WWYD: dd invited on playdate?

[JustMe]

When I picked dd up from preschool today, another mom approached me and said that her dd informed her that she had invited my daughter over to their house. The other mom wanted to know if that was okay with me. I said yes, and we ran into some trouble figuring out an exact date. She said she would call me to discuss it more.

My question is this: would you go and stay the whole time? I think it is a nice family. I know the teacher personally and I know the teacher thinks highly of all of the families, and the school tends to attract like minded families. Still, I really don;t know these people so it seems like I should stay the first time. Has anyone done this? Was it awkward to make conversation with the other parent for so long? If it matters, dd will be 4 next month and the other girl turned 4 recently.

A more minor issue is that the mom said her dd asked my dd specifically to come over to watch the movie "Cars". The mom said that if I didnt want that they could do something else. I said I thought it would be all right, but on 2nd thought am not sure. Dd has not seen the movie, and I feel okay about her watching it, but I usually only allow any type of tv watching in the very early morning. I would not allow dd to show a movie during a playdate at my house, and would prefer that she not do that at someone else;s, but am not sure how strongly I feel about the someone else's part.

TIA,
Robyn
single mommy to an almost 4 yr old from Guatemal

[Marisa6826]

I've only ever left my kids alone at a friend's house one one occasion, and that was because I had to go for some medical testing. I don't think that I'd ever leave them with some random stranger - at least not at this age.

Why don't you suggest going for lunch with this little girl and her Mom at Panera or something? I think it's a little strange that the little girl randomly invited your child and the Mom went for it.

If you DO decide to go, I would absolutely stay the whole time unless you really click with this lady and think her house is safe. Are you ready to have the discussion about whether they have firearms in their house, if they smoke, if they have pets, etc., etc.,

What happens if your DD has to go potty? Can she go by herself or does she need help? Would you be OK with this Mom helping your DD if you leave her?

I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid, but those are my initial thoughts.

-m

[sweetbasil]

We've made it a family rule that our boys *never* go on a first playdate w/out one of us (mom or dad) being there. I'm just not comfortable w/sending them into a home/family I'm not familiar with. And honestly, I'm not sure how I'd feel if another family readily agreed to their kid coming over without us knowing *their* family.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I have not left ds off for a playdate yet and he is 4.5 yo. I have gone to all of them with him. It gives me a chance to talk to the parent while the kids play. I wouldn't fell comfortable sending him out for a playdate with a family I really didn't know. I would at least want to go to their house one time just to scope it out and make sure it was safe. I am also planning on asking parents if they have guns in the home when ds gets older and is going on playdates alone.

I would have no trouble at all with him watching a movie at the playdate. We have now hosted 2 playdates where we ended up watching "Cars." Once on purpose, once because the friend saw the box and really got excited about seeing it (they only watched about 20 minutes b/c it was the end of the playdate). My TV attitude is pretty darn lax (I'll address it if it seems like ds is losing interest in things other than TV and turning into a couch potato).

Yeah, at this point I wouldn't feel comfortable sending ds for a playdate with a classmate I didn't really know. I would do it in a pinch if I needed childcare and they offered. It would be good to tag along and get to know the other parents. :)

Beth

[JustMe]

Thanks for the responses. I do agree that I don't think its a good idea to leave her there the first time.

I do want to clarify a few things. Dd and this girl were drawn to each other and have been talking about each other since dd started there 2 mos ago. It really wasnt that random. There are only about 18 families in the preschool, and the teacher considers the school a community, so again not that random. I can't imagine anyone at this preschool would have firearms (the preschool has a very strong non-violence policy, and draws parents who feels the same), but I suppose I dont know this. Dd does go to the bathroom completely by herself. Again, I do agree that there would be concerns with leaving her there the first time, but I want to clarify that this is really not that random.

I definitely leave dd with other people that are well-known to us though, and have not problem with that. Gee, being a single mom with no family in the area, I know that dd NEEDS spend time with other people as much as I need her too!

Robyn
single mommy to an almost 4 yr old from Guatemala

[C99]

It never occured to me that "playdate" at age 4 means anything other than "kids playing, moms chatting for a couple of hours."

[C99]

It never occured to me that "playdate" at age 4 means anything other than "kids playing, moms chatting for a couple of hours."

[Thatchermom]

"Playdate" at our school is the lingo for moms getting together to have coffee, and, gosh! Our kids get to play together, too! I've made several good friends this way. Only one time has someone not stayed without some good reason, and we all thought she was weird.

The kids often do the instigating, so that sounds normal to me. The Cars thing? DS is usually way too excited with someone else's toys that he's never seen to sit still and watch a movie. I bet they forget all about it.

I'd plan to go, and ask the mom what I could bring to contribute to snacks/lunch for ALL of you. Make it clear that you are staying without the awkward discussion it seems you are fearful of. Maybe you'll find a new friend!

[Thatchermom]

"Playdate" at our school is the lingo for moms getting together to have coffee, and, gosh! Our kids get to play together, too! I've made several good friends this way. Only one time has someone not stayed without some good reason, and we all thought she was weird.

The kids often do the instigating, so that sounds normal to me. The Cars thing? DS is usually way too excited with someone else's toys that he's never seen to sit still and watch a movie. I bet they forget all about it.

I'd plan to go, and ask the mom what I could bring to contribute to snacks/lunch for ALL of you. Make it clear that you are staying without the awkward discussion it seems you are fearful of. Maybe you'll find a new friend!

[punkrockmama]

I'd go and stay the entire time. I wouldn't leave either of my kids at another's person's house to hang out until they were much older. Besides you might end up making friends with the mom, and who wouldn't like another mama friend.

As for the movie, well, I'd let 'em watch it. We do a little TV here so I am okay with it. Look at it like a little treat. You know, you may totally stick to your diet the majority of the time, but every once in awhile you go out to dinner and order dessert. It's not great for ya, but it's not gonna kill you and you just get right back on your diet the next day. Think of it that way. :)

[muskiesusan]

I would and do go, although I have found that many at my preschool do not with all the boosters being installed at pickup! Is this a morning preschool? If so, then I would ask what you could bring for lunch just to get it out there that you will be coming as well.

ETA: I really like to go to their house so I can scope it out and so Nick can get comfortable in their house. You never know when you might need them to watch DC in a pinch!

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01
& Alex 04/04

[lizamann]

DD was invited to a playdate where I clearly was not invited. So I did the really awkward thing and invited myself along (in advance, of course). The other mother seemed a little taken aback at first, but she was totally cool about it, realizing that she was on her 3rd child and I was on my first. We had no problem at all talking for 1.5 - 2 hours, and I feel like we made a great connection.

And as Susan says, I once dropped dd off at their place when I was in a babysitting bind, and she's done the same. It's worked out quite nicely.