do you have a hyperactive gifted child?

[lizajane]

i can't figure out what to do with my kid who is clearly rather bright (i know, i am his mom, blah blah blah, but he really is smart) but SO active. we just tried to sit down to "write" a letter to his friend and he wiggled and squirmed as thought he had live worms in his clothing. and he was very excited about this activity and really enjoys arts/crafts. (he colored the letter, of course, since he can't write.)

i actually just learned that gifted 4.5 year olds can go to kindergarten in our state. which sounds great to me! but there is NO way he could sit still and keep quiet- but i don't think that is going to change in a year anyway. i am not saying i should send him to kindergarten at age 4. just musing...

anyhoo. what do you do with your gifted child who can't sit still to learn, but is very eager for knowledge? do i hold up flashcards as he rides his bike in circles?

[Jenn98]

nak...

i have not btdt, but have you looked into non-traditional schools? i'm thinking montessori might be an option for you? around here there is a charter school thst is montessori, so it's free like public school.

[trumansmom]

Liza -

You might be amazed in what a difference a year makes! Truman was incredibly wild, but when he started preschool at not quite 4, it made a WORLD of difference. Suddenly he was being challenged and was interested in what was going on and slowed down a LOT. Plus, I think the peer pressure of what was expected made a difference, too. Is preschool an option?

Also, when he was 4 1/2 we enrolled him in Taekwondo. I can't rave enough about how that has helpe him focus. And that's on top of all the wonderful lessons he's learning about honor and respect, and the sense of accomplishment he's getting from learning new skills.

All in all, I would say to find outside things he can do without you. It will help him grow as an individual, and keep you from killing him. :)

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

[suzska]

I'm going to relate my experience. Take from it what you want.

I have always just tried to provide the tools for my kids to learn: books, educational toys, etc. I have never tried to sit down and teach them anything. I'm sure it comes as no surprise that our kids are taking in a lot more than we think. Even when we think they're not listening.

When Evan was younger, I would take him to Gymboree and Kindermusik and he could not sit still/participate like the other kids. I kept thinking, he's just little, maybe it's normal. But as time went on and he was around more and more kids, I realized things weren't quite normal. When he was just over 3yo, we were in a play and pretend program at the local park. The other kids would line up to play ball, do the crafts, etc. Evan would just run around in the grass. Between that and some of his behavior towards his sister, we decided to have him evaluated by the local early intervention program. I could no longer just think it was completely "normal" for him to note pay attention and participate.

I should step back here and say Evan is very bright. When he was 2 years 10 months I realized he could read. And I mean read just about anything you put in front of him, without every having been taught. He could tell time, digital and analog. We've also been through many "hyper-focused" interests of his over the years: clocks/watches, the weather, maps, globes, listening to national anthems. All of this is stuff he just was interested in and picked up on his own. We would "feed" his obsessions by buying him some books, toys, whatever, related to his interests, but certainly never tried to sit him down and teach him anything. The kid just learns.

Back to the evaluation. Evan received a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, which is on the Autism Spectrum (sort of like high-functioning autism, but now some people say they should be classified as different things). Evan doesn't seem to have some of the social problems that typically go along with AS, but Evan is certainly different from other kids. He still can't sit still for very long at home. But he is better at participating than he was 2-3 years ago. Evan is now almost 6. A lot can happen in a year. My daughter who is almost 3, went from being very shy a few months ago to happily participating at library story time now.

Getting Evan's diagnosis allowed us to send Evan to an early intervention pre-school. Made all the difference. I'm not sure what they did, or how they did it, but Evan was a different person at school. He is now in Kindergarten. They don't test for "gifted" around here until first grade. We actually thought about the idea of sending him to kindergarten early, but I knew socially he wasn't ready last year. I sent him to preschool more for the social aspects than the academic aspects. I'm not ready to rush him academically (unlike the mother of one of his classmates, who has made a gifted comment about her son everytime I've seen her).

Granted there are some things Evan struggles with. He still hates to color. He's getting better at writing. Fine motor delays we never really thought about until recently.

I am by no means saying your son needs to be evaluated. I just know what you've said here, and it struck a chord with me--about being smart and hyperactive. I'm just telling Evan's story.

My advice would be to find a preschool program you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be Montessori or Waldorf or whatever. Just something you feel your son would be happy in. He will learn something no matter where he is. I just know that being in preschool helped Evan to learn to sit still in that sort of environment. And to follow rules. Had he not gone to preschool, would he still be okay in kindergarten? Maybe. Don't know. But I am trying to get Alina into the same preschool next fall (she turns 3 in March, so she missed cutoffs for this year) as a integration student (assuming she doesn't have the needs of her brother) because I like the program and the teacher.

Anyway that's my story. Sorry for making it a novel. I tend to do that.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do, school-wise.

[maestramommy]

Liza, I'm pming you!

[lizajane]

thanks so much for your thoughtful reply!!

schuyler has been in preschool since he was 17 months old. he went to "mother day out" at that age, and preschool started at age 2 (for him, 2.5). he has always gone tuesday and thursday mornings from 9-12:30. and last year, he also did some day camp in the summer. he had some trouble getting to camp- he is not great with new places- but he had a lot of fun once he was there and participated, etc.

at school, he is an ANGEL. when i went for his conference last year (the 2 year old class) the teacher told me every single thing he did was perfect- he participated in all activites, played well with every child, followed directions, etc. i couldn't believe my ears!! followed directions?? stayed quiet when he was supposed to?? he even participated in a photo shoot for an ad one time and they went NUTS for him. they said yes, he was active. but he was active and cooperative. again, i thought WHAT??? at home, he is constantly moving, climbing, grabbing things, tying things, taking things apart... etc. so clearly, the structure at school has been GREAT for him.

he does have trouble going new places where he won't be with me. he still says he doesn't want to go to the gym, but he doesn't cry and he always plays and has fun. he is very sensitive and emotional. but VERY social and outgoing, too.

so i feel confident that he is not on the spectrum, but he is definitely the highly sensitive child. (as per the book.) but being highly sensitive makes him keenly aware of EVERYTHING that is around him. sound, smell, people, feelings- he will even ask questions like, "daddy, why are you frustrated?" just because he sees it on daddy's face. he notices things all the time that you just wouldn't imagine a three year old would see or smell or recognize. even at 17 months, every time we passed his preschool in the car, he would point and yell, "School!!" (he talked early.)

so WHY am i talking and talking??? anyway. the point. i don't know if it would be better for him to go ahead to a montessori style kindergarten next year where he can quench his thirst for knowlege that i can't seem to personally give him at home. or if i am being ABSURD and he should go with the flow of 5 day preschool next year.

so a novel, as you said. but anyway. that's just my style! verbose!

[mattysmom]

have you been spying on my ds1? he sounds almost EXACTLY like schuyler (and i've been reading your posts for years!) i started ds in a toddlers' program at 2 1/2 and now he goes to preschool 5 mornings/week. last year was a little rougher, but this year neither my dh nor i could believe that the teachers were talking about our son. our challenging, spirited, intense, energetic son. or son who had to be moved into a big boy bed b/c when we let him cry-it-out he would be SO stubborn that he'd fall asleep STANDING in his crib - only to wake up when his arms or legs fell asleep and repeat the cycle...

ds is highly sensitive too - and so challenging and just EXHAUSTING at almost 4. we are considering independent school for our ds so he can be in a smaller environment for elementary school. it's just such a fine line between stimulating and overstimulating our ds - probably like yours... i think you should try to find the school environment where your ds would be both most comfortable yet challenged...

it's so much more complicated than i ever thought - right now i'm agonizing over his birthday party - make it small or large (although he freaks out over loud sounds, etc - unless it's his own screaming!)

but it's so great to hear someone with a ds like mine!

[jamsmu]

OMG Me too me too!! I know I've read lots about Schuyler before and I've nodded and nodded! DS' teacher was shocked, as in jaw dropped, literally, when I informed her that the ped is sending us for developmental testing. She was very quick to express that its clear we see different things at home than she sees in school. Still, tonight at Tot Shabbat (which was at school, and the teacher was there) she saw, and heard, Carson shouting out answers to rhetorical questions, running through the room when all the kids, ages 1-13 were sitting listening to music, etc.

Yep, I'm his mom, but he's always been the "strongest" in the class--according to his teachers.

We're having him screened for a "developmental delay." An overall screening for ADD and related fine-motor needs (as in "I don't like writing because its too hard to sit.")

I think our kids are unique. Because they are stronger, they're more able to share what they're learning, not only around them but about themselves. Carson withdrew himself from the soccer program. He explained to us that he can't listen and hear the coach" and he just needed to move around. It was a big class in a HUGE gym, with a lot going on. Meanwhile, in his gymnastics class in a competitive gym he has no problem waiting his turn, following directions, listening to his coach. Its a small group (1 to 4 ratio) and the other groups are spread out.

Conferences are Monday at school. Should be really interesting.

Liza, I can't remember when Schuyler's b-day is, but I'm holding Carson back. He's going to start Kdg. when he's 6. He's super smart, but I'd rather him be the oldest, and have one extra year in a smaller classroom setting (in our Private PS, where, next year, the ratio should be 1:6) so that he'll be able to learn more strategies to help him learn and control himself.

[suzska]

Julie,

((HUGS))

I hope you get some answers from the screening. I hope they're not just focusing on ADD, because that may or may not be it. So many kids are misdiagnosed one way or the other, or get different diagnoses over the years. I think it's good that Carson can explain to you things like why he wanted out of soccer.

I forgot to add that when Evan was first evaluated, he "passed." Because it was a one-on-one setting and he could do all the stuff they asked. Some of the fine motor stuff I think scored low, but they were willing to pass him. And he had a cold that day, so I think his personality was a little subdued. And his sister wasn't there--he treats her completely differently from other younger kids. It wasn't until we pressed them that they agreed to an evaluation in the home and school settings. Then they saw a little more of what we saw and understood.

[suzska]

>so WHY am i talking and talking??? anyway. the point. i don't
>know if it would be better for him to go ahead to a montessori
>style kindergarten next year where he can quench his thirst
>for knowlege that i can't seem to personally give him at home.
>or if i am being ABSURD and he should go with the flow of 5
>day preschool next year.
>
>so a novel, as you said. but anyway. that's just my style!
>verbose!

Honestly, if I could afford a Montessori school at the time, I probably would have sent Evan to one. But it really wasn't an option. We actually toured one last year, thinking "maybe" for Alina. Mainly because I was curious. I KNOW she would thrive at one. She's so much like her brother, but so different at the same time. They definitely play differently and learn differently. She's very "Montessori"--stacking and sorting and matching. One of the things I noticed in the older classroom was a bunch of large map puzzles. Evan liked playing with those while we were there. He already knew all the countries (my brother got him a talking globe for his 5th birthday). So while I know I can't afford a Montessori education, I know I'm still providing a learning environment for my kids. I just try to buy toys and books of things they're interested in that still have some learning value (not just all bells and whistles and flashing lights). So now we have a few atlases and map puzzles. But honestly what keeps Evan entertained these days are AAA maps and Google Maps on the computer. About 3-4 months ago, it was listening to national anthem mp3s on the computer (thanks to the talking globe that also plays music from the countries). So I just try to find what he's interested in at the time and expand on it however I can. Evan is very lucky that the main focus at his elementrary school this year is geography. And our public school system is ranked 3rd in the state, so I'm convident he's still getting a good education.

I think I've lost my point in all this, lol! Tour a few schools. If something "feels" right, go for it. But it sounds like he's doing just fine already, so 5-day preschool might be a good next step.

Best of luck whatever you decide!

[coachkath]

Thank you for this post. I have a nephew who just turned 4 and is a genius. Well, he sounds a lot like your Evan. He taught himself to read at a year and a half. Right now he lies awake in bed at night contemplating the universe, how to figure out infinity and even God. He is unlike his younger brother and his cousins (who all live close by and are the same age). He doesn't socialize with them well AND he got kicked out of 2 pre schools for being rambuncous. One of them was a Montessori school. One of my favorite things he did was at 3, he was punished for something so his parents took away a computer game. They found him later on the computer playing the game - He simply went to Google, found the game and downloaded it.
It never occured to me that something else may be going on. Although, now that he's almost 4.5 he's getting much more calm. I love him to death. I've felt a connection with him that I've never felt with the other kids. He's in a regular preschool and seems happy. I don't know if his parents want him to go to private school or not. They are playing it by ear. I will look into this Asperger's Syndrome and if his parents are still having social issues with my DN I will delicately mention this.
Kathy
Auntie to Andrew
PS - He does love to sit and write tho - His new thing he decided was to sit down and write letters to his cousins and "mail" them. (They walk around the corner to his cousin's and then "mail" it into their mailbox.) Maybe that's his way of becoming social. All his own idea. They don't let him near email - they're afraid he'll sit and email everyone all day.

[suzska]

I'm glad my post was helpful. And I'm glad you're willing to look into it. If you read the definition of AS, Evan certainly doesn't fit all the pieces. But it's one of those "that's the best thing that fits to get him services" kinds of things. Autism is a spectrum, and you have people at both ends of it and all over the middle. Thankfully, Evan is at the high-functioning end. Not that I'm thankful he's on the spectrum at all, but I know it could be so much worse.

Evan loves to write "letters" and mail them, too. Mainly his are scribbles with stickers right now. My mom has this end table in her livingroom that has a little pull-out shelf. That's his mailbox. He and his sister love to stick things in there and then come back later and find them and deliver them to everyone in the room. :)

But I think his latest thing is making up the front page of a newspaper. He'll take a sheet of paper and write something like EVND at the top (which stands for Evan's Valley News Dispatch, the paper he made up that day--it changes). Then he'll abbreviate the date, like SJ20 for Saturday, January 20. And he'll put a weather report at the bottom, drawing a weather symbol and writing the high and low temperature.

These kids come up with the darndest things!