Dreading my next visit to the salon & my stylist of 10+ years

[cmo]

Because it will probably be my last visit. It makes me feel awkward and guilty, but I think I need to go somewhere else. The odd part is that I am happy with they way she cuts & colors my hair. The deal-breaker is that I now know too much about her personal life, and I disagree with some of the choices she has made and continues to make. It wouldn't bother me much, except she has 2 young children whose lives are now affected by this (she is also divorced). There are a lot more details to the story that might explain this, but I wanted to keep it short. I don't want to spend my money to support this. Or do I?

So why do I feel so yucky about all of this? I don't know if I am doing the right thing. It does make me sad, but also like I am standing up for my own beliefs.

Every year, this salon allows you to pay for your next year's services in advance, getting a big discount if you do so. I have done this for years and it will probably come up that I won't be renewing. Do I tell her why, in the most gentle way I can? I do have other legitimate excuses that I could substitute. Maybe I should just cancel my appointment and fade away.

Any insight and points to ponder would be much appreciated.

Thanks,
Chris

[kayte]

If you don't want to fess up to her, then I might cancel and fade away.

If you do keep the appointment, be prepared to be honest with her. Fibbing to her will only make you feel worse.

I am sorry you are in this tough spot. I am sure after 10 years she has become a friend and she sees you that way too. So maybe you should think of how you would handle this if it were just a freind and not a service provider. Would you confront the friend or would you just fall out of her life?

No real answers, but I wish you luck. And her too.

Hugs.

[AngelaS]

I'd just tell her that you're moving on to a different stylist and wish her well. You don't have to give her a reason for leaving and don't want to say anything that would upset her.

Or just cancel your appointment and don't reschedule. :)

[sdbc]

If it wasn't already paid for, I'd just cancel. If I already paid in advance, I'd go and not say anything. If they ask if you want to renew, just say you can't pay up front right now. Then don't call back. You don't owe an explanation, and honestly, I think it'd be kind of hurtful to tell the truth.

Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[MartiesMom2B]

If it's not paid for, I'd cancel the next appointment and fade away like others have said. I've stopped seeing my old hairstylist even though she did a good job with my hair. My problem with her is that she was loudmouthed and would tell me things about people that I knew. She told one of my friends that I was pregnant before I could tell her. Also she was too opinionated. Other people I knew stopped seeing her b/c she would stop in the middle of the haircut to pump milk for her daughter. I'm very pro bfing, but I think it's completely unprofessional to stop in the middle of your job to pump. She should have scheduled her appointments around that.

-Sonia
Mommy to Martie
& Li'l Girl Bunny to come Feb. 2007
http://bd.lilypie.com/Kchhm4/.png (http://lilypie.com)

[hillview]

I think it depends. For me I'd feel better if I told her that I wanted to try this new person because:
- My mom/sister suggested I try their person
- New place is closer to work/home or easier to get to (parking)
- New year's resolution to embrace change and you are going to change your hair style and stylist

PS you can google "breaking up with your hairdresser" and you get a lot of links ... crazy!
/hillary

[KBecks]

You can get your hair done anywhere you want, so no feeling guilty if you change.

I can imagine it's difficult to spend time with someone if they are discussing personal matters that make you uncomfortable. Does she tell you these things while she is doing your hair? I can see that being a turn-off and a deal-breaker.

That said, her personal life is hers, and even if you choose to leave because of her personal life, I think it would be rude to give that as a critique.

It's up to you whether you want to suck it up becasue you like the results.

[tarabenet]

No explanation, true or invented, is necessary. If it comes up, simply say "I'm not in a position to do that right now" or "It's a great offer, but I'm just not interested" or some such. No excuses, no further explaining, no allowing anyone to bully you into an answer that (no matter what it might be) is none of their business to pressure you about.

As for telling her why, are these decisions of hers things that she can change, that you would like to influence her about? Sounds like they are done deals. Your criticism, however heartfelt, will not help anything. The past is in the past and there's nothing you or she can do about it now. Plus, unless she's a good friend, what makes you think your opinion would influence her future behavior either? Would hers affect your choices?

Breathe in. Breathe out. Bless her. Bless the situation. And let it go.

Good luck. Here's hoping you will feel strong and sure as you face her this last time!

[kijip]

>Then don't call back. You don't owe an explanation, and
>honestly, I think it'd be kind of hurtful to tell the truth.

ITA. No need to say anything at all. If it came out somehow in front of her at your last appointment, I would just dodge or state, "I am going to try a new place closer to work/home/child's school/whatever"

[punkrockmama]

My mom goes to this lady to have her hair done and she would say all kinds of crazy things about how bf'ing was gross, little boys who play with kitchen stuff grow up to be "fags", etc...I guess mom would chat about us a lot. Well, my dear mother is not the type to go to bat for anybody, not even me, and after telling me what she said and me freaking out said "Well, nobody else does it right and I can't help what she says"

So I think you're pretty cool Chris. Be proud of yourself for putting your money where your mouth is. :)