How do you punish this behavior?

[spanannie]

I sat down on the couch after putting the kids to bed this evening, sat my water bottle down on the table, and saw this. Of course, DS was asleep. I can pin it on him, since there is a Q, T, H, and I inscribed in the table. Don't think his 2.5 year old sister could do that. This isn't just drawing on the table; it is engraved. I have no clue what he used to do this, or when, and this is out of character. This [was] my very favorite table.

I do want the appropriate consequence for this, without going overboard, because I am upset about the table. I spilled nail polish on my Mom's table as a child (and it was a crappy table, too) and she went into a raging, ballistic fit. She still reminds me of how I ruined her table. I don't want to do that. It is a posession and not worth that, but I also don't want him to not have a consequence.

Any ideas? This is also tricky because a) I didn't see him do this and b) a good bit of time will have lapsed by tomorrow.

Thanks!




http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/37377.jpg


http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/37378.jpg


http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/37379.jpg

[buddyleebaby]

Ugh. I am sorry about your table.

I think I would show him the table and ask why he did that, and then tell him that we do not write on tables, we only write on paper, and that mommy feels very sad that he forgot, and that you hope he will remember from now on. I would ask him to say sorry.

I think that at his age, it was probably done out of boredom/curiousity and not malice. I wouldn't punish for a one time offense, as awful as it is that your table is ruined. If it happened again, then I would probably act.

[ShanaMama]

>I think I would show him the table and ask why he did that

This is a very good point. Don't know if you meant this, Alicia, but I think it's important to keep in mind the following. Don't give him a chance to lie. Did you do this enables him to say no. (What else would a kid that age say?) Why did you do this removes that option, leaving you with less discipline challenges.

Not sure exactly how I'd handle it, but in a way it's also good that you have the opportunity to sleep on it & really think it thru, this way you can come up with an appropriate punishment & not react out of anger, as you said your mom did.

>I think that at his age, it was probably done out of boredom/curiousity and not malice. I wouldn't punish for a one time offense
I agree with the premise, but I'd probably still punish. More like a consequence than a punishment. Is there anything he could actively do to rectify it? Doesn't sound like it could be scrubbed off, & I doubt that would be appropriate for his age in any case.

I'm really not sure how I'd punish it! But definitely address it. Good luck

[spanannie]

Yes, he can't lie about this one...he left part of the alphabet to prove it ;-)

I agree that I shouldn't ask him why...he probably doesn't even know...just bored or thought it was a good idea a the time...

I think both of you have good points. I think he does need a consequence, but I also will tell him "that we do not write on tables, we only write on paper, and that mommy feels very sad..."

I'm glad that this happened after he was asleep. You are right, I will be able to handle this in a much calmer fashion.

And, no, he can't do anything to clean up the table...it's going to have to be sanded down and refinished...oh, and it [had] such a beautiful finish...

Thanks!

[Dcclerk]

How frustrating! Good for you for giving yourself some time to calm down and asking for some help. I wish that I had that level of rationality in moments like these :)

I am sure that you are right that it will have to be sanded down and refinished. Still, I would probably ask DS how he is going to try to fix it. I would also give him tools like dust rag and Murphy's Oil or something and have him make an attempt at fixing it. When that didn't work, I would point out that sometimes his actions can't be fixed easily. It isn't like paper that can be erased or ink that can be washed off. I may even try to involve him in taking it to be refinished, etc. I would also try to find out from him what he used to make the markings and determine whether that is a tool that he should not be permitted to use without your direct supervision.

Good luck tomorrow; I hope this ends up being a really good "teachable moment" rather than just a huge source of frustration.

[randomkid]

I like those ideas. I don't think he is old enough to understand what something like this entails and like you said, it's a good "teachable moment". When he tries to clean it and realizes it won't come off, he will begin to realize the scope of what he has done. I probably wouldn't use Murphy's Oil though just because I wouldn't want my DC handling that stuff. Maybe you could use a safer "cleaner" that you know won't harm your DC. Taking him through the repair process is great because he will see what it takes to fix something like that.

I would definitely impose a consequence. I think he is old enough and this is serious enough for a consequence. He'll understand.

(((HUGS))) - so sorry about your table. That would make me want to cry!

[brittone2]

ITA with this. I'd probably have him try to fix it, even though it isn't going to be easily fixable. If you can figure out what he did it with, I'd probably consider removing said item from his reach for a while. Beyond that, there isn't much you can do IMO. I don't think kids understand the permanence of what they are doing in the midst of projects like this. And ITA with the PPs that said don't give him a chance to lie. You know he did it, so don't even ask if he did it.

Sorry about your table :(

I spilled red poster paint on brand new carpeting when I was about 4 or 5. My mom told me not to get my paint out while she was heading to the shower, but I decided to do it anyway, on our very very light beige carpet. I *still* remember us trying to clean it up. It did eventually come out, but it was really difficult to remove (wasn't in the days of washable paint).

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

Ugh, I am so sorry that happened to your table. I'd be upset as well. When I was little I did something very similar. We had solid wood doors to our bedrooms and one day I thought it would be nice to crave "To my room" in the door. I was about the same age as your DS and I thought I was improving the door. I agree with PP telling him we don't write on tables and telling him you are sad. I remember my mom getting really mad at me, but I didn't really know I had done anything wrong.

[KBecks]

I think its OK to show him that you are sad that the table is damaged w/o going overboard. Also you can reinforce that it's not OK to damage the table. I'd stress to him not to do it again.

I don't know if I'd punish. I'd probably blame myself for not watching him. Maybe a time out would be OK. I'd give him a warning never to do it again. I also think the consequence is disappointing mom ( but mom will get over it)

Then, if the table is worth saving, look into having it refinished.

[spanannie]

I talked to him about it this morning. The tool he used to do the damage was a red hot wheel. I told him that we will try to "fix" the table after school, and also put away his hot wheels for 1 day.

I'm glad, though, that I didn't make a big deal about it, and, you are right, I guess I should have been watching him...already thought about that. However, I can't watch everything he does all day. He doesn't nap, and I do have to get things done around here, too.

Absolutely the table is worth saving. It's a large table, and was very expensive. I thought I'd have it forever, so I will have to get it refinished.

[BaileyBea]

Here's my favorite furniture refinishing place.

Furniture Rejuvenators on Guadelupe & 36th area. Behind Trafton & Sons. They do amazing work. And their prices are reasonable.

Nancy

[spanannie]

Thank you Nancy. If I decide to get the table refinished, I will give them a call.