Christmas present dilemma - -WWYD?

[deborah_r]

We took DS to pick out a Toy for Tots yesterday. His daycare/preschool was collecting and they suggested that we actually bring our child to pick out the toy and try to explain why and where it would go. So we went yesterday and he saw this game (Lucky Ducks) from about 30 feet away and said "I want to ge that toy". He understood it was not for him...for about 5 minutes. Then he started crying realizing he was not going to get to play with it.

He cried some more when we got home, but he was also tired which was part of it. We hid it until this morning. When we got to school, I gave it to him to put in the box. And he happily put it in and said "Somebody will really like that toy!" and he was happy! I was amazed.

So I was in TRU today to pick up his last present (a scooter). Then I stopped by the game section because I decided I would get him one more thing, a board game, so we could all play it together Xmas Eve (we open presents from all but Santa Xmas Eve). And, of course...there was the Lucky Ducks game, and on sale, no less. I know he would be ecstatic. I first think it's bad because it won't teach him the lesson we were trying to teach. But then I think he would really love this toy and be so excited - maybe we could do it from Santa and say Santa was so happy with him for giving that toy away, he wanted him to have one. I called DH, he said no, don't get it. So I got a different little board game (The Ladybug Game)

So what would you have done?

Sidenote: Also, I was talking to my sister and she said her boys (grown now) used to ask why they had to do Toys for Tots, because Santa brings presents to ALL the boys and girls - how do you explain this to a child if they ask that question?

[almostamom]

I would have done exactly as you did - buy him a different game just so the message of giving to others isn't lost. As for your question about Santa - my best friend just went through that with her 3rd grader, but I can't remember what she told her! I'll be talking to her in the next day or two and I'll ask again what she said.

BTW, congratulations on your pregnancy! What wonderful news!!

Linda

[Wife_and_mommy]

I bought dd and my nephew the same toy and she helped me wrap it for him. I think she's going to say it's his when she opens it at xmas but I'll just tell her that one is for her.

I think Kai is old enough to understand the other one went to the tft.


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[hillview]

I'd have done what you did. Good lesson!
/hillary

[hardysmom]

we go through the same thing with DS pre-school.

First, on the Santa thing, we say that Santa does deliver toys to all kids, but that some moms, dads, and grandparents aren't as lucky as our family and don't have enough money to buy presents for all of their kids. They can come to the agency to pick something out they know their kids will like without having to have any money. DS knows he gets something from Santa, but also (probably more) gifts from family, so this has always worked. Also reinforces the joys of giving, thankfulness for what we have, toys have a $$ cost, etc... Our school frames it all in language of being "lucky" which is age appropriate for pre-schoolers and they all seem to get it.

At our school, they take the 4yr old class (my son's) to drop the toys off at Family and Children's Services (the agency that runs our local program). The kids carry in the toys collected from all the whole pre-school/kindergarden and then sing a couple of songs for the staff. The lesson is 2 fold, first it is about helping others, but it is also about being thankful for what you have.

I don't think it would be terrible to get the same gift for your ds, as long as he is at an age that he understands that he isn't getting the specific one he gave away. Saying that Santa was proud of him would be nice. Kids at this age need a LOT of reinforcemment to retain lessons and "catching them doing good" is always a great strategy. In a child so young, I don't think it diminishes the lesson. In fact, having the game in your home might serve as a reminder of the lesson throughout the year as opposed to it being forgotten in a week.

stephanie

[kijip]

I would have purchased the gift and said something like " you were generous enough to share one and look you got you very own, way to share"

As for the toys for tots thing. I work at an office that organizes holiday sponsorships for our clients. Toby spent all Friday afternoon helping to sort gifts that we had picked up. When he asked, I told him that Santa needs help to get presents to everyone and that he was lucky enough to be a Santa helper. He accepted that and then did something cute that I shared on another thread. :)

[kayte]

>I don't think it would be terrible to get the same gift for
>your ds, as long as he is at an age that he understands that
>he isn't getting the specific one he gave away. Saying that
>Santa was proud of him would be nice. Kids at this age need a
>LOT of reinforcemment to retain lessons and "catching them
>doing good" is always a great strategy. In a child so young, I
>don't think it diminishes the lesson. In fact, having the game
>in your home might serve as a reminder of the lesson
>throughout the year as opposed to it being forgotten in a
>week.


I do agree with Stephanie, however I would wait a while to get the game. Maybe you can take him lter to the store to buy it (again) or maybe can get it for a gift for another occasion. You can still remind him that he gave the game away but there is less of a likelihood that he assumes it is the same exact game.

[Momof3Labs]

>First, on the Santa thing, we say that Santa does deliver toys
>to all kids, but that some moms, dads, and grandparents aren't
>as lucky as our family and don't have enough money to buy
>presents for all of their kids.

That's what we told DS1 this year when he asked that exact question. He was fine with the answer. We've been picking out and wrapping gifts for children in the foster system for a few years, and I think that it is a good lesson for this age.

That said, I probably wouldn't buy the game and put it under the tree. Perhaps get him a gift card instead, and he can go pick out his own game (DS1 loooooves shopping with gift cards); he may pick that one, or he may pick a different one.

[squimp]

Not sure what I'd do about the game, but I told DD that Santa doesn't know everyone's address. Some kids moved right before Christmas, some kids live very far away, you know. So that's why we were shopping for two little kids this holiday. The hardest part for her was the disappointment that she wouldn't meet the kids.

[amp]

Ooh, that would have been tough to pass up. Maybe get it for his birthday? I think you did the right thing though, to make sure that he got the point of it.