Need help against stall tactics of a 3 1/2 year old!

[LD92599]

The good news is that DS is now back to sleeping in his bed, alone, all night. The bad news is that if I'm home he doesn't go to sleep until I do (or even after if DH is still up) and it's a constant battle from 8pm onward til 11 or so. The stall tactics are driving me (and DH) up a wall! Help!

I know we *need* to establish a set routine but it's sooo hard. For example, we'll be out tomorrow until later on in the evening; we'll have DS in his PJs and keep the music low, etc on the way home in the hopes that he'll fall asleep; Sunday we have plans w/ my sis and BIL to do Christmas stuff so again, another evening out. Monday I have an organization meeting of which I'm President of, so DH gets bedtime and then Tuesday i'm having a few of the moms from meetup.com over for a Photoshop Lesson!

So we'll start in earnest on Wednesday but even still I need help against the stalling. Our bedrooms are all on the 2nd floor; our main floor is easily seen from the top of the staircase; DS will often come into the hallway and lay down to watch whatever TV we're watching (we're thinking of DVR soon so he's not watching stuff he shouldn't be).

The stalling ranges from being hungry, thirsty, needs to go potty, can't find a "certain" matchbox, etc. Not sure how much more of this we can take!

Oh, and forgot to mention that If It's a night (ie: this coming Monday) where I'm out for the evening, DS is asleep on the couch by 9pm at the latest and then easily transferred to bed?

Regarding Naps: He does nap for ~hour / day at school. Weekends he doesn't get a set nap and bedtime is a LITTLE easier but HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

TIA! This is long!

Laura
Will is three and a half - we're now making progress with sleeping!

[Momof3Labs]

I'd try to get rid of the nap altogether, honestly. When DS1 was still napping, he was a bear to get to bed (usually 2hrs of stalling). When he dropped the nap (on his own), bedtime became peaceful and speedy once again.

[LD92599]

Daycare won't drop the nap (well, I haven't asked about it in the last month or so) but I'll talk to them again on Monday. Thanks for the idea!

Laura
Will is three and a half - we're now making progress with sleeping!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Personally I wouldn't drop the nap. If he is still napping then he probably needs it, imo. Do they wake him up from his nap or is he allowed to sleep as long as necessary?

It was a pretty short lived phase in our house when ds was stalling all the time or coming back downstairs after bedtime. What we did was turn off all the lights upstairs and downstairs since he hates going through the dark. We would still watch TV (love our Tivo, btw!) but turn it off or pause it when he came down. We no longer have to turn any lights off at bedtime. (Oh, and since around the time he was almost 4 he has been sleeping with a night light and a lamp with a 25 watt bulb on; it was just easier than fighting him about lights and he sleeps fine with it on. So, if there are any dark fears you might try it and see what happens.)

It helps even now to pretend not to hear his gazillion requests after the door is shut. I found that if I respond to the second, "mommy, I need..." that he will ask me for lots more stuff and keep stalling. The first thing is usually free because it is something we should have remembered on our own (like the glass of water).

So, writing that out makes me feel like a bad mom...just ignore them and turn the lights off. But, it does work for us and he doesn't seem to be upset. If he really needs us we will be there in a heartbeat and he knows that.

I would work on a routine too. Ours' is mothing big...PJs, story, tuck in, close door. We address the glass of water and any missing toys before we tuck him in. We try to do this every single night since it is so short. Even if we had been out late we can still fit this in. Sometimes he declines the story or just wants a short one.

Good luck!

Beth (ds 4.5yo)

[Wife_and_mommy]

I'm with Beth. I wouldn't drop the nap if he still needs it.

I started having issues with DD about 6M ago. It coincided with us putting ds in his room(closer proximity). It has been a major struggle with her thinking up a thousand reasons why she needs one of us.

I finally go inspired last Fri. after talking with a friend and started a bedtime "bootcamp", if you will. I *told*(this was key for me) her that once bedtime was here she was not to call out for us or cry loudly as it would disturb her brother. Once she got into bed, I didn't budge. It took only one night of her crying for 1/2 hr and she's pretty well back on track.

I also had been letting her nap too late so she wasn't ready for bed so our new wake-up time is 7:30/nap at 1/bedtime at 7:45-8. I'm working towards a 7:30p bed time but it had been 9, 10, 11p before she'd go down depending on how late she napped.Come to think of it, I'd check at what time your ds is napping. It might be too late in the day for him to be tired for bed.

In closing, I think the key is not giving in to his tactics. He'll stop if he knows they won't work. I recall that maybe he never had healthy sleep habits? I think this is definitely still a starting point for you if you're interested. My dd slept like a dream until 6M ago so I know the results had been my own doing.



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