How to get a toddler motivated to use the potty?

[happy2bamom]

The post about public restrooms and potty training made me start thinking about our struggle with potty training. DS (who will be 3 in February) has done both #1 and #2 on the potty before (less than 5 times over the course of 5 months). So he is capable of going on a potty. He knows when his diaper is poopy, and will sometimes tell me. But, he seems to have no motivation to go on the potty and get out of his diapers. We have tried various incentives (ie. candy, watching TV, playing games) that seem to either work once or not at all. (We have the DVD Potty Time with Bear, which he likes to watch)

I would really like to get him potty trained, but I'm wondering how to get him motivated? Does he have to want to do it too or can I just force the issue? Whenever he is asked if he wants to go on the potty he says "No". Sometimes he will poop in his diaper within 5 minutes of refusing to sit on the potty.

Please help. I need to feel like we are moving in the right direction here. TIA

[kjezierski]

While there are all kinds of tricks out there, I honestly believe that, unless they're at some extreme age, like four, you just have to wait until they're ready. Just my two cents.

Kathleen
Mommy to Alex
04/29/04

[SnuggleBuggles]

You don't, for some toddlers/ preschoolers. For these little ones the choice will be entirely self driven and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to push the process. Waiting them out, with occaisional suggestions or offering of incentives (stickers...), may be the best course of action. The harder you dig your heels in the harder they may resist. And with power struggles no one really wins.

We tried when ds was 3.5. It turned into a battle and we ultimately gave up. He was more than capable physically but not at all willing to go. We half heartedly suggested over the next few months that he should try. Still nothing. Peer pressure, offering rewards, talking it up...none of it mattered.

Then one day it all just clicked in his brain and he decided to go. This was 1.5 months before he turned 4 (which, as his pediatrician said is a fine age for boys to potty train). He has not had an accident since he decided he was ready.

Based on my experience I really and truly believe that you should let them be. They will indeed do it someday and that day will be when they are ready.

Some kids are more willing to go but it sounds like your ds is not one of them. I would really suggest backing off; unless you feel like holding him on the potty screaming for 10 minutes, him still not going then when you go to make dinner having to clean up a big accident. We tried that for a week. If I could go back in time I would have never let it go that far and just not tried to force it.

Honestly, I say to wait. It is hard to wait, especially as younger kids around you get trained. But that just doesn't matter.. He'll get and it wil be so much easier when it all clicks for him. Always good to accept that some things are just in their control, not ours'. :)

Beth

[bisous]

Wow, thank you so much for posting this experience. My just turned 3 yo DS is not interested in the potty and I'm getting worn down by grandparents and everyone else trying to force him to learn. I think I have the strength now to say that we're just going to wait for him to be ready.

To the original poster--just know that you are not alone with this kind of struggle! We're another family here that's struggling to interest a child in using the potty. :)

[mamato1]

I am in the same boat as you. DS will be 3 in a few weeks and there was a period of time when I thought we were getting somewhere and then he had a a meltdown on the potty while pooping (I think he was kind of constipated and it hurt) and he has not gone on the potty since. I am just going to take a break and try to follow his cues. I wholeheartedly agree with pp's who say to wait until your DC is ready. But, I know that that is not always an option. For me I have to have DS pottytrained by August for preschool. However, that is so far off I am trying not to stress about it.
Chris

Mama to Brendan, aka Boomer, my little peanut who is allergic to peanuts! 01/16/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[thomma]

As a mother of 3 1/2 year old twins who are not and show not interest in being potty trained, I thank you for this post.

Kim
ds&dd 5/03

[happy2bamom]

Thank you for the encouraging words and for the helpful suggestions. I think that you are right, forcing this issue is just going to drive us all crazy. And to be honest, part of the potty training pressure that I am feeling is b/c so many of my friends have younger children that are already successful. I guess it is a good lesson to learn while they are young, that it helps no one to compare my DS with anyone else. It also helps to know that I am not alone. He'll get it eventually, and we'll celebrate like crazy when he does! Thanks again for helping me normalize our situation. You all are the best.