And if your H wants to stay at home, fine, you can bring him some leftovers. I bet you'll feel great if you go.

Paula
Mom to Roley Julia, January '02

[newnana]

You have me cracking up. I think we married the same guy. My DH would think it was weird, would be a PITA at home or complain about going up until the minute we got there. After warming up he would be fine, might even have a good time. He gets to be a stick in the mud about so many things that for something like this I would definitely say go with or without him. Have fun!
Michelle

[emilyf]

Just a word of sympathy-my dh probably wouldn't go either. I'm getting better at just leaving him home and going to things alone, which isn't the greatest but better than sitting home depressed. Maybe your dh will change his mind, I'd just tell him you're going and leave it up to him whether he goes or not.
Emily mom of Charlie born 11/02 and Zoe born 9/05

[kijip]

Adding to the chorus: GO!

We have almost always shared Thanksgiving with non-family members (in addition to family most years.) Some are close. Some are new friends, some are not even friends, but friends of friends who just have nowhere else to go. In fact, my mother often invites a person or two from her work at a feeding program for the homeless. So very often, there is someone that I have never seen before in my life. To me that is the point- community gathering. If he won't come along, go without him. After hosting for the last few years, we are going to a friend's, with my parents, pies and a rib roast in tow. It will be a lot of fun.

[sdbc]

I kind of agree with your DH. I would also feel like I was intruding on a family event. I would suggest a dinner with them another time besides Thanksgiving. I think it's weird to go to someone's house you don't really know for a major family holiday. Good friends would be different, but virtual strangers? I know that's not the popular opinion, but since you asked...

We're on our own this Thanksgiving and are ordering from Boston Market to avoid a lot of hassle (we'll make some things, though).

Also, I think it would be very uncomfortable to go without your husband while he sat at home and everybody knew it.

Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[xmasbabycomin]

I sympathize with being away from close family. My sis took a pic of last year's gravy 700 miles away and I was so jealous! (my stepdad makes the BEST gravy)

Anyway, I agree you should go. Maybe you can play up the saving money aspect with DH? Or the I-don't-want-to-offend-them-so-YOU-can-call-them and-tell-them-no-if-you-don't-want-to-go strategy. In any case, it's only weird to go if you MAKE it weird, KWIM? As you can see, TONS of people have Thanksgiving not-just-family. Heck, show him this thread (sometimes I do that just to show DH I'm not the only one!) Just because you haven't done it yet doesn't make it weird, DH! I'd be thankful for having fantastic neighbors to invite you to share their special meal. ;)

[starrynight]

I would go, with him or without him. You can tell him you are going with the kids and it would be nice if he went but if he isn't up to socializing that's fine with you, but you will not be home to cook a huge meal.

Either he will go with you or not but at least you get the day off and can enjoy the time with someone you like. She is probably thrilled to have little ones in the house again, even for just one day and she enjoys you are neighbors or she would not have asked you to go.

[jenjenfirenjen]

Ha ha. Well, I feel for you then. Anyway, we are going. And I'm sure he'll complain and grumble and all that shizz until we go and then he'll be fine. I'm looking forward to it.

[Momof3Labs]

ITA to go! I've been fortunate enough to spend every T'giving with family, but the faces around the table change every year as we tend to pick up a few "strays" here and there, also.

And if for some reason you don't go after all (I see that you already RSVP'd), order that big meal from Boston Market and crash together on the couch afterwards with no dishes to clean up!

[DrSally]

I would try to talk him into it. It is a little awkward to be with nonfamily for the holidays, but some people are very friendly and it won't feel so "weird" once you're there. We live away from family too, and have been to friends, neighbors, DH's bosses house for T-day.

ETA: People really don't invite others unless they want them to come. Would you invite someone to your house unsolicited if you didn't want them?