Time outs for 18 month old?

[hillview]

My nanny has been giving DS time outs of about 30 seconds (making him sit down and be still) when he does things she doesn't want him to do (get into a kitchen drawer etc). I am not sure how I feel about that. Need BTDT moms: what are your thoughts. Is this age appropriate?
Thanks!
/hillary

[nfowife]

I guess I am wondering how she gets him to sit/stay in one place for that long. Personally I think it's too young- I know for my DD it is now, at 20 months. I find a stern "no, we don't do that" (for something like, throwing food) or if she hurts me, acting upset and saying "that hurts mommy, I'm sad", is enough of a reprimand for her. However, for something like getting into an off-limits drawer- that's more of something you need to babyproof, you know? It's not his fault he can get into it and it's not safe, IMO. I don't think that punishment is appropriate in that situation at all. It's all about redirecting for my DD.

[ShanaMama]

ITA

[clc053103]

I am just in awe that she could get DS to comply!!!

Courtney, mother of an 18 mo old DS that would never, ever understand a time out.

[Fairy]

At 18 months, we were still doing mostly alot of redirecting of behavior, but for times of direct defiance, continued hitting (he didn't do that much), or other things that you just have to make a judgment call on, my version of a time out was to sit him in his highchair semi-facing the corner for 1 minute and do not pay attn to him. Not right up against the wall, but about 2 feet away so that he could easily see me and the room, and I never left the room or his eyeshot so that he wouldn't get scared. But I'd say to him, for instance, "You may not hit. <stern> NO <stern> hitting. He'd cry, and then when we was done in time out, I explained why he was in time out. This discipline has only happened three times in his 27 months. The 2nd time was for the hitting, and to this day, he has never hit again.

I don't like time outs in his crib, because I don't want him to be afraid to go in his crib, which for him is only ever used for sleeping. Whereas his high chair is used for lots of stuff, not just eating. He does his crayons in his highchair without the tray at the table, he likes to climb in and out of it, he likes to sit there with a book, and, of course, he eats there. So, it's a "safe" place for him that he can feel ok in while he gets his time out, yet I control it.

So, that's how I do the three little one-minute time outs that he's had in his life.

I'll letcha know how it works when he's 6'2" and has crashed the car.

[cstack]

I'm thinking she *must* sit with him. Some 18 month olds can be directed to sit in "time out" and comply, but most just don't get it. Time outs NEVER worked with DS1 or DD, but were effective with DS2 (personality being key). His first time outs I did sit with him, so he'd know he was expected to sit away from what he wanted to do.

I don't think, though, that 18 month old children have the empathy to understand "that hurts Mommy" either. It's great that empathy gets taught that way (it does, truly), but a "no" and removing from the situation (basically, time out like the nanny is trying to do) is also necessary. My stepdaughter's mom only ever said "don't to that, it hurts Mommy" and my stepdaughter was what people would call a brat (when you laugh at your mother and SLAP her across the face on a regular basis, even at 3 or 4YO, you're a brat, sorry).

I don't think that 30 seconds is too long for a "time out" for an 18mo. The "experts" (yeah, you have to figure out what an expert is in your opinion) say 1 minute per year, which would make 1 1/2 minutes for an 18MO child. So, 30 seconds, IMO is not too much.

That said, YOU are the mommy and the nanny is your employee. That is you're child. If, in your heart, you don't agree, then you are the only one who can make that call and you are the only one who can decide if you think it's right for your child. If you're not comfortable (and if you were, you would not have asked that question) with what the nanny is doing with your DC, then you have to either lay down some disciplinary ground rules, or start looking for a nanny that has values and ideals that are more in line with your own.

Sorry, JMHO

[katiesmommy]

Okay, thought I'd jump in here. My DD gets time outs, and has been having them since about 18 months old. She goes in for 1 min at a time. And she sits there. Actually, the first time I put her in one I was surprised at how well she did, she tried to get up once, I put her back, and she didn't try again. She doesn't like it, and she will kick and scream, but she sits there. It's not used as a first immediate reaction. We put her in time out when we have had to contiually say no and pull her away. However, I agree that your child is YOUR child. Your word is law in this case. If you don't like it, then she shouldn't do it.

[cmdunn1972]

DS is 20 months (nearing 21 months), but even at his age I don't consider him quite old enough for time outs (though it's tempting to try when they drive you bananas).

As far as opening kitchen doors, why don't you (and your nanny) create a drawer especially for him? You could put some older, plastic mixing bowls, ice cube trays, and measuring cups in **his** drawer. Then, if he goes to open a drawer that's not for him, it's right there for redirecting.

Until DS is about 2, we are putting **things** on time-out, not DS. For instance, if he throws a toy out of anger, then the toy gets taken away for a while and DS is redirected to a calmer activity.

[mamicka]

ITA.

We started T/O with our kids at 18mos-ish & they worked really well.

But if you're not comfortable, that's your call with your child.

Allison
Surprise #3 due 7/07

[kristine_elen]

Not appropriate at all. At that age you just say "no" and redirect. They simply don't have the capacity to remember what they're not supposed to do -- literally even five seconds after you've told them. I think all the nanny is doing is scaring your son.

[KBecks]

toddler 411 says you can start time outs early -- only for serious offenses though. I'm nak so cant look up right now.

[Lovingliv]

Liv has been getting timeouts since about 18 months. It works, and she listens. She goes to her room, sits in the middle of her purple rug for about 1 minute. when she tries to come out,,,I remind her that she is in timeout and she goes back.

I'm a "whatever works for the day", type of mom.

[purpleeyes]

TO worked for us, starting around that age for serious things like hitting or biting. IMO, he completly understood b/c the behavior decreased and he would respond to our if/then statements as well.

But whether or not TO is good for 18 months isn't necessarily the issue, the main thing is if *you* are comfortable with it! It might work ok for other 18 month olds but not be ok for you or your family.
I would go with your gut! ;)

Beth

[s7714]

I'm not doing time outs with my 18 month old yet, just redirecting at this point. But I've noticed that she does respond to counting (as in 1-2-3 Magic type thing) because she sees her old sister responding to it. Because of that I have started counting her when she's doing something she's not supposed to and she'll usually redirect herself within in a few seconds. If she doesn't respond, I redirect her.

I have a hard time imagining a 18 month really grasping the concept of a time out, but I think it also depends on the individual child and situation. For some kids sitting down and separating from an object/situation is more or less a kind of redirection. However, if your DS seems to be fighting it or is getting frustrated when the nanny's method is used, I'd probably tell her to hold off on time outs for a while longer.

Jennifer
Mommy to
Miss Pure Energy 3/03
Miss Limit Tester 6/05

Our bones may be brittle, but our spirit is unbreakable.
Osteogenesis Imperfecta www.oif.org

[ShanaMama]

>I'll letcha know how it works when he's 6'2" and has crashed the car.

LOL. You mean you're not keeping him in a crib till college?