How do you find a babysitter?

[bubbaray]

Not talking about daycare or nanny type sitter -- I'm thinking more a once-in-a-while teen sitter.

DH has "found" two sisters while walking DD#1 and our dog at the neihborhood park. He says they play well with DD and have asked to sit her. I'm NOT comfortable with this. I've never met these girls nor their parents. They dropped by tonight with a card for the baby and DH flipped out on me when I refused to meet them.

We also have friends who have a 12 yo DD who would like to babysit DD#1, but they live about 20 min away and I'm just not keen on leaving DD#1 at their home (new 2nd marriage for our friend, 2 teenage boys are now her stepsons).

Also, our daycare provider's son babysits most of the kids at daycare (he's 19). I have issue with male babysitters (though DH babysat as a teen). I just think its weird and too risky.

FWIW, DD#1 has never been looked after by anyone other than her daycare provider or FIL (when DD is sick and can't go to daycare) until this past week when our best friends looked after her while I was in the hospital having DD#2. DH and I have not been out alone since before DD#1 was born 2.5 years ago. Of course, after all the arguments we've had lately, its not like I want to spend any time with him anyway (but that's for the BP).

I guess I come from a perspective of "trust no one". But, this is such a repeat performance argument with DH that I would like to know how others deal with the issue.


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[lilycat88]

We use one infrequently but when we do, we mainly use high school girls from church. Our primary "occasional" sitter is a 15 year old girl who works often as a paid person in the crib room at church and has known DD since she was an infant. We also use a 17 year old boy who *I* started babysitting when I was in college when he was only 6 weeks old. THAT makes me feel old as dirt. I don't really understand the objection to male babysitters. I only WISH DH had some experience with a child when DD was born.

[bubbaray]

I just am not comfortable with a male babysitter. In a past job, I had too many dealings with horrific sexual assault files, all with male offenders. I just can't divorce myself from that past knowledge.... Sad to say.


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[octmom]

If there is a college or community college nearby, you might check around and ask whether there is a list of babysitters available. At the university where I work, both the nursing school and the women's center keep lists. And there are lots of college students who work part-time or volunteer at my kids' daycare. We know several families who hire those students as sitters regularly. We're like you and don't get out often without the kids. Weekends and evenings are our family time since DH and I both WOTH all week, but I know we should get out on our own more than we do now.

Even though I babysat an infant when I was 12, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving either of my children in the care of someone that young. Just one of my hang-ups.

HTH!

Jerilyn
DS, 10/03
DD, 3/06

[C99]

>DH has "found" two sisters while walking DD#1 and our dog at
>the neihborhood park. He says they play well with DD and have
>asked to sit her. I'm NOT comfortable with this. I've never
>met these girls nor their parents. They dropped by tonight
>with a card for the baby and DH flipped out on me when I
>refused to meet them.

If you refuse to meet them, how can you possibly meet their parents and decide if they are babysitter material? I would have been pissed if my DH had objected to someone flat out on those grounds and then refused the opportunity to correct it. I lived next to a park growing up and when I was in jr. high and high school, I would often go to the park (sometimes with my sister, who was an infant and toddler when I was in high school) and play with toddlers, introduce myself to their mothers, and offer to babysit. I did get a few jobs that way.

[bubbaray]

Yeah, I think 12 is too young.... Maybe I'm just making excuses for not wanting to go out with DH! ;)


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[bubbaray]

>If you refuse to meet them, how can you possibly meet their
>parents and decide if they are babysitter material? I would
>have been pissed if my DH had objected to someone flat out on
>those grounds and then refused the opportunity to correct it.

I just think its weird, like they are seeking out the opportunity to look after DD#1. Paranoid? Yes, absolutely. Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing, I suppose. At this point, I could care less if I piss DH off. But, it is very helpful to get perspective on how others approach the issue.

I guess too my view of babysitting is colored by the fact that I only babysat a very few time as a teen and hated it. None of my friends babysat either, so the concept of kids actually wanting to babysit is pretty foreign to me.

Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[trumansmom]

I don't understand why you think it was weird. Honestly, it sounds to me like you really aren't looking for a babysitter at all, but rather asking us to give you reasons why not to trust anyone. I'm honestly not trying to offend, but if you rule people out before you meet them, well, I just don't get it.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

[maestramommy]

I think for everyone HOW they get a babysitter they really trust can vary. We got lucky, in that our sitter is the daughter of a member of our church. The mom sat for Dora first, because she was still a newborn and the mommy needed a baby fix LOL. Her daughter has been great, although she really doesn't need to do anything because Dora's in bed by the time she shows up. We have also had a young man from the church, same age (senior in hs) sit for Dora in the same situation. We know the kids, we know their parents, so we feel good about it. I have recently begun dropping Dora off with one of the moms in my group during the day because I'm going to have bi-weekly chiro appts. She is also someone I totally trust.

I'm hoping that eventually instinctive distrust of male sitters will a thing of the past. It's true that not many teenage boys are babysitters, but I think it's more of an issue of interest than anything else. As with all prospective sitters you have to take each person on a case by case basis. I don't blame you for not wanting to use the girls your Dh met in the park, because aside from that casual contact, you really don't know them at all. I would be more likely to ask your daycare provider's son to sit, to be honest.

[C99]

>I just think its weird, like they are seeking out the
>opportunity to look after DD#1.

Well, yes. I did. I don't get what's so weird about it. When I was 14-15, (a) I LIKED little kids and (b) I had no other ways of making pocket money, and my parents weren't paying me to watch my siblings. ;-) Most of my babysitting "clients" were people I met at church or at the park, or referrals from either of those groups.

[MarisaSF]

When I was 13, I put flyers in my neighbor's mailboxes. I knew, to some degree, which families had kids. My family was "known" enough that some people called me and I built a client base. Word must have gotten around that I was a babysitter and as new people moved into the neighborhood, they called me too.

When we moved and needed babysitters, I tried to "pay it forward" and hired local teen babysitters too. One is the daughter of a friend's friend. Another placed an ad *and* answered an ad that I placed in our neighborhood's bulletin.

In terms of meeting the parents, I think it is a good idea. It works for both families -- they can feel comfortable that their daughter is going to be safe at *our* house as much as we feel connected to our babysitter's home situation.

In terms of learning to trust, I'll say it gets easier once you find someone rather than thinking in the abstract. The first couple times, I had the babysitters come over while I worked at home. I could hear them playing. My DD really looks up to and has fun playing with teen girls! She liked them so much and now looks forward to them coming over.

[MarisaSF]

>like they are seeking out the
>opportunity to look after DD#1.

This is very common, IME. I have so many teens and/or their moms saying to me "She looooves children!" That's how I felt as a teenager (well, and now too :)).

Babysitting is one of the best ways to make money, have fun, and make your own schedule.

[psophia17]

I haven't found a teenage babysitter out here so far, because we haven't needed one w/ MIL living in the same house, but when I was a teenager I told all the people I knew with kids I wanted to babysit, and asked them to tell their friends.

I never babysat at my house, though, always at the house of the kids. Maybe 12 is too young for that, but I did it at 13...

[dhano923]

I agree with this. What was the harm in meeting the sisters? They took the time to come to your home - maybe they thought it would be a comfortable way to meet you since you weren't with DH and DC at the dog park. You said you've never met them -- you had the opportunity to meet them but refused. I used to babysit as a teen and I would always go to the house first to introduce myself to both parents. Lots of teens used to do that in our area. Or they would randomly go door to door and introduce themselves so if parents ever needed a babysitter, they could keep them in mind (I never did this though).

I also don't understand the male babysitter thing. When my brother and I were growing up, our neighbor (high school student) used to babysit us when our parents went out. He was our favorite babysitter. I think the reasoning of "male caretakers are riskier" is a stereotype, and possibly an excuse of sorts. It's like saying you don't want to drive down a particular street because that street has a higher risk of accidents than other streets.

Just my $.02.

[KBecks]

I gave my name to our children's librarian, who passed my name to her teen volunteers, and one of them contacted me about babysitting. She's been great! The children's librarian runs the babysitting course, and originally I asked her for recommendations from that course, but then she suggested going to her volunteers from the summer reading program.

We did an interview and I was nervous, but now I'm so happy to have a sitter available so we can get out once in a while (only like once a month).

[KBecks]

I can understand why the original poster didn't want to have an interview on the spot when the sisters showed up. I would have felt uncomfortable and pressured if a babysitting interview didn't happen on my own terms.

1. I want to have time to prepare for a sitter interview and get ready with questions.

2. I want to be in charge of babysitter setup, as in, I'm the boss. DH can help choose the sitter, but in the parent-sitter relationship, I take the role of the manager.

3. I needed a little time to get comfortable with the idea of leaving my children before requesting and conducting an interview.

So yes, I'm a control freak, but a drop-in would make me uncomfortable. I don't like surprise visitors. And while I'm sure the OP's DH was putting in a nice effort to help, he just didn't do it "right".

To the OP, it takes a while to get comfortable with the idea of a sitter. You will want to prepare some interview questions and get together your instructions and emergency contact info, etc. etc. etc. for your first sitter experience.

I think it's a good thing to have motivated sitters, and the girls probably want to sit because they want to earn money. That's good. In an interview you'll want to know that a sitter takes the job seriously and is interested in doing a good job and getting repeat assignments from you.

I would have a problem with sisters -- I only want one sitter at the house, and I think it's a one-person job. So I'd see if you can get one sister to be your sitter. Maybe interview both and choose one, or just look for an individual sitter.

I think a sitter should work at your house, period. In an interview you'll want to ask some situational questions and find out a little bit about who the sitter is, what she's into at school, etc. etc.

I did not meet my sitter's parents, but felt comfortable with her from the interview.

Our sitter had previous sitting experience, she volunteered at the library, and she had a fast food job, so I felt she was experienced and proven responsible. You have to go by the individual and your feel.

I would not choose a male sitter, you should have no problem finding a female sitter with experience.]

ETA: John was 4 months and pretty attached to me for the first sitter experience. It was hard leaving him and I knew he cried at least some of the time while I was gone. He has done progressively better each time with the sitter.

EATA: Just a note on new babies and DH's -- I was extremely pissed off the first couple months that John was home... hormones, and DH just not being as supportive as I needed, we were both exhausted and frazzled... it's a difficult time... it does get better, hang in there!!!

[tarabenet]

I get the impression that really you don't want to find a sitter right now, that you will find a reason why anyone and everyone is unacceptable. I'm not pointing a blame finger here! I'm thinking that you need to look honestly at why you feel this way. If you are simply not ready to leave your kids with anyone else, that is fine and you should be honest about it. If you keep arguing with everything the posters here are suggesting, you will paint yourself into a corner for when you *are* ready, though. These are the ways people find sitters.

In HS, I had no social life, because all my spare time was spent babysitting. I loved doing it, loved the kids, loved that my families trusted me and the kids requested me. My jobs came through church or neighborhood connections or through word-of-mouth. Yeah, I'm 41, and that was 25 years ago. But I have step-daughters who babysit and who work in day camps all summer. I do know that there are still some painfully responsible teens out there! But their ways of coming to your attention are limited, after all. (And many mommies are extremely secretive about info on ther favorites sitters, so only your very close friends are likely to share names and numbers -- you'll have to find your own!)

When you think you might be ready, do the interviewing you want to do. But even better, hire the sitter to come in and take care of your DCs *while you are there*. You can be doing other things, and quietly keep an eye on them. Hire one to go with you on an errand, so you can actually do some shopping, say,while she is "in charge" of keeping the kids, but stays within reach. Don't hover, or you'll never feel like you really saw them in action. Or have a small dinner party, and hire a sitter to keep your kids and your guests' kids occupied, happy and quiet. Heck! Invite the potential sitters family over for dinner, and let the sitter kind of take over with your kids. Whatever you can invent to be there and keep an eye on things is fair. Do pay the going rate for these jobs, too, though, or you may run off a potential -- if she's good, she can get full scale for hertime from other families, after all. (Dinner with just your two families would be the exception, of course!)

Good luck!

[chlobo]

We found our babysitter on craigslist. I was leary at first but we met her and she was great. Plus, she attended & taught Sunday School at the church down the street from us. Her father is a police officer in the town I grew up in. Her brother is a police officer in the town next door and at the time she was still iving at home (early 20s).

We would never have found those things out if we hadn't bothered to meet her. And I am so thankful we did. She worships our DD and the feeling is quite mutual. We were invited to her wedding and DD loved attending. She is an absolutely wonderful addition to DDs "village" so to speak.

Even if you "trust no one" I don't think it can hurt to meet them. Then you can ask for additional references - either meeting their parents or other families they have babysat for. I certainly wouldn't leave my daughter with someone I felt uncomfortable with after meeting but I don't think you can know for certain until you meet them and get a sense of their personality.

Plus, you always have the option of having them babysit while you are home so you can get a feel of how they interact with your child. I think you really shortchange yourself, your DH and your marriage if you never get a break from the kids.

I tell you, I would kill to be in your position where I had a bunch of option to explore. While I love our babysitter she has a day job and i would love a 12 or 13 year old girl who lived nearby and was interested in sitting. Even if it was to just give me a break while I'm at home. Plus, I think DD is very happy to get to know new people.

ETA: A mom friend of mine has two sets of twins under age 4. Out of necessity she needed sitters (multiples). She had great luck posting in a nearby paper that was widely read by nursing students who went to the local nursing school. She got many sitters that way. Yes, some ultimately did not work out, but others have been with her a long time and have proven to be invaluable resources.

ETA2: It seems like you are uncomfortable with most of the approaches to finding a sitter. Maybe a babysitting agency would be a good route for you to go. Around here there are agencies that deal with sitters (both part time & full time). This way the candidate would come to you pre-screened with references. Plus, if you had trouble with the sitter you'd have someone (the agency) to help you deal with the problem. Just another thought.

[bubbaray]

Thank you. Yes, the whole drop in thing makes me extremely uncomfortable. IME, people here just don't do that, at least not to us. Neighbors in our area don't just drop by, especially if you've never met them before. Plus, ITA that I want to be in charge of any "sitter interview". AND, I'm only a few days PP (and post surgery) and frankly not looking or feeling particularly presentable.

I don't feel compelled to further justify why I would not leave my child with a male sitter. Its just something I will not ever do, for the reasons stated above. My original post was seeking ideas on how others find sitters, NOT to be judged or criticized for my views on the gender of sitters.


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[kellyotn]

We've had a couple neighbor girls drop by with offers to babysit. I too found it a bit strange at first, but have just come to understand that its pretty normal around here. Where I grew up it wasn't done, but I grew up in a very different area.

One or two had a "resume" of sorts. It stated that they took babysitting classes from our city's Park and Rec, she knew CPR, listed all her parents' phone numbers, etc. It was pretty sweet actually. It is a good way to earn pocket money, so I'm sure its their form of networking so to speak.

[g-mama]

I'm confused as to how coming to the door and meeting the girls when they came over to bring a card for the baby is considered an interview. It seems like they were being thoughtful and sweet, not demanding to sit down on the spot and talk over their babysitting "resume."

If I had done that as a young teenager (and I would have done something like that) and the mother was home but would not come to the door, I would find that to be pretty unfriendly and somewhat offputting, unless the mom was in the shower or something. Maybe, if you were truly looking for some babysitting, you could have met them, chatted for a few minutes, gotten a first impression of them, and if you were interested, scheduled an interview. Perhaps it's too late at this point because first impressions now *have* been made, but it might be worth asking them to come over again if you really are looking for a sitter. And you can always say that you only want one to work at a time, not together, if that is your preference.



~Kristen

Paolo 11-00
Benjamin 8-03
Marco 12-05

[mommyoftwo]

I have always LOVED kids and started babysitting when I was 11. Now I was a very mature 11 who had several sibblings that I regularly watched and I wouldn't let an 11 year old watch my girls unsupervised but still, kids can be interested in babysitting at a very young age. I was constantly seeking out opportunities to babysit because I genuinely enjoyed being with kids. I don't think what the girls did is strange at all and frankly I think it was quite sweet of them to drop by with a card. How are you going to learn anything about them unless you meet them? I'm not trying to be mean, but I just don't understand why you refused to meet them. It almost seems rude to me.

ETA: I see no problems with male babysitters and some of our best babysitters have been male. The truth is IMO that girls are just as likely to be bad babysitters as males and to arbitrarily rule out one sex altogether is rather biased.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Preschool/ day care teachers could help you. Also, if you go to a gym and use their babysitting services you can see if those sitters could use some more work.

I hit up my teenage SIL's friends. I really have no problems with teenagers and such.

If you are that uncomfortable with babysitters then you should start slow and hire someone to be a "mother's helper" with you present. As you get more comfortable then you can start leaving them with them.


ETA- back in my day I took a babysitting course at The Red Cross. I also took CPR. I was 12. I put up fliers at church, got hired and had a steady gig through high school and occaisionally in college. I don't know if the Red Cross still offers that program or if they set up a list of participants looking for families. Something to consider.

Beth

[writermama]

We use 2.

One is the daughter of my parents' friend who also pet-sits for them whenever they're away. I asked my parents if to give me her number and I called her. After a basic phone interview, we had her come over on a Saturday afternoon -- she played with DD#1 while DH worked around the house and I had some one-on-one time with DD#2. It was the first time my 3 year old DD had ever been left with anyone not in the family and it went very well. When we use her, we stay in the house anyway (I'm not comfortable leaving the baby with anyone other than my mom, don't really need to get out at this point) even though I really would trust the sitter with DD#1 at this point.

She doesn't live nearby, though, and is not available on weekdays. We'd like to have someone nearby who can come over after school and entertain DD#1 so I can do things around the house.

The other is a girl in the neighborhood. On Halloween, she and a friend came to our house as Trick or Treaters. They ooohed and ahhed over DD#1 who was giving out candy in a Princess costume, and DH just said, "Hey, do you baby sit?"

I was not happy at the time. I much prefer to have references and to be in control. I also felt like DH was pressuring me -- no, more than that, like he was CORNERING me. And I felt like he wanted me to find help, so HE wouldn't have to help out as much -- so it was all a plot to let him out of his responsibilities. I only partly blame the hormones, because it's also partly true.

I wasn't happy with how DH started the conversation, but it turned out that one of the girls lives behind us, so we have a passing acquaintance with the family. DH talked to her and her mom when they were outside watching her siblings a few days later. I did a phone interview, liked her, and she came over to play with DD#1 while we were in the house, but in other rooms.

I can completely understand not wanting to leave your kids with anyone. I can also understand not liking the way your DH drove the process by talking to the girls and I would hate to feel like I was put on the spot when they dropped by, especially if I was still recovering from the birth of a second baby. Heck, on the average day, I might still be wearing PJs, might not have had a shower, and otherwise might not be interested in entertaining visitors.

So, this epic novel of a response boils down to, IF you want a babysitter, ask other parents who they use or if they know responsible teens who sit, interview on your terms, and start by having them play with your DD while you're home (but pay the regular rate).

If you want to try the sisters, you can get references and check them, but if your mommy sense is tingling about them, you aren't going to trust them so you're better off finding someone else. OTOH, if you don't really want a sitter, there's nothing wrong with that either.

The thing about learning to trust is to stay in or close to your comfort zone and make small steps in progress as trust is earned. Making a huge leap all at once is too threatening, you don't end up trusting them so much as learning not to listen to yourself (not good). Only you know where your comfort zone is, so only you get to decide what is the right fit for you. Trust is, afterall, the most personal of personal decisions.

[o_mom]

We have used the three girls next door - I'm mourning now because the last one is leaving for college in the fall. Her older sister is living in the house behind them and in grad school, so we still have that option. We didn't leave DS1 with a sitter until he was almost a year. DS2 was 8 months when we left him for an evening with my Mom, but about a year before we left him with the sitter. Both were nursing, though, and wouldn't take bottles, so it was more because of that.

In the situation you described, I would probably have said a polite hello and wrote down some information (names, address, phone #) from them. Being newly PP, you could beg off on that and just have DH get the info. I don't think there is anything weird about them dropping by as they have obviously met and talked with your husband before.

If you later wanted to find out more about them, you could call and talk to their parents, ask them for references and call two or three people that know them well or have used them as babysitters. You could hire them as a mother's helper for a few hours - plan it for DD2's naptime and have a project that you want to get done. That way you can watch them interact with DD1. After a few times of that, you can decide if you want them to babysit alone.

[maestramommy]

OMG, I just went back to your siggie and realized your dd2 is a newborn! Okay, I think the first time Dh and I went on a date after Dora was born, she was a month old, but that was ONLY because MIL was staying with us, and watched her for a couple of hours while we went to see a movie. Dh had his cell phone on vibrator mode and held it in his hand the whole time so we could bail if she called, which of course she didn't :-). And as I mentioned before, her next sitter was a mother of 3, and she was a little older, about 2.5 months.

I really don't blame you for not wanting to go out right now; personally I'd be too exhausted and just want to relax. But in that case, just tell your dh flat out as nicely as you can. It's normal to not want to get out in the beginning. At least I thought so. I didn't even have the urge to join a mommy and me until Dora was almost 4 months old.

You've gotten great ideas for finding a sitter and getting comfy with one, once you are ready.

[DrSally]

I babysat A LOT, incl. sitting for several infants at 12 years old (even a newborn), and summer full time jobs (8-9 hours a day while mom worked). Most of my jobs were found by my mom who was/is the church secretary, so the parents knew her. Some parents I didn't care for (the ones with the 8 page list of weird rules), but most I liked and I had fun with the kids. My brother also babysat and parents with boys really appreciated it as having a girl babysitter was too "sedate" for them in terms of activity level. We also had a male babysitter from our church who was great, he taught me how to tie my shoes. It's a great way to have some responsibility and make some money. I would say 12 is a little young, but I guess the bottom line is it has to be someone you trust. That said, I haven't really left DS with anyone other than the doula and my mom, and a close friend. But, we don't have relatives/friends in the area. If I lived closer to home and had access to my mom's church network, I would hire a 16 year old she knew with DS at the age he is. It does feel kinda weird to hire someone you don't know, but if you knew the parents through something, that should help a lot, I know it would help me. Also, yes, the vast majority of sexual offenders are males, but that doesn't make every male a sex offender, KWIM?

[tarabenet]

It is such a different world now, isn't it? I mean, I started babysitting when I was 9 (for a 4-year girl and her 18-month brother), and was the only babysitter allowed for a 2-week-old baby when I was 13. And my families were doctors, lawyers, university professors and a couple of judges! But that was standard, then. And by 14 or so, all my friends (male and female) babysat at least some, and they were all very responsible about it. Do you think expectations for teen behavior has changed since then? Maybe that is part of the issue? Heck, by high school, my DH was the primary support for himself and his parents (ministers, always broke)!

[kensjen]

>If I had done that as a young teenager (and I would have done
>something like that) and the mother was home but would not
>come to the door, I would find that to be pretty unfriendly
>and somewhat offputting, unless the mom was in the shower or
>something.


The OP is only a few days PP, so I think we can cut her some slack. I probably wouldn't
feel up to many visitors at that point, either. I think I would want to meet the girls sometime in the future, they sound like they might really work out. Worth it to check out, I would think.

We found a great babysitter through sittercity, which is a great resource if you don't have people coming to you looking to babysit your kids. I posted the job and had many qualified candidates apply within a couple of days. I'm sure we will eventually use several of them.

[bubbaray]

I appreciate your input.

Thank you to those who realized that I'm only a few days PP and even less than that home from the hospital after a c/s. DH has been pushing the sitter thing for a while (no idea why, as I can't imagine he wants to spend time alone with me any more than I want to spend it with him right now!) and I did feel quite "cornered" (thank you to whoever it was that said they felt the same way -- that describes it perfectly!).

I *am* rethinking having our friend's daughter look after DD#1 for a while. We know the mother very well, the family goes to our church, the daughter works in the church nursery, she has her babysitting course, etc. So, when I'm feeling up to it, I might pursue this.

I've felt pretty alone in this child-rearing thing as we have no family around to help (FIL travels from 3hrs away to help us when DD is sick and can't go to daycare, but he's only in the country 1/2 the year). We're *older* parents, so all of our friends either are empty-nesters or have teenage children who aren't interested in babysitting (nor are our friends, having long since graduated from diapers). I think wrapping my head around the whole babysitter thing would have been easier had we started sooner.

Thank you to those who suggested that I wait until I'm ready to take this leap of faith -- I don't think mixing PP hormones with leaving my princess with someone/anyone is a great idea.


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[mommyoftwo]

Yeah, I think being only a few days post partum from a c-section definitly plays into this a lot. It's probably to much to think about right now if it's something you never did with your first DD and you are still in that overwhelmed, I can't believe I'm the mother of two stage. I suspect that your husband is trying to be helpful and is desperate to spend some alone time and doesn't realize that this is not the time to be pushing for that. Men just don't understand what it is like to give birth and most certainly don't understand how overwhelming it is to be the primary caretaker of two. I'm sorry if I came across harsh earlier. I do think the girls were sweet to drop off a card, but I also understand if you didn't feel up to meeting them. I know after my c-section it took me a few days to be able to move well.

[madelinesmom]

Do you know anyone who works at a high school? Some of our best recommendations come from a woman who is a teacher at a local school.

We live in a really small neighborhood and our main baby sitter is 16 and lives down the street. Mother is a nurse and her grandparents also live in the neighborhood, she is really too good to be true... and in fact she is, she has gotten a life and is really hard to get, she was on the homecoming court and it is tough to get her scheduled. We are looking and are going to shoot for someone who is around 14, that means if she is good we can probably keep her for around 2 years until they get a life...

Good Luck,

Jane
Madeline 1/20/03
Emily 11/29/05
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