Is your DH affectionate with your kids?

[jenjenfirenjen]

My DH is never affectionate with our boys. He is not an affectionate person in general. He will begrudginly kiss our toddler if he asks to have a boo-boo kissed but he never initiates a hug or kiss with either of them.

I am an extremely affectionate person. I used to really worry that this would mess my kid up (and I sometimes still do which is probably why I'm even posting about it.) Mostly I figure that my kids get enough affection from me but I do worry what kind of fathers and husbands they will be given the example their husband sets.

On some level I hope I'm alone in this situation as I hope you all are living fabulously happy and fulfilled lives but I do wonder what other's DH's are like. I think on some level my DH thinks it's weird to kiss boys but if we had girls, he'd probably think that was weird for some other reason too.

PS, sorry but this is shaping up to be "Bitch about my DH Day"

[Marisa6826]

Very, very affectionate. But then, so are the girls, so I think it's reciprocal.

My family wasn't very demonstrative with physical affection when I was growing up, so I make a point of it to love on my girls pretty often. :)

-m

[maestramommy]

My Dh IS affectionate with Dora, but only when I'm "not looking." I don't know why. I mean, it's not like he deliberately hides it, but I have come from another room to see him nuzzling her and cooing "love you Dora." This usually happens when he takes her out of her pouch, after their walk, before bedtime. I don't know if it's part of their routine, but I don't ask. I think he also kisses her goodnight before he puts her down. He doesn't lavish her with affection though, and come to think of it, I'm not sure if I do either. If I'm more affectionate it's probably because I have more opportunity.

Neither of us grew up with parents that were particularly affectionate, at least once we were old enough to remember. But I know we were loved, it was just a cultural difference between their generation and ours.

[wencit]

My DH is just a really affectionate person, so he's that way with both me and our son.

To be honest, even if he wasn't so affectionate with DS, I personally wouldn't worry that much about it. I believe a father/husband can set a good example without being so "lovey dovey" about it. Your sons will come to know, through their father's actions, how much they are loved. I don't think my dad has ever kissed me in my entire life (not that I can remember, anyway), and I know how much he loves me. Yes, it would have been nice growing up to have a little hug here and there, but now that I'm older, I know how much my dad cherished his girls.

[hez]

Very. He gives & receives just about as many hugs & kisses as I do. Truth be told, when Payton sleeps with us, he usually ends up cuddled in DH's arms vs. mine.

I don't know if DH's father was super affectionate, but when I was little my dad used to be fairly affectionate with us. In fact, I remember all three kids piled in the bed cuddling with him many, many evenings, and Mom would carry us off to our own beds when she came up. When we got older & Dad got grouchier that stopped.

[brittone2]

Very very affectionate. It surprised me after having kids as DH's own parents are not demonstrably affectionate. My family is all about the hugs, so the opposite extreme. DH wore DS and now DD in a sling, we still cosleep (w/ 2 kids), and he gives DS lots of hugs and kisses, carries him when asked, etc. Same w/ DD now that she's here.

I think it is okay for moms and dads to show their affection differently as long as they seem genuinely interested in their kids' lives and give them time and attention. Whether or not he's a big kisser or hugger, I think lots of eye contact, really paying attention to what your kids say, etc. is probably more important to a degree.

[octmom]

DH is very affectionate with both DS and DD, but DS is deep into a mommy phase where he wants hugs and kisses from me more than from his daddy. DH still gets some snuggling in every day though. :)

My parents weren't very huggy-kissy people (still aren't) and were not the kinds of parents who told you that they loved you a lot, though we knew they did. DH and I make a point of telling the kids that we love them multiple times each day and we are very affectionate with them. We also show affection to each other and say, "I love you," in front of the kids.

Jerilyn
DS, 10/03
DD, 3/06

[MayB]

Yes, he is both with the kids and with me. I'm probably more affectionate than he is but attribute that to my upbringing and ethnic heritage (Italian, Eastern European, among other ethnicities). For a WASP, my husband is very affectionate, though he was surprised by the amount of hugging (and teasing) my family did when we first started dating.

[g-mama]

Very. But he's very affectionate in general. I don't think it matters at all to him that they're boys. Dh is much more sensitive than the men I grew up with and I love that about him.

I don't know how much energy you should spend worrying about it, though. My father was not at all affectionate or loving to us, and my mother was very much so. I just knew that they were different in that way and I was okay with that.


ETA: edited for clarity

~Kristen

Paolo 11-00
Benjamin 8-03
Marco 12-05

[saschalicks]

My DH is VERY VERY affectionate w/the boys. It's very nice to see. My dad was not affectionate with us, but we sure do/did know how much he loves us. My dad never says "I love you", or hugs unprovoked, but he is the most hands on dad I know. DH is just like my dad, but affectionate too. My husband is also the one at night who wants to cuddle. :)

I don't think it would mess up your kids at all. Remember there are more ways for a child to feel loved then a hug or a kiss. Oh and my dad is very affectionate w/my boys, so just think your grandchildren will bring that out in DH.

[ribbit1019]

Very, the kids prefer snuggling with dad since he is cushier than me.
Lots of hugs and kisses in our house given by all. :)
Sorry your DH isn't so affectionate, my mom was very and my dad not so much (my grandparents don't even hug). And I turned out affectionate, maybe even overly so. Your boys will be o.k.!!


Christy
Wife to Richard
My Waterbabies
http://lilypie.com/pic/060928/Yw0w.jpg http://b3.lilypie.com/H-lkm5.png
http://lilypie.com/pic/060928/iBmU.jpg http://bf.lilypie.com/tkq-m5.png
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v221/steitzsmith/Other/jump.gif

[Corie]

My husband is very affectionate with the kids. He hugs and kisses them all the time!

The other night, we were out to dinner and my son (27 months) reaches over and
grabs my husband's face and he planted a big wet kiss right on his lips. So, then
my husband grabs him and dips him down into a movie kiss. Our son thought it
was hysterical !! :)

I think it's great!

[kijip]

Yes. Which is the opposite from his parents.

[candybomiller]

Dh is very, very affectionate with ds. I love watching them together.

[candybomiller]

Dh is very, very affectionate with ds. I love watching them together.

[DrSally]

Very affectionate, hugs, kisses, cuddles, which is different from how he grew up. But, I do know what you mean about men thinking it's weird to be affectionate with boys. My dad never hugged my brother for this reason :(

[DrSally]

Very affectionate, hugs, kisses, cuddles, which is different from how he grew up. But, I do know what you mean about men thinking it's weird to be affectionate with boys. My dad never hugged my brother for this reason :(

[kristine_elen]

Does he let them know in other ways that he loves them? Does he say "I love you" or praise them or show a lot of interest in them? I guess I'm wondering if they will grow up wondering if their dad loved them, or secure in knowing that he loves them but also knowing that he just wasn't very demonstrative.

[kristine_elen]

Does he let them know in other ways that he loves them? Does he say "I love you" or praise them or show a lot of interest in them? I guess I'm wondering if they will grow up wondering if their dad loved them, or secure in knowing that he loves them but also knowing that he just wasn't very demonstrative.

[pb&j]

Yes, he's very demonstratively affectionate with DS. Hugs and kisses all the time, plus they have their own fun games and inside jokes.


-Ry,
mom to Max the one year old
and my girl in heaven

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/37124.gif

[jenjenfirenjen]

He does not say "I love you." Not that I've ever heard. But yes, he shows lots of interest, spends time with them, etc. I guess my fear is they will think this is how men should behave, not showing emotion or affection.

[niccig]

Very affectionate, and he tells DS everyday he loves him. I don't think he heard that enough as a child, and he's making sure DS hears it.

I don't remember my father hugging and kissing us like mum did, but I knew he loved us. He just showed it in different ways, like holding hands to cross the road when you were 15!, talking about "his girls", dropping what he was doing to check the oil/water in the car before you drove off. He's much more demonstrative with DS, as are DH's parents.

[JanaMc]

Hi Jen,

You are not alone. My DH is also not very affectionate with our boys. He almost looks embarrassed when our 2 year old asks him to kiss him before he leaves for work. He will give him a peck on the forehead and a pat on the back type of hug.

He is very active with them in all other ways and never hesitates to give them baths, change diapers, feed or get down on the floor and play with them. It is just the touchy feely stuff he has issues with. I share your concerns on how the boys will grow up and worry that they will be repressed like DH when they grow up.

Jana
DS1 Samuel 6/04
DS2 Jack 8/06

[C99]

My DH is affectionate with our kids - he often snuggles with DS on weekend afternoons on the couch, and will ask DD for kisses. He works from home a lot, but on days that he goes into the office, he comes in the door and immediately hugs each kid. Our affection toward each other has diminished since we've had kids - we always used to be hugging or kissing or showing some kind of affection, and now it's mostly displaced to the kids.

[spanannie]

Yes, DH is very affectionate with both my son and my daughter.

[denna]

DH is very loving w/ DS, and myself. He is a loving and affectionate person in general when it comes to family. I would say we are both equally affectionate w/ DS (maybe I am a little more) but overall I would say DH is more affectionate w/ family. Like others have said I think it is because of our upbringing, my mom is very loving but not affectionate, so I am a little stand-offish when it comes to non-immediate family and close friends.

I have noticed that fathers and sons tend to have 'different' relationships I think a male bonding thing. I wouldnt worry about your DH not being too affectionate w/ your DCs.

[elephantmeg]

medium maybe? Hugs when he gets home from work, goodnight kiss etc. When DS was smaller (less than 6 months) it took an act of God to get him to kiss him or even hold him if I was home). Now they play, act goofy, watch train videos etc.

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

DH is very affectionate with DD which really surprised me. He is affectionate with me, but his parents were completely unaffectionate (still are). The second DD was born though, he was all about the hugs, kisses, and snuggles.

[Moneypenny]

DH is very affectionate with DD, although she doesn't sit still for much loving from anyone these days, lol. DH's family is not at all affectionate, so I'm not sure where he got it from, but I'm not complaining!
Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif[/img][/url]

[TracyBee]

DH is very affectionate with DD. He grew up in a very stuffy, standoffish house and he has said on more than one occassion - I don't want my children to ever feel like I did. He knows his parents love him, but never once in the 13 years I've known DH have they ever told him that. They give the occassional hug (like at Christmas) but it always seems uncomfortable and forced.

My family is the exact opposite - very huggy, kissy, lovey towards each other. I met DH when he was 16 years old and almost from the day we met - he was at my family's house if he wasn't at school or work. This included times when I wasn't even there! He just felt better, more comfortable and more at home at our house than his parents.

DH has 2 siblings who have done the exact same thing - once they've become close to others who have more comfortable and loving households they bolt. DH's parents STILL don't understand why this has happened with all three of their children.

DH's household was different that yours - BOTH of his parents were unaffectionate.

[bethie_73]

is very affectionate with DS, BUT it is on purpose. His family is not demonstrative, and he wants DS to feel comfortable. SO DH really tries to go out of his comfort zone to show DS how much he loves him.

Not like crazy-man but a lot of hugs and kisses etc.

[lizajane]

very affectionate, as am i. our older son is very touchy. he needs to be hugged, held, snuggled a lot. a bit sensory seeking. our younger son is a snuggler. not a need to be touched kid like his brother, just a snuggler. dh is constantly scooping them up, hugging them, kissing them, cuddling up on the couch with them- same as me. both DH and my parents are very affectionate- they were with their children and are with our children.

[bubbaray]

Yes, but not with me. :( Jerk.


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[gatorsmom]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. It sounds like he is doing the right stuff.

My Grandfather was not physically affectionate. None of his siblings were either. He came from a very stoic German background)But he was so very kind in so many ways and my dad (his son) grew to love him and respect him. My dad talks about him with much love (my grandfather died while I was in college). Also, my dad's mom was very physically affectionate and that is how my dad turned out. In fact, all his siblings were loving, happy people who lived very fulfilling lives.

So, I think, if your husband is kind and very much "present" for your children, AND you show lots of love, they will turn out great.