How do you get your DH to take his weight seriously?

[Radosti]

So, DH has never been slim, never been a problem (until he blamed me for his weight gain!) for me at least. When I got pregnant, I gained 72 lbs and had DS 2 weeks early (and he was 9 lbs 12 oz). I have since lost most of that weight. I still have 7 lbs to go to my pre-pregnancy weight and I am already the same size. DH gained 35 lbs while I was pregnant and has continued to gain. His energy levels are dropping with the increased weight and he's getting sick more often. The doctor has told him to put some thought into weight loss. DH agrees that he needs to drop the weight. However, he doesn't do anything about it. He just finished his MBA in December and I thought the stress of that being off his shoulders, he'd get interested in exercise.

Whenever I can, I drag him for a 2.5 mile walk around our neighborhood. I buy healthy foods (like fruit and veggies) and he complains that there is nothing to eat. Then, he goes after me for buying myself a quart of ice-cream (that he inhales) because I must know that he'll eat it if it's there. I have resorted to buying only flavors he doesn't like and they last me a good long time.

I am worried about his health and energy levels and I really don't know how to make him more active. I am pretty active myself and he does end up going on my walks. I am thinking of getting a membership to the YMCA and insisting that he go swimming with DS and I on Saturdays (DS loves the pool in the summer).

I just need to make some sort of change in his life-style that would be easy for him to adjust to. It seems like he's waiting for me to do that for him. But that's the case in everything we do. I am the driver of change, he's the follower of change.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Definetly sign up for the YMCA. I'd look for a community center that will still be useful to the family even if no one really gets into the workout aspect (family pool, social events, classes...). Most have new member deals for personal training that you could get him to help get things started.

My dh got into exercise bc he found a sport he loved to play (Ultimate Frisbee) and wanted to get better. So, he started out with a trainer to get faster and jump better and found himself getting seriously hooked on exercise. The eating better took off soon after that and he just dropped weight (he wasn't that heavy to start with, think he got to 195 and he is 6').

While we may be able to push them by joing a gym or such I think that everyone has to come to a place where they want a life style change for themselves. before that it may be pretty tough.

I think you don't have to anything I mentioned as you are already doing great things with the family walk and diet. :) Good luck!!!

Beth

[megs4413]

sometimes the pressure is too much. it's always best when someone realizes they need to make these changes themselves and commits to doing it on their own. trying to force it upon someone (not that that's what you're doing) can actually make the problem worse. have you talked to him about how he's doing stress-wise? does he want to lose weight? i would just keep doing what you're doing and maybe get a Y membership. other than that i think it's really all up to him to get it done.

[Radosti]

Yeah, I kind of figured that he has to get it in his head himself to lose weight. Nothing I do will make him drop the weight. I was just hoping that someone had some fun suggestions... yeah, the Y is my next step.

He loves to play softball, but it's only with his buddies in Philly. That means that he's gone for half of saturday. Plus, many of his softball buddies are also starting families, so they don't reall have the time for it anymore.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yeah, it has been a drag when it is ultimate season. He has games 4 hours on Saturdays and then 1-2 nights per week. But, I know it makes him so happy so I try to roll with it. I used to be much worse about it so I am trying to make ammends and be more accomodating. It's only 6 months of the year. :) Now, my heart sank when he said he may play during the winter too as I was ready for the season to be over!

Good luck on thise!!

Beth

[Radosti]

Yikes, that's hard. I can't handle having no help from him for that much time.

Rada

[sdbc]

My DH is an ultimate frisbee junkie, too, only he plays year-round! Luckily, the "club teams" are only a few months of the year--he always has to go out of town for sectionals, regionals, and nationals. But at least he's in great shape--far better than me...

Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[nbs2]

Honestly, it took me a while to get back into excercising. While in the military, I was in good shape (just had a bad knee that made running a problem). Later, I worked in an office with a gym - that made exercising easy as well. After I left that office, I stopped working out. That was about 18 months ago.

Anyway, we recently got a scale for our bathroom, and I took a look at my weight. I knew that I was a bit larger than before, but I was surprised at how much larger. Between the weight and knowing I wasn't as strong as I was before, I knew I needed a plan - but I didn't really have the time for it.

So, what I decided to do was build up to the time. I decided that each week, I would add an insignificant amount of time to my workout - starting from nothing. I'm a fan of 4-count pushups and situps (up-down-up-one, up-down-up-two, etc). So, the first week I did one pushup and one situp in the morning and one of each in the evening (so really two of each, each time). The next week I did two. Then next week three...

The increase in time has been minimal. If I forget to do them in the morning, I make it up in the evening. It isn't changing my weight, but it is keeping me healthy. I am trying to figure out what would be a good aerobic exercise for shrinking the waist.

But, the most important thing is, I haven't told my wife. Her harping on my need to work out really bothered me, and leting her know that I am is "giving in." Petty, yes; motivating, yes. I want to surprise her by working to reduce my weight.

I know that this isn't really very helpful, and I apologize. But, just know that even if he isn't responding, he is listening.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My poor dh still doesn't know enough people to get on a club team. he *almost* did this winter (got invited but the team fell through for some reason). I think it is his goal though. He played in college and I was awful- I would demand that he spend weekends with me so now I am trying to make up for that so I will at least let him do the traveling bit for a year or 2. :)

He and others have tried to get me to join but it just doesn't look like fun. Have you played?

beth

[rfeibelm]

Wow, are you married to my husband? We both gained about 30-35lbs with my pregnancy (almost 3 yrs ago) except that I lost it all and dh didn't. I'm still a bit flabby and out of shape, but DH is OVERWEIGHT. I can't get him to exercise either. And he has no self control when it comes to food.
Maybe he'll get motivated to lose weight for our beach trip in July :)

[alleyoop]

I am going to whisper this... then run away...

First, wait a couple weeks and during that time, don't say anything. Then, one day, come up behind him in the kitchen and say "Wow Hunny, have you dropped a couple pounds? You look GREAT!" ***** "Are you sure you didn't... you look a little thinner to me! Your face looks a bit thinner and so does your middle!" **** "Really, I would swear you look thinner!" Then, that night, sex him up really good.
Repeat in a week or so. Then, every time you see him making a good decision, give it to him with gusto. Nagging and shame aren't good motivators... positive reinforcement can work wonders though. Only he can make the decision and stick to it.

I know this works, it is how my hubby got me motivated!

...ducking and running now!

[SnuggleBuggles]

That is awesome! :) I like that idea.

~Beth