The holidays are driving me crazy!!!

[mommy111]

Maybe this is a bitch, but I just posted here because I'm not really bitching against anyone.
I am completely and utterly miserable. I am currently going through a divorce and seeing everyone with their families in the holiday season, while I am alone in a new town is making me completely sad. I'm at the point where I'm rethinking the divorce (which I know is a mistake, H and I are completely and utterly not compatible and it would be a mistake to let this drag on when we will end up in a divorce anyway).
Any other single mamas who've BTDT and care to share their experiences?

[candybomiller]

No btdt advice, just wanted to offer some ((hugs)).

[dules]

No BTDT but support. :) The holidays make all of life's stressors that much more intense. When we were struggling with infertility I dreaded the holiday season with all the happy families and new babies/baby news (I used to call them "drive by" letters - form letters announcing pgs and new babies from people I only corresponded with via holiday cards).

It's a different situation entirely but I found that it helped to confide my feelings in a few very close friends and family so that they'd understand my sensitivity and, if necessary, run some blocking patterns for me at holiday gatherings.

I hope things get better and that you're able to enjoy the holiday through your DCs' eyes. Hugs.



Mary

[Jenn98]

No btdt, but some more (((hugs)) for you. It's hard to be in a new town and even harder to reach out when you don't feel like it. But try to get connected in your community. Take a yoga class, or volunteer a few hours a month, or even jsut go to the mall and people watch. Get out and get connected, it will at least make it feel more like home. Hang in there, the holidays are almost over! ;)

[mommy111]

Never thought that would be a comforting thought, but it is :) Usually, I'm a big holiday person. I guess I'm just in a whine/self-pity fest right now.

[mommy111]

Thanks, Candy!

[mommy111]

Not entirely different, you're right, that's kind of how I feel, with you it was a child, with me its being part of a family. What set me off was a beautiful holiday card from a "drive by" friend with her DC and DH. Its really good of her to remember to send me a card every Christmas, but it hurts to see a normal family. (and I feel horrible saying this, but it does)

[annasmom]

No btdt, but bigs (((hugs))) are headed your way. The holidays can be tough period. I hope you can enjoy yourself. Maybe do something special just for you???

[JoyNChrist]

No BTDT, but lots of hugs for you!

I too want the holidays to be over quickly (completely different reasons, but if we could just skip all the falala this year, I wouldn't mind at all).

[s_gosney]

I can totally commiserate with you. We just recently decided to separate on a more permanant basis (dh had left for 2 weeks to "think" at one point), so I'm dealing with that crazy mix of emotions too. And while I'm not in a new town, all of my closest friends have moved away, so I find myself feeling incredibly lonely.

Through all of this I've been reminded just how funny grief is. It can sneak up at the times you least expect it. Just last week I was looking for a Christmas card for our boss for a group gift and my eyes landed on one that said "soul mate" on the front. For whatever reason, I picked it up and found myself nearly in tears right there in target. It wasn't H that I was sad about losing, not too much anyway, but it's that whole dream of having had a good marriage that I'm grieving right now. I can only imagine that getting the cards of happy families in the mail would prompt similar feelings.

As for what I'm doing to make it through...I'm trying hard to focus on dd. She's understanding more about Christmas this year, so it's been really fun. I'm also trying to reconnect with some old friends so I don't feel so isolated. My faith in God is also helping, but sometimes there's definitely that need for a friend you can hug.

My confession is that I too catch myself rethinking my decision to separate but know logically that it's the only reasonable choice at this point. I also keep catching myself thinking about dating which is making me crazy. One of the big reasons I wound up in this mess in the first place was being too in love with the idea of being in love, IYKWIM. I'm also planning to start seeing a therapist after the first of the year.

Well, sorry this turned into a novel, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. To me at least, that always seems to help a little. Please feel free to PM me or email if you want to chat. Hugs to you and I hope your able to embrace some happiness in the holiday season.

[mommy111]

Thank you for sharing all that incredibly personal info, I can't tell you how much that helped. Because, for me too, its that dream of having a good marriage and a normal family, as you so rightly put it. And I find myself in tears at all the most inopportune (and unexpected) times, like looking at a friend's holiday card with her family's photos on there, or going to dinner at another friend's place and seeing her and her DH share a smile about something their DS did.
Hugs to you too, if you're in the Cleveland area by any chance, we should get together :)

[mommy111]

Eileen, thanks for the hugs!

[mommy111]

Thank you!
I bet with little baby Avery on the way, you want to get there as soon as possible!
Hope the holidays go well for you, almost over now!

[hillview]

HUGS -- did go through a divorce but not with kids ... HUGS ...
/hillary