Help me teach my 3 yr old only child to share!!!!

[chlobo]

So I was at playgroup today and me & DD were playing with lincoln logs. Another child came over to play with the logs as well and DD got very mad and started yelling. We took a break and came back but she got mad again and kicked the lincoln logs. We had another break but ended up leaving because DD insisted she wanted to play with the toys by herself and couldn't share.

I am devastated and have no idea what to do. None of the other kids in group seem to exhibit this behavior. Most of them have older siblings. One has a younger sibling and there is one other only child. I feel like I've created a monster and I have no idea how to teach her to share. I do talk to her about it when the opportunity arises and I thought we had made some progress when she made "soup" this morning for everyone at playgroup (before we went). Now I am at a loss.

Any resources or techniques I can use to get her out of this? Does www.gentlechristianmothering.com address this issue?

Please tell me I'm not the only one with a late blooming sharer.

[C99]

I think it's the age. No kid at 2-3-4 does *well* at sharing, but some do better than others. I will say that I think going to MDO helped DS tremendously in the sharing department; the teachers all reinforced what we were teaching at home, which is that you share among your friends. And with 14 kids in a classroom, there was no way for them not to share. DS started MDO at 2.5 and at that time was one of the most aggressive kids in playgroup. That changed about 1/2 way through the year, especially as he was the only one at the time in any kind of formal daycare or out-of-the-house care program.

DS and his friends are all the oldest children, so playgroup was pretty hairy every week when they were all 2-3. It's much better now that they are older, all in preschool/MDO/daycare, and have known each other so long. It's pretty cute to see them negotiate among each other, although all negotiations break down toward the end of the day/playgroup when they are all tired.

[tny915]

I've got a non-sharing only child over here too. DD has always been this way, not incredibly fond of other kids, especially when the want to play with whatever she's holding. Preschool is helping a bit, but most days, DD doesn't even want to share the same air with the cat. And like you, I observe the other kids at preschool and none of them seem to have a problem with sharing. I do figure that it'll come with time.

I'll be watching this thread for tips.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It is super normal!!! It is the age.

And you are wise to have noticed that many of the kids have older siblings. That really makes a difference. Of the kids in ds' preschool class the ones with older siblings played better in class (but didn't actually play very well with their siblings!). Even the ones with younger siblings did better.

The thing we did was this:

Told him repeatedly our behavior expectations, starting even a day or 2 ahead of time and definetly before we got out of the car at the play date

Told him what the consequences would be if he didn't follow the rules.

Followed through, even if that meant leaving early.

It is just going to happen. Please don't think of her as a monster though. Sharing and playing nicely are works in progress during the preschool years. Sounds like your playgroup is exhibiting behavior that is actually not representative of the norm. Ask any preschool teacher, this stuff happens every day. They don't tell us about these incidents usually because they almost all do it.

YOu are not alone and as far as I know you are in exactly the stage you would be with a 3 year old. Please try not to let it get to you too much. I do know how hard it is. We had a tough year last year more times than not with sharing but as he has gotten older it has gotten so much better. There is nothing wrong with either of you.

Beth

ETA: if playgroup is at your house let her go around and pick out a few very special toys that she won't want anyone else to play with and put them away for the playdate. It helps.

If she isn't hurting anyone try to sit back and let her work out the issue with her friends/ peers.

Don't totally overreact. Sometimes they exhibit unacceptable behavior for attention. They don' care if it is good or bad attention sometimes.

Have a diversion ready.

It really sounds like you handled it well.