Pic Added; 23 Month Old DD Won't Stay With Me In Public-Help

[randomkid]

Thought I'd add a pic from our Disney trip. This is DD wanting to go one way and me wanting her to go another. As you can see, we were using the harness. She wasn't screaming, just laid down on the ground like a board and wouldn't move - lol! BTW, she loves her harness and wouldn't let us take it off all day. Once, I thought she wanted it off, but apparently didn't because she had a screaming fit! Thanks again for all your suggestions.

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b387/randomkidfl/GraceatMagicKingdom-108.jpg

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DD is very active and most of the time her running around constantly doesn't bother me. She has never been one to sit still. I remember at 4-5 months having to take her out of her infant carrier when we were out so she could see everything. Now, she won't stay in her stroller for long and she wants to walk (actually, run) whereever we are.

The problem is that I'm afraid I'm going to lose her plus it's really difficult to get any shopping done when she keeps running off. Last night, we went to a Christmas family night for DH's work. It was in the lobby and cafeteria of the hospital. DD never sat down and I just followed her around all night. DH ate his dinner in about 5 minutes and I didn't eat at all. I know she is only 2, but there's got to be a way to get her to stay with us and sit still, even for just a little while. It's embarassing to me because it looks like I don't have control of my child (and truthfully, I don't), but she just doesn't understand.

Am I going to have to force her to stay with me and go through a few tantrums until she gets it or is there a better way? She just gets so excited and is just having fun. She's not being bad in any way and I hate to spoil her fun. DH and I discussed going somewhere specifically to teach her to stay with us so we aren't spoiling a particular event, but I really hate to do that to her (and me - lol!).

I have the book "How to Raise Your Spirited Child" - guess I need to break that out now. Any BTDT advice?

Thanks,

[elliput]

Not sure how you feel about using one, but have you considered a harness? My DD runs hot and cold with sitting in a stroller or shopping cart, so having the harness option has made some shopping trips much easier. Although it really doesn't help with the activity level.

I know you don't want to hear this next part, but sometimes, I just deal with an upset toddler and the temper tantums. Her screaming and yelling because she is upset is music to my ears when I think about the alternatives.

[dules]

IMO her safety is more important than a few tantrums. After a little while, she'll get that she doesn't go out with you unless she's holding your hand, in the stroller/cart, being carried, etc.

Start with short trips, like to Target to get one or two things and out, and make them longer from there.

I hope I don't seem too weird, I just worry about a child that young slipping out of your sight even for a minute.


Mary

[jess_g]

My 3 year old son is the same way! And he did run away from me once while I was picking up his brother at school. He just ran and I had to look all over for him with his brother in tow. It was awful. Now I use the stroller and let him out to play until his brother comes out. He knows not to run away (I talked to him about it a lot after the incident) and to stay near me. The stroller realy helps too as it gives him a contained place to sit. I tried using a harness (it was one we already had) but he hated it and always wanted to run faster with it on. I do suggest you try one in case your daughter likes it but my son does not. The other suggestion that I got was to always hold his hand and that does work somethimes (when he is willing). I think for us teaching him when its ok to run ahead and to wait for us at the end of the path or at the door has worked best. I don't know what will happen though when we goto Disney in the spring!

Jessica.

[crl]

Well, at places like the mall DS has to hold my hand. If he jerks his hand out of mine, I pick him up and we leave. He loooovvves the mall because he loves escalators so he does not want to leave. I don't actually try to shop with him at the mall unless DH is there too (and not really even then). I just do my shopping online.

Places where I have my stroller, the consequence for letting go of my hand is DS has to get in the stroller--and I do it no matter how much he screams, etc. He's actually too strong for me to wrestle into the stroller anymore and I once sat on a sidewalk beside him while he threw a 1/2 hour long screaming fit. He ended up in the stroller and screamed the whole way home. Not fun, but not running away from me is so important.

For parties, I just follow him around while DH eats then DH follows DS around while I eat. Although I've never been to one at a public place like a hospital so I'm not really sure how that would play out for us.

He's improving, but I absolutely do not trust him and he has to hold my hand anytime we are in a public place I might lose track of him or near streets/parking lots.

Good luck!

[Piglet]

DS2 is the same way (as opposed to my very easy going, mellow, calm DS1). We have the added problem that the last 2 times we tried to pull him away from something or force him to hold our hands he dislocated his elbow by falling to the ground while we held on. I posted about it the first time it happened and was told that it tends to re-occur and sure enough it did. As a result we can no longer tell him that he has to hold our hands and if he chooses to let go or take off, we feel that we can't hold on like we used to. Our current approach is to tell him that "we have to hold hands in the parking lot" and if he doesn't cooperate he gets picked up. He does not like being picked up so we often get a small meltdown once he is in our hands. I figure that in time he will figure it out.

For longer outings, we found a soultion that seems to work well us but may not be your cup of tea. We just got back from San Diego and had a hard time containing DS2 in the stroller. The thing that worked the best was a harness. They sell really cute ones at Target and they are cheap so if you hate it, you haven't lost a lot of money. They are backpacks shaped like stuffed animals (dogs and bears, I think). We put it on DS when we were at the SD Zoo and we knew that he couldn't get any further than a few feet. The main thing to remember is that your child will take the lead, not you. You can not use a harness and expect to redirect the child in the direction you want to go. Basically it is a means of staying close by while they do their usual exploring. I saw a LOT of kids in these harnesses at the various parks in San Diego and no one looked like their kids were miserable or on a "leash".

I am intrigued by the Spirited Child book. Please post a review once you read it - maybe it will offer some insights!

[Aunt to sweet baby boy]

Avi is a little older than your dd but we also are dealing with this problem daily. The recent thing that we tell him is that he either needs to hold our hands or sit in the stroller. If we are walking in/out of a store he needs to either hold hands or be carried. He is a very spirited child and likes to run around without realizing what the possible consequences are. I wish that he could walk next to us/me without running off, but he takes off and he is really fast, so right now that is not allowed.

He is getting better, so i hope that in a few months we will be able to go run an errand without needing to strap him into the stroller/shopping cart, right now we take the stroller even for quick outings, it is just easier than having him possibly run off.

Please let me know about the book, avi is definitely a spirited child!

Ilana, aka Nana to my sweet nephew Avi

http://lilypie.com/pic/061128/V76Q.jpg[/img]http://b3.lilypie.com/wYA-m8/.png[/img][/url]

[californiagirl]

So we do a number of things. Be warned; all of them will get you dirty looks. We do stay close or be carried (you get the dirty looks when she hoooowls). We do a harness (comments split 75-25 between "I wish I had one" and "I would NEVER put my CHILD on a LEASH like a DOG"). And we do a deal where she gets to run to a specified target (a mailbox, a stop sign, a lamp post) as long as she stops when she gets there and waits for us, or runs back to us, and stops on command on the way there. We practiced in very safe locations, and it often looks terrible (child runs away from towards a street me shouting "I'm running away! Faster, faster, faster!" as I stroll along looking unconcerned. Then she gets to the stop sign, flings her arms around it and shouts "I got it!" and drops to the ground to wait.) She knows that it's a privilege, and she's lost it occasionally but she's also much much better at stopping on command and staying with us when she needs to now.

[randomkid]

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and tips. We do use the harness that is a stuffed animal backpack, and as a PP mentioned, you can't direct her with it. We just went to Disney for the first time Monday and used it a lot. Most everyone we encountered wanted to know where we got it! They are very cute :-) . Jessica, this is what I'd recommend for your Disney "experience", but just expect that it will be a way to keep track, not direct.

You all have pretty much confirmed what I've been thinking. I'm just going to have to get tough and go through some tantrums. Right now, DD thinks it's fun and a game to run away from me. If we are in a safe location, I don't chase her anymore, which takes the fun out of it and she has stopped and come back. However, this won't work in most places.

I do already explain to her that she has to stay with me and why, but she's just too young to really understand. I will keep doing this though and when she is older, I'm hoping it sinks in. I like some of your ideas and will try them. I do have concerns about her shoulders and elbows because sometimes I can only grab her by the arm and she raises them up and slides down to the floor. I end up pulling on her arms and I don't like that.

Thanks for the ideas and for confirming my thoughts about what I need to do.