Nosey Question: Why THREE kids?

[Melanie]

I've noticed that three seems to be a magical number for quite a few people. I don't necessarily mean why to "you" have three kids, but why do/did you PLAN to have three? I completely understand several reasons behind planning for one, planning for two, or just deciding not to "plan," so enlighten me, please. Why is/was Three your number?

Thanks!

[JBaxter]

We have 3 its a great number but we planned to have 4 it just hasnt worked out that way (yet anyway). I think I would have 5 if nature and $$ would cooperate.
I dont think there is a difference in planning 3 verses anyother number

[g-mama]

I think that, for us, two seemed like a small family. I was one of two children in my family growing up and was always envious of my friends who had more siblings in their home. It always seemed more fun at their house, the environment was just more exciting, if not chaotic. :P And the kids seemed, as they got older, to be more friends with one another than smaller families I knew. Dh is one of four and they are all very close and really lean on one another. I wonder if it relates to the parents encouraging teamwork and cooperation amongst the kids because they need them to in order to get everything done, kwim?

Ideally, in my fantasy world, we'd have four. But I just can't do it. I just don't think I have it in me to handle four kids and still maintain my sanity and time for myself and my relationship with dh, so we're going to stop at three. Somehow three just feels alot more like that "big family" feel that we both desire than having two did.


~Kristen

Paolo 11-00
Benjamin 8-03
Marco 12-05

[MommyAllison]

Originally, I wanted more than two, and three kids fit in most cars (post car seats, that is) - four kids require bigger vehicles. :P That's why three was my number!

Allison
Mama to DD 11/05

[lilycat88]

Sort of timely...

http://lifestyle.msn.com/FamilyandParenting/RaisingKids/ArticleBC.aspx?cp-documentid=1363061&GT1=8990

[megs4413]

haha! ditto ditto! just as long as we don't have to buy a bigger car.....but nature has worked out differently and we will be having just two children biologically...

[aliceinwonderland]

My parents got three because they were trying for a boy they never got. I personally like odd numbers ;) So we will either have one, three, or five. ETA that I LOVE being one of three, it's the most interesting dynamic, but I also enjoy just having the one kid.

[lmwbasye]

Kind of funny you should ask since I'm one of three and hated it! LOL! We are hoping for 4 or 5, but still waiting on the 2nd.

[o_mom]

Just to irritate my MIL who said that you should only have even numbers of kids so there is no middle child....






I AM KIDDING!! Not sure why - always wished I had more than just my sister when I was growing up. We get along great now, but we fought constantly and it always seemed in families with three or more that the tension was spread around a bit more. I'm not ruling out a fourth, but given DH's age and my true loathing of pregnancy this will probably be it.

[Wife_and_mommy]

I always wanted four children just because I love them. Dh has always wanted a large family.

We can't imagine being finished having children right now so it'll probably be three for us. We'll wait til ds is minumum 2-2.5 before ttc. Who knows; after reading that Babycenter article, I'm thinking we just might end up with four kiddos someday.

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

I love them most when they are sleeping.--Me
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[pinkmomagain]

I grew up with just me and my sister and we both felt like we wish we had more family (we have only 2 first cousins and we are not that close with them). We made a pact that we would each have more than two kids.

Well, after two kids my dh and I agreed that we were done (by done, I mean we gave away all of our baby things) and my sister went ahead and kept up her end of the bargain with three. Well....surprise! When my dd's were 9 and 6 yo we had another girl! I'm so happy that things turned out the way they did. I just adore her and I'm enjoying her in a different way than my first two. There is definitely a part of me that would like to have a fourth...even though I am about to turn 40. It would take some convincing for my dh. He says he would do it if he knew it would be a boy (as much as he loves his girls, I think the a fourth might push him over the edge). Honestly, I'd be happy with another girl and I'm not comfortable with trying to manipulate things to try to insure a boy. So we will see....

I don't know if you watch that show "Brothers and Sisters" on ABC, but they are a large family...and there is somthing just so great (and chaotic) about lots of kids.


Gina

[Radosti]

I was one of two. I am of the opinion that two is a perfect number. However, after reading your post, I examined my household... and I think I will be in deep trouble. I am 30 and am not even ready for DC#2 to be created. However, I had always planned on having two dogs and two cats AND..... you guessed it, we have three of each... yup, three dogs and three cats. That means that there is a small chance I am going to decide to have a DC#3. Dh is one of three, the middle one, and he wouldn't object at all to three.... Oh yikes...

[SnuggleBuggles]

3 isn't in our plans just thought that dh's comment from the other day would fit in here. He said that since birth control could fail and many people we know have had "oops" number 3 babies that he thought we shouldn't try for #2. He figured that we would eventually have another child whether we tried or not and since we just are planning on having 2 kids we should just rely on bc eventually failing us. :) (I was using the copper IUD so it is pretty reliable...but not 100%!).

Beth

[EvaMC]

I would love to have three because I was the youngest of three and we NEVER got along at the same time. It always seemed like one of us was the odd man out. It's pretty funny, but we are still the same way, just a little less dramatic than before.

Of course DH says only one more and thats it. But we'll see....

[annasmom]

I am one of six, my dh is one of two. Ever since we started dating my dh has loved the fact that I have such a big family (I do too!).

Also, his one sibling isn't the most reliable person in the world when the going gets tough. So my dh definitely wanted more than two children. Our fantasy number would be four - but I am not sure that is going to work out for us.

[Momof3Labs]

I was one of two, DH was one of three. I think that the dynamics are just different. And, not to be morbid, but it's always been hard on my mom since her brother died young and she was left alone to deal with an aging grandmother, aging parents, etc. I guess that with three, we're gambling that there will always be more than one who is willing to be there for us as we age, so they won't have to go it alone, lol!

[C99]

Lots of reasons:

- My DH mentioned 3 before I got pregnant with DS, and then I just became fixated on that number (we both agreed that we'd have more than 1). It was 3 before we had kids, and then 2 after DD was born, and then we rolled the dice.
- DH and I both come from families of 3. I'm the oldest, he is the youngest.
- After DD was born, I just didn't feel like I was done.
- W/ 3 kids, someone is always the odd-man out. Which is great for building alliances and kvetching about a sibling bugging you.
- I wouldn't let DH get a vasectomy after DD was born.
- It sounds flip, but I need/want a spare. Especially after reading posts here about people losing a sibling later in life.
- Also flip, but one of my BILs is gay and I kind of figure in my head that we're not contributing to the overpopulation problem if we have one of the children that he isn't going to.

[saschalicks]

Well, I grew up as the middle of 3 gasp! I am the only girl though :D I always wanted four b/c I wanted 2 boys and 2 girls. DH came from 2 and wanted 3. I told him 4 he said no way. I agreed to 3. Then we had 2 boys and I thought, hmmmm I could maybe have my four. Then the OB told me no more then 3 from me b/c she won't do more then 3 c-sections. I'd love to adopt, but it will all depend on money after #3 arrives (when both boys are potty trained).

ETA: I don't know why I wanted a lot of kids, but all of my friends that had 2 or more siblings always seemed to have a great home life. My brother's and I are REALLY far apart so I didn't have that as much even though there were 3 of us. I wanted to be sure my kids were less then 5 years apart.

[Jenn98]

When I was growing up a lot of my friends were one of two (only two kids in the family) and it seemed lonely to me. I am one of three, and while we do not always get along, it was more fun as a kid. I'm not sure how many kids I will have. Two just doesn't seem "done" to me.

[MarisaSF]

I've just always thought "3 or 4." I'm one of 3 myself and my mom is from a very large family (10 kids), so those factors probably influenced that. We won't have more than two biological children and will add to our family through adoption. I think we will stop at 3, but am open to a fourth.

[Piglet]

We always imagined having 2 kids. I am an only and DH is one of 3. He never loved the dynamics in his family and I always wanted a sibling, so 2 seemed ideal... until we had 2 and I realised that I couldn't settle on 2 and leave it at that. I worried that I would feel like I regretted not having another child. For us, it felt like we could handle more than 2, but were scared of having a 3rd. We joked that we would be great with 2.5! Finally, DH got sick of my lists of pros and cons, my constant angst over the decision and just said - let's go for it! Now that #3 is on the way, we are VERY excited to be having a 3rd, but are also quite mentally prepared that this will be the last one, since we only really thought we were a 2 kid family and 3 is pushing our limits mentally, physically, etc. I guess for us, 3 is a good place to stop because I know that 4 would be too many, and 2 didn't seem like enough... if that makes any sense, LOL!

[nathansmom]

I always knew I wanted 3 kids but now I want one more. I grew up in a larger family and didn't want that for myself but watching my kids interact on a daily basis I would love one more. Course having 2 of them ask daily (almost hourly) for another sibling isn't helping.

[ribbit1019]

DH and I both agreed that we'd always wanted at least one other sibling. For different reasons, DH because he has a horrible relationship with his sister and longs for the relationship that my sister and I have. And me because I have a wonderful realtionship with my sister, I like to spread the love. :)

I am afraid however that as of late DH has been mentioning that two is enough for him. I think because it is rough right now, two in diapers etc. I agreed to revist the topic once DS is potty trained, but if someone asks I am honest and tell them I want more, I hate that people assume that I am done because I have one of each, blah.

Christy
Wife to Richard
My Waterbabies
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[Ceepa]

I'm glad this thread was started. I'm one of two kids, DH one of three (the middle!) and we are going back and forth. We thought two was enough but are starting to consider another. Problem is both of us are scared of the three-child dynamic (for different reasons).

And four would crush us. LOL! So ... we are temporarily lost.

-Ceepa

[KBecks]

I'll speculate that at three, people are exhausted and get very serious about birth control.

[cstack]

I *would* have had a dozen. I love babies. I love being Preggo (and I had a couple of "tough" pregnancies). I even love labor and delivery. But the financial reality of that - well it just wasn't going to happen. We actually figured we were done after #2 (1 boy, 1 girl - and keep in mind DH was paying child support for DSD) because DH never wanted to have more than he felt he could comfortably support and ensure they were financially "set". BUT, DH wouldn't go for a vasectomy and I said that *I* had already done 2 pregnancies and 2 deliveries so I wasn't having the tubal. Long story short - pill failed, hello baby #3 (second time I was among the 1%). #3 was a c-section so I had the tubal - otherwise, I might be on 4 or 5 now, LOL.

[Melanie]

Thanks to everyone for answering my really nosey question! It's funny because some of your reasons for having three (instead of 2) were my reason for having two, since I have no siblings. LOL.

Anyway, it's been interesting to read all the thought processes behind pre-planning for three.

[MartiesMom2B]

I'm glad that you asked this. I had always thought that I wanted three, because it was so unusual growing up. DH is one of three and he hates that dynamic and only wants to kids. Now I see that 3 kids is a big trend and not so unusual and I have the worst pregnancies in the world and I can't go through another one again.

-Sonia
Mommy to Martie
& Li'l Girl Bunny to come Feb. 2007
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[kijip]

We were thinking 1 (Toby was a BCP surprize) and then once Toby was about 9 months old, we were thinking two to four with three being a nice number. Now we are thinking whatever we are fortunate enough to have either biologically or through adoption. We are not TTC at this time but later on, we will likely give it another go with TTC. Regardless of what happens with TTC, I think we will try to adopt in 5-6 years, once my husband is done with Pharmacy school and has found a job and started working again. I am 26, so we have some time. If I could I would love to get pregnant and have 2 more before I turn 30-32 but after 4 mcs, I am just focusing on loving my 3 year old, enjoying my marriage and losing weight/getting back into shape. Which will help with that TTC and more importantly, carry to term, idea. I really would like to adopt also but realistically we can not afford it until after professional school is through as all of our funds are going to be tied up in tuition and a house.

Three is now my ideal minimum. I really want more than 2. But I would be willing to have a total of 4 or more. Part of that is not believing that each kid needs a room or believing that I have to pay for 100% of private college tuition for each child. With three, there is another siblig to turn to when you can't stand the other, lol.

[kijip]

My parents have a total of 4 and that was not *really* large. My father is the oldest of 9 and growing up we knew a lot of families with 5 or more. Three seems like a variation of the "normal" size of 2. After all wasn't the average 2.5? Interesting article, I just think it is funny that 3 is "big" family now. :)

[aliceinwonderland]

It's also (in the developed world) a rather unique phenomenon. Couples in some other developed countries are barely procreating (and the only child is a much more common occurence). At any rate, I think it's a reflection of American optimism, and as such, a good thing :)

[kijip]

True that. Some countries are actually paying parents to have more than one child if at all possible.

[DrSally]

Good topic. I grew up in the middle with an older brother and younger sister, which I just thought was ideal. It's really nice to have 2 sibs, and a bro and sis at that. As other posters stated, 3 can lead to "odd man out" situation, but it can also be that you aren't really close to 1 sib, and then you have the other to turn to. Sibling relationships can be some of your closest adult relationships, so it's nice to have a "back up". Being middle was hard sometimes, but not that bad. I think at any number, the time to stop is when there's a point of diminishing returns, where the resources (emotional/financial) are just not enough and the parents are too stressed and the kids suffer. 2 generations ago, many had 5 kids, and it seems there is always at least 1 who is really screwed up, and it makes me wonder if there just wasn't enough time to devote to all the children. Of course there are many families who do great with this number and child rearing practices were different back then. This is also not to say that kids can't share rooms and pay for their own college (we all did), just how much each individual family feels they can handle if you KWIM. I've always thought we'd do 2, and then see how it feels. DH says he'd like 4-5, but he's not the one staying home with them (and he travels). All of this is constrained by nature as well.

ETA: My mom says that by the 3rd one, you are soooo relaxed when it comes to parenting.

[B.A.F.]

I liked three because two seems boring and a little too common for me. I would have liked one or three (or more if I were younger, but two just felt a little eh to me. Lord knows if my third never came along I wouldn't have been sad, I love my boys and I know I am blessed, but the above reason is mainly why I wanted a third and we got lucky! :-)

[B.A.F.]

That's like me (see my response below). One is cool, two seemed just kind of too typical, and three or more is also way fun.

[daisymommy]

We plan on having 3 kids. Why? Because I don't feel "done" with only two: I'm not ready to give up being pregnant ever again, having a baby ever again, etc. But I also feel like there is no way I could handle raising any more than 3 kids. I have a couple friends with 4, and it just seems like more than I could handle. But most of my mommy friends that have 3--it's seems doable for me and my hubby.

[daisymommy]

We plan on having 3 kids. Why? Because I don't feel "done" with only two: I'm not ready to give up being pregnant ever again, having a baby ever again, etc. But I also feel like there is no way I could handle raising any more than 3 kids. I have a couple friends with 4, and it just seems like more than I could handle. But most of my mommy friends that have 3--it's seems doable for me and my hubby.

[Lovingliv]

I am one of 7 and it is the best! I can call 6 other people- day or night,,,,and they are there for me. There is nothing like having a sibling.......
My DH is one of two and he is 6 years younger than his sister...so it was like he was an only child. He would like more than two I am pretty sure.....and I would like more than three! We will see.

Finances really don't play too much of an issue. We will do everything possible to help the kids out, with college ect. But finances will not decide how many kids we have.

[MegND95]

How about we didn't plan to have three??

Our first two kids are 15m apart and that was alot of pregnany and infancy in close proximity. Once they were almost three and almost two, I felt pretty certain I was done. I worried that another child would divide my attention in too many directions. In fact, dh and I had conversation about him wanting another (he is first of three, I am second of two) and me feeling like two was fine. At that time, I was already pregnant again, and didn't know it; a statistic on the condom failure rate. Once I knew I was pg, I was thrilled and we welcomed baby #3 with enthusiasm. I love my three children dearly, but I know my limits and don't think I personally could handle another baby. I can't subdivide myself in any more ways, and have even a tiny bit left for me.

So, our third came by happy accident!

[boolady]

Three would be my ultimate number, but I don't know if we'll ever get there. DD is almost 3 months old at this point, and I'm 33, DH is 39. We will not be having a new one in the next year or, I will guess, even 2 years. We are definitely planning on having at least 2.

Why do I like the thought of 3? I'm the oldest of 3 and actually have great relationships with both of my younger sisters, though that wasn't always the case, but I think it was that we were always at different stages-- we're all 3 years and 4 months apart. How's that for family planning? Our parents never pushed us to do things alike or be all buddy buddy just because we were sisters. They seemed to want to celebrate our differences, and still do, and I think because of that, there's no resentment there from comparisons, etc.

My DH, on the other hand, has only a brother 2 years younger, and from the time his brother was born, they were told that "brothers should be best friends." As kids, they were very close; now, they're close, but nowhere near best friends. They are VERY different. As a result, DH is convinced that they're somehow dysfunctional, because they had it beat into their heads as kids that that's what brothers are for. Additionally, all my FIL does is compare the two of them. Constantly. It drives me crazy. I guess I just believe that 3 takes away the desire to do that.