please help--- hitting hurts

[scoop22]

ds has been hitting for awhile. the last few days has been bad. we have done the "hitting hurts", we have just let him hit thinking he isn't getting a response. he usually does it when he doesn't get what he wants. or we want him to do something else. at first i thought it was a communication problem. but i am not so sure. he will hit if he doesn't want to eat what you give him.

so my real question is, what do i do? any book suggestions? the whole talking rationally thing just isn't working.
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[lilycat88]

We went through a short lived (THANKFULLY!) hitting stage. We just said in a *stern but not yelling mom/dad voice* "NO HITTING" and stepped away from the situation. In our experience, anything more than that just made it worse. Keep it simple and remove you, or your DS from the situation. Often, it would happen when we were trying to get a coat on or something else she had no interest in. She hit...we made sure she was in a safe place...said "NO HITTING"...and walked away for a few seconds or minutes. No discussion...no attention...no hitting (after a week or so).

Just our experience.

[dhano923]

There is a nice book for Toddlers called "Hands Are Not For Hitting". It's part of a series (teeth are not for biting, etc). I got it for DS when he was about 20 months old. It talks about how hands are both holding, drawing, brushing our teeth, but hands are not for hitting. We used to read it as a bedtime book, and during the day when he would hit, we would tell him "uh uh, hands are not for hitting".

[ShanaMama]

Not sure how old your DS is? ..... but I'd try something a little more stern than logic. I mean if he understood, he wouldn't be hitting, right? So he needs to understand that it's *not* acceptable, regardless if he understands that it actually hurts.
I second the PP suggestion of firmly saying "No hitting" & redirecting his attention elsewhere.
We've been going thru this with DD for awhile now (she's 19 mo), & I can't say we're over it. But she seems to understand now that it's not allowed, because when she hits me, she has this look on her face that says 'I'm testing you, Mommy, just waiting to see if you'll react'. Guess what? She pretty much always gets that same reaction.

[C99]

He's too young to understand the talking rationally thing, but you can keep saying that to him because he will eventually get it. At his age, talking to him just gives him attention, which is probably what he wants when he exhibits the hitting behavior.

The best thing you can do in those situations, IMO, is to remove yourself or your child from the situation. When my DS was that age and acted in a way that was hurtful or distructive, I removed myself from his immediate vicinity. I used the Burton White method of gating him into a safe room, so he could see me but not touch me. A few rounds of that and he'd stop doing whatever it was - hitting, biting. W/ my DD, we've started giving her very small timeouts - and because she's seen her brother get enough of them, she knows what they are. It's basically the same concept as the gating concept we used w/ my son, but a bit more advanced. An example: my DD and DS will be playing and DD will bite her brother. I say, "No biting, that's not nice. I'm going to give you a timeout now" and take her up to her room (our timeout spot) for a 1-minute timeout. When she hits me, I will often put her straight down or move away from her, if possible. She doesn't like the removal.

[scoop22]

thanks for all the tips. i will be looking into that book.
today i removed myself from the situation. he ran after me. also, when all was said and done and i came back to the table he remembered b/c he was back to hitting. it is better. i am sure we are in for a long road. i hope this phase ends fast.

i want to believe it happens more at home. the babysitter says he doesn't do it there. we will see
thanks again everyone
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