Do you ever NOT go to birthday parties?

[dules]

I wouldn't feel bad in that case. It does not sound like they are making any great effort either (not going to playgroup in 6 months, not being friends with any of the other families).

Just my perspective.



Mary

[tiapam]

All invitations are optional, but I feel more "obligated" to go to some than others. Even if I am not busy, sometimes I don't go to parties I do not want to go to. I just say I/we are not able to come. So far nobody has asked why. I guess if they do I would just say we already have plans. It's my time and if I know a party is not going to be enjoyable for me or my family, I think twice about going.

If you like this family, then I would consider going. Or you could invite *them* over some time. Some people (read mommies) are shyer than others. And since mommies are usually the cruise directors of their families, their families rely on them to make friends.

-Pam

DD - Two years old!

[kijip]

I have declined all sorts of invitations, including kids' parties. My reasons vary from dueling invites, already scheduled for the day, lack of interest in the event, distance etc. So long and you tell them in advance that you won't be there, don't go. If you RSVP-ed already go unless your kid is sick. Once I have responded with a yes, that is when my social obligation to attend kicks in as for as I am concerned.

[rlu]

I see myself here. I would so jump at a chance to go since DS was only invited to 2 parties last year - he's not in a group daycare and the one outside activity we do didn't turn into the social experience I'd hoped it would. On the days I am home with DS we go out and about, but haven't connected with anyone - I think that's me, not DS since he's pretty friendly.

Anyway, I don't know the situation - does she live far away from where the playgroup meets as well? If this were me and DS had plenty of friends, I'd consider if I think there will be lots of kids at that party. If so, I'd decline. If not, I might go to help fill out the party. Plus your DC might enjoy these kids now that they haven't seen them for 6 months.

just rambling, sleep deprived

[Hallie_D]

You shouldn't feel bad. You can't go to everything. My kids are in a daycare--if we went to every birthday party, we'd never do anything else. We just had Noah's b-day party last weekend, and only one kid from day care came (four were supposed to, but three were sick with the same bug...which Noah then got later in the week). Honestly, I was relieved. There are twenty kids in his class.

If you are feeling really guilty, send a birthday card. :-)

[maestramommy]

I wouldn't feel bad at all. It does seem like big 1st birthday parties are getting more common, but really you can't go to all of them. We had to decline a couple from members in our group that I was friends with. One because it just fell on a bad day, and one because it was the same day as Dora's birthday party.

[mum1day]

I'm feeling awfully about this. We were invited to a dual birthday party (kids in the same family, 1 year apart). Firstly, they don't ever go to playgroup and haven't been in 6 months or so, and secondly, my DC are not close friends with her DC. Her house is also about 45-50 minutes away from mine, which is the main reason I won't go.

No one in our playgroup is friends with this family, which does make me sad for them.

So, I'm feeling pretty awfully about not going. But, I have no intentions on inviting them to my DD's birthday party, and I'm really sick of buying gifts for children who we're not friends with, but feel we have to buy gifts out of obligation. KWIM?

Any experience or thoughts on making me feel better (or worse)? ;)

[matthewsmom]

I wouldn't feel bad. I totally know what you mean. There's a sense of obligation to attend these parties. I've also started just telling people that unfortunately we have are busy that day and won't be able to make it. I think people are fine with it

[stefani]

Yes, we were out of town, either DS or I was sick, conflict with another event that we already said yes to.

Generally I feel that I would attend if I think DS will enjoy it or if I would enjoy it. Other than that I don't feel that we are obligated to go.

[supercalifragilous]

Don't feel bad, and don't go.

We went to a b-day party last summer for a little monster in DD's class last school year (2005-2006); I didn't like the boy but enjoyed chatting with his mom once in a while. She called me out of the blue in the summer to invite us and get our address to send us an invitation.

We went, partly feeling sorry for the boy b/c he had no friends and b/c I liked his mom. We haven't heard from them since the party. No thank you, no nothing. I heard he's going to an in-home "drop-off school" with about 4 kids. We were better off not going - we were just used, both for presents and for company.

After that I decided I'm only going to attend the b-day parties of 1.) DD's current friends and 2.) people where we both make an effort to keep in touch. I won't attend a b-day party out of guilt/obligation again. Think about it - 6 months from now, will it matter?

Besides, I'm a little touchy nowadays for people who do "dual" b-day parties. Maybe I'm being cheap or maybe it's the people I know, but they expect presents for each of their kids (even if DD is friends with only one of them) yet when it's DD's turn, do they EACH get DD a present? NO.

(Sorry for venting - I guess I am a "little" touchy about the subject!) :P

[HannaAddict]

I will probably have a slightly different take on this than other posters. Just a couple of thoughts . . .

As a play group slacker, whose son's naps now consistently occur during play group time, I wouldn't be too concerned that this mom and child haven't been to play group in a long time. It sounds like they live a fair bit away too, not sure where the play group meets. And, my little guy doesn't have a lot of "close friends" yet at this age (he's 34 months). My fault entirely, since I haven't bonded closely with that many of the moms from play group or preschool and consequently have been horrible about scheduling play dates and the like. This is something I feel a bit badly about on my end and I resolve to try and be better about.

Maybe this family wants to reconnect? For my son's birthday parties, we've invited people that we have wanted to keep in touch with or would like to be better about keeping in touch with in the future. We've seen the party as an opportunity to reconnect and entertain others while our house was clean for a brief moment in time. :) The gift thing isn't really an issue since we specifically asked for no gifts for b-day #1 and did a charity diaper drive if someone wanted to bring something. And I certainly don't expect a big gift at all. My son loves, I mean LOVES, going to birthday parties. He is not about the presents at all, but he loves singing Happy Birthday and playing and bringing a present to the party. He is very excited about picking out a present to give to someone. Maybe it is just a developmental stage, but he radiates joy about it. And if you have ever read any of my earlier posts, I don't throw around touchy feely sentiments like 'radiates joy' lightly! He likes it so much, that if I liked the family at all, I would probably go to a party even 45 minutes away. I would bring a small present, kid's gifts really don't have to be expensive, and wrap it with lovely paper and a great card, and try and enjoy the day. If I really actively disliked the parents or child, I would not go. Not to punish them or because I felt I was being used for a present, but because life is too short to spend time with people you really don't like. I've gone to a couple of kids' parties where we weren't close to the kids at all or parents really, but were in play group or had another connection of some sort. We've had a nice time and even met some other nice folks at the parties. I don't view the obligation of buying gifts for children's birthday parties with as much angst/trepidation/annoyance as I do wedding gifts for the friends of second cousins who couldn't pick me out of a photo montage, let alone spell my name correctly on the "invitation". But give me time, my little guy isn't even three yet!

Hope this other perspective (from a slacker mom) is a little helpful. FWIW, I would be very sad if some moms from my son's play group felt that we were using them for gifts because they were invited to his birthday party in a few months. :(

Kimberly